Tag: self-reflection

A Favorite Professor and Leaving a Legacy (5-14-25)

This week is a one-off entry about one of my favorite college professors and leaving a legacy.

You never know when inspiration will hit.  I had to get my wallet to buy something online and when I opened it, I saw the small card that I have kept with me since I was a senior in college almost 20 years ago.  When I saw it, I smiled, and thought of Professor Skinner, one of my all-time-favorites professors who also happens to be retiring.  This card is from a personal mission statement she had us write in her class, and I’ve had it ever since.

When I think about my time in her class, there are so many things that come to mind.  She cares.  She cares deeply about her students and her goal has always been to help them become better humans.  She was always willing to push and challenge to help you realize your potential.  There is so much I learned from her about being curious, being strong enough to ask for help, and how to think about and develop my personal brand.  Whether it was during college or afterward, she always showed love, support, and challenged to me keep growing.  I am so lucky to have had her as a professor and mentor.

Now let’s make some connections to our topic this week.  Professor Skinner will go down as one of my favorite and most impactful professors I ever had.  I know many of her students that feel the same way.  What an incredible legacy to leave.  It has me thinking about the legacy that I’m building.  How will others feel when they look back at memories of us working together?  What will people say when I retire?  What lasting impact will I have on them?  If I could be a Professor Skinner for other people that would be a tremendous accomplishment in life.

The challenge: What will your legacy be?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Self-Doubt and Being an Unreliable Narrator (4-16-25)

This week I’m going to kick off a series inspired by different storytelling mechanics.  This entry is about self-doubt and being an unreliable narrator.

An unreliable narrator is a storyteller whose account of events can’t be fully trusted.  They might be lying on purpose or they might unintentionally have things wrong.  The Sixth Sense is a great example of having an unreliable narrator. The story is told from the perspective of Malcom, a child psychologist, played by Bruce Willis.  Throughout the movie we see the world unfold through his eyes, and assume the events are true.  Then the twist is revealed.  Malcom had been dead the entire time and had not known it.  As all the pieces start connecting you begin to realize that the events we saw from Malcom’s eyes weren’t the real ones.  

You’re probably wondering how this connects to anything.  What if we can be an unreliable narrator sometimes like Malcom?  What if we allow our self-doubt, skepticism, or other things to infiltrate our minds and distort our perception of the reality around us?  Has this ever happened to you?  Sometimes, we need some perspective from the outside or another person to nudge us to ensure we have an accurate view on reality.

Let me share a recent personal story with you.  My new boss started a couple of months ago.  We were having a pretty good heart to heart during a 1 on 1.  At the time, self-doubt was shaping my narrative, and I shared something along the lines of, “I feel like I’m just moving soooo slow right now.  It’s like I’m not being effective.”  My boss looks at me and says something like, “I don’t feel that way or see that being true.”  This jolt was similar to the twist in the Sixth Sense, where all of the pieces started to fit together in a different and more true way.  This comment made me realize that I might have been an unreliable narrator.  Maybe, my perception of what was going on was not actually reality.  Maybe, my perception had been distorted by self-doubt.  Fast forward from two months ago to yesterday when I had my first performance check-in for the year.  Now, I had a better grasp on reality due to a more balanced self-reflection and by listening to the feedback and encouragement from others.  Instead of being burdened by self-doubt, I went into that conversation confident.  I was able to sit down and tell a story like, “I’m so proud and so excited about everything I’ve delivered so far, AND I also know I’d like to grow in A, B, C areas.”  It was a total shift from just a couple of months prior.

The challenge- How will you ensure that self-doubt doesn’t turn you into an unreliable narrator?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Q1 2025 Self-Reflection (3-26-25)

It’s a bonus blog!  I hope you’re excited 😉  For the past few years I’ve used the last Wednesday of the first quarter to share a blog on doing quarterly check-ins for work and yourself.  This will be a long email, because I’m sharing my own self-assessment.

We have our first performance management coming up in the next month.  During this check-in we will talk through some of these questions.  What are 2-3 highlights?  What are 2-3 opportunities to do better?  What are some learnings from Q1 I can apply moving forward?

What does this have to do anything?  While this is great for work, we could apply this same thinking to our personal lives as well.  What are some of your goals for 2025?  How did you do with them in Q1?  Have you stopped to CELEBRATE your progress?  Stop RIGHT NOW and celebrate something you’ve achieved.  After you celebrate, then you can reflect and see if there are any gaps.  If you have gaps, why do you have gaps?  What happened?  What got in the way?  How can you adjust to reach your goals for this quarter?

The challenge: Will you take the time to do a quarterly check-in?  What changes will you make to set yourself up for the rest of the year?

Bonus: Here is my review based on the dimensions in my life I set goals for.  Hopefully, it sparks a thought or two for you.  In case no one has told you lately, “YOU GOT THIS!” 

  • Rebuild (B+)- This is my word/theme for the year.  I wanted to make repairs AND extensive changes.  I’m giving myself an B+, because all of the momentum I’ve built back and am taking advantage of.  I’d say the trend for all categories is that the first 6 weeks of the quarter were bumpy, and from there I’ve been on a great upward trajectory. 
  • Mental Health (A)- The goal is to feel like I’m in a good, strong, solid mental state.  I feel I’m in the best headspace that I’ve been in a hot minute.  I have a lot to love and celebrate in life right now.  I think I’m also doing a better job of practicing radical acceptance and recognizing “it is what it is.”
  • Physical Health (B-)- The goal is to build strength, aiming for increasing strength by around 15%.  I couldn’t find an exercise routine or rhythm in January or February.  I’ve been crushing it in March and making sure I’m prioritizing my time to hit the gym.  I’m reestablishing my strength baselines, so I can track that more throughout the year.  I would like to walk/run more, mainly so I can make sure I’m prepared for my obstacle course races.  First one is in May!
  • Family (B+)-The goal is to feel like I’m being an amazing husband and dad.  I’m feeling pretty good about things right now.  I can feel my family start to evolve into the next phase with my son turning 11 and my daughter almost 13.  It’s cool watching them grow and leading beside my wife.  I will honestly say I’ve been working more hours than I’d like, but I think that will balance out in the future.
  • Career (B+)- The goal is to feel like I’m delivering magic.  From the end of the year through Q1, I feel like I’ve been delivering some Hufflepuff magic, and that folks are valuing it.  The whole feeling valued piece is huge.  I’m also on the verge of rolling out a few things I’ve been working on for the better part of a year, and that’s adding even more positivity.  With that said, the past few months have also been a humbling experience and a reminder that it’s impossible to juggle everything all of the time.  I’ve definitely had a few balls drop in Q1.  Some of them have been rubber.  A couple of them have been glass.  As part of the radical acceptance piece, I’m doing better at embracing it for what it is and I’m proud that despite all of the crazy I was still able to do some pretty darn amazing things.  Luckily, the crazy is starting to become more manageable.  In the midst of all the change and organizational evolution, I feel like I’m getting some stability, which might be a weird thing to say 😉.  As we continue to fill open roles, we can better distribute the workload.  Additionally, as we take confident steps toward embracing a new future, this stability will become stronger and enable the team and I to reach our potential.
  • Financial (B)- The goal is to ensure we are saving/investing money in the right way.  I’ve already shifted money for investments.  I am wasting a bit too much money on eating out right now.  I want to tighten that up in Q2.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

An Open Letter to 2024 (12-4-24)

As the year comes to a close, I’ve once again taken time to sit near my Christmas tree and reflect.  Here is my open letter to 2024, and the lessons it gave me.

Dear 2024,

How’s it going?  If I had to sum up my experience with you in one word it would be, “Whoa!”  Whoa as in, “Whoa!  What the heck just happened?” or “Whoa!  That’s enough already.  You don’t need to keep pouring it on.” And “Whoa!  How in the world did we make it through all that?”  You were tough from the get-go, and you never let up.

  • My theme for this year was to “Intentionally Invest”  There were some places in life where I failed miserable in investing in the right things, and instead spent energy and time like crazy just trying to make it.  There were other areas where I did invest well, and I’m already benefiting from the compound interest from those efforts. 
  • I’m so thankful for my health and continue to understand why I shouldn’t ever take that for granted.
  • I hope that everyone finds a partner one day that loves them, supports them, cares for people, and holds things down the way my wife does.  If you’ve already found someone like that, make sure you count your blessings.
  • If my kids were flowers, they would be in full bloom now, and that’s beautiful.  If they were flowers, they would also be bright and colorful with creative weird patterns, who grow where they are planted while learning how to try out new soil.
  • My goal in my job is always to work magic, to find ways to do the seemingly impossible.  I’m so proud of myself, because I know I worked magic this year.  I worked blood magic, sweat magic, tears magic.  I transformed dreams and wild ideas into reality and slayed the status quo like an evil dragon.  And when the dementors tried to come and suck out my soul, I yelled, “Expecto patronum” and shined a bright light until they retreated.  #Hufflepuff  (Side note, I wonder what my patronus would be. Bonus points to anyone who gives me a good answer)   
  • 2024, you taught me how important it is to have a few good people you can lean on.  I worked magic, because I could lean on them when I needed to.  I hope you all have a squad of folks you can lean on when stuff gets hard.
  • Being seen and being valued are two of the most important gifts you can give someone.  Never underestimate how much a kind word or gesture can mean.  Special thanks to all the people who gave me those gifts this year.
  • When the going got tough, I didn’t put the team on my back, I brought them into my heart.  There’s a difference.  The back merely holds heavy weight.  The heart holds weight, embraces the people, and still beats with hopeful energy.  The heart is stronger than other muscles could ever hope to be.
  • This year reminded me how much strength there is in vulnerability, and how similar our experiences are as humans.  I had a blog series where I talked about going to therapy, not knowing if people had any similar feelings or issues.  I was blown away by the number of people who said, “Whoa! This is the same things I’m going through.”  It was a good reminder that we are never truly alone, and that being brave enough to share our stories hopes us all. 
  • I think almost everyone I’ve spoken to is on the verge of burnout or a breakdown.  I pray we all recharge and we find ways to avoid this next year.
  • Speaking of recharge, I’m finally making some progress on taking care of myself physically.  Been working out regularly and seeing increases in strength.  I have a long way to go, but proud of my progress. 
  • Whoa!  That’s a lot for one year.  I hope that 2025 is a little bit smoother around all the spiky edges 😉

The challenge: If you haven’t taken the time, take a few moments to reflect on 2024 and the lessons and emotions it gave you this year.  How will these shape you moving forward?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Impostor Syndrome and Being Confident in Who You Are (11-13-24)

This will be our last entry about impostor syndrome.  This week is about how being confident in who we are helps fight impostor syndrome.

A few months ago, someone reached out to me to speak about AI at an upcoming market research conference.  As I’ve mentioned before, Impostor Syndrome takes chances like this to whisper to me that I’m not a technical expert.  Normally, that would make me feel bad.  However, this time I redirected the whispers from Impostor Syndrome.

I responded back to the individual and I said, “Thanks for the invite.  I want to be clear on my role.  If you are looking for a tech expert who knows all the ins and outs, that’s not me.  I’ll be happy to connect you to someone who can do that for you.  If you’re looking for a dreamer who is trying to drive solutions and change in his org, I’d be happy to chat.”  The person responded and let me know they were looking for the latter, and that made me feel confident I could deliver.  My impostor feelings instantly evaporated, and now I’m on a panel to speak at TMRE (The Market Research Event) in a few weeks. #pumped

Let’s connect some more dots.  Do you ever feel like you need to be all things to all people?  I do.  This is one of the easiest ways to get lured into a situation where you are an impostor.  The way to defend against this is to know who you are, what your strengths are, and what your weaknesses are.  In our story, I leveraged the whispers of Impostor Syndrome to make sure I’d never be an impostor.  It told me that I wasn’t X, and I said, “Based on the evidence you’re right.  If they want X, I’m not the guy.  If they want Y, then I’m a good fit.”  Once I confirmed they wanted Y, all doubts and worries of being an impostor went away, because I know who I am.

The challenge: Will you confidently embrace who you are and who you aren’t?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

When and Why Impostor Syndrome Shows Up (11-6-24)

Spiritual GrowthLast week was about impostor syndrome and listening to the positive whispers.  This week is about understanding when and why impostor syndrome rears its ugly head.

I’ve had a lot more impostor syndrome over the past couple of months than I normally do.  This has caused me to pause and wonder why, which led me to an epiphany.  Impostor syndrome doesn’t show up as I brush my teeth.  It doesn’t show up when I make myself breakfast in the morning or when I drive into work.  Impostor syndrome doesn’t show up whenever I’m doing anything at home or work that is routine or easy.

Do you know when impostor syndrome shows up?  It shows up when I’m pushing boundaries.  It shows up when I’m doing something new.  It shows up when I’m doing something challenging.  All of those things bring nervousness and fear, and that’s when impostor syndrome shows up.  Everything I’m doing at work right now involves challenging the status quo, carving paths through new frontiers, and pushing myself as a leader further than I thought possible.  No wonder impostor syndrome has been so loud lately. 😉

What does this have to do with anything?  When impostor syndrome first shows up, I often think it’s a me problem.  I view it as a sign of my own weakness.  I view it as a warning that I’m about to fail.  Do you ever feel this way?  Now, I’m beginning to view impostor syndrome a little differently.  If impostor syndrome only shows up when I’m pushing myself, then impostor syndrome isn’t a sign of my weakness.  Impostor syndrome is actually a sign that I’m on the verge of growing.  If I view it this way, I can lean in and push forward instead of being paralyzed by it.

The challenge: How will you reinterpret what impostor syndrome means?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Impostor Syndrome and the Positive Whisper (10-30-24)

This week is about impostor syndrome and listening to positive whispers. I’ve been reflecting quite a bit about everything going on at work, all the challenges, and my attempts to lead through those things.  All of that reflecting ultimately crystalized into something.  I was in a meeting yesterday, there was great energy, and it’s like I heard a little positive whisper that said, “You’re doing pretty good at this stuff.” 

Normally, Impostor Syndrome would catch a whiff of this positive whisper and rush to crush it.  However, this time, I didn’t give Impostor Syndrome the chance to snuff out that flame.  This time, I sat with the positive whisper for a bit.  I shielded the whisper from being snuffed out, and I slowed down to stay with the whisper before rushing off.  It was kind of like stepping outside of my body for a second, as the positive whisper kept talking to me, “Andrew, you may not be perfect, but you’re a lot of the things you appreciate from your favorite leaders.  You’re challenging the status quo, casting a vision, navigating ambiguity, engaging people, and making trade-offs.  You’re doing pretty good at this stuff.  Make sure you see that.”

Let’s make some connections.  Have you ever had Impostor Syndrome crush your momentum and belief in yourself?  It happens to me all the time.  I’ll start to have a positive thought like, “I’m doing well,” and then Impostor Syndrome will say, “But you messed up all of these things.  Look at that chain of mistakes.  They are going to find out you aren’t the real deal.”  It wasn’t until I heard the positive whisper that I realized how incredibly deafening and all-consuming Impostor Syndrome can be.  Have you ever realized this?  We are so quick to allow the Impostor Syndrome to be loud and tear us down.  At the same time, we are so slow to protect and encourage the fragile positive whisper.  It doesn’t have to be this way.  If we are willing to sit with the positive whisper, often that’s enough for it to grow and get through.

The challenge: Will you hear the positive whisper?  How can you sit with and encourage the positive whisper?

Bonus: If you don’t hear the positive whisper right now allow me to be that, “You’re an awesome human.  You’re doing a nice job of hanging in there.  You’re pretty good at this life stuff.”

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Therapy and Radical Acceptance (9-18-24)

Last week was about therapy and thought traps.  This week we are diving into the powerful idea of radical acceptance.  I consider this to be my favorite therapy tool and mindset shift.  This email is a bit longer, because I wanted to dig a little deeper into the concepts and I’m throwing in a couple examples.

During one of my therapy sessions I was talking about my problems and saying things like, “I keep running into X, and it sucks.  It SHOULD be going like this.  And I’m facing Y situation.  It SHOULD NOT be going like that.  It SHOULD be happening like this.”  Have you ever been overwhelmed by the thought of how things should be vs how they are?  After listening to me, my therapist hit me hard like a punch straight to the gut with an insight that cut to the core of my problem.  She said something along the lines of, “You are making yourself suffer twice.  You’re suffering the first time because the challenge you are facing is hard.  That’s true.  It is hard.  You are making yourself suffer a second time, because you are refusing to accept reality for what it is.  Instead of embracing reality you keep saying this SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be happening.  You are creating unrealistic expectations, and that’s causing you even more pain because they can’t be fulfilled.” 

I sat there stunned for a moment, and then my therapist talked to me about the concept of radical acceptance.  Radical acceptance is focused on embracing what IS instead of what should be.  The main idea is learning how to OBJECTIVELY look at a situation to see the real facts, challenges, and constraints.  There is no judgment about whether it’s good or bad.  It’s merely looking at the situation and saying, “This is reality.  This is the challenge I need to contend with.”  I can’t express how important of a mindset shift this was for me.  Once I learned how to practice radical acceptance, I could step back from a situation and be objective.  Once I learned how to embrace radical acceptance, the emotions of a situation no longer had such a hold on me.  Being objective and creating distance helped me analyze what was occurring, so I could see potential solutions and get unstuck. 

What does this have to do with anything?  Whether it’s your personal life or work, it’s easy to get swept up in what SHOULD happen, and to become so focused on this that you end up suffering twice when reality doesn’t meet your expectations.  Instead, we need to practice radical acceptance, embrace reality, and then problem solve.  Below are a couple of real examples from my recent life.  Do either of these sound familiar?

Too much work example– I started by telling myself this, “We have too much work to do.  We SHOULD have more headcount or more resources.  This is crap!  I guess I’ll just have to work zillions of hours.”  Does this ring any bells?  Then I practiced radical acceptance with the team and the conversation turned into this, “The reality of the situation is that we have too much work to do.  We don’t have the resources or people to do it all, and there are no indications that we are going to get more people or resources anytime soon.  The only way we can get it all done is if we work ourselves to death.  I don’t want that for any of us.  Now let’s problem solve.  It won’t be easy, but we need to make choices.  What do we value?  What can we prioritize?  Okay, we value X, so we are going to focus all our efforts on Y and Z and leave everything else alone.  I’ll start emailing folks to tell them we won’t help with their request right now, and/or we will offer them ______ because we are already doing that so they can try that if they want to but we won’t be doing anything special for them.”  The situation didn’t necessarily get easier, but practicing radical acceptance enabled me to problem solve without suffering twice.  Also, it might sound weird to say but practicing radical acceptance also has enabled me to be more zen, even in the midst of a lot of chaos.

Health and fitness example– I have what will likely be my last obstacle course race of the year in about 1.5 weeks.  For the past couple of weeks I’ve been beating myself up.  I’ve been saying things like, “I SHOULD have lifted more.  I SHOULD have done more dead hangs.  I SHOULD have ran more.  I SHOULD have been better with all aspects of my health.  I can’t believe I didn’t do those things.  I suck.  I SHOULD NOT feel like I’m more or less starting over.”  Have you ever beat yourself up over your health and fitness goals?  The reality of the situation is that I’m not happy about this, but it is the situation I’m in.  Due to a wide variety of reasons, I did not train as much as I would have liked, and there is NOTHING I can do to change that.  Rehashing it over and over again does not help.  Practicing radical acceptance led me to realize that I have a limited number of days left to prepare for the race.  I have the opportunity to make the most of those.  Most importantly, the reality is that even if I didn’t train as much as I would have liked, I can still have a lot of fun at the race.  I’m no longer beating myself up, and I feel so much better.

The challenge: How will you practice radical acceptance to embrace reality for what it is?

Resources- Here are a few videos I watched about radical acceptance.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Therapy, Symptoms, and Root Causes (9-4-24)

Last week was about acknowleding things are heavy.  This week is about therapy, symptoms, and root causes. 

At this point in my therapy process, I’ve listed all the challenges I have going on in life.  From there, we talk about the negative impact this is having on me.  Being honest and vulnerable, I was participating in a lot of numbing/avoidance behaviors.  For me that looks like eating and drinking too much junk, doomscrolling, laying around vs moving my body, and binging on video games.  When I’m mentally healthy, I might partake in those behaviors in moderation and get joy from them.  During this time period, I was doing those things to escape instead of dealing with my issues.

It would have been easy to assume we should start going after those avoidance behaviors with things like, “Try to eat healthier,” but those were just the things on the surface.  We needed to find the root cause.  I had become so overwhelmed by things that I started telling myself a story that sounded like this, “All of this sucks.  It won’t ever get better.  I’m stuck and powerless.”  Have you ever felt this way?  After talking about this, I recognized this was the root of my problem.  I had convinced myself I was stuck and powerless, and that prevented me from dealing with these challenges.  I needed to address this feeling.

What does this have to do with anything?  Whether it’s therapy, marketing, or a business challenge, it’s EASY to see something on the surface and ASSUME that is what you need to solve for.  However, solving the surface level issue is often a temporary fix at best.  You can’t make meaningful progress, until you address the root of the issue.  In my case, the issue wasn’t necessarily that I was demonstrating avoiding behaviors .  The issue is that I started to believe I was stuck and powerless.  Addressing this and learning to let go of this has made all the difference.

The challenge: Will you address symptoms or root causes?

Have a jolly good day,

Therapy and Acknowledging Things are Heavy (8-28-24)

Carrying A Heavy Weight Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images ...Last week was about therapy and being brave enough to ask for help.  Thanks for everyone who reached out with kind words, and I’m proud of everyone who is committed and/or recommitting to therapy and taking care of themselves.  This week is about therapy and acknowledging things are heavy.

After the initial part of our conversation, my therapist asked me to talk more about what was going on.  I started listing everything off.  “I have these 3 things going on with each kid, and there’s no playbook for this.  Everything is on fire at work, AND there are 4 to 5 challenges I’m trying to sift through and navigate.  There are these 3 other things happening in life.  My shoulder is in constant pain.  I haven’t been working out.  I can’t even tell you the last time I slept well.  I feel like crap.  I’m focusing on holding it together, so I can keep stuff moving.” 

After listening to me rattle off all those things, my therapist looks me in the eyes and says, “That’s a lot.”  I immediately discount her comment and in complete seriousness reply, “It’s nothing special.  All that is just another Tuesday.”  She hears me say this.  She hears me discount her original statement.  She looks me in the eyes again and says something like, “It’s a lot.  Even if it’s not one huge event it is still a lot of things to carry, and it’s a lot of weight.  It’s a lot to carry for any human.”

What does this have to do with anything?  This was the beginning of one of my first epiphanies from therapy.  I had been so consumed by just trying to make it day to day that I had lost all perspective.  I had failed to realize that all of these things were adding up.  Has this ever happened to you? 

The moment my therapist acknowledged that I was carrying heavy weight it opened my eyes and shifted how I felt about myself.  I wasn’t weak.  I was carrying a lot of heavy things.  It also reinforced that I’m human, we are all humans, and being overwhelmed at times is just part of the broader human experience.  Have you ever felt overwhelmed like this?

The challenge: Will you appropriately appreciate and recognize the weight you are carrying?  Will you embrace that it’s okay if heavy things feel heavy?  Will you remember that you aren’t weak, sometimes things are heavy?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry