Lesson 4- Standing Strong in the Emotional Fire (11-19-25)

Last week was about the invisible backpack. This week is lesson 4: the importance of standing strong in the emotional fire.

The other day one of my kids was having a really hard time emotionally. If my kid was a dragon, they were spitting fire everywhere. It would have been easy to tell them to just go to their room on their own to sort it out. It would have been easy to tell them to suck it up and stop making it such a big deal. It would have been easy to step away from the situation, so we wouldn’t get sucked into the energy. Instead, my wife and I sat there. As my kid unleashed fire like a dragon, we sat there. We let the fire go around us and we walked through it. We didn’t try to stop the fire. We sat there with them, and when they stopped breathing fire, we sat there and comforted them until they were whole again.

Let’s make some connections. Standing in the midst of the meltdown wasn’t comfortable. It wasn’t pretty. It was exhausting and difficult. It wasn’t where my wife and I wanted to be. It was where my wife and I needed to be. We needed to show them that their fire didn’t scare us. We needed to be there to show that our love is stronger than any feelings/meltdowns/fire they could throw at us. We needed to be there to show that we will always be a safe and firm foundation for them. It’s not like we did anything magic. We just stayed there, softly speaking words of encouragement, reminding them that they are loved and it’s okay to feel strong feelings. For our family, we will always choose to stand strong in the fire. (By the way, watching my wife sit in that fire was one of the most beautiful and strong things I’ve seen. I hope you’re all blessed to have someone like her.)

The challenge: In a world filled with humans who are often scared to allow their vulnerability to show, will you be strong enough to stand in the fire with them? Will you be strong enough for them to lean on?

Bonus- I also wrote a poem inspired by these events. You can check that out here https://www.linkedin.com/posts/andrew-embry-979831b7_love-emotions-dragons-activity-7396885754817384448-Lkfc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop&rcm=ACoAABjcjy0BSioATZ2Tfprhg_c9r0itVMM87PQ

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

An Open Letter to 2024 (12-4-24)

As the year comes to a close, I’ve once again taken time to sit near my Christmas tree and reflect. Here is my open letter to 2024, and the lessons it gave me.

Dear 2024,

How’s it going? If I had to sum up my experience with you in one word it would be, “Whoa!” Whoa as in, “Whoa! What the heck just happened?” or “Whoa! That’s enough already. You don’t need to keep pouring it on.” And “Whoa! How in the world did we make it through all that?” You were tough from the get-go, and you never let up.

My theme for this year was to “Intentionally Invest” There were some places in life where I failed miserable in investing in the right things, and instead spent energy and time like crazy just trying to make it. There were other areas where I did invest well, and I’m already benefiting from the compound interest from those efforts.
I’m so thankful for my health and continue to understand why I shouldn’t ever take that for granted.
I hope that everyone finds a partner one day that loves them, supports them, cares for people, and holds things down the way my wife does. If you’ve already found someone like that, make sure you count your blessings.
If my kids were flowers, they would be in full bloom now, and that’s beautiful. If they were flowers, they would also be bright and colorful with creative weird patterns, who grow where they are planted while learning how to try out new soil.
My goal in my job is always to work magic, to find ways to do the seemingly impossible. I’m so proud of myself, because I know I worked magic this year. I worked blood magic, sweat magic, tears magic. I transformed dreams and wild ideas into reality and slayed the status quo like an evil dragon. And when the dementors tried to come and suck out my soul, I yelled, “Expecto patronum” and shined a bright light until they retreated. #Hufflepuff (Side note, I wonder what my patronus would be. Bonus points to anyone who gives me a good answer)
2024, you taught me how important it is to have a few good people you can lean on. I worked magic, because I could lean on them when I needed to. I hope you all have a squad of folks you can lean on when stuff gets hard.
Being seen and being valued are two of the most important gifts you can give someone. Never underestimate how much a kind word or gesture can mean. Special thanks to all the people who gave me those gifts this year.
When the going got tough, I didn’t put the team on my back, I brought them into my heart. There’s a difference. The back merely holds heavy weight. The heart holds weight, embraces the people, and still beats with hopeful energy. The heart is stronger than other muscles could ever hope to be.
This year reminded me how much strength there is in vulnerability, and how similar our experiences are as humans. I had a blog series where I talked about going to therapy, not knowing if people had any similar feelings or issues. I was blown away by the number of people who said, “Whoa! This is the same things I’m going through.” It was a good reminder that we are never truly alone, and that being brave enough to share our stories hopes us all.
I think almost everyone I’ve spoken to is on the verge of burnout or a breakdown. I pray we all recharge and we find ways to avoid this next year.
Speaking of recharge, I’m finally making some progress on taking care of myself physically. Been working out regularly and seeing increases in strength. I have a long way to go, but proud of my progress.
Whoa! That’s a lot for one year. I hope that 2025 is a little bit smoother around all the spiky edges 😉

The challenge: If you haven’t taken the time, take a few moments to reflect on 2024 and the lessons and emotions it gave you this year. How will these shape you moving forward?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Creating Space to Be Real (7-19-23)

Last week was about listening to fear AND the Brave voice. This week is about creating spaces where people can be real.

We go to my parents’ house every year for the 4^th of July. We grill out, my mom makes enough food to feed a small army, and then we hang out enjoying yard games, playing Uno, telling stories, and watching fireworks. I can’t remember what got us started, but my mom shared a story about a stupid mistake she had made recently. As she shared it, she laughed at herself and her mistake. We all started laughing along with her. From there, everyone else starts jumping in and sharing mistake stories too. We begin calling ourselves out and each other. We give each other a hard time out of love for the dumb things we’ve done. It’s a great vibe. The energy opens the floodgates for my kids to be their silly selves, and once they got going everyone was rolling on the floor laughing. Later that night as were driving home, Alice (11) said, “I like that at grandma and grandpa’s house that we can all laugh at ourselves. I like that we can be a little crazy. It feels good.” As her dad, I was so glad to hear this, because all I want for my kids is for them to be able to be who they are.

What does this have to do with anything? Alice may not be aware of the concepts of vulnerability, authenticity, or psychological safety, BUT she knows how those things feel. She knows that her grandparents love her unconditionally, and that she can be herself there. She knows she can make mistakes and talk about them, and people won’t judge her or think less of her. She also knows that not all places are like this. She knows that not all places feel like that. There is something special at grandma and grandpa’s house, and it starts with them being comfortable laughing at themselves and talking about their mistakes. It starts with them taking actions to set the stage to create a welcoming environment.

Think about work for a minute. Have you ever been on a team where you could really lean in and be yourself? Have you been on teams where you couldn’t? How different did the two teams feel? What did people do to make you feel like you could be yourself? The challenge: What are you doing to create spaces where people can be vulnerable and be themselves? (Here is my elbow nudge- If you can’t instantly think of the things you’re doing to create these spaces, that’s likely a sign that this is an area where you can improve)

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Super Mario, Super Stars, and Invincibility

This week I’d like to kick off a series inspired by the Super Mario Brothers video game series. This week is about Mario, Super Stars, and invincibility.

Super Stars have been a staple of many Super Mario Brothers games. Once Mario grabs a Super Star, he becomes faster and INVINCIBLE, able to run through bad guys and projectiles without taking any damage. The only problem is that the Super Star is NOT permanent. The moment you activate a Super Star you only have a few seconds before the effects wear off. While the Super Star might provide a temporary boost, it’s not enough to get you to your ultimate goal. Sooner or later you become vulnerable again. If you keep trying to run through bad guys and obstacles the way you did when you were invincible your character will get hurt and eventually lose. Once you’re vulnerable again, you have to engage with the challenges instead of being able to hide behind the mask of invincibility.

How does this connect with anything? Similar to Mario, I’ve had periods of time where I make myself invincible. I convince myself that I can’t be hurt. I convince myself I don’t get tired. I shut my mind off to anything unpleasant and just keep pushing forward running through anything and everything in my path. At the same time, I ignore all that is truly happening around me and the impact it has on me. Do you ever do this?

I don’t think invincibility is all bad. There are times when we need that Super Star invincibility. There are times when we need to just plow forward for short bursts to get through something. At the same time, we can’t be invincible forever. Sooner or later, we have to remove the mask of invincibility and engage with life’s challenges as vulnerable people.

The challenge: Do you accept that you can’t always be invincible? How will you embrace the challenges of life as a vulnerable human?

Confession: I don’t know about you, but life has been extra crazy lately. I feel I’ve been tapping into invincible star power to push through for a few weeks. Now, I can feel that invincibility fading. When I was younger, I’d ignore that sign and run myself into the ground. But now, I’m already trying to make mental space to slow down, regroup, rest, and figure things out. If you’re feeling like your Super Star power is fading out, I hope you make room to rest and recover too.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Goat Simulator and Embracing Who/What you are (2-5-20)

This will be the last in the video game series. It’s about a game called Goat Simulator and embracing what you are. Games might be enjoyable because of their stunning graphics, engaging story, or challenging nature. Goat Simulator isn’t any of those things. Instead, it is a ridiculous and random experience unlike anything else I’ve played. In the game, you play as a goat and run through the city breaking things, jumping, doing flips, riding bicycles, transforming into a floating angel and licking stuff to earn points. The game knows exactly what it is and leans into its unique weirdness. The game is ridiculous, and my girls LOVE it!

What does that have to do with anything? Goat Simulator is enjoyable, because it fully embraces what it is. At work it’s easy to get caught up in the idea of who and what you should be. It’s easy to look around and see successful people who are X, Y, and Z, and believe you have to be those things to be successful. This happens to me. Does it happen to you? As a result, it’s easy to lose yourself and try to be something/someone else. I wish we could all embrace who and what we are, as much as Goat Simulator does 😉

Vulnerable Embry story. Recently, I updated my Linkedin profile with a tagline describing myself as a “spark igniting storyteller.” Someone I have a lot of love for sent me a text message and told me that they were glad I was finally embracing this part of myself. They once described me like this to my face, and I responded so negatively it caught them by surprise, because that is obviously who/what I am.

I explained to her that for the longest time I HATED how people talked about me as a storyteller or a poet at work, because that didn’t match what I thought success was supposed to look like. If success looked like X, Y, Z, then I was a weird Q just messing up the alphabet. (#self-conciousAndrew #self-doubtAndrew) Over time I’ve become better at embracing who/what I am, and how that can enable me to be successful. Much like the goat game, there are a lot of things that I’ll never be, but what I am can be special and my uniqueness works in a lot of interesting ways. The same is true for you.

The challenge: Are you embracing who and what you are?

Bonus vulnerability- Before you think to yourself, “Andrew totally has this figured out,” I don’t. Just a few months ago I had been talking to folks and they were giving me compliments about being a creative storyteller, and my brain went to a place of self-doubt and insecurity. I just kept thinking to myself that just once I wanted someone to start the conversation with “Andrew’s is pretty smart and clever marketer” as opposed to making it sound like I’m some weird poet fueled by magic. Eventually, I realized I was being ridiculous, stepped out of my head, and went back to appreciating who I am.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Love, Patience, Authentic Selves, and the Dark Side of the Moon (12-4-19)

This will be the end of our series focused on authentic selves. We started focused on the need to bring our authentic selves to work. From there we talked about creating a place that is safe enough for people to bring their authentic selves, and last week was about leveraging the different sides of people. This week is about the dark side of the moon, extending grace, having patience, and understanding that it’s okay that there are the sides of people you may not initially see.

Recently, Alice (2^nd grade) had an assignment where she went recorded the phases of the moon. This got her excited, because she could see the moon change as it moved from a waxing crescent to a half moon to waning gibbous and eventually a new moon. The other interesting wrinkle in all of this was explaining to her that she only saw one side of the moon. Because of the way the moon revolves around the earth, there is a side of the moon that we never see. This side is often called the far side of the moon or the dark side of the moon (if you are a Pink Floyd fan). The reason you can’t see the other side of the moon is because of something called tidal locking where tidal forces from earth have slowed down the moon’s rotation to the point where the same side is always facing the earth (Wikipedia.org). Even though we may not have seen the other side of the moon, it is always there.

So what does this have to do with anything? This series has been about bringing your authentic selves to work. This isn’t easy. This isn’t natural for many people. In fact it’s harder for some people to bring their authentic selves than others for a wide variety of reasons. At first when people seem distant, it’s easy to say, “They need to try harder. They need to be more vulnerable.” However, maybe they are like the moon. We only see part of the moon because of tidal locking, something out of the moon’s control. In the same way, maybe the reason we only partially see some people at work is because of forces beyond their control. Maybe they were raised in a tough situation, where showing different sides of themselves was a sign of weakness. Maybe they are wired a different way, so they aren’t as comfortable bringing their authentic selves to work. Maybe they are stretched too thin in an impossible situation, where they can’t bring these different sides of themselves to fruition. Maybe they haven’t fully come to love who they are. Maybe they don’t feel safe enough to be who they are yet.

Instead of judging them or jumping to conclusions, we need to extend a little grace and have a little patience. With all people, my job is to love them and to be patient. My job is to love them, to build the environment where they can bring their authentic selves to work, and to wait because love works on their terms, not mine. And if I never see that other side of them, that’s okay, just as long as they know I care for them.

The challenge: How can you extend grace, patience, and love to other people as they look to bring their authentic selves to wherever they are?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Restaurants and Creating Space to Bring your Authentic Selves (11-20-19)

Last week was about bringing different versions of yourself to work. This week is an extension of that and is more focused on creating the right atmosphere, so people can bring different versions of themselves to work, including the fragile ego side of ourselves as Pat put it. This email is a little longer, because I want to keep it real and share a Embry story with you.

Let’s pretend I asked you to assess three different restaurants. You start by going to restaurant A, but you can’t ever find it. Next, you go to restaurant B. The parking lot is filled with potholes and trash. Once you’re at the entrance, you see people, but the lights are off. You enter and eat, but never quite feel comfortable. Finally, you go to restaurant C. Everything is clean, and as you enter you feel warmth and comfort. There is a place waiting for you and the food is great. The server is attentive to you and what you need. Which restaurant is the best?

What does this have to do with anything? In the above situation, each restaurant creates its own vibe. Each vibe makes you feel different, and some make you feel more welcome than others. I’d argue as leaders, we are all like restaurants creating an environment that does or does not welcome people. Restaurant A is those leaders, where you’re not ever sure if they are there for you, because when you need them, you can’t find them physically or metaphorically. Restaurant B is those leaders, who might be open to you, but you’re not quite sure. They feel more hidden, and make you feel like you’re a burden to them. Restaurant C is those leaders, who create a welcoming, warm, and safe space for you to show up. It’s a space where you can bring different versions of yourself, and feel comfortable doing so. Have you worked with these different kinds of leaders? How did each one make you feel?

Embry story – Life had straight up kicked my butt, and Self-Doubt Andrew had taken over for weeks. I couldn’t shake him. I was trapped. I needed a Restaurant C, a safe place to talk about this. I send an email written by Self-Doubt Andrew to my boss that starts like this, “The short version- I feel like I’m not fulfilling my role and providing enough value to the team, and as a result I feel like I’m letting down you and the team. I don’t feel like I’m a total disaster, but I don’t feel great about what I’ve done so far either. My current mind state is feeling like I’m crawling out of a pit after being stuck in a hole for a few weeks.” Believe it or not, from there the email downward spirals even further. (I realize that sharing all of this is probably me being a little too honest, but I never claimed to be anything more than human.)

The mere fact that I sent my boss that email, shows she’s built a Restaurant C with me, a safe place to be me, any kind of me. We sit down and talk. She tells me she could tell I was in a funk, so I felt seen. She listens and asks questions to understand, postponing judgment while I’m a complete hot mess. She challenges the self-defeating narrative I keep repeating. She helps reframe things and tries to get me to crawl outside of my head. She does all this, but she doesn’t lie and tell me everything is okay either. She acknowledges I’m falling short in some places, and she helps me find direction. Throughout the conversation I know she cares, and she keeps offering to help. It’s this interaction, and all the interactions over time where she has shown she cares that has made her a Restaurant C for me, a safe place, a safe person. As we talk, Self-Doubt Andrew realizes he no longer has a place, so he shrinks back to his dark cage over the next few days and life loving Andrew shows up again. It’s not like my problems went away. It’s that I found a safe place to be with my problems with someone else, and that made the difference.

The challenge: Reflect on the conversations you have with teammates and the people you lead. How many of them are the type of vulnerable conversations like that one I described. If you’re never having those conversations, maybe everything just happens to be going well, or maybe you’re closer to being a Restaurant A or B than you realize. Maybe, you aren’t creating a safe space. Which restaurant will you be? What vibes will you create?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Bringing your Authentic Selves to Work (11-13-19)

This week we will start a series about bringing your authentic self to work. We’ll start by looking back at Halloween and bringing different versions of yourself to work.

The cool part about dressing up for Halloween is that you have the chance to share different sides of yourself. Every Halloween my family dresses up in a theme. This year we were all Harry Potter characters. I was Voldemort (with the worst mask ever), which gave me a chance to bring out my bald evil side aka just another day for me. In previous years I’ve been Green Lantern, Super Mario, and the Mad Hatter. Each instance gave me a chance to be someone slightly different. All of the outfits were still me, just different versions of me.

What does this have to do with anything? For the longest time people talked about bringing your “full self” to work. Over the past year or so, the conversation has changed slightly and people have talked about being able to safely and comfortably bring the different versions of yourself to work. This is an interesting concept, because we are all comprised of so many different versions/angles that come together to make us who we are. I believe this is important, because the different versions of ourselves have something unique to offer. You want Creative Andrew to show up to help you analyze things and connect dots in different ways. You want Storyteller Andrew to show up to help with communication. You want Performer Andrew to raise the energy in the room. You want Driver Andrew to show up when you need to get crap moving. You want Friend Andrew when you need someone to vent to.

All of the Andrews mentioned so far are positive Andrews. The thing is you want the not so positive Andrews to show up too. For example, you want Self-Doubt Andrew to show up and feel like he can talk to people at work. Self-Doubt Andrew is just as skilled with words as Storytelling Andrew, and has a knack for weaving a powerful narrative that sends Andrew into a downward spiral of self-doubt and feeling like garbage. Do you have a Self-Doubt version of yourself that does those things? If Self-Doubt Andrew can come to work, he can usually be dealt with by other people in a quick and effective manner. All it takes is a little empathy, a little “Andrew you’re overthinking this and stop worrying about this,” and a little let’s figure out how to solve the problem. If that stuff occurs, Self-Doubt Andrew is managed and doesn’t do any more damage. If Self-Doubt Andrew can’t show up at work, he’s still there, but he is never seen by other people. Instead of talking to other people and finding resolution, Self-Doubt Andrew will keep harassing all of the other Andrews, and sooner or later Andrew starts performing worse than he should and ends up losing his joy. While it’s important to be able to bring the different positive versions of yourself to work, I’d say it’s just as important to be able to bring the more fragile and vulnerable versions of yourself to work, so they can be talked to appropriately.

Something to consider: What versions of yourself do you bring to work?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Human is Universal (5-1-19)

This is going to be the final entry about the “secrets” I’ve learned over time. We began with the secret power of gratitude, and then we explored the secret of our own uniqueness. Last week was about the idea that everyone has something going on in life that is impacting them, even if it is unseen. This week we will explore how being human is more universal than we realize.

If you’ve followed this blog for a period of time, you’ll know that I’ve written about a wide variety of things including but not limited to:

How I lost it at work and cried after a cousin died from a drug overdose.
My failures when it comes to loving others.
How I’ve felt that I wasn’t good enough. (Saw this within the past few weeks)
Various mistakes I’ve made from FBI interrogating an intern to mishandling other conversations.
My failures when it comes to loving/appreciating myself.
My attempts at finding myself/my voice.

Anytime I’ve shared one of those things, I’ve had this fear that the experience I was sharing was unique to me, which meant other people wouldn’t understand. Without fail when I have shared something like that, people have responded with, “That is totally me. I’ve been there.” Someone else always understood what I was going through and what I was feeling. I began to realize that those things I thought were personal, were in fact universal.

You might be wondering where this is going. We often talk about being brave enough to be vulnerable, and how hard it is to be vulnerable. The secret I learned is that for the most part the experiences we have are more universal than we think. There are other people out there who have been through something similar. If other people have had similar experiences, then vulnerability can’t be about being all alone on a limb. Instead, it’s about stepping out and saying, “I’m human. You’re human. We’ve all been there, right?” Understanding this has dramatically increased my willingness to be vulnerable. I’m no longer paralyzed by the scary question of, “Is there anyone who will understand?” Instead, I know the real question is, “How many people have been where I am?” and if others have been where I am, being vulnerable is just one more way for us to connect human to human.

The challenge: Can you see how being human is more universal than we realize? Are you willing to be vulnerable?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Eagles, Bears, and Uniqueness (4-17-19)

Last week was about the power of gratitude. This week’s secret is about the power of our individual uniqueness.

An eagle flies over a forest, majestic and fast. It’s flown all of its life, and doesn’t really know any different. It looks down and sees a bear, huge and full of strength. The eagle says to himself, “I wish I had strength like the bear.” The bear is huge and strong, lumbering throughout the forest. He’s always been like that, and doesn’t really know any different. He looks up to see an eagle flying, majestic and fast. The bear says to himself, “I wish I had wings like the eagle, so I could soar through the skies.”

By now you’re wondering where this Aesop fable sounding tale is going. I was preparing for a job interview and I had a conversation with a friend/mentor of mine. She’s the type of person who gives you truth in a loving way (everyone needs someone like this in their life). I tell her why I wanted the role and what my story would be for the interview. I’m going over the top to establish that I’m smart and have the marketing chops to succeed (#makingupforinsecurity). After we talk through all of this she gives me that look. The look that says, “Andrew, you’re really missing the obvious and I’m about to drop knowledge.” Then she says something like, “Everything you said makes sense. I get that it’s important to you that you show people you are smart and a good marketer, and I believe you are those things and it’s important to talk about those things. However, don’t forget that there is a lot about who you are that’s important to bring to life for these people too.” From there she listed what she saw in me that differentiated me, which consisted of strengths that I wasn’t thinking about emphasizing because they seemed too “soft” and I wasn’t sure they mattered. Essentially she told me, “It’s cool that you want to show that you’re strong like a bear, and bears are great. However, don’t forget you are an eagle blessed with flight.”

If leveraging my uniqueness is so obvious to her, why wasn’t it so obvious to me? Why wasn’t I thinking of leading with this in the interview as opposed to trying too hard to feature something else? I think there are a few reasons. I think our uniqueness is part of who we are, and at times it is easy to forget that not everyone shares what makes you you. It’s easy to fall into the trap of saying, “But doesn’t everyone do this or bring this to the table?” The answer to that is no. Also, I don’t know about you, but sometimes I look at others, get a little jealous, and say, “I want to be like that. I want to be known for that.” Maybe I feel that the organization wants me to be just like that or that people really respect/admire/value one type of person over another. Maybe I’m insecure and just don’t always have the confidence in myself that I should. Do you ever feel this way?

The secret hidden in all of this is my uniqueness is worth more than I could ever know, and yours is too. The challenge: Can you see, accept, and embrace, your uniqueness?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Bonus thought: I’d like to say that since that conversation I’ve always remembered that I’m an eagle and that I should embrace my flight. However, I’d be lying if I said that. From time to time, I still get into this, “I want them to know I’m strong/smart/whatever” as opposed to embracing who I am and what I bring.