Lesson 4- Standing Strong in the Emotional Fire (11-19-25)

Last week was about the invisible backpack. This week is lesson 4: the importance of standing strong in the emotional fire.

The other day one of my kids was having a really hard time emotionally. If my kid was a dragon, they were spitting fire everywhere. It would have been easy to tell them to just go to their room on their own to sort it out. It would have been easy to tell them to suck it up and stop making it such a big deal. It would have been easy to step away from the situation, so we wouldn’t get sucked into the energy. Instead, my wife and I sat there. As my kid unleashed fire like a dragon, we sat there. We let the fire go around us and we walked through it. We didn’t try to stop the fire. We sat there with them, and when they stopped breathing fire, we sat there and comforted them until they were whole again.

Let’s make some connections. Standing in the midst of the meltdown wasn’t comfortable. It wasn’t pretty. It was exhausting and difficult. It wasn’t where my wife and I wanted to be. It was where my wife and I needed to be. We needed to show them that their fire didn’t scare us. We needed to be there to show that our love is stronger than any feelings/meltdowns/fire they could throw at us. We needed to be there to show that we will always be a safe and firm foundation for them. It’s not like we did anything magic. We just stayed there, softly speaking words of encouragement, reminding them that they are loved and it’s okay to feel strong feelings. For our family, we will always choose to stand strong in the fire. (By the way, watching my wife sit in that fire was one of the most beautiful and strong things I’ve seen. I hope you’re all blessed to have someone like her.)

The challenge: In a world filled with humans who are often scared to allow their vulnerability to show, will you be strong enough to stand in the fire with them? Will you be strong enough for them to lean on?

Bonus- I also wrote a poem inspired by these events. You can check that out here https://www.linkedin.com/posts/andrew-embry-979831b7_love-emotions-dragons-activity-7396885754817384448-Lkfc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop&rcm=ACoAABjcjy0BSioATZ2Tfprhg_c9r0itVMM87PQ

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting and Little Signs of Support (2-26-25)

Last week was about parenting and setting incentives. This week is about parenting and little signs of support.

Recently, Cameron auditioned for a role in a local production of Finding Nemo. This was a big step for him. He had been in plays before, but this was the first time he auditioned for a speaking role. He put in a lot of effort to get ready. Ultimately, he earned the part of Nigel the pelican. My wife and I wanted to show our support of him and his accomplishment. She was scrolling on Amazon when she found a fun pelican t-shirt she was going to buy for Cam to celebrate his accomplishment. I laughed and asked, “Do they have one in my size?” Check out the pic on the right. Cam got a huge kick out of the fact that I got a shirt just like his and that we could be twins.

What does this have to do with anything? This week’s story shows how appreciated a small show of support can be. The shirts were relatively cheap. There was nothing fancy or flashy. Still, it showed Cam that we saw him and were proud of his accomplishments.

Think about work for a minute. Think about all the ways people show you small signs of support and what that means to you. Maybe, they buy you a coffee. Maybe, they send you a fun meme. Maybe, they send you a quick note. No matter what they do, I’m sure their small sign of support means something. Wouldn’t it be nice if we gave and received these small signs of support more often?

The challenge- What is something small you can do to show you support and appreciate someone today?

Bonus challenge- Are you a peliCAN or a peliCAN’T?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting, Leadership, and Stepping Beside Someone (7-24-24)

Last week was about parenting and being okay with joining the failure club. This week is about parenting, leadership, and stepping beside someone.

A couple of weeks ago, the kids and I were on a pontoon ride at the campground. We were having a nice ride when Cam asked if he could get in the lake. This is a big deal, because Cam is usually scared of lakes for a variety of reasons. I tell him that he can go ahead and get in, and that he can just change into his extra pair of clothes when he gets back to the camper. He puts on a life jacket, and sits on the edge of the boat, putting his feet into the water. I’m happy that he’s even doing that. I keep giving him encouragement to get in. He asks me to get in with him. I don’t necessarily want to, because I don’t swim well and am not a huge fan of water myself. However, I also recognize this could be the support he needs to take a big step forward. I throw on a life jacket and jump in too. Cam gets in and loves it! It’s one more fear he’s conquered, and I’m so proud of him.

What does this have to do with anything? I was supporting Cam. I could have just kept giving him words of encouragement while staying on the boat. However, at this time, he didn’t need words from a distance, he needed someone beside him. When I saw that, I hopped into the lake and that’s what he needed to be confident. Now think about work for a minute and for the different leaders you’ve worked with. I’ve seen some leaders who tried to lead from their high seat. They said the right things, but they always stayed distant from the team. I’ve also seen leaders who were willing to step beside their people when that was needed. These latter leaders are my favorite. What about you?

The challenge: Will you be willing to step beside someone to lead?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting, Obstacle Course Races, and Tailoring Support (6-19-24)

Last week was about Alice’s wisdom, “Have a day you can be proud of.” This week is a story about parenting, obstacle course racing, and tailoring support. Shout out to Mud Run – Hollis Adams for putting on such a fabulous family friendly event.

On Saturday, Alice joined me for her first ever obstacle course race. To say that she was nervous would be a major understatement. I told her it was okay to be nervous, and that I’d be there beside her. I explained that I wasn’t going to swoop in and do the obstacles for her, but I would be there to help her if she needed it. Sometimes, helping her looked like me giving her advice on how to attempt an obstacle. Sometimes, support looked like me giving her a boost, so she could get her footing while climbing a muddy creek bank. Sometimes, support looked like me saying, “I know you’re scared because you’re on top of this tall wall. You can still do this. I’m here. Just swing your leg over.” Sometimes, support looked like me just cheering her on and high fiving her for conquering an obstacle. By the end of the race, we had achieved our goals, and Alice was so excited and proud of herself. I was super pumped too! (The picture on the right is out before picture. The after picture is at the bottom).

What does this have to do with anything? There were several times where Alice was nervous or flat out scared. It would have been EASY for me to do all the work for her, but that would have robbed her of a chance to grow and see what she was capable of. Instead of doing it for her, I helped and offered support. That support took different forms based on HER needs in that specific moment. Now think about work for a minute. The best leaders I ever had weren’t the ones who swooped in and saved me from a challenge. The best leaders I ever had were the ones who knew how to tailor their support to the situation. Sometimes, I needed explicit direction, because I was lost. Sometimes, I needed a thought partner to challenge my assumptions. Sometimes, I just needed someone to say, “I trust you. Go get’em!”

The challenge: How will you tailor the coaching and support you give to people?

Bonus lesson- I mentioned that Alice was nervous about the race. In particular, she was worried about what would happen if she wasn’t strong enough to handle an obstacle. She’s a planner and needed to know how things would work out. I needed her to trust that I was strong and able to help her in any situation. Here’s what I did. I came home after my 20 miles of racing, and said, “I did 20 miles of racing yesterday. I’m at my weakest and most tired point. I need you to know that even now, I’m strong enough to support you. I want you to know that I’ve helped boost and lift people who are my size, so you’ll be easy. We are going to practice, so you know how this will work.” From there, we practiced me giving her boosts and lifting her up. I even had her sit on my shoulders while I squatted her for reps. I walked around the house with her on my shoulders, so she knew I could carry her. I know this all sounds ridiculous, but those actions showed her that she could trust my strength. She realized that if I was able to do that when I was tired and weak, I’d be even better when I was rested up for our race. As a leader, I’m not asking you to pick up people and squat them for reps (I’m pretty sure HR would frown on that 😉). I am asking you to consider what you could do to inspire trust in the people you lead.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Marriage and Support (6-14-23)

Last week was about marriage and the idea of equal contribution. This week is about marriage and showing support. By the way, today is our 15-year wedding anniversary!

One of the things I am most thankful for in my relationship with my wife is how we have supported each other through the years. This support can take different forms, based on what we NEED at the time. Sometimes, support is listening to each other vent, even though we’ve told the same frustrating story a zillion times. Sometimes, showing support is offering help. Sometimes, showing support is backing decisions that were made.. Sometimes, showing support is saying, “You’ve had a rough few days. I’ll handle the kids and the house. Get out of here and do whatever will bring you joy and energy.” Sometimes, support is saying, “I love you. In this instance, you’re wrong. We need to talk about it.” Sometimes, support is saying, “You are being too damn hard on yourself.” Having someone who is always there for me has made a world of difference when facing life’s challenges.

What does this have to do with anything? Life is hard. Having someone there to support you is huge. With that said, supporting each other shouldn’t just be limited to marriage and significant others. We can and should support friends, family, and work colleagues. Similar to the example with my wife, this support can take on many forms based on someone’s needs. Sometimes, support is showing up. Sometimes, support is helping remove obstacles and barriers. Sometimes, support is being and ally and friend. Sometimes, support is advocating for someone. Sometimes, support is giving tough feedback.

The challenge: How are you supporting people in your life?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Stepping Up to Support Others (9-23-20)

Last week was about being tough and being human. This week is about stepping up during difficult times to help others.

I’d say on most days on a scale from 1 being absolutely miserable and 10 being the best day ever, I’m somewhere between an 8 and a 10. I generally see the beauty and awesomeness in the world. I’m generally pretty excited, filled with humor, joy, and happiness. With my wife in the hospital, I quickly found myself at about a 3 to 5 on a daily basis. I was struggling as a husband, a dad, a friend, and an employee. I didn’t feel I was doing anything well, and I didn’t feel anything was going right.

Luckily for me, I had a good number of people who stepped up in big ways to help. My wife has a casual acquaintance through book club. That person stepped up and formed a meal train that has been feeding my family. Completely came out of nowhere. Some family members took the extra effort to help with the girls, watching them so I could get some time off. Some people unexpectedly sent gift packages to the girls filled with crafts, candy, and other surprises to put a smile on their face and keep them busy during stressful times (see the picture of my daughter decorating the bird house she mdad). I had colleagues chip in with UberEATS and Door Dash gift cards, a genius idea to help lighten the load at home, and my team stepped up in a big way to help me manage my load at work. Other colleagues stepped up to check in on me and offer emotional support. Everyone stepping up made my life a little bit better when I needed it the most.

What does this have to do with anything? One of my mentors told me that whenever things get tough you need to look at the people around you. Some of them will step up. They will step up to connect with you emotionally and find ways to support you through the challenge. Other people will fade into the background and not be there when you need them the most. I don’t know about you, I tend to remember the people who step up. I tend to deepen my appreciation for them and in turn become more willing to help them, work with them, and support them in the future. because I know when things get tough they will be there.

There is a lot going on for EVERYBODY right now. Who are you seeing step up in these tough times? These people can come from anywhere. It might be your wife’s casual acquaintance. It might be a relative. It might be your boss. It might be a VP. It might be the new associate who has only been here two months. The person’s title and status are irrelevant. All that matters is if they offer support when it is needed most.

The challenge: Are you stepping up or disappearing when things get difficult?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry