Shy Guy and Allowing Ourselves to be Curious (3-16-22)

Last week was about leveraging our strengths and the strengths of others. This week is about Shy Guy and allowing ourselves to be curious.

Shy Guy is a relatively minor side character and Super Mario enemy. See the image. A few years ago, I stumbled across an image of Shy Guy and I paused. This character I had known since I was a little kid, now had piqued my curiosity. There was something intriguing about a character wearing a mask and robe. As I looked at him, I began to wonder. What is his story? What are some of his favorite memories? How does he feel about things? As I explored my curiosity, I began to write different things. “Shy Guy doesn’t talk much but has journals full of sweet love poems.” and “Shy Guy wears a mask, so the world can’t see him snickering.” From there I began to write poems further exploring who he is. As I did this, I quickly realized this quirky character had more depth than I ever imagined. (Poems are at the bottom of this blog if you’re intrigued.)

What does this have to do with anything? I gave myself permission to be curious about Shy Guy and it led me to explore and better understand a character I had never given a second thought to. We live in a world focused on speed and rushing, which often interferes with our ability to slow down and be curious. Imagine what would happen if we gave ourselves permission to be more curious about our work and the people we work with. Imagine how we would have a deeper appreciation for each other if we gave ourselves permission to spend a few more valuable minutes trying to understand someone’s story, their motivation, and the way they see the world. Imagine how much stronger our relationships would be. Imagine how much more beauty we would see.

The challenge: Are you giving yourself permission to be curious and explore?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Shy Guy Poems

Shy Guy and Soul Music
3 months. 13 days.
Shy Guy sneaks around his house.
Stealthy.
Silent.
He doesn’t want the curtains to know.
He pounces, shutting them.
The house entirely dark
he stumbles over furniture to find the light.
He curses as he trips.
He peeks outside one more time.
No one is watching.

He blows the dust off the record player.
Memories float up into the air with the dirt specks.

He thinks of his mother,
clutching his hand and his teddy.
Showing them how to twist.
The pearls around her neck
moving in time with the music.

Shy Guy has never been to church,
but is convinced this is soul music.
James Brown.
Funk starts hitting Shy Guy like a wrecking ball,
making the walls he built around himself crumble.

Slowly.
His foot starts tapping.
Slowly.
He smiles again.
Slowly.
He begins peeling back the curtains.

Andrew Embry 2010

Shy Guy Haiku 1

Mask over his mouth.

Hooded robe over body.

He tells no secrets.

Shy Guy Haiku 2

Black holes for his eyes.

Nothing escapes his strong gaze.

No words leave his mouth.

Shy Guy Haiku 3

Mario villain.

Koopa henchman is a monk.

Meek inherit earth.

(Shy Guy) Mask over Heaven

His blackhole eyes consume literary galaxies
with stars and the heavens swirling.
Gravity so strong words cannot escape him.
Not even these,
so fragile
with black ink so faded.
He puts down Milton for the night.

His fingers fiddle with folds of his fierce fire fleece hooded robe.
He places the book down on his nightstand.
His mask beside it.
His beads are already on the door
moving with the night breeze like purple butterfly wings.
With the cloister so quiet
he ruminates
on his own paradise lost.

Andrew Embry 2010

(Shy Guy) Unzipping Closed Secrets

He only speaks before bedtime.
Shy Guy whispers secrets into ziploc bags.
Presses his fingers hard together
sealing every last syllable in tight.

She receives the gift.
Shy Guy blushes burgundy in a white mask.
Surprise!
How can empty ziploc bags weigh so much?

Andrew Embry 2010

Spider-Man: Miles Morales and Understanding the Other Side (3-3-21)

This is the last in our series about Spider-Man: Miles Morales. Last week was about setting the stage to welcome authenticity. This week is about trying to understand the other side before passing judgment. This contains some SPOILERS about the video game.

In most video games (or stories for that matter) there is a clear hero and a clear villain. My daughters know this, so when they played Spider-Man with me they assumed that whoever Spider-Man was trying to stop was obviously evil. In the game, there is an energy company called Roxxon and there is a character named The Tinkerer. Spider-Man fights the Tinkerer early in the game, so my daughters assumed they were evil was evil. As the game unfolds, you learn that Roxxon is doing some shady things and that The Tinkerer is leveraging some outside of the law means to try to stop them. When this is revealed Alice says, “Wait. So is the Tinkerer a good guy or a bad guy?” I replied with, “What do you think?” Alice responded by saying, “I don’t know. They are doing some things I wouldn’t do, but I also understand why they are doing it. This is tricky.”

What does this have to do with anything? Too often in life we assume that all situations are black and white. We see something that we wouldn’t necessarily do, declare it is wrong, and decide the “other” is bad. We don’t always take the time to understand their situation and where they are coming from. The fact is that it’s rarely ever so cut and dry. Trying to truly understand the other person is the first step to seeing the problem and ultimately finding a solution. We see this play out in politics, personal relationships, and even work. How often have you been part of a conversation where someone decided the other person was wrong, before ever trying to understand them? How often have you been that person who passed judgment without understanding?

Here is what makes listening to the other side even harder. It’s human instinct to want to be heard before we try to understand the other person. If we don’t feel like we are being heard, it’s too easy to close our mind to what the other side is saying. I know something I’m continuing to focus on is seeking first to understand before demanding to be understood, even if the other side isn’t originally listening to me.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Noticing, Taking Action, and Creating Gay Video Game Characters (8-5-20)

Happy Wednesday,

This will be the last entry in our series about diversity and inclusion related topic. This week is about noticing something is off and taking action.

Recently, I’ve been playing a video game with Alice (8) called The Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword. The game follows the main character, Link, as he defeats bad guys to save Zelda. In this version of The Legend of Zelda, Link has a crush on Zelda. While we have been playing this game, Alice has also been playing Harvest Moon, a farming game where you can grow crops, raise livestock, get married, and start a family. A couple of weeks ago, Alice announced she was going to create her own “video game”. She used beads and a hot iron to create characters and supplies (see pic). After showing me these materials, she told me about the game. She proudly explained, “My version of Zelda is different than the Zelda we played and different from other video games I’ve played. First of all, in this game Zelda is the hero and fights bad guys with Link. Also, in this game if you’re Zelda and want to get married you can marry a boy or you can marry a girl if you want to be gay. You know dad, in most games like Harvest Moon, you can’t be gay.”

What does this have to do with diversity and inclusion? The above story is about Alice noticing that something isn’t quite right, and then taking action to fix it. Alice may not have the vocabulary to express that it is sexist beliefs and tropes that result in the majority of action heroes in video games being male. What she can see though is that there should be more representation and that a female character is just as capable of fighting bad guys as a male character. Alice may not understand all of the biases against people because of their sexual orientation or the fact that gay marriage was illegal until a few years ago. She does know what love looks like, and she understands if that love happens between a man and a woman or two men or two women it’s all good. She does see that video games often don’t allow the representation of gay couples, and that their love is worth celebrating as much as straight couples. She sees all these things, and then makes a game where the girl is the hero and you can be gay.

In a similar way, we can look around at our world and realize that things aren’t right. If we open our eyes, we can see the discrimination that is overt and also woven into the fabric of our society. Once we see those things, we have the power and responsibility to change them. Alice is trying to change things by taking the small step to make her games more inclusive, because that is what is in her sphere of influence. If you look at your sphere of influence, you likely can enact change for the better too.

The challenge- What do you see that is off in the world? What will you change about the world around you in your sphere of influence?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Goat Simulator and Embracing Who/What you are (2-5-20)

This will be the last in the video game series. It’s about a game called Goat Simulator and embracing what you are. Games might be enjoyable because of their stunning graphics, engaging story, or challenging nature. Goat Simulator isn’t any of those things. Instead, it is a ridiculous and random experience unlike anything else I’ve played. In the game, you play as a goat and run through the city breaking things, jumping, doing flips, riding bicycles, transforming into a floating angel and licking stuff to earn points. The game knows exactly what it is and leans into its unique weirdness. The game is ridiculous, and my girls LOVE it!

What does that have to do with anything? Goat Simulator is enjoyable, because it fully embraces what it is. At work it’s easy to get caught up in the idea of who and what you should be. It’s easy to look around and see successful people who are X, Y, and Z, and believe you have to be those things to be successful. This happens to me. Does it happen to you? As a result, it’s easy to lose yourself and try to be something/someone else. I wish we could all embrace who and what we are, as much as Goat Simulator does 😉

Vulnerable Embry story. Recently, I updated my Linkedin profile with a tagline describing myself as a “spark igniting storyteller.” Someone I have a lot of love for sent me a text message and told me that they were glad I was finally embracing this part of myself. They once described me like this to my face, and I responded so negatively it caught them by surprise, because that is obviously who/what I am.

I explained to her that for the longest time I HATED how people talked about me as a storyteller or a poet at work, because that didn’t match what I thought success was supposed to look like. If success looked like X, Y, Z, then I was a weird Q just messing up the alphabet. (#self-conciousAndrew #self-doubtAndrew) Over time I’ve become better at embracing who/what I am, and how that can enable me to be successful. Much like the goat game, there are a lot of things that I’ll never be, but what I am can be special and my uniqueness works in a lot of interesting ways. The same is true for you.

The challenge: Are you embracing who and what you are?

Bonus vulnerability- Before you think to yourself, “Andrew totally has this figured out,” I don’t. Just a few months ago I had been talking to folks and they were giving me compliments about being a creative storyteller, and my brain went to a place of self-doubt and insecurity. I just kept thinking to myself that just once I wanted someone to start the conversation with “Andrew’s is pretty smart and clever marketer” as opposed to making it sound like I’m some weird poet fueled by magic. Eventually, I realized I was being ridiculous, stepped out of my head, and went back to appreciating who I am.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Embracing the Reset Button (1-29-20)

Last week was about Braid and challenging assumptions. This week is about video game systems and the reset button.

I loved the original Nintendo, but I have to admit it could be pretty glitchy at times. Sometimes the games would work fine. Sometimes they would start well, and then get wonky. Other times, they were buggy from the beginning. See the picture to see what I mean. Whenever a glitch like this happened, you had to ask if it was something you could deal with. Sometimes it was a minor color issue, so you could go ahead and play. Sometimes, it was a major issue. When this happened, you’d have to press the reset button. This would restart everything, and give the game a fresh start, often solving the problem.

What does this have to do with anything? In video games you reset to have a fresh start and another chance when things were kind of glitchy. Think about your life right now. Are there things that are kind of “glitchy”? Maybe it’s a series of routines or bad habits that are getting in the way of you taking great care of yourself (#totallyme). Maybe it’s a relationship that has some baggage and tension. Maybe it’s a project that seems to be a little lost. Whatever it is, have you considered pausing to hit the reset button? Have you looked at those habits that are harming you and thought about replacements that could help you? Have you taken a deep breath, offered yourself and others some forgiveness and started over? Have you paused to reassess the work, regroup, and figure out a new path forward?

Too often in life we keep going forward even when things get “glitchy”, because we think we have to. However, if you were playing a video game where things were so glitchy it wasn’t working correctly and you couldn’t perform, you wouldn’t keep playing. You’d stop, reset the game, and try again. Why can’t we do more resetting in life?

The challenge: How are you embracing the reset button?

Havea jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Braid and Assumptions (1-22-20)

Last week was about Super Mario brothers and finding the humanity in evil fish. This week we will look at challenging assumptions, changing perspectives, and a game called Braid.

As we mentioned last week, Super Mario is about saving a Princess from an evil monster. Braid is very similar. You play as Tim, and your goal is to save your girlfriend who has been kidnapped by a monster. Here come some spoilers. Braid feels like a new and improved Mario until it comes to the ending. After defeating all of the evil monsters and conquering the trials and tribulations, you finally get to your girlfriend. You think you’ve saved the day, but then the game reveals something to you. The game reveals that you are actually the evil one. This entire time you’ve been chasing after her thinking you are a good guy going to save her, but actually you are an extremely possessive boyfriend trying to get back the woman who left you. You aren’t saving her. She is running AWAY FROM YOU. #Mindblown.

Assumptions, plot twists, and perspective shifts. The developers of the game were familiar with the assumptions we usually make when we play video games, and then they leveraged those assumptions to create an experience that turned those assumptions around. Our assumption in a game is that we are the hero, and if we are the hero it means we will save someone. The developers took this assumption and flipped it upside down. What if our character wasn’t the hero? What if he was actually the villain? What if the entire time the “hero” was trying to “save” her, he was actually chasing her because she wanted to get away from him? How would that change the experience? Those simple questions completely shifted the paradigm and the experience playing the game.

How does this connect with work? Think about all of the assumptions we make in our work. We assume that customers want X. We assume that we need to develop A in order to be successful. We assume great leaders do Q. Do we know those assumptions are 100% true and accurate? Do you ever spend time questioning those assumptions? What if X isn’t true? What if our customers really want Y instead? What if we don’t have to be great at A? What if we really need to be great at B? How would this change things? How would this information change the games we are all playing?

The challenge: Are you accepting reality as it is presented to you or are you challenging the assumptions we make?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Even Evil Fish have Birthdays (1-15-20)

Last week was about Tetris and building the right foundation. This week is about Super Mario and seeing the humanity in evil fish.

A few years ago I was playing Super Mario Brothers with my wife. In case you’re not familiar with the game, it’s your job to rescue the Princess from King Koopa. You play through a variety of levels to accomplish this task, including the dreaded water levels. We were at a water level, and to say it caused my wife to be anxious would be an understatement. She is terrified of any water level in video games. There is something about how the fish can move faster than your character that creeps her out. Anyway, we were in a level where this giant fish would jump out of the water and swallow you whole.

This fish terrified her. It got her every time and at one point, my wife got extremely frustrated and talked about how much she hated the fish. I said something along the lines of, “Come on, don’t hate the fish. Even evil fish have birthdays,” trying to make a joke about how even an evil fish shares something in common with her. She laughed, and now that quote hangs on one of the walls in our house.

So what does this have to do with anything? Although I said it jokingly, the point behind the comment was still true. Just because this fish thwarted her at every turn, didn’t mean she needed to hate it. This fish she completely opposed and her had at least something in common. Throughout my life I’ve found that when you disagree with someone, it’s easy to paint them in a horrible light. It’s easy to forget they are also human, and once you forget their humanity, it’s easy to turn them into a monster. Once they are a monster, it’s easier to hate them. It’s easier to justify treating them poorly. It’s easier to no longer feel like they deserve any amount of love, respect, or empathy. I imagine as you read this, a few dozen examples jump to your mind.

The challenge in all of this is remembering that the people you disagree with, even the people who are totally different from you are still human, and until we connect as humans it’s often difficult to move forward. The challenge: Will you strive to see the humanity in others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Tetris and Building the Right Foundation (1-8-20)

I hope that you enjoyed your holidays and your time off. During my break I had the chance to play some video games, so video games will be the inspiration behind our series to start the year. We will start with Tetris and the importance of building correctly from the beginning.

I have always loved Tetris and used to play it with my mom when I was a kid. In case you’ve never played, Tetris is a game where different sized blocks descend from the top. Your job is to stack those blocks in neat rows. If you stack them neatly and complete a full horizontal line, that row of blocks disappears and you get points. The longer you play, the faster the blocks descend, and sooner or later everything is moving so fast you are unable to stack things correctly. Once the blocks have been stacked incorrectly and reach the top of the screen, you lose. If you look at the picture on the right, you can see that things aren’t going so well for our player.

What if I told you Tetris and life are basically the same thing? Tetris and life are about building correctly AND intentionally. Both are about ensuring you build the right foundation, in the right way, so you can adjust as blocks (or life’s challenges) come at you faster and faster and faster. In Tetris and life the difference between surviving the onslaught of challenges and losing all comes down to how well you built when you started. This could refer to building relationships, marketing strategies, brands, finances, and anything else in life.

Looking back at 2019, I’m proud of what I accomplished at work. With that said, I know there’s room for improvement. As I look back I realize that if I would have spent the time to build some of the right foundations, some of the challenges I faced would have been easier to overcome. If I would have done a better job of pausing to look ahead, I could have seen those obstacles before they came crashing down on me. Seeing these obstacles would have given me time to grab them, pivot them, and place them like Tetris blocks instead of them getting slammed into the middle of my world messing stuff up. Did any of you feel this way about last year?

The challenge: Are you building the right foundation to handle life as it throws pieces at you faster and faster?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Video Game Lessons Part 4 Pac-Man and Reward and Recognition (11-2-16)

This will be the last in the series of lessons I’ve learned from playing video games. We’ve learned about tenacity (Mario), the importance of celebrating wins with each other (Child of Light), and the fact that happiness and engagement are not the same thing (Bloodborne). This week we will think about having a reward and recognition philosophy as it relates to Pac-man.

If you haven’t played Pac-man, you play as Pac-man (the yellow character) and you race around the room eating yellow pellets while the ghosts chase you. In order to earn points you can eat small pellets, 4 big pellets, ghosts, and fruit. Eat all the pellets and you go to the next stage. Let’s pretend for a moment that you and I were playing against each other for a prize. What would you want to know before we started? You’d probably want to know the definition of winning, right? Let’s say that winning is whoever can clear the most stages. If that was the case, what would you focus on? You’d spend your energy trying to eat all the pellets on the screen. You would NOT worry as much about eating ghosts or fruit. Now let’s say that winning is whoever gets the most points. How would this change the way you played? You’d probably spend more time ensuring you ate the ghosts and you ate the fruit that showed up on screen. The definition of winning would change your behavior.

How does this connect with work? In Pac-man the definition of winning drives your behavior. In a similar way, the definition of winning or excellence at work drives behavior. Here are the questions of the day. Do we have a clear idea of what “winning” means at work? Do we have a clear reward and recognition philosophy to support this definition? We might have platforms and tactics to leverage, but are we clear on what behaviors we want to reward and recognize? Are we clear on how we will reward and recognize those behaviors? Allow me to be overly dramatic for a minute. For those of you who lead a team, if I interviewed the individuals on your team and asked them what behaviors you are driving and recognizing and why you are driving and recognizing those behaviors, could they tell me? If your job depended on your team being aligned on their answers, would you make the cut or would you be out of a job? I recognize that this is easy for me to say since I don’t have a team. However, I also realize that creating and driving this clarity is not a simple task. Additionally, even though I don’t have a team, I have a role in this as well. It’s my job to try and understand the rules of the game. It’s my job to try to figure out what the organization values, so I can deliver.

The challenge: As a leader have you defined winning? Have you defined what behaviors you reward and recognize and why? As an individual contributor are you seeking clarity to understand what game you’re expected to play?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Video Game Lessons Part 3 Driving Happiness vs. Driving Engagement (10-26-16)

As we continue with this video game series, I slowly realize how much of a nerd I am… (Wait, Andrew, you didn’t know you were a nerd before? I guess self-awareness isn’t a skill you have…) Anyway, last week we looked at lifting each other up with a game called Child of Light. This week I want to challenge the assumption that engagement and happiness is the same thing by looking at a game called Bloodborne.

Bloodborne is a horror action adventure game, where you play as a character that has to defeat monsters in order to stop a plague that is affecting the town. It has gorgeous design with an intriguing story. Overall, it’s a scary experience with some awesome looking monsters, and it’s hard. I consider myself a pretty decent gamer and I died a lot. It’s one of the hardest games I’ve played in recent memory and one of my favorites.

I was playing the game one night and having a particularly tough time defeating a nasty creature. My wife was reading a book on the couch while I kept dying. Eventually she says, “You’re dying a lot. That must be frustrating. You can’t be very happy with this game. It can’t be very fun.” I told her, “It is hard and is frustrating at times, but not all games are supposed to be happy go lucky. I’ve actually enjoyed this game so much more than many others, because of its difficulty. Sure I die a lot, but then when I advance I feel like I’ve accomplished something.” Now maybe you aren’t a video game player screaming at the screen as you try to survive attacking a horrendous monster, but have you ever experienced something like this in life?Do you have a hobby or activity that you like to do, where it is difficult AND rewarding?

What does this have to do with work? I feel that we sometimes confuse engagement with happiness, so we try to drive happiness instead of engagement. We try to drive happiness by being extra nice, minimizing conflict, etc. Happiness is important, but it’s not the same thing as engagement. Not all situations are happy go lucky. Trying to drive alignment in impossible situations is not always fun. It’s challenging. Trying to change processes to better serve customers is not always fun. It’s challenging. Standing up and being the voice of the customer isn’t always fun. It’s challenging. This is okay though, because some things should be tough. Some things should make you go back to the drawing board again and again. We work in a complex environment, so if everything was easy it wouldn’t be worth doing. However, once you accomplish those things, you should feel an immense amount of pride. There is more to engagement than happiness. There are things like the thrill of a challenge, team culture, reward and recognition, a mission that calls to us, etc. If you just focus on happiness a person slows down when the happiness is gone. If you drive engagement, when things get tough, the person just smiles and says, “Bring it!”

The challenge: Are you focused on driving happiness or engagement? How are you driving engagement?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry