Love is Action (10-5-20)

Special edition of the blog coming to you early this week. It’s about love being an action and not just a feeling.

I knew that I loved my wife early in our relationship when we started dating in college. I had the butterflies, the warm feelings, and everything that you think of when you think of young love. If you would have asked me then what love is, I would have described it in those terms. Over the years, I’ve learned that love is so much more than those feelings. Love is also action. Over the past couple of months in my life, love has been the small actions. Love was visiting my wife at the hospital, giving my girls extra hugs since mommy wasn’t home, being a shoulder to cry on, and showing up when my family needed me. These small actions brought me closer to the ones I care the most about.

What does this have to do with work? We don’t talk about love very often at work, but maybe we should. Everyone needs a little love, care, and compassion. When have people at work made you feel loved and cared for? What did they do?

As I continue to grow older and gain new experiences, I continue to realize how love is often expressed best in consistent small actions. Love is a note with a motivational message delivered to my house. Love is a text message asking, “How are you doing?” Love is an email saying, “This made me think of you.” Love is someone checking in to see how you’re doing. Love is someone giving you perspective you didn’t know you needed. Love is someone listening as I vent. Love is all of these little things and more done consistently by teammates and colleagues that help us feel whole. Now, more than ever, we could all use a little bit of that love.

The challenge: What small actions are you committing to show love for others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Island of Misfit Toys and not Fitting the Mold (12-6-17)

Last week we looked at Prep and Landing and the importance of everyone doing their part. This week I want us to reflect on Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. More specifically, I want us to think about the Island of Misfit Toys.

In case you’re not familiar with the story of Rudolph let me give you a synopsis. Essentially, it’s a story of misfits. Rudolph is a misfit because his nose glows red. Hermey is a misfit, because he is an elf who wants to be a dentist instead of a toy maker. Rudolph and Hermey run away and end up on the Island of Misfit Toys. The island is home to toys who don’t exactly work in the typical way and/or toys that look different from the norm. For example, there is a train with square wheels, a polka dotted elephant, and a Charlie-in-the-Box (instead of a Jack-in-the-box). Eventually, everyone realizes that even though Rudolph and his friends are “misfits” they are still good people. Even though the toys might be different, they can still bring joy to children. By the end of the show, people finally begin to accept them for who they are.

You might already be making some connections between this story and life. The way I think about it, we are all humans, which means to some degree we are all misfits or at least we have all felt like we didn’t fit in at some point in our lives. If you connect this idea to work, it means we aren’t all going to fit the mold and that’s okay. Even if you don’t fit “the mold” you can still be great at whatever you do. I work in market research and am amazed at how talented everyone is and how different we all are. While we are all different from each other, we are all able to help the business define problems, understand customers, and make decisions. In my case, I might be a polka dotted elephant, but my polka dotted elephantness works for me. In the same token, I know all kind of people in sales, operations, HR, legal, medical, regulatory, etc. who are great for different reasons. We all have our own idiosyncrasies, strengths, and styles that shape us and enable us to be successful.

Another connection can be made if you look at life in a broader sense. Just because we are misfits doesn’t mean we are undeserving of love. The thing that has always bothered me the most about Rudolph is that a lot of people treated him like garbage, because his nose glowed. It’s not because Rudolph was a jerk. It’s not because Rudolph was an uncaring animal. It’s because his nose glowed. We are all misfits. We all deserve love and we all should give love to everyone else.

The challenge: Are you embracing your inner misfit? Are you giving love to the people around you?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Be like the Grinch (12-16-15)

This week will be the last blog of 2015. I hope that you have a wonderful and relaxing holiday break with your friends and families. Last week we looked at Rudolph and being “neutral”. This week we will look at another Christmas special, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!”

During this holiday season I all hope we are like the Grinch. Pretty strange thing to say, right? Let me explain why I feel this way. You may know the story of the Grinch. He is grumpy creature who decides he will try to steal Christmas from the Whos He concocts an elaborate scheme and then steals all of the presents, decorations, etc. in an effort to ruin their holiday. This negative attitude is what we often associate with the Grinch, but this isn’t the end of his story. The Grinch grows as a character, and if you remember our Rudolph story last week life is all about growing, changing, and becoming better.

The Grinch has stolen the gifts, and then he hears the Whos singing, and all of a sudden it hits him right as his sleigh full of gifts starts to go over the cliff. “And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two!” He saves the gifts from falling into the cliff, rides into Whoville, and serves the roast beef at the feast.

The reason I hope we are all like the Grinch this year is because he grows and becomes a better person. He begins filled with apathy, malice, and grumpiness, and then he allows love in and it fundamentally changes him. How have you changed and grown this year? Imagine how different the world be if all of our hearts grew like the Grinch’s. Here is to all of us hearing music, seeing the signs, and knowing what it feels like when our hearts grow three sizes in a day.

Have a jolly good day and wonderful holidays,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 4 Feel love. Show love. (7-1-15)

This is going to be the final installment in the lessons I’ve learned since becoming a dad and it’s about love.

I knew pretty early on in our relationship that I loved my wife in a way that I had never loved another person. This love continues to grow to this day. I remember when I found out she was pregnant with our first child that I kept wondering how would I ever love another person with as much heart as I put into loving my wife. When Alice was born I quickly learned my heart, that I already thought was full of love, had even more room to share love with this new incredible person in my life.

Time goes by and my wife becomes pregnant with Violet, our second daughter. I kept thinking to myself, “How can I ever love Violet the way I love Alice? How can I have room for that much love in my heart?” I can’t tell you how it happened, but I can tell you that when Violet was born I once again found that I had more capacity for love. Through these experiences I’ve found that love defies physical laws and many things that we have been taught to believe is true. Normally, if you want to have something you need to acquire it. However, love is different. The more love I give away, the more love that comes back to me.

So what does love have to do with work? I try to live each day sharing love. Every high five, compliment, hug, handshake, conversation, etc. is one way of me saying that I love and care about that person. Every transparent bit of honesty, every suggestion I make, any criticism or feedback, I try to do out of love, and I feel that’s the difference between when things go well and they don’t. When that other person knows I care about them and what’s best for them, I can say/do anything that might help them be better. When they don’t know this, even the best of intentions go awry.

The challenge- Feel love. Show love. Spread love.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Real Love and the Road Runner (2-11-15)

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and we have been bombarded with advertisements for date nights and jewelry. It’s only fitting that this blog is about love. (I know this is work, but we’re still allowed to talk about the “L” word, right?)

If you ask my mom, she’ll tell you that she knew I was going to marry my wife before I did. If you ask her why, she won’t give you some sappy story about a twinkle in my eye, my heart fluttering, or any of that superficial stuff. She’ll tell you it’s because she could tell right away that Diane would challenge me and make me better. (My mom would also say that she knew Diane would be ready to knock me down a few pegs when I was being an idiot, but we don’t need to go there or talk about how many times that has happened.)

Real love isn’t about fairy tale happy endings and always being happy. Real love isn’t about always agreeing and getting along. Real love isn’t about the words you say, but is instead about your everyday actions. Real love is about caring enough for a person that you are there for them to help them be the best they can be.

What does this have to do with work? Well, what are you doing to show the people you work with that you love and care about them? A few weeks ago, I send an email to Bob (fictitious name) and said, “I’m trying to accomplish X, and I need you to send me slides 1, 2, and 3 for a presentation I’m putting together.” Do you know what Bob does? Bob gets back to me and asks me a few more questions about what I mean when I say I want to accomplish X. Then he tells me, “I know you asked for slides 1, 2, and 3, but they won’t get you to X. You don’t really want those, but I’ll get you what you need to get to X.” He was right and got me the info I actually needed to help me have success. He cared enough about me to challenge me and make me better. He does this all the time, so as you can imagine, he’s one of my favorite people to work with.

Be Bob and show some love to the people you work with.

Bonus: A few years ago when I was on a National Poetry Slam team my teammates did a poem about Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote, one of the best love stories ever told. If you want something a little different, check it out. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xa7oni_ali-muldrow-et-evy-gildrie-voyles-n_webcam

Peace and love,

Andrew Embry

A Charlie Brown Christmas and our Work (12-17-14)

This is my last entry for the year, so first I just wanted to say thanks to everybody who takes the time to read through these random thoughts each week. If you were receiving these emails a year ago you might remember this one. It’s about A Charlie Brown Christmas, and I couldn’t think of a better message to end on.

In the special, Charlie Brown is upset, because so many people are making Christmas too commercial. He keeps asking what Christmas is all about, and as you remember Linus finally steps on stage and delivers the core message. The core message of Christmas is love. Whether you are talking about the biblical story or you are talking about the spirit of the season, it is about love. It’s about showing other individuals that you care for them and it’s about showing compassion.

I think the exact same series of events happens to us in our work. We get so stuck on the numbers, incentives, competitors, tools, processes, etc. that sometimes we need Linus to step on stage and remind us that all of our work is really about love and people. It’s about caring enough about the people we serve that we will do whatever we can to help them. It’s about caring enough about each other and our team to spend the time and effort to build people up when everything else keeps trying to knock them down.

Here’s to being Linus, and when the time is right to being Snoopy and busting out some sweet dance moves http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUQX2B67KL4 I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season.

Peace and joy,

Andrew Embry

Lessons Learned from being a Dad Part 5- Disciplining out of Love (9-10-14)

There are two lessons I have learned since becoming a parent that work hand in hand with each other.

Lesson 1- Parenting is the name for a lifelong coaching session.
Lesson 2- You can discipline or give feedback to a child out of love or out of negative intent.

Alice acts up sometimes and when she does I have to admit that she’s not always my favorite person in the world (Bonus lesson: Having kids means loving them always, but not always liking them). I don’t like having stern conversations with her and disciplining her. It’s not easy and it’s not fun. The reason I do it though, is because I love her so much that I want to help her grow up and become a good woman. I want her to be polite, nice, generous, caring, loving, etc. I don’t want her breaking stuff, being disrespectful, etc. I do NOT have these conversations with her to prove that I’m smarter, more powerful, or authoritarian. (The picture is Alice right before she transforms into “Defiant Temper Tantrum Throwing Alice”. Transform. Get it? She’s wearing an Optimus Prime shirt. #dadsaysboysaredecepticons)

I’ve noticed the same thing when it comes to giving people feedback. For me, what the person says and how they say it is not as important as the intent behind the words. I’ve had conversations with people who give me feedback by saying things like, “Dude, you’re kind of being an idiot and a jerk” or “I’m not feeling that at all” or “That kind of sucks” but I knew they were having the conversations out of love so it was okay. I know other people who say things that sound nicer like, “I have a little coaching for you if you’ll take it,” which is actually code for “I’m smarter than you are and think you should do things my way.” Let’s just say that’s not the best way to get me to do anything. It’s not just the words. It’s the intent behind them.

In my daughter’s case, I have to constantly demonstrate that I love her and care about her so she always can at least see my intent. I’d say we have the opportunity to do the same with our co-workers.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

I Want to be a Virus (6-5-13)

So I’m standing over at the credit union right next to some display or sign and an employee comes up to change the sign. She jokingly says, “I hope you don’t mind me in your space.” I respond, “That’s cool, but I’m contagious.” Without missing a beat she says, “Me too, we’ve probably already infected everyone around here.” We both start laughing, we chat a little more, and then I leave feeling a little bit more amused and happy than I had 10 minutes earlier. At this point I realized that when I grow up I want to be a virus.

That’s right a virus. I want to be a big incurable virus.

I want to be a plague, a global pandemic, dispersing through planes and hotel rooms. I want to spread through spores in the air, drinking water, and contact with people. I want to be so strong Clorox cleaning wipes and medicine can’t phase me. I want to hit people hard like rock and roll music and hugs from their grandma. Once I infect someone I want them to be so excited that they don’t sleep for 3 days and so relaxed that they feel like they are meditating when they are exercising. I want to impact their nervous system, helping them smile more. I want to mess with their ocular nerves and brain, making them shift the way they view things. Beyond cellular, I want to impact them on a molecular level.

The world needs some more love, so now seems like now is a perfect time to be contagious…

P.S One of my favorite scenes from I Am Legend with Will Smith. It’s a little heavy, but very true. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK-4SgpAJRs

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry