Tag: life

Q1 2025 Self-Reflection (3-26-25)

It’s a bonus blog!  I hope you’re excited 😉  For the past few years I’ve used the last Wednesday of the first quarter to share a blog on doing quarterly check-ins for work and yourself.  This will be a long email, because I’m sharing my own self-assessment.

We have our first performance management coming up in the next month.  During this check-in we will talk through some of these questions.  What are 2-3 highlights?  What are 2-3 opportunities to do better?  What are some learnings from Q1 I can apply moving forward?

What does this have to do anything?  While this is great for work, we could apply this same thinking to our personal lives as well.  What are some of your goals for 2025?  How did you do with them in Q1?  Have you stopped to CELEBRATE your progress?  Stop RIGHT NOW and celebrate something you’ve achieved.  After you celebrate, then you can reflect and see if there are any gaps.  If you have gaps, why do you have gaps?  What happened?  What got in the way?  How can you adjust to reach your goals for this quarter?

The challenge: Will you take the time to do a quarterly check-in?  What changes will you make to set yourself up for the rest of the year?

Bonus: Here is my review based on the dimensions in my life I set goals for.  Hopefully, it sparks a thought or two for you.  In case no one has told you lately, “YOU GOT THIS!” 

  • Rebuild (B+)- This is my word/theme for the year.  I wanted to make repairs AND extensive changes.  I’m giving myself an B+, because all of the momentum I’ve built back and am taking advantage of.  I’d say the trend for all categories is that the first 6 weeks of the quarter were bumpy, and from there I’ve been on a great upward trajectory. 
  • Mental Health (A)- The goal is to feel like I’m in a good, strong, solid mental state.  I feel I’m in the best headspace that I’ve been in a hot minute.  I have a lot to love and celebrate in life right now.  I think I’m also doing a better job of practicing radical acceptance and recognizing “it is what it is.”
  • Physical Health (B-)- The goal is to build strength, aiming for increasing strength by around 15%.  I couldn’t find an exercise routine or rhythm in January or February.  I’ve been crushing it in March and making sure I’m prioritizing my time to hit the gym.  I’m reestablishing my strength baselines, so I can track that more throughout the year.  I would like to walk/run more, mainly so I can make sure I’m prepared for my obstacle course races.  First one is in May!
  • Family (B+)-The goal is to feel like I’m being an amazing husband and dad.  I’m feeling pretty good about things right now.  I can feel my family start to evolve into the next phase with my son turning 11 and my daughter almost 13.  It’s cool watching them grow and leading beside my wife.  I will honestly say I’ve been working more hours than I’d like, but I think that will balance out in the future.
  • Career (B+)- The goal is to feel like I’m delivering magic.  From the end of the year through Q1, I feel like I’ve been delivering some Hufflepuff magic, and that folks are valuing it.  The whole feeling valued piece is huge.  I’m also on the verge of rolling out a few things I’ve been working on for the better part of a year, and that’s adding even more positivity.  With that said, the past few months have also been a humbling experience and a reminder that it’s impossible to juggle everything all of the time.  I’ve definitely had a few balls drop in Q1.  Some of them have been rubber.  A couple of them have been glass.  As part of the radical acceptance piece, I’m doing better at embracing it for what it is and I’m proud that despite all of the crazy I was still able to do some pretty darn amazing things.  Luckily, the crazy is starting to become more manageable.  In the midst of all the change and organizational evolution, I feel like I’m getting some stability, which might be a weird thing to say 😉.  As we continue to fill open roles, we can better distribute the workload.  Additionally, as we take confident steps toward embracing a new future, this stability will become stronger and enable the team and I to reach our potential.
  • Financial (B)- The goal is to ensure we are saving/investing money in the right way.  I’ve already shifted money for investments.  I am wasting a bit too much money on eating out right now.  I want to tighten that up in Q2.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting and the Power of Being Kind and Caring (3-5-25)

Our last entry was about little signs of support.  This week is about parenting and the power of being caring and kind.

Last week, Alice (almost 13) was having a tough time.  I talked to her a bit about it.  Later that night, I heard Alice telling my wife how I had been so helpful to her.  My heart swelled when I heard her say that.  If I’m entirely honest, I have no idea what I did.  I can’t think of any special tactic or some magic question or phrase I used.  Instead, Alice shared, “He was so caring and kind.”

What does this have to do with anything?  Yesterday, was the first day of a market research supplier partner conference.  I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in years.  We had worked together on a few things when she first joined her company, and then I hadn’t crossed paths with her too much since.  I was so excited to see her and how far she had come in her career.  Then, she looked at me and said something like, “You may not even know this, but you were like an important part of my early career.”  I was shocked.  I had no clue I had such an impact on her.  If I’m entirely honest, I have no idea what I did that could have made her feel that way.  I can’t think of any special nuggets I shared with her.  I don’t remember imparting any specific wisdom.  I can’t think of any secret market research techniques I showed her.  Instead, she went on to explain how I was caring and kind when she started out, and that made all the difference.

Think about the people who have had a positive impact on you in in your career.  If I asked you to explain what specifically they did, you might struggle.  However, I bet for all of them you would say that they cared about you and were kind.  Those two simple things are so powerful.  Those two simple things always matter.

The challenge- In a world where it is easy to be uncaring and cruel, will you have the strength to be caring and kind?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting, Cleaning, and Adapting as a Leader (2-12-25)

Be stubborn about your goals and flexible about your methods. | Life ...This week we are going to kick off a series about lessons I’ve learned from being a dad.  This week is about parenting, cleaning the house, and being flexible and adaptable when leading others.

When I was a kid and would help my family clean the house it would look like this.  My mom would blast music (usually Prince, Rod Stewart or Alanis Morisette).  With the music blaring we would all start jumping in and helping with little direction.  When I initially tried this approach with my own kids, it didn’t go so well.  In case I’ve never mentioned it, we have some neurodivergence in my house, so cleaning the way I did as a kid is EXTREMELY overwhelming for my kids.  The loud music is overstimulating and the lack of clarity on what needs to be done is anxiety inducing.  Trying to clean this way would result in everyone being overstimulated, grumpy, and the house not getting clean.  #failure

After failing a few times, I needed to reevaluate the situation.  At the end of the day, my goals are to get the house clean and to help my kids become more self-sufficient.  I’ve learned to be flexible in HOW I achieve those goals.  When I clean with my kids, we don’t play music to avoid overstimulation.  Also, I create a list of the tasks and add some gamification, so there is clear direction.  We don’t clean the house.  We save Hyrule! (a nod to The Legend of Zelda video game series)  My list might look like, “Beat the Water Temple aka Clean the Bathrooms for 50 points,” or “Straighten up Goron City aka The Kitchen for 20 points.” My kids then methodically work through the list, accomplishing tasks, and checking stuff off until the house is clean.  It’s very different from the way I grew up cleaning, but it is still very effective.

Where exactly is this going?  As a leader, it’s your job to enable the other people around you to be successful.  Often, this means being strict about the goal, but being flexible in HOW to achieve that goal.  Did my kids have to clean like I did in order to be successful?  No.  We found a way that works for them and enabled their success.  Think about work.  How often has a leader more or less forced you to do something their way, even though it wasn’t the only path to success?  What were the consequences of that?  When I’ve had those experiences, I’ve often felt disengaged and often saw how more value could have been provided if the leader would have just been a little more open to thinking differently.

The challenge: As a leader are you being adaptable and flexible enough to enable others to be successful?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Discussing Your Goals with Others (1-15-25)

Last week was about setting goals that resonate.  This week is about the importance of discussing your goals with others.

A little over a week ago, my wife and I got a room in the library with a whiteboard and spent a few hours brainstorming goals for our family  relating to health (physical, mental, social), raising the kids, building our relationship, family trips, and things to do with the house.  Some of those are individual and some are joint goals.  Basically, it’s a kick-off meeting for our family.  Yes, it was the most romantic date ever 😉

Investing this time to share our goals with each other helps us do a few things.  First, it creates a shared understanding of individual goals, so we can support each other.  Second, talking through goals gives us a chance to make sure we are on the same page.  We both have a goal of helping our kids continue to become more self sufficient, but there are a lot of different ways to do that.  We were able to talk through what we felt we needed to focus on.  Last but not least, sharing goals helps us see potential conflicts so we can handle them.  For example, if we have goals about what major house projects we’d like to do that impacts how we will think about budgets for vacation and other spending throughout the year.

What does this have to do with anything?  Have you ever felt like you worked in silos?  I know I have.  This is incredibly frustrating.  Since the groups aren’t communicating, the different groups may not be aligned on what the goal is or they might even have goals that directly conflict with each other.  We could likely avoid more of this if we did a better job of talking to each other about what our goals were.  If we were more clear, we could align which brings power AND we could plan for how to handle things when the goals are in conflict with each other.

The challenge: How can you find ways to create a shared understanding of your goals to help achieve success?

Bonus- Here are a few goals we have this year. Sharing in case it inspires anyone.

  • Date nights- Monthly date night to be scheduled the second weekend of the month.  If it doesn’t get scheduled it gets lost in the daily grind.
  • Vacations– at least 1 weeklong trip, and a 2-3 day trip in the fall and spring.
  • Work more reasonable hours- My personal goal is to shoot more for 40-50 hours per week and limited nights and weekends.  Like many of us, I put in a lot of long days and nights during Q4.  I realized that my workload wasn’t just rough for my mental health, but had a negative impact on my family’s energy as well. #needforextremeprioritization

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Therapy and Thinking Traps (9-11-24)

The previous entry was about therapy and symptoms vs root causes.  This week is about thinking traps (also called cognitive distortions).

Last week I shared that the root cause of my problems is that I got trapped in a mindset of, “This sucks.  I’m stuck and powerless.”  As I explored this belief with my therapist, she introduced me to the idea of thinking traps, which are patterns of negative thinking that distort our perception of reality.  The way you bust out of the thinking trap is by asking what the facts are and challenging your beliefs about a situation until you find the truth.  This truth empowers you to act. 

My belief that “This sucks.  I’m stuck and powerless” was a combination of two thinking traps, black/white thinking and catastrophizing.  To challenge these traps, my therapist asked me for evidence that supported my claims.  I could prove my challenges were real.  I didn’t have evidence to support I was truly powerless.  For example, my therapist pointed out that if work was a challenge I could get a new role, interview with another company, or at a minimum quit my job.  Those were choices I could make.  That was power I had in this situation.  Once I shattered the illusion of being powerless, I reflected on other times I had been in tough situations, and how I had always found a way to get through them.  Now the evidence was telling me a different story.  I went from “This sucks.  I’m stuck and powerless.” to “this sucks, AND I always find a way to get through.”  I was now free from the thinking trap.  Does any of this ring true for you?

There are many applications for thinking traps.  Beyond using this tool to deal with stress at work or at home, we can also use this tool to solve work problems.  We can pressure test our thinking to make sure we didn’t get stuck in a thinking trap.  Work thinking traps often sound like, “Well, this is the way it MUST be done” or “This is the only decision that can be made” or “If we do X it will definitely lead a disaster.”  Similar to my situation, we can take those statements and begin breaking them down.  What is the logic that led us to that conclusion?  What is the evidence?  Sometimes, our assertion might be right.  Often, we’ve fooled ourselves into believing something and became trapped by it.

The challenge: How will you recognize the thought traps you get stuck in?

Bonus- Here are some videos about thinking traps

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting and Enduring Lessons (7-31-24)

Last week was about parenting, leadership, and stepping beside someone.  This week is about parenting and enduring lessons.

We leave soon for a family trip. The other day I was talking to the kids about the trip and one of them said, “This time we slay monsters, not dragons.”  I chuckled.  They were referring to something I taught them about 2 years ago when we were preparing to go on a different big trip.  Rather than tell them that everything was going to be smooth sailing I told them that we were guaranteed to run into problems, and when we did, we would slay those dragons and move on.  Here’s the entry if you’re curious Vacation and Preparing for Dragons (10-5-22) – Striking Matches (home.blog).  Beginning tomorrow, we embark on another adventure.  Beginning tomorrow, we will be ready to slay some monsters.  I’ll make sure I save some for Van Helsing (bonus points if you get that bad joke).  (Pic is from Copilot “Create an image of an AI relaxing on vacation on a cruise ship)

What does this have to do with anything?  I never would have thought that something I said 2 years ago would stick with them like this.  I didn’t think it was anything super special at the time, just a funny way to talk about challenges.  It just goes to show the sticking power of the lessons you teach to others, whether you are intentional about teaching those lessons or not.  This all makes me curious about what other lessons I’m teaching them that sink in and will last for a long time.  It also has me wondering what lessons I’m leaving people I work with.

The challenge: What enduring lessons are you leaving behind?

Bonus 1: Reach out to someone who left an enduring message with you and tell them thanks (assuming it’s a positive one).

Bonus 2: Here is what I hope my enduring lessons are.  I hope I teach people it’s okay to show love at work.  I hope my colleagues remember that a little positivity and humor go a long way, especially when things are hard.  I hope people think of me and then remember to embrace their inner superhero 😉

Bonus 3: This is a parenting thing that works for my family.  I am often guilty of moving too fast and being in a rush.  My kids have some anxiety to begin with, so me rushing just makes everything worse.  To help with this, we created “Team Zero Hurry”.  My wife and I tell the kids that we are Team Zero Hurry while we are on vacation, and we are only allowed to be Team Fast if my wife and I say so.  Then, the second the kids get anxious about having to be somewhere, we just say, “We’re Team Zero Hurry.  We won’t be Team Fast unless X happens.  Has X happened?  No.  Let’s just take our time then.”  Then everyone calms down.  I know it sounds goofy, but it’s super effective.  It’s a great reminder to me to set the tone for the family.  It also makes things clear for the kids, because unless X happens we are taking it easy.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Patios and Unplugging from Work (6-5-24)

This is the last in our series about patio furniture.  This week will be about patios and unplugging from work.

Now that we have some comfy patio furniture and have created a better space, I’ve more or less made it a habit to spend a decent amount on my back patio every night.  Sometimes, I sit back there and hang out with my family.  We talk and catch up on the day together.  Sometimes,  I sit out there and read a book.  Sometimes, I sit out there and just zone out, checking out the flowers, birds, and bunnies hopping along throughout the neighborhood.  After a long day of handling work and family commitments, it’s nice to take a few moments to unplug and recenter.

What does this have to do with anything?  Often when we talk about unplugging from work, we talk about unplugging over the weekend or during a long vacation.  This implies that throughout the week we remain plugged into work.  I know I’ve fallen into this cycle of feeling tethered to work all throughout the week and the pressure of always feeling on.  Have you?  I know that when I go through periods where I stay plugged into work around the clock I begin to burnout, which has a negative impact on all aspects of my life.

While it might not be as long as a weekend or as big of an adventure as vacation, I’ve found that my daily time hanging out on my patio has been incredibly valuable.  Not only is it nice to unplug in the moment to enjoy time with family or appreciate the beauty around me, but it also has positive effects that last beyond that time on the patio.  When I disconnect on a regular basis, even if it’s just for a few minutes, I feel more centered and capable of taking on what life throws my way.  These little moments of unplugging are incredibly powerful, and I think we can all find moments like these in our daily life whether it’s chilling on a patio or engaging in another activity that makes you feel whole.

The challenge: How can you unplug and recenter on a more regular basis?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Patio Furniture and Clarifying Roles in Decision Making (5-29-24)

Last week was about not overcomplicating solutions.  This week we will explore patio furniture and clarifying roles in decision making.

I mentioned in our last entry that we had a family conversation about the patio furniture.  During this conversation, my wife and I asked our kids what they wanted.  They were excited to have input.  At the

same time, we were very clear with them about their role in this decision.  We explained that we would listen to everything they said, and at the end of the day, my wife and I were the final decision makers.  I further stated that my wife’s preferences outweigh everyone else on this.  My kids understood and appreciated the transparency.  They still felt involved in the decision even if they didn’t have the final say so.

What does this have to do with anything?  Is it just me, or does it feel too often that we try to make decisions by committee?  While I understand the desire to include individuals, doing things by consensus and committee is incredibly slow and ineffective in a world that moves faster and faster.  Additionally, making decisions in this way is incredibly confusing for everyone involved.  If everyone believes that they have an equal say and equal decision-making power, then it’s easy for everyone to believe that all of their suggestions/feedback must be acted on.

While I don’t believe we should make decisions by committee, I do believe there is a sweet spot.  That sweet spot requires you to identify who ultimately will be held accountable for the decision and who has the decision-making authority.  It also includes being transparent with everyone that while you will hear all of their opinions it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be able to act on all of them.  If you combine this with being clear about the decision making criteria (lesson from a couple of weeks ago 😉) then you have a decision making process that is inclusive AND fast. 

The challenge- Are you clarifying who has decision making rights and how the decision will be made?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Professional and Personal Quarterly Check-in (3-27-24)

This week’s entry is about quarterly check-ins for work and for yourself.  It’s a longer email, because I’m including my own quarterly self-assessment as an example.

As we finish out the end of Q1, I find myself doing a lot of reflecting on the progress that has been made on various projects and tasks at work.  I’m asking myself things like, “Where are we now compared to where we were at the beginning of the quarter?  Were we able to achieve our goals?  If so, how do we keep up the momentum?  If not, what should we adjust to do better?  How can we ensure we regroup and are clear and focused for Q2?”  It seems like a perfect moment to pause, reflect, regroup, and plan before attacking Q2.

What does this have to do anything?  While this is great for work, we could apply this same thinking to our personal lives as well.  What are some of your goals for 2024?  How did you do with them in Q1?  Have you stopped to CELEBRATE your progress?  Stop RIGHT NOW and celebrate something you’ve achieved.  After you celebrate, then you can reflect and see if there are any gaps.  If you have gaps, why do you have gaps?  What happened?  What got in the way?  How can you adjust to reach your goals for this quarter?

The challenge: Will you take the time to do a quarterly check-in?  What changes will you make to set yourself up for the rest of the year?

Bonus: Here is my review based on the dimensions in my life I set goals for.  Hopefully, it sparks a thought or two for you.  Also, just know if things have been tough lately, you’re not the only one.  Bottom line- tough quarter, and I need to bounce back. The picture of me flipping a tire is from my most recent obstacle course race and summarizes my Q1 in a nutshell. It was all about moving heavy stuff and getting through it.  I did it, but dang it was so much harder and uglier than I wanted it to be, or it needed to be.

  • Intentionally Invest (D+)- This is my mantra for the year.  This is about being intentional about where and how I invest my energy.  Investing my energy means doing the right things that help me be the best version of myself.  I gave myself a bad grade, because I wasn’t intentional.  I got overwhelmed by a lot of things and just started recklessly spending energy.  It wasn’t helpful and it didn’t help me get to where I wanted to go.
  • Mental Health (C-)- Overall, I want to feel like I’m in a good, strong, solid mental state.  In full transparency, life and work just kicked my butt this quarter.  The stress was overwhelming and was too much for me to manage in an efficient way.  I got really lost and stuck trying to trudge through everything.  Feeling lost and stuck drained so much of my mental energy.  I spent so much energy here that I didn’t spend it on taking care of myself.  I am proud of myself for getting some help.  Moving forward, I need to use the new tools I’m developing, so I won’t get so stuck.  If I can do that, everything else will improve dramatically. 
  • Physical Health (C-)- The goal is to take good care of myself, so I can do the things I want to be able to do.  The only reason I’m not giving myself a worse grade, is because I did manage to at least hold things together enough to complete a couple of obstacle course races.  Other than that, I was inconsistent with working out, my sleep was poor, and my nutrition was abysmal.  I’m ready to do better in Q2.
  • Family (ugly hard-earned B)- The goal is to feel like I’m being an amazing husband and dad.  As they say in The Inside Job podcast, “Life gets lifey.”  It’s been a hard few months with each day seemingly bringing new challenges.  I give myself an “ugly hard-earned B” because it’s like one of those things in school where you have to put in so much effort you dang near exhaust yourself just to make it.  I was not necessarily excellent, but I found ways to hold it together.  It’s an ugly B, but one I can be proud of.  At the same time, I think some work and mental health challenges got in the way of me being on the top of my game here.
  • Career (ugly hard-earned B)- The goal is to feel like I’m delivering magic.  It’s a high bar about being in a flow state and getting incredible things done.  Similar to my Family category, challenges kept popping up and compounding on themselves day in and day out.  As a result, this quarter was filled with nothing but peaks and valleys, and they couldn’t have been further from each other.  At times I was operating at a high level, and there were other times when I felt like an ineffective burned-out piece of garbage.  This is another hard-earned ugly B that left me a little bruised and roughed up.  I believe I focused on the right things.  It just so happens that all the right things were the extremely difficult, and it was like carving through ambiguity made of marble while walking through quicksand.  It took so much energy to keep slogging forward, and I know I was burned out for a period of time.  On the positive side, I’m proud of myself for finding a way to regroup.  I feel I’m getting my energy and magic back.  All I need is a little more momentum, and then I’ll be like the Juggernaut (bonus points if you get the X-men reference)
  • Financial (B)- The goal is to ensure we are saving/investing money in the right way.  I’ve already shifted money for investments.  Some of these have been home repair things (replacing the hot water heater has been AMAZING!) and some of these are investing in fun vacations for later in the year.  I do acknowledge that I was wasting too much money on junk food and stuff as I was super stressed.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lies of P, Poison Levels, and Stress (3-20-24)

Last week was about blaming the controller vs taking accountability.  This week is about Lies of P, poison levels, and stress.

My kids were watching me play, and they noticed that I started losing health.  They were confused, and they asked me why I was losing health even when the monsters weren’t hitting me.  I explained to them that the area I was in was full of poison (called Corruption in the game).  At first, the poison doesn’t do anything.  It just slowly builds up.  However, once it hits a critical limit, the poison begins damaging my character, and my health quickly fades.  In order to survive, I needed to equip poison resistant armor, use items that reduce poison, and find safe places where there wasn’t poison.

What does this have to do with anything?  Instead of it being a level in a video game, let’s call it work or life.  Instead of it being poison in a video game, let’s call it stress.  Similar to my video game, the stress level builds over time.  At first, I don’t even notice it.  The levels rise over time, and then all of a sudden it hits HARD.  Anyone else been there?  When this happens, I’m no longer the person, husband, dad, friend, and employee I want to be or could be.

We are never going to live in a world without stress.  However, we can try to be more cognizant of stress, our current stress levels, and what we can do.  Similar to the poison armor, I know I handle stress better when I’m routinely taking care of myself.  Similar to the item that takes poison away, I know that getting outside, moving my body, and talking with someone helps clear stress out of my system.  Similar to needing to find a poison free space in the game, sometimes I know that I just need to step back and away from everything. 

The challenge: How will you recognize and deal with rising stress levels?

Bonus vulnerability moment- The short version is that the last few months have been hard in many aspects of life.  Using our analogy, my poison/stress meter had been overflowing for some time, and I wasn’t who I wanted to be.  I decided to leverage our Lyra benefit and talk to a therapist for the first time.  During our initial conversation I said, “I’m surviving right now, but I want more than that.  I deserve more than that.  My family does too.  I need tools or something to help me.”  It’s only been a couple of sessions so far, but I’m so thankful I reached out.  I share all of this to say that if you’re talking to someone, you’re not alone AND I’m proud of you for asking for help.  If you’re thinking of talking to someone, you’re not alone, AND I’m proud of you for recognizing that you might benefit from help.  It’s okay to want/need help sometimes.  It’s part of being human. 

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry