Tag: truth

Self-Doubt and Being an Unreliable Narrator (4-16-25)

This week I’m going to kick off a series inspired by different storytelling mechanics.  This entry is about self-doubt and being an unreliable narrator.

An unreliable narrator is a storyteller whose account of events can’t be fully trusted.  They might be lying on purpose or they might unintentionally have things wrong.  The Sixth Sense is a great example of having an unreliable narrator. The story is told from the perspective of Malcom, a child psychologist, played by Bruce Willis.  Throughout the movie we see the world unfold through his eyes, and assume the events are true.  Then the twist is revealed.  Malcom had been dead the entire time and had not known it.  As all the pieces start connecting you begin to realize that the events we saw from Malcom’s eyes weren’t the real ones.  

You’re probably wondering how this connects to anything.  What if we can be an unreliable narrator sometimes like Malcom?  What if we allow our self-doubt, skepticism, or other things to infiltrate our minds and distort our perception of the reality around us?  Has this ever happened to you?  Sometimes, we need some perspective from the outside or another person to nudge us to ensure we have an accurate view on reality.

Let me share a recent personal story with you.  My new boss started a couple of months ago.  We were having a pretty good heart to heart during a 1 on 1.  At the time, self-doubt was shaping my narrative, and I shared something along the lines of, “I feel like I’m just moving soooo slow right now.  It’s like I’m not being effective.”  My boss looks at me and says something like, “I don’t feel that way or see that being true.”  This jolt was similar to the twist in the Sixth Sense, where all of the pieces started to fit together in a different and more true way.  This comment made me realize that I might have been an unreliable narrator.  Maybe, my perception of what was going on was not actually reality.  Maybe, my perception had been distorted by self-doubt.  Fast forward from two months ago to yesterday when I had my first performance check-in for the year.  Now, I had a better grasp on reality due to a more balanced self-reflection and by listening to the feedback and encouragement from others.  Instead of being burdened by self-doubt, I went into that conversation confident.  I was able to sit down and tell a story like, “I’m so proud and so excited about everything I’ve delivered so far, AND I also know I’d like to grow in A, B, C areas.”  It was a total shift from just a couple of months prior.

The challenge- How will you ensure that self-doubt doesn’t turn you into an unreliable narrator?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting, Age Appropriate Truth, and Transparency (4-20-22)

Last week was about rock climbing and modeling behavior.  This week is about transparency and “age appropriate” truth.  It is inspired by Stacy Burdett. 

When Stacy and I worked together she once told me that she made a pact to herself that she wouldn’t lie or avoid topics with her kids.  Instead, she always strives to deliver “age appropriate” truth.  That stuck with me and that’s a concept my wife and I have adopted.  “Age appropriate” truth is another way of talking about the layers of transparency.  We don’t lie or avoid topics.  We try to give them as much insight as we believe they can handle, are clear on why we can’t tell them more in certain situations, and we explain when we will be able to get into more detail.   Sometimes we can’t tell them more, because we don’t know.  Sometimes, we can’t tell them more, because we don’t feel they have the maturity and capacity to handle it.   We may not give them the full truth with every single detail, but we strive to be as transparent as possible no matter the topic.  We’ve talked about bodies, bodily functions, race, racism, sexuality, sexual orientation, social classes, and so many more things. 

It’s hard to have these kinds of conversations.  It would be so much easier to lie to my kids or avoid the tough questions.  It’s also hard to know what the “age appropriate” truth is and how much they can handle.  I know I’ve made mistakes.  Sometimes, we’ve shared too little, and they felt we were hiding things.  Sometimes, we probably shared a little more than they were ready for.  Sometimes, we didn’t do a good enough job of explaining why we couldn’t share more now and when we will share more in the future.  This is something my wife and I continue to work on, because the goal is to always share truth.

What does this have to do with anything?  As I’ve said before, being a parent is just like being a leader.  As leader, we are constantly trying to navigate how transparent we can be and should be about something.  My favorite leaders are the ones who deliver the work version of “age appropriate” truth.  They are the ones who tell you what they can AND are clear why they may not be able to tell you more.  Even if I do not like the message they are delivering, I appreciate them, because they are showing respect for me and my capacity to handle truth.  Do you know any leaders like this?  Other leaders fail when it comes to transparency because they are either not being honest to begin with and/or they are not being transparent about when they will be able to share more.  These types of leaders often make me feel like I’m being lied to, which erodes trust.  Have you ever felt this way?

The challenge: As a leader, how are you delivering the work version of “age appropriate” truth?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry