Lessons from being a Dad Part 3 The Darker Side of being a Dad (4-5-17)

Last week was about competing vs. collaborating as it applies to my daughters. This week I want to look at the darker side of being a dad. Of course I’m talking about when parents unnecessarily compete against each other through their kids. As we reflect this week, I want us to ask ourselves, “What really matters?”

I never knew how crazy competitive people could be until I had kids. The very moment we had our first child, people started coming out of the woodwork. The conversation basically starts with “Perfect Parent” saying, “I and/or my kid is doing A, B, and C, and if you aren’t doing those things you are a horrible parent or something is wrong with your kid.” This applies to everything; even things I didn’t realize you could compete on. For example, Perfect Parent would say that if you don’t breast feed you are a horrible mom. Perfect Parent would want you to know that if your children aren’t eating all vegan all the time, then they are less than human. Perfect Parent likes to remind dads that if their kids aren’t in the perfect outfit they are horrible fathers. Perfect Parent wants you to know that their kid is involved in 50 activities and is too busy for non-value add activities like playing. Perfect Parent likes to remind you that their kid is reading novels at age 5, and if your kid isn’t they are doomed to a horrible life. Perfect Parent continues to do this with their child of all ages.

If you don’t have kids, you’re probably thinking the above paragraph was really stupid. If you do have kids, you’re probably thinking, “Yep, that’s my experience.” I’ve found that it’s easy to get swept up in all of this and start feeling like a horrible person who is ruining your child’s life because you aren’t doing “the right thing” or are not pushing them to do a million things. Here’s the truth though. 99% of all that stuff, doesn’t matter. If we are honest with ourselves, most of the time it’s parents focusing on stuff that in the grand scheme of things doesn’t matter in order to make themselves feel good. In order to make sure I don’t get lost in this stuff as a dad, I need to start by deciding what’s really important. For me there are 3 things I care about with regards to my kids: their health, them being good strong people (loving, generous, kind, thoughtful, independent, etc.), and them having grit/tenacity. Those are the things I care about and the things I work on with my kids. If your kid is a better reader or is smarter, that’s fine. I’m happy for you and them. At the same time, I’m not competing. I’m not sitting around comparing my kids to yours. I don’t need to get bent out of shape about those things. My thought is that if my girls grow up and all they are is healthy, good strong people, and tenacious they will be pretty good people and I will have done my job as a parent.

Making connections. Even if you don’t have kids, you’ve probably seen this play out in different places. It’s easy at work for “Perfect Employee” to say, “You should be doing X, Y, and Z exactly like me or you’re not good.” It’s easy to look around at others and say, “I need to be just like them and doing their things.” On top of this, there are people throughout this company that are smarter than me, more talented than me, at a higher level than me, etc. I don’t need to drive myself crazy competing with them. Instead, I can be happy for them and focus on me and what I need to do. Similar to being a dad, I’d argue the first thing we need to do is decide what is important, because a lot of that is stuff that just doesn’t matter. What’s important to you depends on what you value and what your goals are.

The challenge: Are you getting lost in a competitive environment or are you focusing on the things that are really important?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Quidditch, Golden Snitches, and Prioritization (3-1-17)

Last week was about Hermione Granger, self-doubt, and running out of magic. This week we are going to turn to quidditch for a lesson in prioritization. In case you’re a muggle, allow me to explain Quidditch. The game consists of two teams of 7 players who fly on brooms and try to score points. There are 4 “balls” that are in play during a match. There is one quaffle (a ball you grab and throw through hoops to earn points), two bludgers (enchanted balls that try to knock people off their brooms), and one golden snitch.

The golden snitch is a small flittery ball that is enchanted to make is extremely elusive. Capturing the ball is worth a lot of points and is the only way to stop the match. Basically, capturing the golden snitch is the most important thing you can do in the game to achieve victory. In order to catch the golden snitch, each team has a player designated as the Seeker. The Seeker is a skilled flyer with a fast broom and their job is to avoid the other team and the bludgers in order to capture the golden snitch. The other players work with the Seeker to help them achieve the goal. You can click HERE to see this in action. So you’re probably wondering what this has to do with prioritization. As the paragraph states above, the golden snitch is the most important thing in the game. This means that each team prioritizes its personnel, effort, skills, and strategies in a way that boosts their ability to capture the golden snitch. If the team doesn’t prioritize golden snitch catching activities, then they will lose.

So what does this have to do with work? In quidditch the golden snitch is clearly identified as the most important thing to achieve. In the real world it doesn’t work like that. Instead, it is up to the team to look at a very complex market in order to decide what is the most important thing the team must achieve in order to be successful. Another connection is that just like quidditch, in the real world you are flying around in a crazy environment where bludgers (external forces) try to knock you off your focus while competitors fly all around you chasing goals. You are forced to navigate an extremely complicated landscape, and it is up to you to prioritize the people, effort, skills, time, and strategies that will enable you to capture your golden snitch. If you asked your team right now what the golden snitch is that your team is trying to capture, could they tell you? If you asked them how their work enabled the team to capture the golden snitch would they know? If I asked you what your golden snitch was, would you have an answer? If you don’t know what your golden snitch is you can’t figure out how to catch it, which just leaves you fly around fast in circles. Sure it might look impressive, but it’s not really getting anything done. I’m sure we all have had that experience, right? I know that I’m currently in the stage of messy confusion where I’m spending time trying to figure out what my golden snitch is so I can best catch it, so if you’re there too then you aren’t alone.

The challenge: What is your team’s golden snitch? How are you prioritizing your efforts to ensure that everything is aligned to catching that golden snitch? (If only it were as easy as “accio what should be my top priority.”)

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Olympic Lessons Part 4 Are we doing the right things to achieve success? (8-24-16)

This will be the final entry in the series on the Olympics. We’ve looked at leadership and alignment (rowing), gymnastics and finding your purpose, and trust and teamwork (soccer). I’d like us to finish this series by asking ourselves one question. “Am I doing the right things to achieve success?”

Michael Phelps is the most decorated Olympian of all time. In order to become one of the best swimmers of all time, he spent hours on the uneven bars and doing floor routines. Wait. That’s not right. That’s gymnastics. He spent hours working on his foot speed and agility. That’s not right. That’s the soccer players. Michael Phelps understood that he was competing in swimming events, so he spent time doing drills and building muscles that would enable him to become a great swimmer. In order to achieve success, he had to focus on doing the right things. If he would have focused on doing gymnastics workouts he probably wouldn’t be a great swimmer and I’m guessing he wouldn’t have been great at gymnastics either 😉

How does this connect to work? We are focused on winning a gold medal with HCPs, payers, and patients. As our world changes, do we know what event we are actually competing in? Are we swimming? Are we playing soccer? Are we performing gymnastics routines? Depending on the customer we are supporting individuals might be competing in different events, so we might need different skillsets. That’s okay, because we are all on the same team. After we know what event we are competing in, are we focused on doing the right things that will build our skills to help us win? How often do we waste time on things that won’t make us better and won’t help us win in life? As leaders, what are we doing to make sure we stay focused on doing the right things?

Besides our day to day work, the she same thought process can be applied to developing in our career and building our culture. When it comes to our career, do we know what game we are playing? Do we know what game we want to play in the future? Are we working on developing the skills we need, so we can be successful in our current and future areas? As leaders, are we giving people the feedback they need so they know where and how to grow? When it comes to building a culture, do we know what kind of culture we are trying to build? Are we building the culture that will help us win where we want to win? As a leader, are we making sure we focus on rewarding and recognizing the right behaviors to build this culture?

The challenge: Are you doing the right thing to achieve success? Are you ensuring others do the right things to achieve success?

Have a jolly good day and congrats team USA,

Andrew Embry

Prioritization and Dishwashers Part 5: Clarity’s Kryptonite (6-22-16)

This will be the last in the series on prioritization. We’ve talked about dishwashers in regards to capacity, process, learning, and being intentional with people. Bottom line is prioritization is all about clarity. If you have clarity then you can appropriately prioritize. This week we are going to look at clarity’s kryptonite, an interesting conundrum of a lifeform called people.

Imagine for a moment that you had all of the dishes in the dishwasher and you were getting ready to start the cycle. Right before you did I ran up and started throwing stuff in there, which completely jacked everything up. What would you do? Would you run the dishwasher as is? Would you attempt to rearrange the dishes? Would you remove some dishes? This would never happen at work, right? Imagine you have your projects you are working on, and then someone starts throwing new projects (dishes) at you, because they are clearly priorities. What would you do? I know this never happens, but what if it did? How would you feel? It would be frustrating, right? What would you do?

Why does this happen? This happens because people are beautiful, emotional, flawed, and limited creatures as opposed to purely calculating robots. I love people and find myself frustrated by them at the same time. The thing is that we live in a world that is evolving rapidly and since people aren’t robots with amazing terabyte processing power the answers and insights we are looking for are never clean. For all of these reasons, what I’ve come to realize is that people (myself included) are NOT particularly good when it comes to clarity and truly understanding what they want.

So how does this understanding connect with our work? It changes the way we can approach people when they want to change our priorities. In the past, I would assume that the person asking me to change priorities was purely rational and knew exactly what they were doing, why they were doing it, and the outcome that would occur. Therefore, I would agree and do what they said without asking any questions. This always led to problems and complications, because I’d do work that really wasn’t that important or I’d do work where I didn’t understand the end game. Not good.

I’ve realized people are not robots and expecting them to have everything figured out when they don’t live in my world is a poor expectation to have. Instead of instantly agreeing to requests, I seek clarity before I do anything. First, I talk to them and reinforce what my current priorities are and why. Second, I ask questions to figure out what the person wants to change, why, and what impact that will have on the other work going on. Depending on the outcome of that conversation one of two things happens. The person realizes that what they want me to do isn’t as important as other things, so we drop it or I gain a new understanding of how and why my priorities are evolving, why this new project is important, and we figure out how to rebalance things. I can’t come to this place without having the conversation to gain clarity.

The challenge: Are you asking the questions to find the clarity you need before you accept projects and change priorities?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Prioritization and Dishwashers Part 4: Being Intentional and Washing Wine Glasses by Hand (6-15-16)

This week we will continue the dishwasher analogy with a focus on being intentional with help from Ryan Dawson and Steve Guthrie. After they read the initial dishwasher email about capacity, they sent me emails challenging me that not everything should go in the dishwasher. Ryan said that there are some things that are so important that they need to be washed by hand and Steve mentioned some very nice wine glasses that he always washes by hand, because that is the care they deserve and require.

Notice how they are being INTENTIONAL about what they do and why they do it. They make intentional choices about what to put or not put in the dishwasher. Before we can think about being intentional let me ask you two questions. What is your job? What is your role in the organization? When you answered those questions, did you focus on the stuff you deliver for the organization or did you also think about your role in influencing the people around you? I’d argue that whether you are a supervisor or an individual contributor, your role in the organization is larger than just delivering stuff. The people I view as great leaders are the ones who understand that positively impacting others around you is as important as delivering stuff.

When you are creating priorities, are you also intentional about what you want to accomplish with people? Continuing with Guthrie’s metaphor, people are like wine glasses. You need to handle them with care and purpose. You need to be aware of what you’re trying to accomplish with them. Being intentional with people could be about executing specific strategies, but many times it’s about intentionally doing the little things.

A little thing I like to do is send emails with what I think are cool pictures like the featured dinosaur. Over the years I’ve had a lot of people joke with me and say, “Where do you find the time to find these images?” This comment always interests me. The premise of the joke is that I find the pictures because I have an abundance of time. What if I told you this isn’t the case? What if I told you I actually prioritize time to find funny pictures to send? I intentionally take the time to send cool pictures, because I think the extra effort will show people how much I care about them and that I want to brighten their day. I want people to know I care, because I view part of my purpose in the organization is to make people laugh and feel loved. If I can make people laugh and feel loved, then we become closer and we do better work together. Better partnership equals better results, which means we help more patients. I have decided that the benefit from the better partnership far outweighs the few seconds I spend on Google trying to find a fun image to send.

The challenge: Leadership is about delivering stuff and impacting people. How intentional are you about what you want to accomplish with people?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Prioritization and Dishwashers Part 3: Prioritizing Learning (6-8-16)

Happy Wednesday,

The inspiration from folks keeps pouring in. Last week we talked about dishwashers and the process for prioritizing. This week we’ll talk about prioritization, making the dishwasher better, and learning. This week’s entry is inspired by Katy Swathwood.

Let’s pretend for a moment that you want to make my dishwasher more effective. How would you do this? I wouldn’t paint my dishwasher. I wouldn’t put new buttons or decorations on it, because those things wouldn’t help the dishwasher be more effective. Instead, I might take a few different approaches. Maybe I’d find a way to increase water pressure. Maybe I’d invest in new dishwashing detergent that could do a better job. As Katy suggested, I could even spend time Googling how to properly place dishes in the dishwasher.

How does this connect with work? After Katy read the last blog entry she sent me this message that has stuck with me all week. “The other piece I’d add- that I think to many of us overlook- is making learning and growing a priority. If you are using a strategic priority or objective as a guide, it could be easy to overlook or dismiss an opportunity to learn and grow as a thinker, employee and person. If we take the time to learn, it may in fact help us get better at reaching our strategic objective in the long run.” The questions of the day. Do you make learning a priority? If you do, what do you focus on learning?

Connecting improving a dishwasher and improving yourself. Now think about improving the dishwasher for a minute. I’d spend time improving things that would help the dishwasher be more effective. Think about your job for minute. Are you spending the time investing in the right things that can help you be better? Are you investing in the right skills that help you reach your goals and objectives?

Andrew example. I work in Market Research, and my coaches, mentors, and colleagues all agree that the best of the best Market Researchers have to be great at Problem Definition and Communicating and Influencing, so these are the two main things I’ve been working on. I’ve asked for coaching (from my boss, peers, and mentors), created frameworks, asked for advice from people much much much better than me all in an effort to become better at Problem Definition and Communicating and Influencing., etc. There are a million of things I could focus on developing, but I focus on those two areas, because those are the things that would make me a better Market Researcher and enhance my ability to ultimately help patients.

The challenge: Are you making learning a priority? Are you working on developing in areas that matter?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Prioritization and Dishwashers Part 2: Prioritization and Process (6-1-16)

Last week we kicked off a series on prioritization by looking at dishwashers and the trade-off between how many dishes you can fit in (quantity) and how clean you can get the dishes (quality). This week’s message is inspired by Kathy Pearson and Nitin Gupte and continues with the dishwasher analogy. After reading last week’s blog Kathy sent me this short message.

“My experience is that the men in my household (husband, son) do not load the dishwasher correctly/efficiently. I am always able to get more in, and make sure everything gets cleaned. It got me to thinking there may be a role for process or expertise in your analogy.”

Now this got me thinking about a few different things. First, the men in her house need to step their game up. They probably aren’t in KP’s ballpark to begin with and their lack of dishwasher loading skills aren’t helping. Second, I agree that as my expertise grows, so does my capacity. There is a night and day difference between the amount of and quality of the work I do now vs. what I did when I first came inside. Third, the process angle is fascinating to me and it made me think of something Nitin Gupte explained in an email to me. Nitin used to work at Whirlpool, so he explained to me that Whirlpool actually tests how to best maximize the efficiency of a dishwasher. Whirlpool has tested and verified that there is a process you need to follow for loading the dishes in the correct way in order to maximize the dishwasher’s efficiency.

You might be wondering how this connects to work. What is your process for prioritizing things? Seriously, stop for a moment. If I asked you how you prioritize things could you give me a good answer? Over the past few years I have created my own process for gaining clarity and prioritizing projects based on things I have learned from supervisors, mentors, and peers. Essentially I ask three questions.

What is our overarching strategy/objectives? (This is the criteria I use to make decisions on what to do.)
How would this project help us achieve our objectives listed in our strategy? (This helps me determine if I should even consider doing the thing. If it doesn’t connect, why do it?)
How would this project be more impactful to the strategy than other things I’m working on? (This helps me figure out importance, so I can decide what to deprioritize if necessary)

Simple questions, right? Now think about the work you’re doing. Can you give clear and concise answers to those questions? I’ve found that if I can’t give a clear and definitive answer to those questions then I either shouldn’t do the project or I lack clarity somewhere. If I lack clarity, I can’t appropriately prioritize. If I can’t appropriately prioritize, I can’t be as effective as I could be. Once again, think about your work. Could you clearly articulate how it links back to the objectives of the overall strategy and how it will help drive success?

The challenge: What is your process for prioritizing things?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Prioritization and Dishwashers Part 1 (5-25-16)

I’m back from vacation and back into the fire. Does this feel familiar to anyone? That’s why I’d like to kick off a series exploring prioritization.

Imagine you have a dishwasher and a lot of dirty dishes that you need to clean. What questions would you ask or what would you do to figure out how many dishes to put in the dishwasher? Maybe you’d want to know how big the dishwasher is. Maybe you’d measure the dishes. This line of thinking leads you to ask, “How many dishes could I put in the dishwasher?” I would take a different approach. I would ask, “How clean do the dishes need to be when they come out of the dishwasher?”

My wife and I have disagreements about how full the dishwasher should be. She tells me that I don’t put enough dishes in and that I waste potential capacity. I tell her that when she overloads the dishwasher the dishes don’t get clean and we end up washing some of the dishes all over again which wastes time and energy. The thing is that we are both correct, and this conversation is the crux of our prioritization problems at work.

So how many dishes should we put in the dishwasher? What’s the right answer? I’d say you should put in as many dishes as the dishwasher can wash before it starts having a negative impact on the dishwasher’s ability to get the dishes cleaned. It’s a trade-off. Period. The more stuff I do, the less quality I can do it in, and I’d argue that’s the same for all of us. The key is whether or not we can find and maintain the balance between quality and quantity.

I don’t know about you, but there are times in my life when I allow myself to be overfilled. My to-do list becomes a mile long. I become swamped and exhausted, because I’m unable to truly be focused. I can try to do my best, but I end up doing subpar as a human, husband, dad, and/or employee. Often, I end up having to go back and rework the stuff I did, because I didn’t do it right the first time. As I continue to grow, I’m learning to do a better job of understanding the decisions about how I spend my time always involve a trade-off. I understand that there are times when I just need to put my head down and crank things out that are a little messy, but there are also times when I need to protect myself to ensure that I have the mind space to do a great job at home and at work. Bottom line: all work is not equal, so I shouldn’t treat it that way.

The Challenge: When you are thinking through your capacity are you trying to figure out how much you can do or are you trying to focus on how good the work needs to be?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Busy as Bees or Focused as Bees? (6-11-14)

I was mowing over the weekend and all of a sudden these mini-epiphanies started hitting me about bees and busyness. Recently I read a couple articles about why we need to stop bragging about being busy. We all do this by the way. Someone asks how you’re doing and we respond, “Staying busy.” Sometimes we even take it to the next level and list everything we are doing in life just to prove how busy we are. The articles comment on these behaviors and basically say that being busy is a new status symbol and if we aren’t bragging about how busy we are afraid that society won’t value us.

Here is where the bees come in, because there is a saying “busy as bees”. When I was mowing I realized that we have been viewing bees incorrectly. We associate them with being busy when we should associate them with being FOCUSED.

Think for a moment. What are you like and how do you feel when you are BUSY? I feel chaotic, frantic, consumed by activity, like I’m spinning my wheels, not productive, etc. What are you like and how do you feel when you are FOCUSED? I feel honed in, powerful, clarity, streamlined, productive, etc. Big difference right?

Traditionally, we assume bees are busy, because we see them flying around everywhere. We see activity. What we don’t understand is that their activity is focused on one or two goals, gathering food or contributing to the hive. That’s focus. That’s not just being busy. That’s not just activity.

When I think about my career, I don’t think I being busy vs. focused was a matter of the hours I put in. Instead, it was a matter of having my priorities right. What I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt is that when I’m focused my work is leap and bounds better than when I am busy all of the time. Contrary to what we would like to think and tell others, when I’m busy I’m not productive or valuable. When I am focused I am a heck of a lot more valuable to work, my family, and my friends.

Are you a busy bee or a focused bee?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Links to the article I mentioned.