Spidey-Sense and How Emotions Communicate with Us (5-5-21)

Last week was about candy and toxic positivity. This week is about Spider-man’s Spidey-sense and what emotions communicate to us.

Spider-man is one of my favorite superheroes. On top of his super strength, amazing agility, web swinging, and wall climbing, he also has his Spidey-sense. His Spidey-sense is his body communicating with him that something isn’t quite right, so he can take action. Maybe, it’s a warning of a sneak attack that is going to happen. He feels his Spidey-sense, understands the meaning, and then he dodges the sneak attack. Maybe, it’s a warning that he’s being deceived. He feels his Spidey-sense, understands the meaning, and then keeps his eyes open for deception. Whatever the situation, by listening to his Spidey-sense he is better prepared to face whatever is happening.

What does Spider-man’s Spidey-sense have to do with emotions? I don’t know about you, but sometimes I treat emotions as something that I just need to get through. This is particularly true for emotions we consider to be negative. When I experience those, I want to just get them out of my system as soon as possible so I can go back to feeling happy again. Do you ever feel this way? (#toxicpositivity)

What if emotions are our own Spidey-sense? How would things change if we treated emotions as sensations that were trying to communicate something to us? I know that whenever I take time to truly sit with my emotions and listen to them, I learn more about myself. As a human, I may not always know what I want/need out of life, but love or sadness or anger or joy can be key to helping me discover these things. I only need to be willing to listen.

The challenge: Are you listening to what your emotions are telling you?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Spider-Man: Miles Morales and Understanding the Other Side (3-3-21)

This is the last in our series about Spider-Man: Miles Morales. Last week was about setting the stage to welcome authenticity. This week is about trying to understand the other side before passing judgment. This contains some SPOILERS about the video game.

In most video games (or stories for that matter) there is a clear hero and a clear villain. My daughters know this, so when they played Spider-Man with me they assumed that whoever Spider-Man was trying to stop was obviously evil. In the game, there is an energy company called Roxxon and there is a character named The Tinkerer. Spider-Man fights the Tinkerer early in the game, so my daughters assumed they were evil was evil. As the game unfolds, you learn that Roxxon is doing some shady things and that The Tinkerer is leveraging some outside of the law means to try to stop them. When this is revealed Alice says, “Wait. So is the Tinkerer a good guy or a bad guy?” I replied with, “What do you think?” Alice responded by saying, “I don’t know. They are doing some things I wouldn’t do, but I also understand why they are doing it. This is tricky.”

What does this have to do with anything? Too often in life we assume that all situations are black and white. We see something that we wouldn’t necessarily do, declare it is wrong, and decide the “other” is bad. We don’t always take the time to understand their situation and where they are coming from. The fact is that it’s rarely ever so cut and dry. Trying to truly understand the other person is the first step to seeing the problem and ultimately finding a solution. We see this play out in politics, personal relationships, and even work. How often have you been part of a conversation where someone decided the other person was wrong, before ever trying to understand them? How often have you been that person who passed judgment without understanding?

Here is what makes listening to the other side even harder. It’s human instinct to want to be heard before we try to understand the other person. If we don’t feel like we are being heard, it’s too easy to close our mind to what the other side is saying. I know something I’m continuing to focus on is seeking first to understand before demanding to be understood, even if the other side isn’t originally listening to me.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Spider-Man: Miles Morales and Authenticity (2-24-21)

Happy Wednesday,

Last week was about representation. This week is about Spider-Man: Miles Morales and appreciating authenticity.

One of my favorite parts about Spider-Man: Miles Morales is that it feels different from the first Spider-Man game, where you play as Peter Parker, a white middle class college student from Queens. The developers could have made the second game feel exactly the same, but they didn’t do this. Instead, they gave each game its own personality with its unique characters, setting, story, music, etc. The developers never tried to force fit Miles into being Peter, because that would not have been true to who Miles is. As a result, you get two games that are true to themselves. This only works, because there is a large enough audience willing to embrace all the different ways someone could be Spider-Man.

How does this connect with anything? In the video game analogy, the audience had to be willing to embrace a different kind of Spider-Man. They needed to be able to look at Peter Parker and Miles Morales and say, “Both of these individuals create compelling stories because of who they are as individuals.” Even if the developers wanted Miles and Peter to be authentic to themselves, it wouldn’t work unless the audience embraced who those characters are.

Often we put the responsibility of being authentic on the individual. We tell people, “You just need to bring your authentic self to work.” We say this like it should be easy to do, and it isn’t. Bringing your authentic self only works if the audience is able to say, “Bob and Joe are different people with unique backgrounds who each bring their own perspective to the role, AND they both are able to deliver BECAUSE of what makes them unique.” If we are being honest with ourselves, often we aren’t to the point of fully embracing the authenticity of others. We still get hung up on the way we think things SHOULD be done. Rather than put the responsibility of being authentic on the individual, this responsibility falls on our leaders and co-workers. Leaders set the tone and co-workers help set and/or embrace the tone that is set. If these individuals (the audience) isn’t willing to embrace the authenticity of others, the individual can never be their authentic self.

The challenge: How are you creating the space that encourages people to be who they are?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Spider-Man: Miles Morales, Representation, and Inclusion

Happy Wednesday,

Last week was about challenging biases. This week is about the video game Spider-man: Miles Morales, representation, and inclusion.

Alice (8) was watching me play the game and there is a scene where Spider-man (Miles Morales) uses sign language to communicate with a character who is deaf. Alice asked, “Why isn’t she talking?” I explained that the character is deaf and often individuals who are deaf use sign language to communicate. Alice then said, “Why would they do that in a video game?”

It was an interesting question and a powerful moment, because I realized that Alice had never seen someone who offered this element of difference. I told Alice, “She’s in the video game, because the people who created this video game understand that she has a story worth telling. On top of that, the people who made the video game understand that she represents the people out in the world who are like her and also have stories worth telling. It’s kind of the same way with Miles Morales. How cool is it to have a Spider-man who is Black and Puerto Rican? How cool is it to have a Spider-man who can tell different stories? We all are unique, and we all have our own stories to tell. I say the more different stories we can see the better.” Alice paused for a moment and then said, “Yeah, that’s pretty cool!”

How does this connect with anything? If you pause for a moment and think about the things you watch on TV and the people at your work, how many of them look like you and are like you? The majority of the world looks like me. This sends clear signals that I’m welcome and included in a variety of situations. The same can’t be said for all people. While it’s easy to look at the progress we’ve made with regards to diversity and inclusion, the fact is that non-majority group members are still vastly underrepresented at all levels in an organization. A lack of representation, a lack of people who look and are like you, is often a signal that you aren’t necessarily welcome and included in an environment. If we want to live in a world where all people are valued, then we need to work to ensure all people are represented and are included.

The challenge: How will you include a wider variety of people in your work and life?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Spider-Man: Miles Morales and Challenging Biases (2-10-21)

Last week was about video games, milestones, and ambiguity. This week we are going to look at Spider-man: Miles Morales and challenging biases.

I mentioned earlier in the series that Miles Morales is Black and Puerto Rican. Throughout the game there are times when he speaks Spanish to his mom and other characters. At one point, my daughter Violet (6) asked, “Why are they speaking Spanish?” I responded by saying, “Why shouldn’t they be speaking Spanish? What’s wrong with that?” She said, “This is an English video game and an English TV, right? So shouldn’t they speak English?” I paused for a moment and then explained that Miles is Black and Puerto Rican, and was raised in multiple cultures. This means he speaks English and Spanish. I explained that this is a story about Miles, and if Miles is being true to himself, then he should speak Spanish. He should embrace who he is, and this gives us a chance to see the beauty in who Miles is and where he comes from. From then on, Violet had an appreciation for Miles being who he is.

Do you see the connections? When she asked me that question all I could think about is how often I’ve heard other white majority members say similar things. “Why do they have to speak Spanish? Why does that person act so Black? Why can’t she just act like one of the guys?” Maybe you’ve said or thought these things (I know I have, especially when I was younger and more ignorant). Maybe you’ve heard other people say those things. Maybe you’ve been the target of those statements. All of these statements (and ones like them) are racist, sexist, etc. because they are all based in the assumption that the majority way of doing something is superior and the right way of doing things. When Violet asked her question what she was really saying was, “I’m closer to the majority. Those characters are not the majority. Why don’t they just assimilate and act like the majority? Isn’t the majority way the best way? Shouldn’t they assimilate to that?” Those statements and mindsets are signals that individuals are not welcome and will not be included. It was challenging the assumption of why that behavior is inferior or wrong that got her to realize that it wasn’t and she was wrong to view it that way. In a similar way, we all have these built in biases. Unless we are actively challenging our biases, we will never get better.

The challenge: How are you confronting your biases and assumptions to be a better human?

Bonus: Last year I read, How to be an Antiracist by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi. It opened my eyes to how often I have had and continue to have assimilationist views and how those are harmful. Worth checking out.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Spider-Man: Miles Morales- Milestones and Unclear Paths (2-3-21)

This week we are going to kick off a series inspired by the video game Spider-man: Miles Morales. We will focus on video games, milestones, and unclear paths.

In this game you play as Miles Morales as he embraces his role as Spider-man. In case you aren’t familiar with Miles, he is biracial with a Black dad and a Puerto Rican mom. (You should also watch Into the Spider-verse). He is new to his powers and just coming into his own as a superhero. When you start the game you know that you’ll ultimately have to save the city, but you have no idea the path you will take to do this. While you don’t have a clear path that shows exactly how you’ll beat the game, you do have milestones you need to reach. For instance, a dot will show up on your map telling you to go there. You go to that destination and learn about what is going on in the game. After you complete that objective, you gain more insight into what the next step is. You go to the next dot on your map and repeat the process. As you complete the series of objectives you gain new powers and momentum that aid you in your quest. By the time you get to the final battle you’ve achieved a series of short-term goals that have set you up for ultimate long-term success.

What does this have to do with anything? I’ve come to accept that dealing with ambiguity will be one of the few constants in life. Things are more complex and changing faster than ever. It’s impossible to always have step by step instructions on how to reach your goals. This lack of clarity on a precise path forward makes it easy to freeze up and feel lost when facing a messy situation. Have you ever felt this way? In times like this, I think we have to take the video game approach. Instead of being paralyzed because every step isn’t laid out in front of us, we need to be willing to look at the situation, identify a few milestones, and start moving in their direction even if we don’t have every other step perfectly laid out. Similar to the Spider-man game, making progress on our first objective will give us the learning and momentum to better define and progress along a path toward our ultimate goal. It just requires us to be brave enough to keep moving forward even if we can’t plan out every little step.

The challenge: When faced with ambiguity, how will you find a way to move forward?

Bonus thought: Whenever I’m faced with an ambiguous situation I tend to ask myself these questions to try to bring clarity:

What do I believe the end goal is? By the end of this, what should people think/feel/do? Who can I bounce this thinking off of?
What is the from to for this?
What are 3 major milestones I’ll need to hit between now and the end goal to be on the path toward success? I’ve found I can always identify 3 milestones.
What is an immediate step I can take right now to move things a little bit forward? This could be anything from scheduling time with someone to connect to pulling together rough thoughts to show someone.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 1 Spider-verse and Biases (5-8-19)

This week I’d like to kick off a series of lessons I’ve learned from being a dad. We’ll start with a lesson from my daughter watching Spiderman: Into the Spider-verse, a beautifully animated and great movie.

In case you aren’t familiar with the movie, the film follow Miles Morales on his hero journey to become Spider-man. I was watching this movie with my girls and my oldest daughter Alice (7) was initially confused. She saw Miles Morales, a young man who is African American and Puerto Rican, and she said, “How can he be Spider-man? He doesn’t look anything like Peter Parker.” She asked this, because she’s used to seeing Spider-man portrayed as Peter Parker, a white male. That’s how he’s been represented in most media she has seen.

I paused for a second and asked, “Why couldn’t Miles be Spider-man? What does it take to be Spider-man?” From there Alice thought about it and said something along the lines of, “Well, I guess if he has spider like powers and can swing from webs and beat up the bad guys he could be Spider-man.” Fast forward in the movie and not only does she watch Miles become Spider-man, but she sees Gwen Stacy as Spider-Woman. This blew Alice’s mind. She went into a movie thinking Spider-man had to be a white male in his 20s to 30s and left realizing that anyone has the potential to be a Spider-Woman or Spider-man, which means that SHE could be a superhero too!

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything. This moment in parenting taught me a few things.

Representation matters. It’s not the only thing, but it is an important first step. In the case of this movie, not only was their representation of different people, but there was meaningful representation. I was so moved by Miles’s story. How can we ensure that at a MINIMUM we have the right people and a variety of people on our teams and in our organizations?
I realized that, just like Alice, we all have our biases that shape our worldview. “Spider-man must be a white male.” “A manager is X.” “A leader is Y.” “A good employee does A, B, and C.” What are we doing to keep these biases in check?
I love how Alice redefined what it would take to be Spider-man. She basically said, “If the person can do the things Spider-man can do, then they can be Spider-man.” She was basing this on behaviors. As we think about good leaders/bosses/employees how often are we focusing on their behaviors vs. their style. I’d argue that a leader’s job is to move people toward a vision in the right ways. If a person does those things, they are a leader, no matter what their official role or style is.

The challenge: How will confront and overcome your biases?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Superhero Lessons Part 7 Spider-man Wisdom (5-11-16)

This is going to be the last in the series of lessons I’ve learned from superheroes. We started with a story about finding and reaching the finish line with Batman and The Flash. Then, we talked about how we need to overcome our fear like Green Lantern in order to reach our goals. We also talked about embracing all sides of ourselves (Wonder Woman) and embracing all sides of our teams (X-men). We’ve talked about Iron Man and understanding that we can’t be everything to everyone. Last week we thought about how we can learn to view the world differently from a blind superhero named Daredevil. This week we’ll wrap everything up in webs and end this series with wisdom from Spider-man.

If you have ever heard of Spider-man you have probably heard the quote, “With great power comes great responsibility.” The short version of the story is that Peter Parker had been granted amazing powers after a being bitten by a radioactive spider. There was a bad guy that he could have stopped with his powers, but he chose not to. That bad guy then ended up killing his Uncle Ben. From that point on Peter Parker became Spider-man and set out to use his powers for good, because he realized it was his responsibility to do so.

So what does this have to do with our work? We all have great power. The power could come in the form of authority, influence, and/or the strengths that we can share. We started this series by talking about reaching a finish line, and I firmly believe it is all of our responsibilities to use the powers we have to help our teammates cross that finish line. Someone once asked me why I blog and perform poetry at Lilly. It’s because those are the superpowers I was born with. If I had been born with tremendous intellect or other skills I would be using those to help others, but I don’t have those things. Instead, I tell stories and share poems. These were the superpowers I was born with, but they aren’t “mine”. They are a blessing on loan. If I can use my words to make a difference, if I can write something that inspires people to think differently, if I can do anything to bring people together, if I can find a way to give people a little boost when they need it, then it’s my responsibility to do so.

The Challenge: What are you doing with your superpowers?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry