Even Evil Fish have Birthdays (1-15-20)

Last week was about Tetris and building the right foundation.  This week is about Super Mario and seeing the humanity in evil fish.

A few years ago I was playing Super Mario Brothers with my wife.  In case you’re not familiar with the game, it’s your job to rescue the Princess from King Koopa.  You play through a variety of levels to accomplish this task, including the dreaded water levels.  We were at a water level, and to say it caused my wife to be anxious would be an understatement.  She is terrified of any water level in video games.  There is something about how the fish can move faster than your character that creeps her out.  Anyway, we were in a level where this giant fish would jump out of the water and swallow you whole.

This fish terrified her.  It got her every time and at one point, my wife got extremely frustrated and talked about how much she hated the fish.  I said something along the lines of, “Come on, don’t hate the fish.  Even evil fish have birthdays,” trying to make a joke about how even an evil fish shares something in common with her.  She laughed, and now that quote hangs on one of the walls in our house.

So what does this have to do with anything?  Although I said it jokingly, the point behind the comment was still true.  Just because this fish thwarted her at every turn, didn’t mean she needed to hate it.  This fish she completely opposed and her had at least something in common.  Throughout my life I’ve found that when you disagree with someone, it’s easy to paint them in a horrible light.  It’s easy to forget they are also human, and once you forget their humanity, it’s easy to turn them into a monster.  Once they are a monster, it’s easier to hate them.  It’s easier to justify treating them poorly.  It’s easier to no longer feel like they deserve any amount of love, respect, or empathy.  I imagine as you read this, a few dozen examples jump to your mind.

The challenge in all of this is remembering that the people you disagree with, even the people who are totally different from you are still human, and until we connect as humans it’s often difficult to move forward.  The challenge: Will you strive to see the humanity in others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Tetris and Building the Right Foundation (1-8-20)

I hope that you enjoyed your holidays and your time off.  During my break I had the chance to play some video games, so video games will be the inspiration behind our series to start the year.  We will start with Tetris and the importance of building correctly from the beginning.

I have always loved Tetris and used to play it with my mom when I was a kid.  In case you’ve never played, Tetris is a game where different sized blocks descend from the top.  Your job is to stack those blocks in neat rows.  If you stack them neatly and complete a full horizontal line, that row of blocks disappears and you get points.  The longer you play, the faster the blocks descend, and sooner or later everything is moving so fast you are unable to stack things correctly.  Once the blocks have been stacked incorrectly and reach the top of the screen, you lose.  If you look at the picture on the right, you can see that things aren’t going so well for our player.

What if I told you Tetris and life are basically the same thing?  Tetris and life are about building correctly AND intentionally.  Both are about ensuring you build the right foundation, in the right way, so you can adjust as blocks (or life’s challenges) come at you faster and faster and faster.  In Tetris and life the difference between surviving the onslaught of challenges and losing all comes down to how well you built when you started.  This could refer to building relationships, marketing strategies, brands, finances, and anything else in life.

Looking back at 2019, I’m proud of what I accomplished at work.  With that said, I know there’s room for improvement.  As I look back I realize that if I would have spent the time to build some of the right foundations, some of the challenges I faced would have been easier to overcome.  If I would have done a better job of pausing to look ahead, I could have seen those obstacles before they came crashing down on me.  Seeing these obstacles would have given me time to grab them, pivot them, and place them like Tetris blocks instead of them getting slammed into the middle of my world messing stuff up.  Did any of you feel this way about last year? 

The challenge: Are you building the right foundation to handle life as it throws pieces at you faster and faster?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

An Open Letter to 2019 (12-11-19)

The year is coming to a close and I often find myself in a reflective mood.  I spend the hours hanging out on my couch, basking in the glow of my Christmas tree, thinking about everything that’s happened this past year.  With this in mind, this entry will be a little different.  It’s an open letter to 2019.

Dear 2019,

I don’t exactly know where to start with you.  If I described you in a word I could use humbling, complicated, roller-coaster, intriguing, or challenging.  The more I think about it the more I realize the word that best sums you up “needed”.  You were all the lessons I needed, but didn’t know I wanted.

  • You gave my wife a new job, and proved to me that some people are put on this earth for specific reasons.  It’s beautiful to see the stars align in this way and to see her this way.
  • You gave me another year with two daughters filled with belly hurting laughs, gentle smiles, the softest of strong hugs, movie watching snuggles, skinned knees, new journeys as a parent, and reminded me that my world is my family.
  • You constantly showed me that sickness is real, and that having my health and the health of my family is precious.
  • You reminded me that despite my efforts and my previous successes in life, I am still in fact human.  I am weak, flawed, breakable, mistake prone, and there is deep power in embracing this.
  • You knocked me down and at times made life an ugly run in a 95 degree hail storm.  You also reminded me that I’ll find a way to get back up and if I believe hard enough my legs will keep going.
  • And I know that a 95 degree hail storm doesn’t make sense, but 2019 you didn’t always make sense either, which taught me sometimes patience is the only thing that will help you see what you’ve been given.
  • You blessed with me a great team and tough challenges, just so we could see the amazing hearts we have inside of each other.
  • You were humbling, complicated, a roller-coaster, challenging, joyous, chaotic, growth-inducing, filled with love and every other emotion, and you gave me all the things I needed and never asked for.  Thank you.

Kind of corny, but 100% true.  The challenge:  If you haven’t taken the time, take a few moments to reflect on 2019 and the lessons it taught you that you never asked for.  If you look deep enough, you might find a little magic.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Love, Patience, Authentic Selves, and the Dark Side of the Moon (12-4-19)

This will be the end of our series focused on authentic selves.  We started focused on the need to bring our authentic selves to work.  From there we talked about creating a place that is safe enough for people to bring their authentic selves, and last week was about leveraging the different sides of people.  This week is about the dark side of the moon, extending grace, having patience, and understanding that it’s okay that there are the sides of people you may not initially see.

Recently, Alice (2nd grade) had an assignment where she went recorded the phases of the moon.  This got her excited, because she could see the moon change as it moved from a waxing crescent to a half moon to waning gibbous and eventually a new moon.  The other interesting wrinkle in all of this was explaining to her that she only saw one side of the moon.  Because of the way the moon revolves around the earth, there is a side of the moon that we never see.  This side is often called the far side of the moon or the dark side of the moon (if you are a Pink Floyd fan).  The reason you can’t see the other side of the moon is because of something called tidal locking where tidal forces from earth have slowed down the moon’s rotation to the point where the same side is always facing the earth (Wikipedia.org).  Even though we may not have seen the other side of the moon, it is always there.

So what does this have to do with anything?  This series has been about bringing your authentic selves to work.  This isn’t easy.  This isn’t natural for many people.  In fact it’s harder for some people to bring their authentic selves than others for a wide variety of reasons.  At first when people seem distant, it’s easy to say, “They need to try harder.  They need to be more vulnerable.”  However, maybe they are like the moon.  We only see part of the moon because of tidal locking, something out of the moon’s control.  In the same way, maybe the reason we only partially see some people at work is because of forces beyond their control.  Maybe they were raised in a tough situation, where showing different sides of themselves was a sign of weakness.  Maybe they are wired a different way, so they aren’t as comfortable bringing their authentic selves to work.  Maybe they are stretched too thin in an impossible situation, where they can’t bring these different sides of themselves to fruition.  Maybe they haven’t fully come to love who they are.  Maybe they don’t feel safe enough to be who they are yet.

Instead of judging them or jumping to conclusions, we need to extend a little grace and have a little patience.  With all people, my job is to love them and to be patient.  My job is to love them, to build the environment where they can bring their authentic selves to work, and to wait because love works on their terms, not mine.  And if I never see that other side of them, that’s okay, just as long as they know I care for them. 

The challenge: How can you extend grace, patience, and love to other people as they look to bring their authentic selves to wherever they are?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Haggis Milkshakes and Leveraging our Authentic Selves (11-26-19)

Switching it up and coming at you on a Tuesday due to Thanksgiving.  Last week was about creating a space where people can bring their authentic selves.  This week is about leveraging different versions of others and haggis milkshakes.

Alice, my oldest daughter, likes watching cooking shows.  The other day we were watching a cooking show on Netflix and the challenge was to create an awesome milkshake.  Here’s the kicker.  One of the main ingredients you had to use was haggis.  In case you aren’t familiar Haggis is a savory pudding containing sheep’s pluck, minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and cooked while traditionally encased in the animal’s stomach though now often in an artificial casing instead (Wikipedia).  That blew my mind.  I’ve never had haggis, but I couldn’t see how it would fit into a milkshake.  How was anyone ever going to do this and make it taste good?

Some contestants on the show didn’t really know/understand haggis, so while they tried to make a milkshake they failed.  It either tasted horrible, or the milkshake focused so much on covering the taste of the haggis that it wasn’t good.  There was one person who succeeded.  As you watched her prepare, she talked about understanding haggis and its flavor profile.  From there, she added in ingredients that would accent and complement the flavor in a way that would make it delicious.  As the judges tried her milkshake they were all pleasantly surprised.

So what does a haggis milkshake have to do with leveraging different versions of ourselves?  Creating an environment where people can bring their authentic selves to work is crucial, but it is only the first step.  The next step is finding ways to leverage the different sides of people.  Similar to a milkshake, our sense of self is made of various ingredients.  Some of these ingredients are sweeter and initially easier to digest than others.  Similar to the challenge, the trick is finding a way to leverage various flavors to create something delicious.  In the milkshake example, the first step was understanding the ingredients.  Once she understood the ingredients and what they could offer, she then was able to take action and find ways to leverage those strengths.  We can do the exact same thing with people. 

How often have you seen (or been) a person who wasn’t as effective, because they weren’t leveraged the right way?  Think about the different people you have worked with and worked for.  How many of them took the time to understand you and your authentic selves?  How many of them gave you a chance to be you and get your shine on vs. expecting you to conform?  Now reflect on yourself.  How often are you taking the time to truly understand your teammates and who they are?  How are you helping them leverage these different sides of them?

The challenge: How are you understanding and leveraging someone’s authentic selves?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Restaurants and Creating Space to Bring your Authentic Selves (11-20-19)

Last week was about bringing different versions of yourself to work.  This week is an extension of that and is more focused on creating the right atmosphere, so people can bring different versions of themselves to work, including the fragile ego side of ourselves as Pat put it.  This email is a little longer, because I want to keep it real and share a Embry story with you.

Let’s pretend I asked you to assess three different restaurants.  You start by going to restaurant A, but you can’t ever find it.  Next, you go to restaurant B.  The parking lot is filled with potholes and trash.  Once you’re at the entrance, you see people, but the lights are off.  You enter and eat, but never quite feel comfortable.  Finally, you go to restaurant C.  Everything is clean, and as you enter you feel warmth and comfort.  There is a place waiting for you and the food is great.  The server is attentive to you and what you need.  Which restaurant is the best? 

What does this have to do with anything?  In the above situation, each restaurant creates its own vibe.  Each vibe makes you feel different, and some make you feel more welcome than others.  I’d argue as leaders, we are all like restaurants creating an environment that does or does not welcome people.  Restaurant A is those leaders, where you’re not ever sure if they are there for you, because when you need them, you can’t find them physically or metaphorically.  Restaurant B is those leaders, who might be open to you, but you’re not quite sure.  They feel more hidden, and make you feel like you’re a burden to them.  Restaurant C is those leaders, who create a welcoming, warm, and safe space for you to show up.  It’s a space where you can bring different versions of yourself, and feel comfortable doing so.  Have you worked with these different kinds of leaders?  How did each one make you feel?

Embry story – Life had straight up kicked my butt, and Self-Doubt Andrew had taken over for weeks.  I couldn’t shake him.  I was trapped.  I needed a Restaurant C, a safe place to talk about this.  I send an email written by Self-Doubt Andrew to my boss that starts like this, “The short version- I feel like I’m not fulfilling my role and providing enough value to the team, and as a result I feel like I’m letting down you and the team.  I don’t feel like I’m a total disaster, but I don’t feel great about what I’ve done so far either.  My current mind state is feeling like I’m crawling out of a pit after being stuck in a hole for a few weeks.”  Believe it or not, from there the email downward spirals even further.  (I realize that sharing all of this is probably me being a little too honest, but I never claimed to be anything more than human.) 

The mere fact that I sent my boss that email, shows she’s built a Restaurant C with me, a safe place to be me, any kind of me.  We sit down and talk.  She tells me she could tell I was in a funk, so I felt seen.  She listens and asks questions to understand, postponing judgment while I’m a complete hot mess.  She challenges the self-defeating narrative I keep repeating.  She helps reframe things and tries to get me to crawl outside of my head.  She does all this, but she doesn’t lie and tell me everything is okay either.  She acknowledges I’m falling short in some places, and she helps me find direction.  Throughout the conversation I know she cares, and she keeps offering to help.  It’s this interaction, and all the interactions over time where she has shown she cares that has made her a Restaurant C for me, a safe place, a safe person.  As we talk, Self-Doubt Andrew realizes he no longer has a place, so he shrinks back to his dark cage over the next few days and life loving Andrew shows up again.  It’s not like my problems went away.  It’s that I found a safe place to be with my problems with someone else, and that made the difference.

The challenge: Reflect on the conversations you have with teammates and the people you lead.  How many of them are the type of vulnerable conversations like that one I described.  If you’re never having those conversations, maybe everything just happens to be going well, or maybe you’re closer to being a Restaurant A or B than you realize.  Maybe, you aren’t creating a safe space.  Which restaurant will you be?  What vibes will you create?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Bringing your Authentic Selves to Work (11-13-19)

This week we will start a series about bringing your authentic self to work.  We’ll start by looking back at Halloween and bringing different versions of yourself to work. 

The cool part about dressing up for Halloween is that you have the chance to share different sides of yourself.  Every Halloween my family dresses up in a theme.  This year we were all Harry Potter characters.  I was Voldemort (with the worst mask ever), which gave me a chance to bring out my bald evil side aka just another day for me.  In previous years I’ve been Green Lantern, Super Mario, and the Mad Hatter.  Each instance gave me a chance to be someone slightly different.  All of the outfits were still me, just different versions of me.

What does this have to do with anything?  For the longest time people talked about bringing your “full self” to work.  Over the past year or so, the conversation has changed slightly and people have talked about being able to safely and comfortably bring the different versions of yourself to work.  This is an interesting concept, because we are all comprised of so many different versions/angles that come together to make us who we are.  I believe this is important, because the different versions of ourselves have something unique to offer.  You want Creative Andrew to show up to help you analyze things and connect dots in different ways.  You want Storyteller Andrew to show up to help with communication.  You want Performer Andrew to raise the energy in the room.  You want Driver Andrew to show up when you need to get crap moving.  You want Friend Andrew when you need someone to vent to.

All of the Andrews mentioned so far are positive Andrews.  The thing is you want the not so positive Andrews to show up too.  For example, you want Self-Doubt Andrew to show up and feel like he can talk to people at work.  Self-Doubt Andrew is just as skilled with words as Storytelling Andrew, and has a knack for weaving a powerful narrative that sends Andrew into a downward spiral of self-doubt and feeling like garbage.  Do you have a Self-Doubt version of yourself that does those things?  If Self-Doubt Andrew can come to work, he can usually be dealt with by other people in a quick and effective manner.  All it takes is a little empathy, a little “Andrew you’re overthinking this and stop worrying about this,” and a little let’s figure out how to solve the problem.  If that stuff occurs, Self-Doubt Andrew is managed and doesn’t do any more damage.  If Self-Doubt Andrew can’t show up at work, he’s still there, but he is never seen by other people.  Instead of talking to other people and finding resolution, Self-Doubt Andrew will keep harassing all of the other Andrews, and sooner or later Andrew starts performing worse than he should and ends up losing his joy.  While it’s important to be able to bring the different positive versions of yourself to work, I’d say it’s just as important to be able to bring the more fragile and vulnerable versions of yourself to work, so they can be talked to appropriately. 

Something to consider:  What versions of yourself do you bring to work?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Pizza, Good Ingredients, Process, and Culture (11-6-19)

This is the final entry in the series about pizza.  I believe the insights have been pretty deep dish, and I hope you’ve found the food for thought particularly tasty 😉 (#dadjokesfordays).  Last week was about diversity, inclusion, and cheese on pizza.  This week is about good ingredients, process, and building a positive culture.

Imagine there are three pizza places.  Pizza place A has the best and freshest ingredients.  Pizza place B has good ingredients.  Pizza place C has okay ingredients.  Which place serves the best pizza?  The first temptation would be to say Pizza place A, because it has the best ingredients.  However, it’s hard to know if they have the best pizza.  What if their method for cooking pizzas result in pizzas that are undercooked or burnt?  What if their delivery process ends up ruining pizzas (See Domino’s picture)?  Even if they have the best ingredients, if they don’t have the right methods and processes in place the pizza may not be great. 

What do pizza ingredients and processes have to do with culture?  Having great ingredients is the FIRST step in being able to create great pizza.  You have to also have the right cooking techniques, methods, and processes.  It’s the combination of the best ingredients and the right processes that can create pizza magic.  Often when we talk about building positive inclusive cultures we talk about how important it is to have the right people.  I’ve heard people say, “You ONLY need to have the right people together.”  Or “If people could only be good people that would solve inclusion problems.”  I agree that having the right people who care about inclusion and building powerful cultures is an important step, BUT it’s NOT the only step.  Great people on their own can only go so far, just like the best pizza ingredients can only go so far.  On top of having the right people, you also have to have the discipline and the right processes.  What do I mean by that?  How often do we take time to be intentional about what we are building our culture to be?  How often do we pause to reflect on the pulse of the team and how to improve?  How do we think through roles and responsibilities and how that impacts the culture we are creating?  How often do we look at the processes we interact with to determine which ones help accelerate a positive culture vs. get in the way of building a good culture?

Confession.  On my best days, I’d like to think I’m a pretty good person with enough love in my heart to change and shape the culture around me with ONLY my heart and good intentions.  However, even when I’m at my best I make mistakes.  Even at my best I get caught up in the swirl, and forget to keep a pulse on the people I care about.  Even at my best, I succumb to my unconscious bias from time to time.  Even at my best, I’m still human and that means I’ll fall short.  For me, combining the best of my heart and intentions, goes so much further if I also have the discipline and processes in place to make a difference.  What about you? 

The challenge: How can you combine the right ingredients (people) AND the right processes to build the best pizza (culture)?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Don’t Take Pizza Crust for Granted (10-23-19)

Last week was about pizza, nostalgia, and being objective.  This week is about pizza and not taking crust for granted.

When I go to order a pizza the first thing I think about is the toppings I’m going to get on it.  Is it going to be meat lovers?  Is it going to be bbq chicken?  Is it going to be a supreme?  So many options!  I rarely ever think about the crust.  Crust is just crust right?  It’s not worth thinking a second thought about, right?  I used to believe that, then two separate things happened.  One time I got a pizza and all the toppings were right, but the crust was burnt.  It ruined the entire pizza.  In a different situation, my family ate at this pizza place and the crust was wheat with a touch of honey.  It was incredible and completely enhanced the flavor of everything else on the pizza.  Between the two of these events I realized that I shouldn’t take crust for granted.

What does pizza crust have to do with anything?  First, there is a connection to the work we do.  I’m sure we all want to work on the toppings, the things that are supposed to matter the most and will be noticed and appreciated.  Sometimes we work on these things, but sometimes we work on the crust, the things that aren’t as flashy and impressive, the things that may be taken for granted.  When we work on “the crust”, it’s easy to think that what we are doing doesn’t matter, and that behind the scenes foundational like work won’t be seen or impactful.  This is when we need to remember that these things do matter, that crust matters.  It’s about the full pizza experience, and you can’t have good pizza if the crust is bad.

The other connection is similar, and is about how you view yourself and your contributions.  If we’re being real I get jealous of other people sometimes.  I look at them and say, “Whoa, they can do X, Y, and Z incredibly well!  That’s awesome and those skills are so important.  Maybe I’d be better if I could do X, Y, and Z just like them, because I only do A, B, C.”  Using our pizza analogy, I get jealous of people because I view them as being the awesome toppings and I’m JUST crust.  If I’m just providing crust, then I’m not providing much.  I’m not providing the right things.  I’m not providing value.  (#selfconciousdownwardspiral)  Have you ever been there?  Here are the things I struggle to remember.  First, you never quite know who looks at what you do and how much they value what you do.  Over the years I’m always surprised when people value things in me that I don’t think are worth anything.  Second, even if you are “just” crust, you have the chance to be great crust, the type of crust that makes everything else better.  It’s all a matter of perspective.

The challenge: Don’t take crust or yourself for granted.  Realize that you are worth more than you know. 

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Pizza, Nostalgia, and Objectivity (10-16-19)

Last week was about pizza and decision criteria.  When people told me about their favorite pizza, they often referenced nostalgia, so this week is about pizza, nostalgia, and objectivity.

My wife is from the Evansville, IN area.  In Evansville, there is a popular pizza place called Turoni’s (pizza pic to the right).  I remember going down to hang out with her family and they decided that they wanted to get a Turoni’s pizza.  I had never had it before.  The entire family ranted and raved about how awesome the pizza from there was.  They talked about how Turoni’s had been there ever since they were kids and what a treat it was to go there when they were growing up.  When I tried the pizza, it was good, but it wasn’t great.  I don’t know if it would make my top 10.  While I felt that way, her family ate the pizza and talked about how amazing it was.  

So what was happening?  I believe that nostalgia was playing a huge role in how they were experiencing the pizza.  They had grown up with this place.  This pizza wasn’t just pizza.  It was also good memories and celebrations.  They were attached to the pizza place, and I feel that got in the way of them being objective enough to realize the pizza is okay, but not amazing like they said.  If you think about it, you probably are nostalgic about a certain kind of pizza or some other restaurant.  I’m nostalgic about Pizza King (pizza pic at the bottom).  I’m convinced their Washburn pizza is the best ever!  It has ham, pepperoni, sausage, extra cheese, BBQ sauce, and a crisp thin crust.  At the same time, people who don’t have as much nostalgia about Pizza King often feel it’s good, but not the best ever.  My nostalgia is biasing me in one direction.

What does pizza and nostalgia have to do with anything?  In the above situations we both inflate how good the pizza is because of our nostalgia and our comfort with the pizza.  However, if we were more objective, we’d realize the pizza we are in love with is good, but not the most amazing thing ever.  Have you ever done something similar? 

We are all human and creatures of comfort and habit.  In work and in life, it’s too easy to do something because we are more accustomed to it vs. because it objectively being the best thing to do.  Think about the processes we follow.  How often do we blindly follow a process because we are used to it vs. objectively analyzing the process to see if it serves its purpose?  Think about the people we hire onto teams.  How often do we value a certain style and personality type vs. objectively realizing that different types of people can all solve the problem?  Think about evaluating someone doing a job that you have done in the past.  How often do we prefer people to do things our way, just because we are used to that?  We do all of these things, because we have emotional attachment to something.  In a way, we are nostalgic, and that blinds us from being truly objective.  The first step is acknowledging that nostalgia can blind us.  The second step is working to become more objective.

The challenge: How can we be more objective vs. just going along with where we are comfortable?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry