Painting and “Blank” Canvases (7-15-20)

Last week was about blind driving and ignorance. This week is about painting and canvases. Stick with me for a second, because we are about to dive kind of deep.

Look at the image above. There is something on the easel. What is it? I’d say that it’s a blank canvas. What exactly is a blank canvas? It’s a canvas that doesn’t have anything on it yet. If a blank canvas is a canvas without anything on it, can that thing on the easel really be a blank canvas? I’m not sure it is. The canvas is white, so there is already a background color, meaning the canvas already has something on it and isn’t blank. The color of the canvas has its own unique properties, influencing how you would have to paint it. Painting on a white canvas would be different than painting on a red, blue, green, or black canvas.

What does this have to do with anything? I see a connection at the macro level and at the more personal level. At the macro level, when I was younger, I believed that we all had the same exact opportunities, because we all started with the same blank canvas. Over the years, I’ve realized the canvas of our society isn’t blank. Instead, there is already stuff on the canvas that we are making our mark on, and what is already on that canvas impacts the ability to paint on it. Our canvas is comprised of our history, social norms, and laws, which have all been substantially shaped by straight white men. This backdrop becomes the canvas we start with and has a huge impact on the way we think about race, gender, sexual orientation, and other areas. The question really becomes whether or not we grasp how the canvas built by the past impacts our current conversations and situations.

At the more personal level, relationships are about making your mark on another person. With this in mind, no one is a blank canvas. Everyone has their own canvas filled with their history and experiences that shapes who they are and how they interact in relationships. The more I can do to show I want to understand them, what makes them tick, and the things that shape their canvas, the more likely they are to open up and share parts of themselves. We can then use this understanding to connect better.

The challenge: What is already on the “blank” canvas? How is it shaping you? How is it shaping our present?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Blind Driving, Ignorance, and Causing Harm (7-8-20)

This week we will kick off a series about diversity and inclusion related topics. This week’s post is about driving, ignorance, and causing harm. It’s inspired by a question Aaron T., asked me a few weeks ago.

Imagine for a moment you were driving blindfolded. What would happen? Chances are you’d hit things, cause all kinds of destruction, and hurt other people and possibly yourself. If you had the choice, would you rather drive with or without a blindfold on? I’m assuming you’d want to see, so you could drive more safely.

What does this have to do with anything? A few weeks ago, I was on an area call sharing my diversity and inclusion journey. My story isn’t pretty. It’s a story of being raised color blind and incredibly ignorant, realizing I was (and am still) ignorant, and then working to fix this. During the story, I spent time talking about being raised to not see race and how that led me to believe and do things that I’d never believe or do now (Is any of that true for you too?). Aaron then asked me a question that has stuck with me for weeks, “When you were colorblind, how did that harm your relationships and the people you were with?” His question was a great one, because it punched me right in the heart, and I can’t thank him enough for his courage and willingness to ask it. I said that I knew there were certain people I had hurt. However, the truth is, I’ll never know how many people I hurt, because I was blind to my own ignorance and the impact that ignorance was having on others. For years, I drove blind in a tank, unaware of the damage I was causing, and that’s just straight up horrible.

The question still sticks with me and is something I think about often, because while I know I am less ignorant than I was when I was younger, my eyes are still not fully open to matters of race, gender, sexual orientation, and the other elements of individuality. As a result, I continue to be driven to do better, to learn more, to understand more, and to navigate the world a little more carefully so the vehicle I drive out in the world won’t have devastating effects to the people around me.

The challenge: How is your ignorance harming your relationships and the people you are with? How will you do and be better?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Are we investing time and effort in becoming more anti-racist? (5-29-20)

Today Lilly recognizes a day of solidarity to support one another during this time and stand together against injustice and in support of humanity. With this in mind, I’d like to share a bonus blog for the week. We will stick with our finance theme and reflect on investing for long-term goals and investing in becoming more anti-racist.

When I first met with my financial advisor, I explained what the goals are for my family when it comes to investing. One of these goals is to be able to pay for a certain percentage of college for each of my daughters. When I shared this with him he did an analysis to see how I was doing against the goal. When he came back, he told me I wasn’t doing enough. If I really wanted to reach that goal, my family would need to take action and invest more time and resources into the college fund. Since then, I’ve taken action and invested more resources to reach this goal.

What does investing for college have to do with recent injustices? When it comes to my financial goals, it’s really simple. I’m either investing enough energy to achieve them or I’m not. Period. There is NO gray space. Merely thinking about how important it is to save for college isn’t enough. All that matters is whether or not I put enough of my energy toward achieving this goal. This idea of whether or not we are putting enough energy and resources to achieving a goal applies to the recent injustices we have witnessed. If our goal is to create a society where everyone truly is equal, then as individuals we are either investing our time and energy into becoming more anti-racist or we are allowing ourselves to further a racist system. Period.

The recent murders of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, and Breonna Taylor along with Amy Cooper leveraging her white privilege to harm Christian Cooper have continued to demonstrate that there is no such thing as neutral when it comes to racism and matters of race. There is no middle ground. You are either investing the time, effort, and resources to make things better or you are not. Merely thinking that racism is bad isn’t enough. Trying to be colorblind is not okay. Merely thinking that you aren’t racist and wouldn’t commit the same acts isn’t enough. We (and by we I mean primarily white people, because white people are the ones who have the most power to address these issues) need to do better and be better. We say we want an equal society, and if that’s true we need to take action to make that happen.

Challenge: How are you investing your time and effort to make things better? What are you doing to become more anti-racist?

In full vulnerability, I know I can do more and do better, and that’s something I’m continuing to reflect and act on. Resources with suggestions on things you can do

Sending you love, peace, and prayers,

Andrew Embry

Mosaics, Diversity, and Inclusion (4-15-20)

Last week we started a series about art by examining how we can paint over our mistakes. This week is about mosaics, diversity, and inclusion.

Mosaics are beautiful pieces of art that have always fascinated me, because you combine things, but you never blend them. The mosaic is made of several small pieces, and each piece has its own individual integrity, shape, design, color, etc. At the same time, the individual pieces are part of a larger whole. Each individual piece has its own role to play in creating the larger picture. The images in this blog post are of the mosaics my wife made on stepping stones that lead out to our garden. #marriedup

What does this have to do with anything? Mosaics are an example of what true inclusion should look like. A mosaic is made of pieces that maintain their individuality, while also contributing to the larger picture. Mosaics don’t blend. Mosaics don’t require all of the individual pieces to assimilate. Making a mosaic requires the creator to understand the piece and where it can fit in a way to add to an image that is larger and more beautiful than the piece can be on its own. We should all strive for this as we build cultures and teams.

Have you ever been on a great team where you truly felt included? What caused you to feel that way? In my case, I’ve felt this way when people have seen me as the individual I am, valued that, and at the same time helped me see my role in something larger. Those teams and situations always give me joy, engagement, and the fuel I need to get through anything. Have you ever experienced the opposite? I have. I’ve been in situations where my individuality wasn’t valued and where the expectation was to blend in with everything. I’ve been in situations where all of the members on the team were individuals, and we were never part of something. At best this was exhausting and at worst this was often toxic.

The challenge: How will you build teams and culture like a mosaic?

Bonus poem about mosaic making

You are an artist making a mosaic,

the pieces dumped in front of you,

tiles and glass of different colors and shapes.

Handle the pieces carefully,

or they will cut you for your carelessness.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Vegetarian and More (2-26-20)

This will be the last in the series about diversity, inclusion, and my wife being a vegetarian. This week is about recognizing that what makes people different is part of them, but not the whole story.

Last summer, Diane and I were with a family and they were grilling. Diane had decided that she wasn’t in the mood for veggie burgers, so she didn’t bring any over. Instead, she was happily enjoying all the other food available, including homemade potato salad which is one of her favorite things ever. Diane is completely content. Then, Bob realizes that he’s grilling burgers and doesn’t have anything to grill for Diane. He mentions it, and Diane says, “I’m great. If I wanted the veggie burgers I would have brought them.” Bob won’t accept this. He keeps going on about how Diane is a vegetarian and now she’s making a sacrifice, since he’s not grilling anything for her and how she should have bought some veggie burgers. He keeps going on and on about this, and it’s awkward. Bob is taking one element of what makes her who she is, and is blowing it way out of proportion. This isn’t the first time Bob has done something like this.

Where is this going? My wife is a vegetarian. This is something that has an impact on her life. At the same time, being a vegetarian is not all she is. She’s a wife, a mom, a daughter, a person who loves kids, a writer, a painter, a gardener, a cook, a reader, and so many other things. If you view my wife as only one element of what makes here who she is, then you’re doing her a disservice. Doing this takes a beautiful and complex individual and turns her into a one dimensional being. If we step away from my wife being a vegetarian, I feel the idea applies to other elements of diversity. Does your gender/race/ethnicity/sexual orientation/other element of diversity shape who you are? Yes. Do they play a large role in shaping who you are? Most definitely. Are any of those individual elements the only thing that makes you who you are? No. As people we are shaped by our elements of diversity, AND we are also greater than the sum of those individual parts.

The challenge: To be truly inclusive, we need to be able to see, recognize, and appreciate how people’s elements of diversity shape them, while at the same time seeing that they are so much more than those individual things. We need to be willing to put in the effort to embrace the WHOLE person.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Curious, Embracing Differences, and the Impossible Burger (2-25-20)

Last week was about how being “the other” can often lead to bias and judgment. This week is about how you can approach “the other” from a place of curiosity and eventually embrace them. When my wife first became vegetarian some people were judgmental, some were apathetic, but my dad was curious. He had a genuine interest and talked to Diane about what she ate, how she got her protein, if the veggie burgers had got any better since he had tried them years ago, and other questions. On top of that, when Diane cooked my dad was curious enough to try things, and he was totally surprised to find out that he likes tofu and other vegetarian dishes.

The other day my dad went out to eat by himself and had an Impossible Burger, a meatless burger. When he told me this, my jaw dropped and hit the ground so hard it broke in three places. After I got over the shock I asked him why he tried it. He said something like, “Well, the stuff that Diane fixes is pretty good. This seemed like it was worth trying. It was so good that if I went back there, I’d get the Impossible Burger again.” My dad went to a burger place on his own and got the most vegetarian thing he could get… and he enjoyed it. This was not the same guy I grew up with. He had definitely changed. His curiosity led him to try something and now he was embracing something different.

You might be wondering where this is going. When you encounter diversity, you can respond in 1 of 3 ways. You can be judgmental, apathetic, or genuinely curious. Think about work. When you have been different how often have people responded to you in each of those three ways? How did you feel when people responded to you in each of those ways?

As we explored last week, all too often when we meet someone who isn’t like us and who does things differently than us, our first instinct is to be judgmental. Our first instinct is to say, “That’s not right. That’s not the way it’s done.” If we aren’t judgmental, we are often apathetic. We look and say, “They’re different and that’s okay,” and then we stop there. However, sometimes, we begin with genuine curiosity and we move to the point where we embrace the differences. These are the times that we transform ourselves and the relationships we have with others. These are the times when we grow.

The challenge: When you encounter differences will you brave enough to be genuinely curious?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Vegetarianism, being “The Other”, and Judging Individuals (2-19-20)

Last week was about my wife being a vegetarian and how my mom puts in extra effort to include her. This week is about being a vegetarian and being “the other”.

Not everyone embraced my wife’s vegetarianism like my mom did. Some people were judgmental and had negative comments. They’d say things like, “Why in the world would you do that? Can you even eat anything? Are you trying to starve yourself? You grew up eating meat, what’s wrong with that?” In each of these situations, my wife became “the other” because she was doing something different from the norm. Since she was “the other” people judged her and reacted negatively toward her, even if her choice didn’t impact them.

What does this have to do with anything? If you’re anything like me, you’re probably perplexed that people could get so upset about something that had no negative impact on them. While it’s easy to see how wrong it is in this situation, I’d argue that this is a mistake we ALL make. At some point in our lives we all have treated (and continue to treat) people as “the other” because they are different from us and what we consider the norm. At work treating someone like “the other” might sound like this, “That outfit isn’t appropriate at work (by my standards).” “Why are THEY acting like THAT (being too loud, laughing too much, smiling too much, not smiling enough)?” “That person doesn’t seem very professional (by my standards).” “Yeah, that’s not how WE do things HERE.” “The people in the other business unit or on the other team do X…(when we all know Y is the ONLY way to do it).” How have you been viewed as “the other” by people at work?

We know it doesn’t feel good to be branded as “the other”. With that in mind, have you ever said any of above things? I have, and sometimes I still find myself thinking those things. It’s a built in bias that tells me if you aren’t one of “us” then you are “the other” and being “the other” is bad. The interesting part of this is that in all those situations, someone being different from me has NO negative impact on me. In all those situations, what makes a person “the other” has little to no correlation to how they perform as an employee or how they might be as a person. This built in bias to see “the other” in people is harmful. I’ve discovered that if I’m not actively confronting that bias, then I lose the ability to see the beauty inside of people.

The challenge: How do we check our biases, so we don’t judge “the other”?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Vegetarianism, Inclusion, and Taking Action (2-12-20)

This week we are going to start a series about diversity, inclusion, and how people respond to differences. We are going to do this by looking at some of the ways people have responded to my wife (Diane) being a vegetarian. Important note: I don’t think my wife’s vegetarianism is the same as ______ (insert your element of diversity). Depending on your element of diversity you are bound to face more scrutiny, criticism, prejudice, etc. I do believe there are interesting parallels worth exploring, regarding how people respond to individuals who are different. We’ll start this series by looking at my mom and putting forth extra effort to include others.

My wife and I grew up in meat and potatoes households. A few years ago my wife became a vegetarian. Fast forward to today. Whenever we have a meal at my parents’ house, my mom puts in the extra effort to ensure there will be plenty of food that Diane will like. Sometimes, this means that my mom creates an extra dish. Sometimes, this means that my mom makes one version of the dish with meat and one without. My wife always tells my mom, “You didn’t have to do that.” My mom responds with, “It’s no trouble.” When my mom says, “It’s no trouble,” what she really means is, “I had to put in a little extra effort, but it is worth it because you are worth it.” As a result, Diane feels loved, because she sees and feels the extra effort my mom puts in to ensure she’s included.

You might be wondering where this is going. Inclusion is about bringing people in. The truth is that including people who are different than you requires extra effort to build trust and bring them in. It requires you to be more thoughtful, loving, and deliberate than you need to be if you are always surrounded by people just like you. While including people requires more effort, the pay-off is worth it. In the above story, my mom takes action to include Diane. My mom doesn’t brag or complain, she just puts the work in to make my wife part of the family.

Think about work for a moment. Have you ever been in a situation where someone put in the extra effort to include you? How did it feel? Have you ever been in a situation where someone didn’t put in the effort to include you? How did that feel? Which situation would you rather be in? Each day, we have the option to either put in the effort to make people feel included or not.

The challenge: Are you putting in the effort to make people feel included?

The tough challenge: Talk to 5 people you work with and ask if they feel you put in the extra effort to include people. If anyone hesitates before replying, you have room to grow.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Even Evil Fish have Birthdays (1-15-20)

Last week was about Tetris and building the right foundation. This week is about Super Mario and seeing the humanity in evil fish.

A few years ago I was playing Super Mario Brothers with my wife. In case you’re not familiar with the game, it’s your job to rescue the Princess from King Koopa. You play through a variety of levels to accomplish this task, including the dreaded water levels. We were at a water level, and to say it caused my wife to be anxious would be an understatement. She is terrified of any water level in video games. There is something about how the fish can move faster than your character that creeps her out. Anyway, we were in a level where this giant fish would jump out of the water and swallow you whole.

This fish terrified her. It got her every time and at one point, my wife got extremely frustrated and talked about how much she hated the fish. I said something along the lines of, “Come on, don’t hate the fish. Even evil fish have birthdays,” trying to make a joke about how even an evil fish shares something in common with her. She laughed, and now that quote hangs on one of the walls in our house.

So what does this have to do with anything? Although I said it jokingly, the point behind the comment was still true. Just because this fish thwarted her at every turn, didn’t mean she needed to hate it. This fish she completely opposed and her had at least something in common. Throughout my life I’ve found that when you disagree with someone, it’s easy to paint them in a horrible light. It’s easy to forget they are also human, and once you forget their humanity, it’s easy to turn them into a monster. Once they are a monster, it’s easier to hate them. It’s easier to justify treating them poorly. It’s easier to no longer feel like they deserve any amount of love, respect, or empathy. I imagine as you read this, a few dozen examples jump to your mind.

The challenge in all of this is remembering that the people you disagree with, even the people who are totally different from you are still human, and until we connect as humans it’s often difficult to move forward. The challenge: Will you strive to see the humanity in others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Haggis Milkshakes and Leveraging our Authentic Selves (11-26-19)

Switching it up and coming at you on a Tuesday due to Thanksgiving. Last week was about creating a space where people can bring their authentic selves. This week is about leveraging different versions of others and haggis milkshakes.

Alice, my oldest daughter, likes watching cooking shows. The other day we were watching a cooking show on Netflix and the challenge was to create an awesome milkshake. Here’s the kicker. One of the main ingredients you had to use was haggis. In case you aren’t familiar Haggis is a savory pudding containing sheep’s pluck, minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and cooked while traditionally encased in the animal’s stomach though now often in an artificial casing instead (Wikipedia). That blew my mind. I’ve never had haggis, but I couldn’t see how it would fit into a milkshake. How was anyone ever going to do this and make it taste good?

Some contestants on the show didn’t really know/understand haggis, so while they tried to make a milkshake they failed. It either tasted horrible, or the milkshake focused so much on covering the taste of the haggis that it wasn’t good. There was one person who succeeded. As you watched her prepare, she talked about understanding haggis and its flavor profile. From there, she added in ingredients that would accent and complement the flavor in a way that would make it delicious. As the judges tried her milkshake they were all pleasantly surprised.

So what does a haggis milkshake have to do with leveraging different versions of ourselves? Creating an environment where people can bring their authentic selves to work is crucial, but it is only the first step. The next step is finding ways to leverage the different sides of people. Similar to a milkshake, our sense of self is made of various ingredients. Some of these ingredients are sweeter and initially easier to digest than others. Similar to the challenge, the trick is finding a way to leverage various flavors to create something delicious. In the milkshake example, the first step was understanding the ingredients. Once she understood the ingredients and what they could offer, she then was able to take action and find ways to leverage those strengths. We can do the exact same thing with people.

How often have you seen (or been) a person who wasn’t as effective, because they weren’t leveraged the right way? Think about the different people you have worked with and worked for. How many of them took the time to understand you and your authentic selves? How many of them gave you a chance to be you and get your shine on vs. expecting you to conform? Now reflect on yourself. How often are you taking the time to truly understand your teammates and who they are? How are you helping them leverage these different sides of them?

The challenge: How are you understanding and leveraging someone’s authentic selves?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry