Spider-Man: Miles Morales and Authenticity (2-24-21)

Happy Wednesday,

Last week was about representation. This week is about Spider-Man: Miles Morales and appreciating authenticity.

One of my favorite parts about Spider-Man: Miles Morales is that it feels different from the first Spider-Man game, where you play as Peter Parker, a white middle class college student from Queens. The developers could have made the second game feel exactly the same, but they didn’t do this. Instead, they gave each game its own personality with its unique characters, setting, story, music, etc. The developers never tried to force fit Miles into being Peter, because that would not have been true to who Miles is. As a result, you get two games that are true to themselves. This only works, because there is a large enough audience willing to embrace all the different ways someone could be Spider-Man.

How does this connect with anything? In the video game analogy, the audience had to be willing to embrace a different kind of Spider-Man. They needed to be able to look at Peter Parker and Miles Morales and say, “Both of these individuals create compelling stories because of who they are as individuals.” Even if the developers wanted Miles and Peter to be authentic to themselves, it wouldn’t work unless the audience embraced who those characters are.

Often we put the responsibility of being authentic on the individual. We tell people, “You just need to bring your authentic self to work.” We say this like it should be easy to do, and it isn’t. Bringing your authentic self only works if the audience is able to say, “Bob and Joe are different people with unique backgrounds who each bring their own perspective to the role, AND they both are able to deliver BECAUSE of what makes them unique.” If we are being honest with ourselves, often we aren’t to the point of fully embracing the authenticity of others. We still get hung up on the way we think things SHOULD be done. Rather than put the responsibility of being authentic on the individual, this responsibility falls on our leaders and co-workers. Leaders set the tone and co-workers help set and/or embrace the tone that is set. If these individuals (the audience) isn’t willing to embrace the authenticity of others, the individual can never be their authentic self.

The challenge: How are you creating the space that encourages people to be who they are?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Goat Simulator and Embracing Who/What you are (2-5-20)

This will be the last in the video game series. It’s about a game called Goat Simulator and embracing what you are. Games might be enjoyable because of their stunning graphics, engaging story, or challenging nature. Goat Simulator isn’t any of those things. Instead, it is a ridiculous and random experience unlike anything else I’ve played. In the game, you play as a goat and run through the city breaking things, jumping, doing flips, riding bicycles, transforming into a floating angel and licking stuff to earn points. The game knows exactly what it is and leans into its unique weirdness. The game is ridiculous, and my girls LOVE it!

What does that have to do with anything? Goat Simulator is enjoyable, because it fully embraces what it is. At work it’s easy to get caught up in the idea of who and what you should be. It’s easy to look around and see successful people who are X, Y, and Z, and believe you have to be those things to be successful. This happens to me. Does it happen to you? As a result, it’s easy to lose yourself and try to be something/someone else. I wish we could all embrace who and what we are, as much as Goat Simulator does 😉

Vulnerable Embry story. Recently, I updated my Linkedin profile with a tagline describing myself as a “spark igniting storyteller.” Someone I have a lot of love for sent me a text message and told me that they were glad I was finally embracing this part of myself. They once described me like this to my face, and I responded so negatively it caught them by surprise, because that is obviously who/what I am.

I explained to her that for the longest time I HATED how people talked about me as a storyteller or a poet at work, because that didn’t match what I thought success was supposed to look like. If success looked like X, Y, Z, then I was a weird Q just messing up the alphabet. (#self-conciousAndrew #self-doubtAndrew) Over time I’ve become better at embracing who/what I am, and how that can enable me to be successful. Much like the goat game, there are a lot of things that I’ll never be, but what I am can be special and my uniqueness works in a lot of interesting ways. The same is true for you.

The challenge: Are you embracing who and what you are?

Bonus vulnerability- Before you think to yourself, “Andrew totally has this figured out,” I don’t. Just a few months ago I had been talking to folks and they were giving me compliments about being a creative storyteller, and my brain went to a place of self-doubt and insecurity. I just kept thinking to myself that just once I wanted someone to start the conversation with “Andrew’s is pretty smart and clever marketer” as opposed to making it sound like I’m some weird poet fueled by magic. Eventually, I realized I was being ridiculous, stepped out of my head, and went back to appreciating who I am.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Love, Patience, Authentic Selves, and the Dark Side of the Moon (12-4-19)

This will be the end of our series focused on authentic selves. We started focused on the need to bring our authentic selves to work. From there we talked about creating a place that is safe enough for people to bring their authentic selves, and last week was about leveraging the different sides of people. This week is about the dark side of the moon, extending grace, having patience, and understanding that it’s okay that there are the sides of people you may not initially see.

Recently, Alice (2^nd grade) had an assignment where she went recorded the phases of the moon. This got her excited, because she could see the moon change as it moved from a waxing crescent to a half moon to waning gibbous and eventually a new moon. The other interesting wrinkle in all of this was explaining to her that she only saw one side of the moon. Because of the way the moon revolves around the earth, there is a side of the moon that we never see. This side is often called the far side of the moon or the dark side of the moon (if you are a Pink Floyd fan). The reason you can’t see the other side of the moon is because of something called tidal locking where tidal forces from earth have slowed down the moon’s rotation to the point where the same side is always facing the earth (Wikipedia.org). Even though we may not have seen the other side of the moon, it is always there.

So what does this have to do with anything? This series has been about bringing your authentic selves to work. This isn’t easy. This isn’t natural for many people. In fact it’s harder for some people to bring their authentic selves than others for a wide variety of reasons. At first when people seem distant, it’s easy to say, “They need to try harder. They need to be more vulnerable.” However, maybe they are like the moon. We only see part of the moon because of tidal locking, something out of the moon’s control. In the same way, maybe the reason we only partially see some people at work is because of forces beyond their control. Maybe they were raised in a tough situation, where showing different sides of themselves was a sign of weakness. Maybe they are wired a different way, so they aren’t as comfortable bringing their authentic selves to work. Maybe they are stretched too thin in an impossible situation, where they can’t bring these different sides of themselves to fruition. Maybe they haven’t fully come to love who they are. Maybe they don’t feel safe enough to be who they are yet.

Instead of judging them or jumping to conclusions, we need to extend a little grace and have a little patience. With all people, my job is to love them and to be patient. My job is to love them, to build the environment where they can bring their authentic selves to work, and to wait because love works on their terms, not mine. And if I never see that other side of them, that’s okay, just as long as they know I care for them.

The challenge: How can you extend grace, patience, and love to other people as they look to bring their authentic selves to wherever they are?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Haggis Milkshakes and Leveraging our Authentic Selves (11-26-19)

Switching it up and coming at you on a Tuesday due to Thanksgiving. Last week was about creating a space where people can bring their authentic selves. This week is about leveraging different versions of others and haggis milkshakes.

Alice, my oldest daughter, likes watching cooking shows. The other day we were watching a cooking show on Netflix and the challenge was to create an awesome milkshake. Here’s the kicker. One of the main ingredients you had to use was haggis. In case you aren’t familiar Haggis is a savory pudding containing sheep’s pluck, minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and cooked while traditionally encased in the animal’s stomach though now often in an artificial casing instead (Wikipedia). That blew my mind. I’ve never had haggis, but I couldn’t see how it would fit into a milkshake. How was anyone ever going to do this and make it taste good?

Some contestants on the show didn’t really know/understand haggis, so while they tried to make a milkshake they failed. It either tasted horrible, or the milkshake focused so much on covering the taste of the haggis that it wasn’t good. There was one person who succeeded. As you watched her prepare, she talked about understanding haggis and its flavor profile. From there, she added in ingredients that would accent and complement the flavor in a way that would make it delicious. As the judges tried her milkshake they were all pleasantly surprised.

So what does a haggis milkshake have to do with leveraging different versions of ourselves? Creating an environment where people can bring their authentic selves to work is crucial, but it is only the first step. The next step is finding ways to leverage the different sides of people. Similar to a milkshake, our sense of self is made of various ingredients. Some of these ingredients are sweeter and initially easier to digest than others. Similar to the challenge, the trick is finding a way to leverage various flavors to create something delicious. In the milkshake example, the first step was understanding the ingredients. Once she understood the ingredients and what they could offer, she then was able to take action and find ways to leverage those strengths. We can do the exact same thing with people.

How often have you seen (or been) a person who wasn’t as effective, because they weren’t leveraged the right way? Think about the different people you have worked with and worked for. How many of them took the time to understand you and your authentic selves? How many of them gave you a chance to be you and get your shine on vs. expecting you to conform? Now reflect on yourself. How often are you taking the time to truly understand your teammates and who they are? How are you helping them leverage these different sides of them?

The challenge: How are you understanding and leveraging someone’s authentic selves?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Restaurants and Creating Space to Bring your Authentic Selves (11-20-19)

Last week was about bringing different versions of yourself to work. This week is an extension of that and is more focused on creating the right atmosphere, so people can bring different versions of themselves to work, including the fragile ego side of ourselves as Pat put it. This email is a little longer, because I want to keep it real and share a Embry story with you.

Let’s pretend I asked you to assess three different restaurants. You start by going to restaurant A, but you can’t ever find it. Next, you go to restaurant B. The parking lot is filled with potholes and trash. Once you’re at the entrance, you see people, but the lights are off. You enter and eat, but never quite feel comfortable. Finally, you go to restaurant C. Everything is clean, and as you enter you feel warmth and comfort. There is a place waiting for you and the food is great. The server is attentive to you and what you need. Which restaurant is the best?

What does this have to do with anything? In the above situation, each restaurant creates its own vibe. Each vibe makes you feel different, and some make you feel more welcome than others. I’d argue as leaders, we are all like restaurants creating an environment that does or does not welcome people. Restaurant A is those leaders, where you’re not ever sure if they are there for you, because when you need them, you can’t find them physically or metaphorically. Restaurant B is those leaders, who might be open to you, but you’re not quite sure. They feel more hidden, and make you feel like you’re a burden to them. Restaurant C is those leaders, who create a welcoming, warm, and safe space for you to show up. It’s a space where you can bring different versions of yourself, and feel comfortable doing so. Have you worked with these different kinds of leaders? How did each one make you feel?

Embry story – Life had straight up kicked my butt, and Self-Doubt Andrew had taken over for weeks. I couldn’t shake him. I was trapped. I needed a Restaurant C, a safe place to talk about this. I send an email written by Self-Doubt Andrew to my boss that starts like this, “The short version- I feel like I’m not fulfilling my role and providing enough value to the team, and as a result I feel like I’m letting down you and the team. I don’t feel like I’m a total disaster, but I don’t feel great about what I’ve done so far either. My current mind state is feeling like I’m crawling out of a pit after being stuck in a hole for a few weeks.” Believe it or not, from there the email downward spirals even further. (I realize that sharing all of this is probably me being a little too honest, but I never claimed to be anything more than human.)

The mere fact that I sent my boss that email, shows she’s built a Restaurant C with me, a safe place to be me, any kind of me. We sit down and talk. She tells me she could tell I was in a funk, so I felt seen. She listens and asks questions to understand, postponing judgment while I’m a complete hot mess. She challenges the self-defeating narrative I keep repeating. She helps reframe things and tries to get me to crawl outside of my head. She does all this, but she doesn’t lie and tell me everything is okay either. She acknowledges I’m falling short in some places, and she helps me find direction. Throughout the conversation I know she cares, and she keeps offering to help. It’s this interaction, and all the interactions over time where she has shown she cares that has made her a Restaurant C for me, a safe place, a safe person. As we talk, Self-Doubt Andrew realizes he no longer has a place, so he shrinks back to his dark cage over the next few days and life loving Andrew shows up again. It’s not like my problems went away. It’s that I found a safe place to be with my problems with someone else, and that made the difference.

The challenge: Reflect on the conversations you have with teammates and the people you lead. How many of them are the type of vulnerable conversations like that one I described. If you’re never having those conversations, maybe everything just happens to be going well, or maybe you’re closer to being a Restaurant A or B than you realize. Maybe, you aren’t creating a safe space. Which restaurant will you be? What vibes will you create?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Bringing your Authentic Selves to Work (11-13-19)

This week we will start a series about bringing your authentic self to work. We’ll start by looking back at Halloween and bringing different versions of yourself to work.

The cool part about dressing up for Halloween is that you have the chance to share different sides of yourself. Every Halloween my family dresses up in a theme. This year we were all Harry Potter characters. I was Voldemort (with the worst mask ever), which gave me a chance to bring out my bald evil side aka just another day for me. In previous years I’ve been Green Lantern, Super Mario, and the Mad Hatter. Each instance gave me a chance to be someone slightly different. All of the outfits were still me, just different versions of me.

What does this have to do with anything? For the longest time people talked about bringing your “full self” to work. Over the past year or so, the conversation has changed slightly and people have talked about being able to safely and comfortably bring the different versions of yourself to work. This is an interesting concept, because we are all comprised of so many different versions/angles that come together to make us who we are. I believe this is important, because the different versions of ourselves have something unique to offer. You want Creative Andrew to show up to help you analyze things and connect dots in different ways. You want Storyteller Andrew to show up to help with communication. You want Performer Andrew to raise the energy in the room. You want Driver Andrew to show up when you need to get crap moving. You want Friend Andrew when you need someone to vent to.

All of the Andrews mentioned so far are positive Andrews. The thing is you want the not so positive Andrews to show up too. For example, you want Self-Doubt Andrew to show up and feel like he can talk to people at work. Self-Doubt Andrew is just as skilled with words as Storytelling Andrew, and has a knack for weaving a powerful narrative that sends Andrew into a downward spiral of self-doubt and feeling like garbage. Do you have a Self-Doubt version of yourself that does those things? If Self-Doubt Andrew can come to work, he can usually be dealt with by other people in a quick and effective manner. All it takes is a little empathy, a little “Andrew you’re overthinking this and stop worrying about this,” and a little let’s figure out how to solve the problem. If that stuff occurs, Self-Doubt Andrew is managed and doesn’t do any more damage. If Self-Doubt Andrew can’t show up at work, he’s still there, but he is never seen by other people. Instead of talking to other people and finding resolution, Self-Doubt Andrew will keep harassing all of the other Andrews, and sooner or later Andrew starts performing worse than he should and ends up losing his joy. While it’s important to be able to bring the different positive versions of yourself to work, I’d say it’s just as important to be able to bring the more fragile and vulnerable versions of yourself to work, so they can be talked to appropriately.

Something to consider: What versions of yourself do you bring to work?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 3 Relationships and Moments Make our Lives (5-22-19)

Last week was about looking at things differently. This week is about dropping Violet off at school and the power of relationships and moments.

Let me set the scene. It had been a tough couple of weeks at work. My mind was lost in stress and exhaustion. I was thinking about all of the calls and meetings I needed to be on, all the places I needed to be, all the cats I needed to herd, all the things I needed to accomplish, and all the challenges ahead.

That morning I took Violet to school. I walked her to her room, my brain living in stress, continually thinking about how far behind and out of it I felt. I gave Violet a big hug, dropped her off, and then started walking down the hall to the parking lot. All of a sudden I hear sprinting feet and Violet yelling, “Daddy! Daddy!” I stopped and turned around to see her sprinting toward me. I asked her what was going on. She gets to me and says, “I forgot to give you a big kiss!” I scoop her up and she gives me a few big kisses, squeezes me as tight as she can, says, “We’re good now. Love you,” and then she jumps down and runs to her class. I watch her run, all of the stress and everything melts away, and I find myself feeling lighter. There I was lost in stress, and in one quick second all that was gone as her joy and love washed over me in that moment. (Maybe I teared up a bit when this happened, because I know I won’t get moments like that forever.)

You might be wondering where this is going. It’s easy to get lost in the stress of work, where everything feels important and daunting. It’s easy to think that your life is work and the projects that you do, but it’s not. It’s easy to get lost in what feels like a never ending cycle of stress and anxiety. Our lives are so much more than what we get lost in during stressful days. Our lives are so much more than the day to day grind and minutiae.

My life is lived in the relationships I have with my family and friends and the moments we have together. My life is a 5 year old sprinting to give me a kiss in the hallway, laughing with my wife, a water balloon fight that turns into a block party, snuggles at bedtime, reading a book in a hammock, having good beer with friends, spontaneous dance parties, joking with colleagues, celebrating firsts and big accomplishments, seeing growth, etc. What kind of relationships and moments make up your life?

The challenge: Don’t lose sight that your life is more than work. Your life is relationships and moments.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Emotions and Losing vs. Finding Things (2-28-18)

This week I’d like to kick off a series that challenges us to think differently about emotions. This week we will start by thinking about emotions as they relate to losing and finding things. This week’s message started more like a journal entry that I decided to share. I don’t have a clever metaphor to kick us off this week. All I have is a true story and some thoughts.

Embry story. A couple of weeks ago I had a one on one meeting with someone at work. I was talking about stuff, became pretty emotional, got choked up, and cried a few tears. As soon as I did this, I said something like, “Sorry for losing my crap. I need to pull my crap together.”

You might be wondering where this is going. Often in life, losing things is a bad thing. If I lose my wallet/phone/keys, etc. it’s a bad thing. If I lose those things it reflects poorly on me. If I lose things I’m careless. If I lose things, I’ve made a mistake. In the above story, I was emotional, cried, and the first thing I did was apologize for losing something. I “lost” my crap. I “lost” my composure. I “lost” face. I apologized for “losing” those things. I apologized for letting a little bit of my humanity slip through. Do you ever feel this way? Do you ever feel you need to apologize when you show emotion, as if showing emotion is some kind of mistake, some kind of weakness?

More context to the Embry story. Four days before the meeting, my cousin had died of a drug overdose, leaving behind a fiancée and a two month old baby. I hadn’t cried since I found out he had died. I was sad for him and even sadder about the family he had left behind. I spent the days asking, “What will be the ripple effect for my family? Who will fall apart? Will they fall apart in a safe way? Who will turn to bad coping mechanisms? Who do I need to watch out for?” I was also stressed about work, life, who knows what else, and I was carrying all of this around with me everywhere I went. I was a mix of emotions heading into that one on one meeting and as I mentioned I got emotional and cried a couple of tears.

My epiphany. Like I said, in that moment, I felt I had lost something. I had lost my “crap.” I felt I had lost my composure. What if I was wrong? What if I didn’t lose anything? What if I found something? What if I found tears I needed to cry that had eluded me for days? What if I found a colleague that created a safe enough space where I could show that emotion at work? What if I found a little bit of peace? What if in that brief moment I found the part of myself that is most human? Tell me those things aren’t special. Tell me those things aren’t sacred. Tell me I “lost” something that day. Tell me those things aren’t some of the best things you can find.

The challenge: What are you losing? What are you finding? (Just know that if you ever feel like you are “losing” something, I’ll be right there beside you finding anything you want to find and more of myself in the process.)

By the way, in case you’re wondering, I’m good and the family is doing okay. Thanks to everyone for the good vibes and things. Hug the people you love a little tighter next time you see them.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

House Projects, Tools, and Knowing Who you are (9-13-17)

Last week we talked about dusting and our development. This week I’d like us to reflect on ourselves, who we are, the value we bring, and tools for doing projects around the house.

Every year my wife and I choose a few projects to do around the house. Some projects are bigger and require us to get help. Some projects are small. No matter what the project is one of the first things we do is figure out what tools we will need. We then grab the tools and use them, understanding that one tool can’t do everything. A hammer is a great hammer, but a horrible screwdriver. Essentially, every tool has its own unique purpose and function. In order to be successful, you need to have a collection of tools, because they all have their place and time when they are needed.

You’re probably wondering what this has to do with anything. I don’t know about you, but from time to time I still struggle with who I am and where I fit and the value this has to a team or group. To continue with the analogy, sometimes I look around to see a world full of wrenches, screwdrivers, hammers, pliers, etc. and say, “Do I need to be a wrench? Should I be a hammer? Maybe I should be a pair of pliers…” Instead, what I should be doing is reflecting on what kind of tool I am and what I bring to the table.

This was worse when I was younger and earlier in my career. As I’ve grown up I’ve learned more about who I am, but still I have my doubts at times. Over time, I’ve come to realize that in the grand scheme of things, I’m a tool that is part of a larger toolset that can be used to build things and solve problems. For example, if I’m a drill, then I have certain things that I do well and certain things I don’t do as well. My goal is to be the best drill I can be. As I focus on trying to be the best drill I can be, I have to not get distracted by trying to become a wrench. It doesn’t make sense for a drill to be a wrench when they have different strengths and functions. At the same time, I need to be honest with myself and understand that not all problems can be solved by a drill. Instead, sometimes the best person for a job is a tape measure, wrench, hammer, screwdriver, etc. This small change in thinking has helped me appreciate others more and appreciate myself more.

Another connection in the analogy is that as a leader, your job is to figure out how to solve problems, which means that the first thing you need to do is understand what tools you need and how to use those tools to solve the problems before you. The main difference from doing household projects is that it’s not so easy to determine what you need. It’s not like you have instructions telling you which tools you will need to complete the project. Instead, you need to be willing to look at the problem from a variety of ways and then figure out how to leverage people and their gifts to figure things out. You need to know when you need a screwdriver and when you already have one and could use a tape measure.

The challenge: Do you know who you are? Do you know your strengths and weaknesses? Do you leverage your strengths?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Persona Poems (6-7-17)

The last entry in this series of lessons I’ve learned from performing poetry was about emotionsmithing and ensuring that we think about what emotions we want to drive with our communications before getting very specific about word choices. This week I want us to think about stepping into the shoes of another person and persona poems.

Most of the time when I write poetry I write it from my perspective. It could be about a wide range of topics, but it’s usually written from the perspective of how I view the world. Every now and then, I’ll write something called a persona poem. A persona poem is written from the point of view of another person or thing. Sometimes these can be comical and light hearted. I’ve heard poems written from the point of view of Simpson characters and even from Dracula telling Stephanie Meyer how much the Twilight books sucked. Sometimes these can be heavy and emotional for a variety of reasons like these two poems “Her Name” a poem told from the point of view of someone with Alzheimer’s by Khary “6 is 9” Jackson or this one by Sierra DeMulder. Fair warning, Sierra’s poem is like an episode of Criminal Minds.

In these situations poets go beyond just looking at the world in unique ways, and instead try to step into the shoes of another. They think about what experiences that person is going through and how those experiences would impact them. They step away from their own biases and try to see something new through fresh eyes. They go beyond the surface and find true depth. This is hard to do.

So you’re probably wondering what this has to do with anything. I feel there are three connections.

The first connection is about us taking the time to understand each other as we form and build relationships with each other. The older I get, the more I realize my sliver of the world is so very small, and that the people I walk by everyday see and experience things in ways that I could never dream of. How often am I trying to see the world as they do?

The second connection is our ability to take on the persona of the customers we serve. I feel that we spend our days talking about customers, but how often do we really stop and try to step into their shoes? How often do we shake off all of our bias and view the world from their eyes? I know I don’t do it often enough.

The final connection revolves around communicating with each other regarding work stuff. As we share information, how often do we stop and say, “I wonder how they are piecing this together in their worldview?” My best communication stories come from when I’ve put in the time thinking through things from other people’s perspective. It’s about taking the time to say, “If I was Bob, how would I view this information? If I was Susie, what questions would I ask?” Whenever I’ve taken the time to do that I’ve been exponentially more effective.

The challenge: Are you dropping your biases and viewing the world from other people’s eyes on a routine basis?

Bonus: “Haiku from an Aging Lighthouse”

My old light flickers.

My eye shuts for the last time.

Night falls and boats crash.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry