Tag: mistakes

Making Mistakes vs Being an Impostor (10-9-24)

Over the past few weeks, a few of you made comments about impostor syndrome, so I wanted to explore that for a series.  This entry is about making mistakes, feeling like an impostor, and evidence.  Let’s start with a definition.  Impostor (noun)- one that assumes false identity or title for the purpose of deception (Impostor Definition & Meaning – Merriam-Webster). 

As many of you know, I do obstacle course races.  I have only had 1 race where I completed every obstacle flawlessly.  Usually, I fail anywhere between 10-30% of the obstacles.  Here is what is interesting.  When I fail an obstacle I tell myself, “I made a mistake” and move on.  The thought that I might be an impostor who doesn’t belong on the course NEVER crosses my mind.  Why is that?  It’s because when I step back and take a look at the evidence, I see that it refutes the impostor claim.  I have a wall full of medals that demonstrates I am an obstacle course racer.  The evidence reinforces who I am and what I do.

What does this have to do with anything?  When most people talk to me about impostor syndrome, they say something like, “I’m afraid that if I make a mistake they will find out I don’t belong here.  If I make a mistake, they will see I’m an impostor.”  Making a mistake doesn’t automatically make you an impostor.  Making a mistake doesn’t mean you’ve assumed a false identity or are trying to be something you’re not. 

Instead of assuming you’re an imposter, I’d ask you to step back and look at the evidence.  If you zoom out, chances are that there is a mound of evidence that suggests you are more than competent and capable.  If you zoom out, chances are there is a mound of evidence that suggests you are worthy of being in that room.  If you make a mistake, you aren’t an impostor, you’re a human who makes mistakes sometimes.  There is a big difference between those two things.

The challenge: Will you distinguish between being an impostor and being a human who makes mistakes?  Will you remember to step back and look at the evidence?

Bonus thoughts- I used the obstacle course racing example, but I could have used different ones.  I’m a slam poet who has bombed on stage, AND I’ve won competitions and been to nationals.  The bad poems don’t make me an impostor.  I’m a blogger that has written some stuff that isn’t that great, AND I’ve written some amazing blogs that have brought people to tears and made a difference.  The weak entries don’t make me an impostor.  I’ve made all kinds of mistakes at work, AND I’ve also won awards and been recognized for doing incredible things.  The mistakes don’t make me an impostor, they just reinforce that I’m human. 

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting Mistakes and Taking Accountability (8-23-23)

Last week was about exploring and being curious.  This week is about parenting mistakes and taking accountability.

Let me set the scene.  I had been trying to fix the toilet.  I was irritated, sweating, wet, and just straight up grumpy.  I go from this to jumping into a parenting situation, and I get way too angry about something that doesn’t even really matter.  I’m yelling at Cameron and saying things like, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!  I ASKED YOU TO DO ONE LITTLE THING!!!! GO DO WHAT I TOLD YOU TO DO!!!”  Cam just looks at me like a deer trapped in headlights.  My wife comes in from the garage to see what the heck is going on.  That’s when it hit me that I had totally lost my mind.  I take a couple of deep breaths, go to Cameron and say, “I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean to yell at you, and you didn’t deserve to be yelled at.  This had nothing to do with you and everything to do with how frustrated I am with the stupid toilet right now.  I’m sorry.”  It took Cam a few minutes to get out of deer trapped in headlights mode, and then he was okay, and he knew we were cool.  #notmybestparentingmoment

What does this have to do with anything?  We aren’t going to get it right every time.  We are human.  We are going to make mistakes.  We are going to lose our cool.  We are going to say/do things we shouldn’t have done.  When we make those mistakes, all we can do is recognize them, take accountability, apologize, and work to make things right.  While losing my cool wasn’t my best parenting moment, I think modeling to Cam what accountability looks like and what apologizing looks like are important lessons.

Think about work for a moment.  Think about the people who have made mistakes and refused to take accountability.  How did that feel?  How did that impact your relationship with them?  Have you ever been that person?  I know I have.  On the flip side, have you worked with people who have taken accountability for their mistakes?  How did that transform your relationship with them?  There are few things more impressive to me than folks who are willing to own their mistakes.  It’s one of the quickest ways to gain my trust.

The challenge: How will you take accountability for your mistakes?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Legos, Mistakes, and How You Respond (2-8-23)

Last week was about Legos, evidence, and trust.  This week is about Legos, mistakes, and how you respond.  This entry is inspired by a story from Tacey Boucher.

Tacey reached out to me after the first Lego entry and shared this story.  “Rob built the Mandalorian Razor Crest recently. It WAS missing an important piece. He was disappointed and concerned he’d have to fight or pay to get the piece. He contacted them and their response back was a letter detailing how the Empire had sabotaged their supply lines, but they had found another path and his piece would soon arrive. Rob was all smiles…it was suddenly almost worth it that the piece had been missing and the build was delayed. He thanked them for their reply and immediately got back a simple response: ‘This is the way.’”  Not going to lie, after hearing that story I kind of want to tell Lego that they lost my Batman pieces just to see what cool stuff would happen. 😉

What does this have to do with anything?  I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get it in my head that making the mistake is the end of the story.  If I make a mistake, then everything else stops, and that situation is remembered as the time I screwed up.  This mindset prevents me from taking chances and driving myself and others to be better.  Do you ever find yourself in this mindset?

This week’s story is a reminder that making a mistake does not have to be the end.  Instead, making a mistake can be a powerful turning point in the story.  Lego made a mistake, owned it, and made it up to Rob in a caring and compassionate way.  Since hearing this story from Tacey I’ve told dozens of people, and now I’m sharing it with you because it’s so powerful.  The story is no longer about Lego making a mistake.  It’s about how they responded.  In a similar way, some of the most powerful work experiences are when I have made a mistake, and then responded in a powerful way or when someone else has fallen short only to get up and start kicking some butt.  Does that ring true for you?

The challenge:  How will you respond when you make a mistake?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

The Not So Polished Human Side of Things (2-9-22)

Last week we looked at giving yourself permission to not be perfect.  Let’s continue that theme by giving ourselves permission to share the not so polished human side of things. 

This is from lap 2 of the Abominable Snow Race. On the first lap I scaled the 8 foot wall like a pro. Not so smooth this time.  I misjudged the distance, swung my leg incorrectly, and got stuck in a painful position.  If you zoom in, you can see me dying on the inside from the pain or as my cousin said, “I can see your soul leaving your body.”  It took me 30 seconds or what felt like 1 hour to shimmy my other leg over and slide down the wall.  I was hurting.  It was ugly.  But I made it. #bestphotoever

Whether or not you’ve ever done an obstacle course race, we have all been in some version of this moment from the picture on the right.  Everything is going smoothly, and then bam it turns painful and awkward in a heartbeat from a trip, stumble, or our minds just blanking.  We’ve all been there.  You can probably picture that moment in your mind right now.  I hope you chuckle when you do.  Sharing this story doesn’t make me look cool.  It’s not a flattering photo.  However, it is one way of showing I’m human.  It is one way of helping us all connect to the fact that we are all human.  I’d hope that by sharing something like this, it might make you feel a little comfortable sharing the human side of you whenever you’re around me.

What does this have to do with work?  Have you ever been around a co-worker who only shows you the polished side of things?  Have you ever been around a leader like this?  I don’t know about you, but I have a real hard time trusting people like that.  I have a hard time being open about my thoughts and feelings.  If the leader never shows that they are human, how can I be expected to show that I’m human?  Now, am I saying that everyone needs to share a painful picture of them getting stuck on an 8 foot wall?  No.  What I am saying is that it would be great if we all felt comfortable to share a bit of us that makes us human.  This could mean sharing stories of our mistakes, flaws, joy, love, passion, and anything that gives an insight into who we are as people.  These are the actions that create the environment where humanity can be shared. 

The challenge: How are you sharing the not so polished human side of you?  What are you doing to give people a place where it’s safe to show they are human?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Painting and Making Mistakes (4-8-20)

This week I’d like to tell one more story about my daughters and transition us into a series inspired by art.  This week is about painting and making mistakes. 

The picture is of Alice holding a painting she did on her own for a 2nd grade project.  You probably can’t tell looking at the picture, but she initially made a mistake on the eyes.  When she realized her mistake, she got upset with herself and was convinced that she had ruined the painting.  I took her aside explained to her that when people examine paintings, even some of the most famous paintings in the world, that if they look beyond the top layer of paint they can see where the artist initially made a mistake.  They can see where the artist recovered and painted over their mistake, and unless you had the right equipment, you’d never know an error was made in the first place.  I told her she could just paint over her mistake, and the painting would turn out just fine.

What does this have to do with anything?  I don’t know about you, but I can be just like Alice sometimes.  I make one small mistake and think that something is ruined.  The truth is that most of the mistakes and flaws that I see in myself and my work aren’t even seen by other people.  On top of this, even if the mistake is seen, it’s usually something that can be painted over, before it ever impacts the final deliverable.  With everything going on right now it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by supposed mistakes and shortcomings like not being as productive, missed opportunities, not being as on top of things, kids crashing conference calls, etc.  If you feel or experience any of these, it’s okay.  It’s just a sign that you’re human.  When you experience these I hope you can take a deep breath and realize that this mistake is something that most likely will not be noticed and can easily be painted over.  By the time this is all over, you will be a piece of art showcasing your grit, tenacity, and grace, and that beauty is what will be seen.

The challenge: When you make a mistake, will you pause and remember you can probably “paint over it”? 

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 5 Band-aids, Bumps, Bruises, and Mistakes (7-11-18)

I hope you had a wonderful holiday!  Last week was about intentionally building an environment.  This week is about bumps, bruises, cuts, and responding to minor injuries/mistakes. 

One of the things that fascinates me about little kids is how often they hurt themselves.  They are always running into something, falling off something, scraping an elbow or a knee, bumping their head, etc.  Often what happens is that they do something that hurts them and it makes them scared.  Being scared causes them to freak out more than necessary.  Think about the kid who is wailing like she’s dying and you go over to realize she just has a knee scrape.  That kid is my daughters.

When my daughters get hurt, I’ve found that I can’t just instantly brush away their pain.  First, I acknowledge their pain, and then I assess the situation to determine how bad the injury is.  I reassure them that they are fine, and I get them a Band-Aid or an ice pack if they need it.  Then, I encourage them to go play again.  99% of the time, within 5 seconds of playing they forget about the bump/scratch/scrape and within a couple of days that spot has completely healed. (Their healing abilities are amazing.  I swear kids are like little Wolverines.  Bonus points if you get that joke.  I personally thought it was “claw”esome.  See what I did there?)

You might be wondering what this has to do with work.  While we may not injure ourselves on a regular basis by falling off playground or anything, we do make mistakes sometimes.  Mistakes can hurt.  I don’t know about you, but I can be way too harsh on myself when I make mistakes, especially if my mistake impacts other people.  If I screw up something that affects only me, I don’t care.  The moment I feel it influences other people and their work, I feel horrible and those things eat me up for days..  Much like my girls overreacting to a scraped knee like they are dying, I overreact to my mistakes like they have somehow doomed the people I’m working with and my own career. 

It’s during these times when I’m allowing a mistake to eat me up that I need perspective.  Yes, making a mistake hurts and sucks, but just like my girls when they scrape their elbows, it’s not the end of the world.  I need to get better at realizing that in 99% of cases, the mistakes I make will heal in a couple of days, and that I just need to slap a Band-Aid on and get back to work.  Also, when I can’t find that perspective myself, sometimes I need a colleague to help me gain that perspective.  During these times a simple, “Dude, yes you made a mistake.  Does it kind of suck?  Yes.  In the grand scheme of things with everything you’ve done and the equity you’ve built up over time, does it matter?  No.  Nobody thinks you’re a moron.  Nobody thinks you’re incompetent.  Let go and move on,” can be the words I need to realize it’s just a scratch that will heal on its own..

The challenge: Are you keeping perspective when you make mistakes?  Are you helping others keep perspective when they make mistakes?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Mistakes, Spirals of Doubt, and Perspective (5-2-18)

This blog has always been part diary, part therapy, and part random thoughts.  I wanted to share all of those with you in this entry about mistakes, spirals of doubt, and gaining perspective.

I woke up yesterday and sent my normal Wednesday email on a Tuesday out of dumb early morning confusion.  It was a simple mistake, sending an email at the wrong time.  I’m sure we’ve all done something like that.  Later on that morning in a meeting I met a new teammate and called them by the wrong name.  It was a simple mistake, something we’ve all probably done at one point in our life.

You’d assume that I’d just shake off two stupid mistakes and move on with my life, but I couldn’t.  I have no idea why, but this was the trigger that allowed all the voices of doubt to creep in.  It’s like I was able to go from competent person to a complete incompetent hot mess in 3 seconds.    Before I knew what was happening I was spending the day analyzing, over analyzing, and revisiting everything I had done wrong or maybe could have done wrong over the past few months.  I thought about the meeting two weeks ago when someone asked me a question and I didn’t know the answer off the top of my head and how I had to look up the answer in the meeting and how that just showcases I’m not smart.  I thought about the survey I’m building and how I’ve solicited feedback, and how if I was good I should have been able to see the weak points in the survey and corrected them preemptively without needing the feedback.  I thought about the market research I’m running and how it wasn’t playing out the way I thought it was, and how that suggested I must not be very good at my job if I can’t predict these things.  I became overly concerned with the questions I was being asked and whether or not I was doing good enough answering them.  I just couldn’t make things click right.  I replayed every mistake I’ve made in the past two months over and over and over again. 

You could be wondering where I’m going with this.  I’d like to take this in a few directions. 

  1. Maybe this whole experience is just something my crazy brain does, but if you’ve ever felt this way know you aren’t alone. 
  2. It’s amazing how I gave two small insignificant mistakes I made on a Tuesday morning so much power over how I felt for the rest of the day. 
  3. In order to pull out of the tailspin I had to pull my head up and get perspective.  In the grand scheme of things, do any of the things I mentioned in the previous paragraph matter?  No.  People got my blog a day early and still sent cool responses.  If anything that’s an early win.  I forgot a guy’s name, and he’ll probably forget about that by tomorrow.  I didn’t know the answer when I was asked something a couple of weeks ago, and if that’s the biggest screw up I make on the job that would make me the best employee my company has ever seen (In all reality, could I be the best looking employee we have?  Maybe.  Most talented, probably not).  The survey I’m working on requires a lot of great brains, so how arrogant would it be of me to think I’m smarter than an entire team of awesome people?  The market research I’m running isn’t playing out to my predictions, and that’s why we do research to actually test a hypothesis.  If I was 100% sure I was right, we wouldn’t be doing research. 

All in all, two stupid mistakes made on a Tuesday were a good reminder that I’m human and that as a human I can sometimes get way too overworked about insignificant things.  It was a lesson in perspective without feeling real pain, so I’ll take it.

The challenge: If you feel yourself falling into the downward spiral of self-doubt, how will you find perspective to reset and move forward?

#Embrymistakes=bonusmessage                #SometimesI’mahotmess              #Justkeepingitreal              

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons Learned from being a Dad Part 4- Mistakes and Face Plants (9-3-14)

This entry is about the parenting lessons I’ve learned from watching Violet face plant into the couch.  Violet is 7 months old and is crawling/bouncing/scooting around everywhere.  On one hand this is great, because she is mobile, but on the other hand she is more prone to bump/crash into things.  Have you ever deconstructed what occurs when a baby face plants into a couch?  Here is the play by play.

Deconstructing a fall

First, Violet begins to fall, which is a sensation that scares her.  Her face then hits the couch, sending pain signals through her body.  The initial instinct is to think the impact is worse than it actually is.  While this is occurring, she is looking at me and her mom to gauge what our reaction to the fall means.  If I overreact, she gets more scared and cries harder.  If I don’t react, I am showing her I don’t care.  I have to aim somewhere in the middle, so I usually play the reassuring, “You’re okay.”  After I comfort her, I set her back on the floor and let her get to exploring again.

Deconstructing making a mistake

Have you ever thought about how the above process mirrors what it is like to make a mistake?  When you made a mistake did you feel like the picture on the right?  I do.  First, you make a mistake, which is a sensation that scares you.  You feel the impact from the mistake, which signals to you how bad you’ve messed up.  The initial instinct is to think the mistake is much worse than it actually is.  While all of this is going on, you look out to the people around you to gauge their reaction.  Their reaction gives insight into how much you screwed up and helps you decide whether or not it is safe to try again.

Leadership connection

As a parent I am learning that the fall is as scary as or worse than the impact.  My job is to show I care without blowing the situation out of proportion.  Good leaders know how to treat a bruise like a bruise instead of a broken arm.  Better leaders know what type of person you are and whether you need ice, a Band-Aid, or someone to tell you to “rub some dirt on it”.  The best leaders are the ones who do all of those things and then help you get back in the middle of things, ready to explore again.

When they fall and look to you, what do you do?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry