Being Human is Universal (5-1-19)

This is going to be the final entry about the “secrets” I’ve learned over time. We began with the secret power of gratitude, and then we explored the secret of our own uniqueness. Last week was about the idea that everyone has something going on in life that is impacting them, even if it is unseen. This week we will explore how being human is more universal than we realize.

If you’ve followed this blog for a period of time, you’ll know that I’ve written about a wide variety of things including but not limited to:

How I lost it at work and cried after a cousin died from a drug overdose.
My failures when it comes to loving others.
How I’ve felt that I wasn’t good enough. (Saw this within the past few weeks)
Various mistakes I’ve made from FBI interrogating an intern to mishandling other conversations.
My failures when it comes to loving/appreciating myself.
My attempts at finding myself/my voice.

Anytime I’ve shared one of those things, I’ve had this fear that the experience I was sharing was unique to me, which meant other people wouldn’t understand. Without fail when I have shared something like that, people have responded with, “That is totally me. I’ve been there.” Someone else always understood what I was going through and what I was feeling. I began to realize that those things I thought were personal, were in fact universal.

You might be wondering where this is going. We often talk about being brave enough to be vulnerable, and how hard it is to be vulnerable. The secret I learned is that for the most part the experiences we have are more universal than we think. There are other people out there who have been through something similar. If other people have had similar experiences, then vulnerability can’t be about being all alone on a limb. Instead, it’s about stepping out and saying, “I’m human. You’re human. We’ve all been there, right?” Understanding this has dramatically increased my willingness to be vulnerable. I’m no longer paralyzed by the scary question of, “Is there anyone who will understand?” Instead, I know the real question is, “How many people have been where I am?” and if others have been where I am, being vulnerable is just one more way for us to connect human to human.

The challenge: Can you see how being human is more universal than we realize? Are you willing to be vulnerable?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Eagles, Bears, and Uniqueness (4-17-19)

Last week was about the power of gratitude. This week’s secret is about the power of our individual uniqueness.

An eagle flies over a forest, majestic and fast. It’s flown all of its life, and doesn’t really know any different. It looks down and sees a bear, huge and full of strength. The eagle says to himself, “I wish I had strength like the bear.” The bear is huge and strong, lumbering throughout the forest. He’s always been like that, and doesn’t really know any different. He looks up to see an eagle flying, majestic and fast. The bear says to himself, “I wish I had wings like the eagle, so I could soar through the skies.”

By now you’re wondering where this Aesop fable sounding tale is going. I was preparing for a job interview and I had a conversation with a friend/mentor of mine. She’s the type of person who gives you truth in a loving way (everyone needs someone like this in their life). I tell her why I wanted the role and what my story would be for the interview. I’m going over the top to establish that I’m smart and have the marketing chops to succeed (#makingupforinsecurity). After we talk through all of this she gives me that look. The look that says, “Andrew, you’re really missing the obvious and I’m about to drop knowledge.” Then she says something like, “Everything you said makes sense. I get that it’s important to you that you show people you are smart and a good marketer, and I believe you are those things and it’s important to talk about those things. However, don’t forget that there is a lot about who you are that’s important to bring to life for these people too.” From there she listed what she saw in me that differentiated me, which consisted of strengths that I wasn’t thinking about emphasizing because they seemed too “soft” and I wasn’t sure they mattered. Essentially she told me, “It’s cool that you want to show that you’re strong like a bear, and bears are great. However, don’t forget you are an eagle blessed with flight.”

If leveraging my uniqueness is so obvious to her, why wasn’t it so obvious to me? Why wasn’t I thinking of leading with this in the interview as opposed to trying too hard to feature something else? I think there are a few reasons. I think our uniqueness is part of who we are, and at times it is easy to forget that not everyone shares what makes you you. It’s easy to fall into the trap of saying, “But doesn’t everyone do this or bring this to the table?” The answer to that is no. Also, I don’t know about you, but sometimes I look at others, get a little jealous, and say, “I want to be like that. I want to be known for that.” Maybe I feel that the organization wants me to be just like that or that people really respect/admire/value one type of person over another. Maybe I’m insecure and just don’t always have the confidence in myself that I should. Do you ever feel this way?

The secret hidden in all of this is my uniqueness is worth more than I could ever know, and yours is too. The challenge: Can you see, accept, and embrace, your uniqueness?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Bonus thought: I’d like to say that since that conversation I’ve always remembered that I’m an eagle and that I should embrace my flight. However, I’d be lying if I said that. From time to time, I still get into this, “I want them to know I’m strong/smart/whatever” as opposed to embracing who I am and what I bring.

Ionic Bonds and Vulnerability (2-27-19)

Last week was about thermodynamics and inclusion. At the core of inclusion is building relationships, so this week is about ionic bonds, vulnerability, and building relationships.

Essentially, an ionic bond is when a positively charged ion forms a bond with a negatively charged ion. In order to do this, one atom transfers electrons from itself to another atom (www.yourdictionary.com). Said in an entirely different way, in order for an ionic bond to work, one of the atoms has to transfer one of its electrons to the other element. Once this occurs, a bond is formed. The image to the right depicts Sodium and Chloride. They start as separate atoms, then Sodium gives an electron to Chloride and a bond is formed. Once this bond is formed, Sodium Chloride becomes table salt.

You’re probably wondering where this is going. The thing that interests me about ionic bonds is the fact that an atom has to be willing to give up part of itself (an electron) to make the bond happen. If the atom doesn’t give part of itself away, then the bond can never form. This reminds me of the way that vulnerability and relationships work. In order to form a connection with someone else, you have to be brave enough and willing enough to be vulnerable. You have to be willing to share a part of yourself with them. As you share parts of yourself with each other, you give yourselves an opportunity to have powerful bonds form.

Being willing to share part of yourself doesn’t mean you have to share your deepest and darkest secrets right away. What it does mean is that you have to share something about who you are. Maybe you share things about your family. Maybe you share things about your favorite hobbies and passions. Maybe you talk about some of your favorite memories. Whatever it is, you need to share, and as you share electrons, you open up the chance for a strong bond to form.

The challenge: Are you brave enough to be vulnerable? Are you sharing parts of yourself with others to form a bond?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Emotions and Losing vs. Finding Things (2-28-18)

This week I’d like to kick off a series that challenges us to think differently about emotions. This week we will start by thinking about emotions as they relate to losing and finding things. This week’s message started more like a journal entry that I decided to share. I don’t have a clever metaphor to kick us off this week. All I have is a true story and some thoughts.

Embry story. A couple of weeks ago I had a one on one meeting with someone at work. I was talking about stuff, became pretty emotional, got choked up, and cried a few tears. As soon as I did this, I said something like, “Sorry for losing my crap. I need to pull my crap together.”

You might be wondering where this is going. Often in life, losing things is a bad thing. If I lose my wallet/phone/keys, etc. it’s a bad thing. If I lose those things it reflects poorly on me. If I lose things I’m careless. If I lose things, I’ve made a mistake. In the above story, I was emotional, cried, and the first thing I did was apologize for losing something. I “lost” my crap. I “lost” my composure. I “lost” face. I apologized for “losing” those things. I apologized for letting a little bit of my humanity slip through. Do you ever feel this way? Do you ever feel you need to apologize when you show emotion, as if showing emotion is some kind of mistake, some kind of weakness?

More context to the Embry story. Four days before the meeting, my cousin had died of a drug overdose, leaving behind a fiancée and a two month old baby. I hadn’t cried since I found out he had died. I was sad for him and even sadder about the family he had left behind. I spent the days asking, “What will be the ripple effect for my family? Who will fall apart? Will they fall apart in a safe way? Who will turn to bad coping mechanisms? Who do I need to watch out for?” I was also stressed about work, life, who knows what else, and I was carrying all of this around with me everywhere I went. I was a mix of emotions heading into that one on one meeting and as I mentioned I got emotional and cried a couple of tears.

My epiphany. Like I said, in that moment, I felt I had lost something. I had lost my “crap.” I felt I had lost my composure. What if I was wrong? What if I didn’t lose anything? What if I found something? What if I found tears I needed to cry that had eluded me for days? What if I found a colleague that created a safe enough space where I could show that emotion at work? What if I found a little bit of peace? What if in that brief moment I found the part of myself that is most human? Tell me those things aren’t special. Tell me those things aren’t sacred. Tell me I “lost” something that day. Tell me those things aren’t some of the best things you can find.

The challenge: What are you losing? What are you finding? (Just know that if you ever feel like you are “losing” something, I’ll be right there beside you finding anything you want to find and more of myself in the process.)

By the way, in case you’re wondering, I’m good and the family is doing okay. Thanks to everyone for the good vibes and things. Hug the people you love a little tighter next time you see them.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry