Building Houses and Pacing vs Pushing Yourself (10-1-25)

This wasn’t the blog I intended to write this week, but I was driving into work on Tuesday and the universe told me this is the story that needs told. This week is about building houses and the balance between pushing and pacing yourself.

Pretend for a minute that you build houses. You’ve been building a house since January 1^st. It’s a large and difficult job, and you’ve been grinding day in and day out. So far, you’ve made good progress. Now you find out there will need to be some last-minute changes on top of the unfinished work you already have. You know you should pace yourself, but there is so much stuff to do that you begin overly pushing yourself. You are working hard and working long hours. You get tired. Your work gets a little sloppy. At one point you’re so tired that as you are hammering nails you hit your hand and break all the bones in it. You get the house done before the end of the year, but it’s not exactly your best work, you have broken bones, and you are spending the end of the year hoping you can heal a bit before starting the process all over again.

Let’s make some connections. We may not be building houses, but I think it’s safe to say that we all have been running hard this year. It’s been another year of high expectations and doing more with less. I’ve seen all of us work and push and work and push to deliver for the people we serve. With all that said, we are now kicking off Q4, and that is always a mad dash to the end of the year. In the midst of this mad dash, I want us to finish strong, not broken. I want us to finish the year and be ready for rest, not needing to heal whether that is physically or mentally. What we build matters, AND the people who do the building matter too.

The challenge: How can ensure you are pacing yourself vs pushing yourself to the point where it becomes hazardous to your health?

Bonus challenge: If you are a leader, how are you setting up the environment so your people can deliver without harming themselves?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Time, Perspective, and Type 2 Fun (9-22-25)

A bottle of white liquid pouring out of a dropper

AI-generated content may be incorrect.

Happy Monday!

You’re getting a blog on Monday, because I’m going to do a few things for work this morning, and then I’m taking the rest of the week off. Last week was about making the most of a situation. This week is about time, perspective, and type 2 fun.

Recap: Diane and a 4-month-old Alice are living with my parents. It’s chaos. My wife is looking at potential houses to buy, which is totally stressing her out. My dad goes with my wife to check out houses to help out with Alice. Anyway, they go to a house and long story short, my dad knocks over the bottle of Alice’s milk and gets it all over the dining room table in the house. This takes an already stressful situation and makes it worse. They are frantically cleaning it up, and Diane is worried about potentially ruining someone’s table and is feeling more overwhelmed than ever. Ultimately, everything is okay. Fast forward a few hours, and the milk spilling incident has turned from super stressful to hilarious. They tell the story to my mom when she comes home, and everyone is laughing. Fast forward to today, and the milk spilling incident is one of our favorite stories to tell.

Let’s connect some dots. When you read the story above, I hope you smiled or chuckled a bit. It’s kind of funny. It’s also a situation we can all relate to. Maybe you didn’t spill milk, but we’ve all made a mess which turned a stressful situation into something even worse. However, with a little time and perspective, we can begin to see the humor in the moment. My family calls these kinds of things type 2 fun, a phrase we learned from a friend. Type 1 fun is when the situation is enjoyable and funny as it happens. Type 2 fun is when the situation is bad at the moment, but later on you see the joy and humor in it. As I get older, I’ve learned that most initially stressful situations in life end up as Type 2 fun.

The challenge: When you run into something tough/stressful/bad will you be able to create the distance and perspective to see the joy and humor?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Making the Most of a Situation (9-17-25)

Last week was about two people being in the same situation and seeing it differently. This week is about making the most of a situation.

Alice was a colicky baby and every night around 6 or 7, they’d spend an hour screaming their lungs out. My wife felt horrible about the inconvenience of having a screaming baby in my parents’ house. My wife also underestimated how weird my dad is. Alice was in the middle of screaming their head off. My dad could have been irritated, but instead he took this as a challenge. My dad decided that this would be a contest between him and Alice to see who was the loudest. He starts being loud too. At first Alice was stunned, and then they roared in defiance. However, my dad was not going to lose. He went all in, making weird faces, funny noises, and wildly gesturing. Alice goes from screaming to laughing and shrieking from pure delight. They keep going to see who can be the loudest and silliest. Soon, everyone in the house is giggling at the absurdity of it all. This became their nightly ritual for the entire time we lived with my parents, and now it’s one of our favorite memories.

Let’s connect some dots. Let’s be honest. If you’ve ever been in a room with a screaming baby, it’s not exactly fun. It would have been easy to be irritated and grumpy. It would have been easy to look at this like a moment to just suffer through. However, my dad decided to turn this into something else. He turned it into a game, which became enjoyable for everybody. Think about yourself for a minute. How often do you allow yourself to be totally stuck in a situation? How often do you allow yourself to become irritated and grumpy at something that isn’t going well? How often do you approach things with a negative mindset, when you have the power to make something different out of the moment?

The challenge: What will you make out of the moments you are given?

Bonus story- If you are thinking my dad has stopped playing weird games like that, you’re wrong. His new favorite game is to make cringeworthy dad jokes that make a teenage Alice roll their eyes. Yes, he is very successful at this. (I wonder where I get it from 😉)

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Rabbit Holes and Perspective (8-7-25)

This is a bonus blog, because the universe said someone needs this today. If you’re the one, just know the universe heard you. This blog is about falling down rabbit holes, taking a step back, gaining perspective, and realizing you’re doing pretty well.

Let me start this by saying I’m not trying to fish for compliments or anything. I just want to be real about the head space I was in. I started my week with these thoughts going through my head, “I have a lot of stuff I need to get done. I’m feeling behind. Here is a whole list of things that aren’t quite going right that need to be fixed. This is not good.” I was in a bit of a rabbit hole. Have any of you been in that headspace? Not a fun place to be.

Then, something interesting happened. I was in a situation where someone was showering me with praise and recognition. They were publicly telling this story like, “Andrew is so awesome. He’s doing great work and it’s providing a lot of value.” All of that punched the negative mindset I had right in the face and shifted my perspective. I went from, “This is not good” to “In the grand scheme of things, stuff is going pretty well. I should feel really great about where I am and what I’m doing.” I also challenged myself to realize that in the grand scheme of things, all of those little things I was worried about don’t matter or detract from what I’m doing.

How does this connect to our day to day? It’s easy for one slip up, one imperfect thing to lead us down a rabbit hole to wallowing in a bad mindset. Once we are sliding down this rabbit hole, it’s easy to lose perspective on how things are truly going. Sometimes, we need to take a step back to look at the situation. Sometimes, we need an external force to help us see the truth of things too.

The challenge: Will you challenge a bad mindset when it starts to set in? Will you help others challenge their bad mindsets when they are stuck in a rabbit hole?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Handling Heat and Showing Compassion (7-9-25)

Last week, our air conditioning went out and we had to replace the entire unit. This bit of bad luck will be the inspiration for this series, so I’m hoping it’s fire 😉 Our first entry will be about handling heat, what that does and doesn’t mean, and showing compassion.

Let’s set the scene. The air conditioning is out. It is hot and humid outside. The house feels gross. The heat was particularly tough on my wife and kids. At night, I would go upstairs and sleep, even though it was hotter up there. Meanwhile, they had created a fort of cool with portable mattresses and all of the fans they could muster.

The factual statement is that I was able to sleep upstairs when they couldn’t. It would be easy to think this somehow makes me tougher or stronger than them. This might be true, but there could be other explanations. Maybe, our bodies process the experience of being overheated differently. Maybe, our bodies get overheated at different rates. Maybe, since I’m usually hot to begin with, I just have more experience being hot and uncomfortable so it’s not too different for me. Maybe, they are dealing with other challenges I’m not dealing with, so I can put more energy toward temperature regulation. I could sleep upstairs, but that doesn’t necessarily make me tougher, stronger, or better.

Let’s connect some dots. Have you ever looked at someone else and thought, “They must stronger or better than me, because they handle that well?” Or have you ever thought, “Why am I so much worse and weaker than other people?” I know I have. I’ve thought about these things as it relates to physical pain, stress, and more.

When I was younger, I’d look at people and think, “Whoa! That person must be tough,” or “That person just needs to put in the effort and suck it up!” as if it were that simple and straight forward. As I get older, and hopefully a bit wiser, I realize there is more to it than that. Maybe that person has put in the effort and is that strong. Maybe that person appears strong because they have cut off all of their emotions, which isn’t exactly healthy. Maybe that person who is struggling on a task has a whole lot of other things in life kicking the crap out of them right now. Maybe I’m experiencing a person when they aren’t at their best, while they are so strong and amazing in other aspects of life. The bottom line of all of this is I’ve learned to show more understanding and a heck of a lot more compassion.

The challenge: Will you show more understanding and compassion to others? Will you show more understanding and compassion to YOURSELF?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Q1 2025 Self-Reflection (3-26-25)

It’s a bonus blog! I hope you’re excited 😉 For the past few years I’ve used the last Wednesday of the first quarter to share a blog on doing quarterly check-ins for work and yourself. This will be a long email, because I’m sharing my own self-assessment.

We have our first performance management coming up in the next month. During this check-in we will talk through some of these questions. What are 2-3 highlights? What are 2-3 opportunities to do better? What are some learnings from Q1 I can apply moving forward?

What does this have to do anything? While this is great for work, we could apply this same thinking to our personal lives as well. What are some of your goals for 2025? How did you do with them in Q1? Have you stopped to CELEBRATE your progress? Stop RIGHT NOW and celebrate something you’ve achieved. After you celebrate, then you can reflect and see if there are any gaps. If you have gaps, why do you have gaps? What happened? What got in the way? How can you adjust to reach your goals for this quarter?

The challenge: Will you take the time to do a quarterly check-in? What changes will you make to set yourself up for the rest of the year?

Bonus: Here is my review based on the dimensions in my life I set goals for. Hopefully, it sparks a thought or two for you. In case no one has told you lately, “YOU GOT THIS!”

Rebuild (B+)- This is my word/theme for the year. I wanted to make repairs AND extensive changes. I’m giving myself an B+, because all of the momentum I’ve built back and am taking advantage of. I’d say the trend for all categories is that the first 6 weeks of the quarter were bumpy, and from there I’ve been on a great upward trajectory.
Mental Health (A)- The goal is to feel like I’m in a good, strong, solid mental state. I feel I’m in the best headspace that I’ve been in a hot minute. I have a lot to love and celebrate in life right now. I think I’m also doing a better job of practicing radical acceptance and recognizing “it is what it is.”
Physical Health (B-)- The goal is to build strength, aiming for increasing strength by around 15%. I couldn’t find an exercise routine or rhythm in January or February. I’ve been crushing it in March and making sure I’m prioritizing my time to hit the gym. I’m reestablishing my strength baselines, so I can track that more throughout the year. I would like to walk/run more, mainly so I can make sure I’m prepared for my obstacle course races. First one is in May!
Family (B+)-The goal is to feel like I’m being an amazing husband and dad. I’m feeling pretty good about things right now. I can feel my family start to evolve into the next phase with my son turning 11 and my daughter almost 13. It’s cool watching them grow and leading beside my wife. I will honestly say I’ve been working more hours than I’d like, but I think that will balance out in the future.
Career (B+)- The goal is to feel like I’m delivering magic. From the end of the year through Q1, I feel like I’ve been delivering some Hufflepuff magic, and that folks are valuing it. The whole feeling valued piece is huge. I’m also on the verge of rolling out a few things I’ve been working on for the better part of a year, and that’s adding even more positivity. With that said, the past few months have also been a humbling experience and a reminder that it’s impossible to juggle everything all of the time. I’ve definitely had a few balls drop in Q1. Some of them have been rubber. A couple of them have been glass. As part of the radical acceptance piece, I’m doing better at embracing it for what it is and I’m proud that despite all of the crazy I was still able to do some pretty darn amazing things. Luckily, the crazy is starting to become more manageable. In the midst of all the change and organizational evolution, I feel like I’m getting some stability, which might be a weird thing to say 😉. As we continue to fill open roles, we can better distribute the workload. Additionally, as we take confident steps toward embracing a new future, this stability will become stronger and enable the team and I to reach our potential.
Financial (B)- The goal is to ensure we are saving/investing money in the right way. I’ve already shifted money for investments. I am wasting a bit too much money on eating out right now. I want to tighten that up in Q2.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting and the Power of Being Kind and Caring (3-5-25)

Our last entry was about little signs of support. This week is about parenting and the power of being caring and kind.

Last week, Alice (almost 13) was having a tough time. I talked to her a bit about it. Later that night, I heard Alice telling my wife how I had been so helpful to her. My heart swelled when I heard her say that. If I’m entirely honest, I have no idea what I did. I can’t think of any special tactic or some magic question or phrase I used. Instead, Alice shared, “He was so caring and kind.”

What does this have to do with anything? Yesterday, was the first day of a market research supplier partner conference. I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in years. We had worked together on a few things when she first joined her company, and then I hadn’t crossed paths with her too much since. I was so excited to see her and how far she had come in her career. Then, she looked at me and said something like, “You may not even know this, but you were like an important part of my early career.” I was shocked. I had no clue I had such an impact on her. If I’m entirely honest, I have no idea what I did that could have made her feel that way. I can’t think of any special nuggets I shared with her. I don’t remember imparting any specific wisdom. I can’t think of any secret market research techniques I showed her. Instead, she went on to explain how I was caring and kind when she started out, and that made all the difference.

Think about the people who have had a positive impact on you in in your career. If I asked you to explain what specifically they did, you might struggle. However, I bet for all of them you would say that they cared about you and were kind. Those two simple things are so powerful. Those two simple things always matter.

The challenge- In a world where it is easy to be uncaring and cruel, will you have the strength to be caring and kind?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting, Cleaning, and Adapting as a Leader (2-12-25)

Be stubborn about your goals and flexible about your methods. | Life ... This week we are going to kick off a series about lessons I’ve learned from being a dad. This week is about parenting, cleaning the house, and being flexible and adaptable when leading others.

When I was a kid and would help my family clean the house it would look like this. My mom would blast music (usually Prince, Rod Stewart or Alanis Morisette). With the music blaring we would all start jumping in and helping with little direction. When I initially tried this approach with my own kids, it didn’t go so well. In case I’ve never mentioned it, we have some neurodivergence in my house, so cleaning the way I did as a kid is EXTREMELY overwhelming for my kids. The loud music is overstimulating and the lack of clarity on what needs to be done is anxiety inducing. Trying to clean this way would result in everyone being overstimulated, grumpy, and the house not getting clean. #failure

After failing a few times, I needed to reevaluate the situation. At the end of the day, my goals are to get the house clean and to help my kids become more self-sufficient. I’ve learned to be flexible in HOW I achieve those goals. When I clean with my kids, we don’t play music to avoid overstimulation. Also, I create a list of the tasks and add some gamification, so there is clear direction. We don’t clean the house. We save Hyrule! (a nod to The Legend of Zelda video game series) My list might look like, “Beat the Water Temple aka Clean the Bathrooms for 50 points,” or “Straighten up Goron City aka The Kitchen for 20 points.” My kids then methodically work through the list, accomplishing tasks, and checking stuff off until the house is clean. It’s very different from the way I grew up cleaning, but it is still very effective.

Where exactly is this going? As a leader, it’s your job to enable the other people around you to be successful. Often, this means being strict about the goal, but being flexible in HOW to achieve that goal. Did my kids have to clean like I did in order to be successful? No. We found a way that works for them and enabled their success. Think about work. How often has a leader more or less forced you to do something their way, even though it wasn’t the only path to success? What were the consequences of that? When I’ve had those experiences, I’ve often felt disengaged and often saw how more value could have been provided if the leader would have just been a little more open to thinking differently.

The challenge: As a leader are you being adaptable and flexible enough to enable others to be successful?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Discussing Your Goals with Others (1-15-25)

Last week was about setting goals that resonate. This week is about the importance of discussing your goals with others.

A little over a week ago, my wife and I got a room in the library with a whiteboard and spent a few hours brainstorming goals for our family relating to health (physical, mental, social), raising the kids, building our relationship, family trips, and things to do with the house. Some of those are individual and some are joint goals. Basically, it’s a kick-off meeting for our family. Yes, it was the most romantic date ever 😉

Investing this time to share our goals with each other helps us do a few things. First, it creates a shared understanding of individual goals, so we can support each other. Second, talking through goals gives us a chance to make sure we are on the same page. We both have a goal of helping our kids continue to become more self sufficient, but there are a lot of different ways to do that. We were able to talk through what we felt we needed to focus on. Last but not least, sharing goals helps us see potential conflicts so we can handle them. For example, if we have goals about what major house projects we’d like to do that impacts how we will think about budgets for vacation and other spending throughout the year.

What does this have to do with anything? Have you ever felt like you worked in silos? I know I have. This is incredibly frustrating. Since the groups aren’t communicating, the different groups may not be aligned on what the goal is or they might even have goals that directly conflict with each other. We could likely avoid more of this if we did a better job of talking to each other about what our goals were. If we were more clear, we could align which brings power AND we could plan for how to handle things when the goals are in conflict with each other.

The challenge: How can you find ways to create a shared understanding of your goals to help achieve success?

Bonus- Here are a few goals we have this year. Sharing in case it inspires anyone.

Date nights- Monthly date night to be scheduled the second weekend of the month. If it doesn’t get scheduled it gets lost in the daily grind.
Vacations– at least 1 weeklong trip, and a 2-3 day trip in the fall and spring.
Work more reasonable hours- My personal goal is to shoot more for 40-50 hours per week and limited nights and weekends. Like many of us, I put in a lot of long days and nights during Q4. I realized that my workload wasn’t just rough for my mental health, but had a negative impact on my family’s energy as well. #needforextremeprioritization

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Therapy and Thinking Traps (9-11-24)

The previous entry was about therapy and symptoms vs root causes. This week is about thinking traps (also called cognitive distortions).

Last week I shared that the root cause of my problems is that I got trapped in a mindset of, “This sucks. I’m stuck and powerless.” As I explored this belief with my therapist, she introduced me to the idea of thinking traps, which are patterns of negative thinking that distort our perception of reality. The way you bust out of the thinking trap is by asking what the facts are and challenging your beliefs about a situation until you find the truth. This truth empowers you to act.

My belief that “This sucks. I’m stuck and powerless” was a combination of two thinking traps, black/white thinking and catastrophizing. To challenge these traps, my therapist asked me for evidence that supported my claims. I could prove my challenges were real. I didn’t have evidence to support I was truly powerless. For example, my therapist pointed out that if work was a challenge I could get a new role, interview with another company, or at a minimum quit my job. Those were choices I could make. That was power I had in this situation. Once I shattered the illusion of being powerless, I reflected on other times I had been in tough situations, and how I had always found a way to get through them. Now the evidence was telling me a different story. I went from “This sucks. I’m stuck and powerless.” to “this sucks, AND I always find a way to get through.” I was now free from the thinking trap. Does any of this ring true for you?

There are many applications for thinking traps. Beyond using this tool to deal with stress at work or at home, we can also use this tool to solve work problems. We can pressure test our thinking to make sure we didn’t get stuck in a thinking trap. Work thinking traps often sound like, “Well, this is the way it MUST be done” or “This is the only decision that can be made” or “If we do X it will definitely lead a disaster.” Similar to my situation, we can take those statements and begin breaking them down. What is the logic that led us to that conclusion? What is the evidence? Sometimes, our assertion might be right. Often, we’ve fooled ourselves into believing something and became trapped by it.

The challenge: How will you recognize the thought traps you get stuck in?

Bonus- Here are some videos about thinking traps

Check the facts Checking the Facts (youtube.com)
What are thinking traps= What Are Thinking Traps? (youtube.com)
Cognitive distortions- Video Ad (youtube.com)

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry