Professional and Personal Quarterly Check-in (3-27-24)

This week’s entry is about quarterly check-ins for work and for yourself. It’s a longer email, because I’m including my own quarterly self-assessment as an example.

As we finish out the end of Q1, I find myself doing a lot of reflecting on the progress that has been made on various projects and tasks at work. I’m asking myself things like, “Where are we now compared to where we were at the beginning of the quarter? Were we able to achieve our goals? If so, how do we keep up the momentum? If not, what should we adjust to do better? How can we ensure we regroup and are clear and focused for Q2?” It seems like a perfect moment to pause, reflect, regroup, and plan before attacking Q2.

What does this have to do anything? While this is great for work, we could apply this same thinking to our personal lives as well. What are some of your goals for 2024? How did you do with them in Q1? Have you stopped to CELEBRATE your progress? Stop RIGHT NOW and celebrate something you’ve achieved. After you celebrate, then you can reflect and see if there are any gaps. If you have gaps, why do you have gaps? What happened? What got in the way? How can you adjust to reach your goals for this quarter?

The challenge: Will you take the time to do a quarterly check-in? What changes will you make to set yourself up for the rest of the year?

Bonus: Here is my review based on the dimensions in my life I set goals for. Hopefully, it sparks a thought or two for you. Also, just know if things have been tough lately, you’re not the only one. Bottom line- tough quarter, and I need to bounce back. The picture of me flipping a tire is from my most recent obstacle course race and summarizes my Q1 in a nutshell. It was all about moving heavy stuff and getting through it. I did it, but dang it was so much harder and uglier than I wanted it to be, or it needed to be.

Intentionally Invest (D+)- This is my mantra for the year. This is about being intentional about where and how I invest my energy. Investing my energy means doing the right things that help me be the best version of myself. I gave myself a bad grade, because I wasn’t intentional. I got overwhelmed by a lot of things and just started recklessly spending energy. It wasn’t helpful and it didn’t help me get to where I wanted to go.

Mental Health (C-)- Overall, I want to feel like I’m in a good, strong, solid mental state. In full transparency, life and work just kicked my butt this quarter. The stress was overwhelming and was too much for me to manage in an efficient way. I got really lost and stuck trying to trudge through everything. Feeling lost and stuck drained so much of my mental energy. I spent so much energy here that I didn’t spend it on taking care of myself. I am proud of myself for getting some help. Moving forward, I need to use the new tools I’m developing, so I won’t get so stuck. If I can do that, everything else will improve dramatically.

Physical Health (C-)- The goal is to take good care of myself, so I can do the things I want to be able to do. The only reason I’m not giving myself a worse grade, is because I did manage to at least hold things together enough to complete a couple of obstacle course races. Other than that, I was inconsistent with working out, my sleep was poor, and my nutrition was abysmal. I’m ready to do better in Q2.

Family (ugly hard-earned B)- The goal is to feel like I’m being an amazing husband and dad. As they say in The Inside Job podcast, “Life gets lifey.” It’s been a hard few months with each day seemingly bringing new challenges. I give myself an “ugly hard-earned B” because it’s like one of those things in school where you have to put in so much effort you dang near exhaust yourself just to make it. I was not necessarily excellent, but I found ways to hold it together. It’s an ugly B, but one I can be proud of. At the same time, I think some work and mental health challenges got in the way of me being on the top of my game here.

Career (ugly hard-earned B)- The goal is to feel like I’m delivering magic. It’s a high bar about being in a flow state and getting incredible things done. Similar to my Family category, challenges kept popping up and compounding on themselves day in and day out. As a result, this quarter was filled with nothing but peaks and valleys, and they couldn’t have been further from each other. At times I was operating at a high level, and there were other times when I felt like an ineffective burned-out piece of garbage. This is another hard-earned ugly B that left me a little bruised and roughed up. I believe I focused on the right things. It just so happens that all the right things were the extremely difficult, and it was like carving through ambiguity made of marble while walking through quicksand. It took so much energy to keep slogging forward, and I know I was burned out for a period of time. On the positive side, I’m proud of myself for finding a way to regroup. I feel I’m getting my energy and magic back. All I need is a little more momentum, and then I’ll be like the Juggernaut (bonus points if you get the X-men reference)

Financial (B)- The goal is to ensure we are saving/investing money in the right way. I’ve already shifted money for investments. Some of these have been home repair things (replacing the hot water heater has been AMAZING!) and some of these are investing in fun vacations for later in the year. I do acknowledge that I was wasting too much money on junk food and stuff as I was super stressed.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lies of P, Poison Levels, and Stress (3-20-24)

Last week was about blaming the controller vs taking accountability. This week is about Lies of P, poison levels, and stress.

My kids were watching me play, and they noticed that I started losing health. They were confused, and they asked me why I was losing health even when the monsters weren’t hitting me. I explained to them that the area I was in was full of poison (called Corruption in the game). At first, the poison doesn’t do anything. It just slowly builds up. However, once it hits a critical limit, the poison begins damaging my character, and my health quickly fades. In order to survive, I needed to equip poison resistant armor, use items that reduce poison, and find safe places where there wasn’t poison.

What does this have to do with anything? Instead of it being a level in a video game, let’s call it work or life. Instead of it being poison in a video game, let’s call it stress. Similar to my video game, the stress level builds over time. At first, I don’t even notice it. The levels rise over time, and then all of a sudden it hits HARD. Anyone else been there? When this happens, I’m no longer the person, husband, dad, friend, and employee I want to be or could be.

We are never going to live in a world without stress. However, we can try to be more cognizant of stress, our current stress levels, and what we can do. Similar to the poison armor, I know I handle stress better when I’m routinely taking care of myself. Similar to the item that takes poison away, I know that getting outside, moving my body, and talking with someone helps clear stress out of my system. Similar to needing to find a poison free space in the game, sometimes I know that I just need to step back and away from everything.

The challenge: How will you recognize and deal with rising stress levels?

Bonus vulnerability moment- The short version is that the last few months have been hard in many aspects of life. Using our analogy, my poison/stress meter had been overflowing for some time, and I wasn’t who I wanted to be. I decided to leverage our Lyra benefit and talk to a therapist for the first time. During our initial conversation I said, “I’m surviving right now, but I want more than that. I deserve more than that. My family does too. I need tools or something to help me.” It’s only been a couple of sessions so far, but I’m so thankful I reached out. I share all of this to say that if you’re talking to someone, you’re not alone AND I’m proud of you for asking for help. If you’re thinking of talking to someone, you’re not alone, AND I’m proud of you for recognizing that you might benefit from help. It’s okay to want/need help sometimes. It’s part of being human.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lies of P, Blaming the Controller, and Taking Accountability (3-13-24)

Last week was about being open to suggestions from anywhere and anyone. This week is about Lies of P, failing, and blaming the controller vs taking accountability.

I died dozens of times when playing Lies of P. You can imagine how frustrating it was to fall short over and over again. When I died in the video game the easiest thing to do was to blame the controller. Obviously, I did all the right things, the controller is just bad (#sarcasm). While that might make me feel better and absolve me of any accountability, it also takes away my power to improve. If I truly put all the responsibility on the controller, then the only way the problem can be resolved is if the controller is magically fixed, which isn’t going to happen. This means I’m now stuck and powerless in that situation. However, if I’m willing to take accountability, then I have the power to change. I can begin to look at the root cause, and then find a way forward. Maybe that means I need to change my attack strategy. Maybe that means I need to level up my character. Maybe it means I need to increase my understanding of the game mechanics and how to use them. Maybe it means I need to ask for help.

What does this have to do with anything? Have you ever fallen short at work? I know I have. When you fell short have you ever “blamed the controller” instead of taking personal accountability? Did you ever blame the situation, the leader, the lack of clear direction, a teammate, or someone or something else? I know I have. Similar to our video game story, when I put all the responsibility on external circumstances or people, I also give up my power to fix things. However, if I’m willing to take accountability, then I have the power to change. I could look at the failure and understand the root cause. Maybe, I lacked an understanding of what I needed to accomplish, which means in the future I can ask better questions. Maybe, I didn’t have the skills, which means I can improve my skillsets and ask for help. Maybe I totally misunderstood the situation, which means I could do a better job of slowing down and figuring things out first. Maybe, I had conflicting direction, which means I can pull those people in the room and say, “I’m hearing you say X. I’m hearing you say Y. We need to decide what the path is.” The bottom line is if I take accountability, then I claim my power to change things instead of being at the whim of external forces and circumstances.

The challenge: Will you take accountability or will you “blame the controller”?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lies of P and Being Open to Suggestions (3-6-24)

Last week was about Lies of P and scoping out a situation. This week is about being open to suggestions from anyone and anywhere.

I was fighting the Rabbit Brotherhood, and had died multiple times. No matter what I did, I was just too slow, and my stamina was too low to get in more than 1 or 2 attacks at any given time. I was super frustrated. Alice watched me do the boss battle a few times and she said, “It looks like your character is over capacity. I think that’s making you slow.” I didn’t even entertain her comment. I told her she was wrong. I explained that I’ve played multiple games in this genre, and she just wasn’t right. I bet you see where this is going. Sure enough. I was over capacity, which made me slow. I fixed that problem and easily won that fight. If only I would have listened sooner.

What does this have to do with anything? In the above story, I instantly discounted what Alice said, because I assumed she didn’t know enough. She didn’t have MY experience and expertise, so there was no way that her thoughts were valid. Have you ever done this with someone at work? I know I have. Maybe it was the new team member, and you told yourself they didn’t know enough yet. Maybe it was a cross-functional partner, and you wrote them off because they had stepped out of their lane. Maybe it was someone you had disagreed with before, so you just assumed everything they said was wrong.

While it’s true that Alice did not have the expertise or experience that I had, this doesn’t mean that her ideas were instantly invalid. She was able to use her observational skills to see something I had missed. I’m not saying that I should have instantly accepted her thought. I am saying that I should have at least been open to it. If I would have been open to it, I would have seen she was right. In a similar way, when we hear something from someone at work who is less tenured or maybe doesn’t have our expertise, we don’t have to automatically agree with them, but we should be open minded enough to hear them out and give their thoughts a chance.

The challenge: How will you stay open to suggestions from anywhere and anyone?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lies of P and Scoping out a Situation Before Taking Action (2-28-24)

Last week was about Lies of P and expecting difficulties. This week is about boss fights and the importance of understanding the situation before sprinting forward.

I had made it through the first few bosses without much trouble and then I ran into Fuoco, the King’s Flame. It was a giant incinerator like puppet (robot). I went all in and was super aggressive for my first attempt. It didn’t go well. He quickly killed me. After that, I switched up my approach. I started playing more cautiously and slowly for a few rounds. My kids saw this, thought it was weird, and asked why I wasn’t rushing in aggressively again to win. I explained to them that I wasn’t trying to win the fight right now. Right now, I was trying to better understand what I was up against. I was spending time learning his moves and finding his weak spots. I knew that after I had a better understanding of the fight, I would be able to be successful. Sure enough, when I finally went all in, I was able to get him down to about 10% of his health before he ever hit me the first time. My kids were amazed at how I was virtually flawless in the battle. (I’m virtually flawless in life too, so they shouldn’t have been surprised 😉)

What does this have to do with anything? In the above story, I quickly failed because I didn’t know what I was up against. If I would have kept charging in super aggressively then it would have taken me a long time before I was able to win that battle. I would have kept failing over and over again, because in my rush to move fast I would not have been learning the critical things about the boss fight to be successful. Investing time in approaching the situation more slowly, so I could understand it, ultimately enabled me to move faster toward success.

Now let’s look at the parallels with work. Have you ever had a project or assignment where you just went blindly barging in full steam ahead? How did that turn out for you? I’ve done that and it never works out particularly well. When I just rush in, I often fail to understand the true problem or miss important bits of information, and both lead to failure. Throughout my career, I’ve had to learn that the most important thing I can do for any project is understand what we are trying to accomplish, why, with whom, and how the deliverable is going to be used. I’ve learned that if I invest the time to slow down to understand those things, then I will be able to be faster and more successful in the future.

The challenge: Will you be willing to take your time to understand the situation before trying to charge forward?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Containers and Holding Things (2-26-24)

This is a special one-off post. I opened the fridge today to pack my lunch and this blog idea hit me really hard, and I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to share this today. Maybe it’s just the message I need. However, if you feel this one hit you at the right time, just know that God/The Universe/Whatever thing connects us all together, says, “Hello! I see you. Here’s a hug.” The message is all about containers and holding things.

Anyway, take a look at the picture. What’s in the container? Your first instinct might be to say that it’s a tub of butter, since the container says it holds Country Crock. Spoiler alert. It’s not butter. It’s actually filled with delicious vegetable soup that my mom made the other day. It’s going to be my lunch. Growing up, did any of you ever use leftover butter containers to hold leftovers, legos, craft parts, and other things? We did this all the time and still do.

As I pulled the tub from the fridge and put it in my lunchbox, I smiled at the realization that this was a container that could hold anything. Just because it held butter once, didn’t mean it always had to hold butter. There are limitless possibilities for this container. There are infinite possibilities of what this container could hold.

So, where is this going? I realized this morning that I’m a lot like the container. I’m a vessel capable of holding multitudes. I realized that just because I was filled with one thing, didn’t mean I would always have to be filled with that thing. If I was filled with anger, irritation, venom, sadness, hopelessness, or any other strong emotion that felt heavy, didn’t mean that I would always be filled with those things. In the same way that the butter was emptied from the container, I could empty myself of those things too. In the same way that the container was then filled up with heart warming soup, I too could fill myself up and allow others to feel me up with things that warm my heart and spirit.

The challenge: We are all containers. What will you hold?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lies of P and Expecting Difficulties (2-21-24)

This week we will kick off a series inspired by a video game I recently played call Lies of P. Our first entry is about expecting difficulties.

Lies of P (click for the trailer) is a darker reimagining of Pinocchio. You play as Pinocchio in a world where robots, called puppets, have gained sentience, and turned against humans. On top of all of this, there is some mysterious plague going around and other foul forces at play. Anway, I was playing the game and was dying A LOT. Alice, my daughter, noticed this and said, “You’re failing a lot. Why aren’t you getting upset at the game?” I thanked her for pointing out that I was failing so much 😉, and then I explained, “I’m not upset, because this game is exactly what I thought it would be. From the trailers and what I heard about the game I knew it would be a cool/creepy story, interesting game mechanics, and HARD bosses. I went into it assuming that I would fail a lot and that I would have to get good in order to make it. Now if a Mario game was this hard, I’d be super upset, because Mario games don’t position themselves to be soul crushing games. However, this game from the beginning has made it clear that it is about being tough and challenging players. I also went into the game knowing I’d feel awesome once I made it through the game’s challenges. ”

What does this have to do with anything? I wasn’t frustrated with the game, because I EXPECTED it to be difficult. I EXPECTED to run into challenges that I wouldn’t get past on the first, second, or even tenth try. Since I expected these things, I wasn’t upset when they happened. I understood that the failed attempts were just the price you have to pay before you can do great stuff.

Now think about a time when you were frustrated at work. Were you frustrated because it was difficult OR were you frustrated because you didn’t expect it to be difficult? There’s a big difference. I’ve found when I get the most frustrated at work, it’s usually because I didn’t expect that situation to be difficult. It’s because I’ve assumed that things would be smooth sailing. As I’ve matured over my career, I’ve learned to expect bumps. I’ve learned to expect things to go sideways. I’ve come to appreciate that the job isn’t doing all the things in the job description, but dealing with all of the unexpected stuff that pops up as you try to do the things listed in the job description. I’ve learned to expect things to be challenging, so I’m not thrown off when they are. I’ve learned that going through the bumps and obstacles is the price you pay to do great things, and how amazing it feels to achieve something after struggling through obstacles.

The challenge: How will you readjust your expectations to expect difficulties?

Side note: If you are into Soulslike games and haven’t tried Lies of P yet, I’d definitely recommend it. It is one of my favorite games in that genre that I’ve played and I’m pumped to say that I actually beat it!

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Valentine’s Day and Reflections on Love (2-14-24)

On top of it being Wednesday, it is also Valentine’s Day. With that in mind, this week I want to share a few miscellaneous reflections on love.

This is going to sound weird. I’m convinced that emptying the dishwasher is one of the most loving things I do for my wife. She HATES dealing with dishes. She hates having to put them up. She hates having a counter full of dishes. Because of all of this, I try my best every morning to make sure I’ve emptied the dishwasher and cleared the counter before she wakes up. It won’t ever make it on a hallmark card, but it’s a gesture of love. Sometimes, showing love is about being a good partner.

Over the weekend, Diane made ravioli and Texas toast. I sat at the table and saw a plate full of Texas toast, and then I heard the oven timer go off. I was confused why that was happening when the bread was right in front of me. Diane said, “That timer is for your pieces.” She knows I like mine a little crispier than they like theirs, so she left mine in the oven a few extra minutes. The result was garlic perfection. Sometimes, showing love is paying attention to small things and proactively taking action.

Earlier in my marriage, Diane didn’t always feel that I listened to her, which was always surprising to me, because I would take in what she was saying and come up with great ways to address her issues. The problem is that most of the time, she didn’t want solutions, she just wanted to be heard. I learned that I needed to do a better job of asking and understanding what she wanted. Did she want to vent? Was she looking for empathy? Was she looking for suggestions and solutions? I now ask her those questions when I’m unclear, so I can ensure I’m listening to her in the right way. Sometimes, showing love is about listening and ensuring they feel heard.

My wife is phenomenal, and what she does day to day teaching and helping our kids grow is nothing short of a miracle. It’s a bummer that they don’t give awards and Inspire points for things like that. That’s why the most important thing I can do is make sure she knows how much I appreciate her. This might be a hug. It might be a small surprise. It might be a simple text telling her that she is crushing it as a parent. Sometimes, showing love is about showing appreciation.

I don’t know about you, but I have bad days sometimes. I even have bad weeks or months, where I fall a bit out of it, get lost, and become frustrated and angry at myself. Eventually, I remember to love myself again, which is important because you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself first. Sometimes, showing love is about first remembering that you are always worthy of love.

What do these reflections have to do with anything? Here’s the secret. All of the above examples are about my love for my wife, AND they all apply to every other relationship I’m in whether that is friendships with college buddies or working partnerships with co-workers. They likely apply to every single relationship you are in too.

The challenge- How will you show love to others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Discomfort, Paralysis, and the Glacier Leap (2-7-24)

Last week was about discomfort and psychological safety. This week is about discomfort, paralysis, and the Glacier Leap.

The Glacier Leap is one of the obstacles at the Abominable Snow Race. You start by climbing up an incline wall (covered in snow/ice/slush) until you are on top of the first structure and about 7 or 8 feet off the ground. This is where things get interesting. You have to jump to the next structure making sure you position your body correctly and grab the bar tightly or you will fall.

When I got to the top of the structure, I watched as people would stand at the edge and peer down. You could feel them becoming more and more uncomfortable until they ultimately became paralyzed at the thought of falling. At that point, they wouldn’t jump. Instead, they’d turn around and climb down without ever giving it a try. I knew that the same thing would happen to me if I didn’t move quickly. I made a decision. I would step up to the edge, count out loud, and jump on three. Any more hesitation and the discomfort would turn to fear would turn to paralysis. So, I stepped up, counted to three and jumped! My hands grasped the bar, my feet hit a patch of ice on the wood, and I instantly slid down and fell. It wasn’t exactly pleasant. 😉 At this point, I was determined (or dumb), and refused to let this obstacle beat me. I climbed back up. This time I had an advantage, because I knew exactly what the discomfort felt like. I knew exactly what falling felt like. I had survived, and now those things weren’t so scary. I stepped up, counted to three, and jumped! This time I made it! With my heart beating out of my chest, I stepped up and jumped to the next platform! Success!

What does this have to do with anything? Whether you’re doing an obstacle course race or performing your role at work, sooner or later we all run into a patch of discomfort. When that happens it is easy for the discomfort to turn into fear which turns into paralysis. Have you ever experienced this at work? I know I have. I’ve walked out of situations and said, “I wish I would have asked this. I wish I would have said that. I wish I would have done something different, but I just froze.”

I wish I had a magic way to avoid this, but I haven’t uncovered one yet. All I’ve found is that once the discomfort starts setting in, I need to move. I need to take some kind of action before the discomfort becomes fear and before the fear becomes paralysis. During the obstacle course race I counted to three and then jumped. Counting was the trigger to move. What could your trigger to move be at work? Maybe you write down the statement or question you think you’ll want to make, so when you start to freeze you can just read off the paper. Maybe your action isn’t dealing with something that day, but scheduling time on calendars to handle it in the future. Maybe it’s recognizing that the paralysis is taking over and just stepping out of the situation to catch your breath.

The challenge: How will you ensure discomfort doesn’t paralyze you?

#yetination #abominablesnowrace

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Discomfort, Psychological Safety, and the Yeti Challenge (1-31-24)

Last week was about embracing discomfort, so you can be successful. This week is about discomfort, psychological safety, and the Yeti challenge.

This past weekend I completed the Abominable Snow Race. I did the Yeti challenge, which consisted of 12 miles through ice/snow/mud/slush and around 50 obstacles. I was in a constant state of discomfort through most of the race. I was cold, wet, sore, covered in bruises, had a weird spot on my hand we call a yeti bite because we have no idea what happened (credit to Kristina Kittle for the name), and I was nervous/anxious/scared a fair amount. It would have been easy for me to say, “I’m uncomfortable, so that means this isn’t safe.” However, even though I was in a constant state of discomfort, the course and environment were safe. Plus, I felt like a complete bad a$$ when I crossed that finish line. #yetination

How does this connect with work and psychological safety? There are a lot of different definitions for psychological safety. At their core, I believe that most definitions center on the idea of creating an environment where people can be themselves and freely share their ideas without fear of negative repercussions. What you’ll notice if you read different definitions is that none of them promise a workplace without any discomfort or tension. This connects back to my racing story. I was uncomfortable for most of the race, AND I was still safe. In a similar way, it’s easy to be in a tough conversation or situation at work and think to yourself, “This isn’t comfortable, so this environment must not be safe.” This isn’t necessarily true. Tension, challenging questions, or a difficult conversation at work, doesn’t mean that the environment lacks psychological safety. Sometimes what we are feeling is just discomfort, and we need to find a way to process that and move forward. In my experience the more psychological safety I have with a person or group the more real conversations we can have that include tension and discomfort, and like how I felt when I finished the race I usually feel so much better after these convos. Is this true for you?

The challenge- How will you think about discomfort vs psychological safety?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry