The Struggles of Parenting and Developing Parenting/Leadership Skills (5-4-22)

This will be the last in our series about lessons I’ve learned as a dad. This week is about the struggles of parenting and developing parenting/leadership skills.

I’ve spent a fair amount of time talking to my wife, friends, and therapists about the struggles of parenting. If I’m being honest, I’ve never consistently failed at something the way I do with parenting. Parenting is making constant mistakes. Parenting is consistently recognizing that the worldview that I was programmed isn’t always the right one. Parenting is a constant reminder that my current skillsets aren’t quite good enough, and I have SOOOOOOOOO much room to grow. Do any of you parents feel similarly?

When I talk about room to grow, I don’t just mean switching up parenting styles. I mean building parenting competencies and working on the fundamental skills that are required to be a good parent. If I had to oversimplify where I am, I have so much room to grow with regards to demonstrating empathy, understanding, and grace. I invest time in getting better at these things, so I can be a better dad. After all, my family deserves it.

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything. I’ve said before that parenting is the same thing as leadership. Look at the above paragraph and replace the word parenting with leadership.

If I’m being honest, I’ve never consistently failed at something the way I do with leadership. Leadership is making constant mistakes. Leadership is consistently recognizing that the worldview I was programmed with isn’t always the right one. Leadership is a constant reminder that my current skillsets aren’t quite good enough, and I have SOOOOOOOOO much room to grow. Does anyone else feel this way?

Similar to parenting, when it comes to developing as a leader it’s not just about changing the style. It’s about looking at the competencies of leadership and working to develop those. It’s investing time in learning and practicing how to set a clear vision, how to create an environment where people feel like they belong, how to prioritize work, how to make decisions, how to hold others accountable, how to help people develop, and more. Like being a parent, it’s important to invest in getting better, because that is what will bring out the best in your team.

The challenge: Where do you need to grow as a parent/leader? How are you growing as a parent/leader?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

I Hope We All Grow like the Grinch (12-15-21)

This week will be the last blog of 2021. If you’ve been on this distribution list for a while, you might recognize that I usually end the year with this entry. I feel it is just as relevant now as it was in years past. Besides, we watch the same holiday specials every year, so we can revisit the same holiday themed blogs, right? 😉 For our final blog of the year we will look at How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

During this holiday season I hope we are all like the Grinch. Pretty strange thing to say, right? Let me explain why I feel this way. You may know the story of the Grinch. He is a grumpy creature who decides he will try to steal Christmas from the Whos He concocts an elaborate scheme and then steals all of the presents, decorations, etc. in an effort to ruin their holiday. This negative attitude is what we often associate with the Grinch, but this isn’t the end of his story. The Grinch grows as a character, and life is all about growing, changing, and becoming better.

The Grinch has stolen the gifts, and then he hears the Whos singing. All of a sudden it hits him right as his sleigh full of gifts starts to go over the cliff. “And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two!” He saves the gifts from falling over the cliff, rides into Whoville, and serves the roast beast at the feast.

The reason I hope we are all like the Grinch this year is because he grows and becomes a better person. He begins filled with apathy, malice, and grumpiness, and then he allows love in and it fundamentally changes him. How have you changed and grown this year? Wherever you are right now, we have the chance to be better. Imagine how different the world be if all of our hearts grew like the Grinch’s.

Here is to all of us knowing what it feels like when our hearts grow three sizes in a day. As always, thanks so much for reading. Your reading and encouragement throughout the year is the best gift I could ever ask for. Happy holidays! I hope you find peace, love, and fulfillment.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

The Power of Yet and Having a Growth Mindset (9-1-21)

Last week was about first grade spelling, clear expectations, and grace. This week is about the power of yet and having a growth mindset.

A couple of years ago, my wife and I asked Alice what happened at school and she told us that she learned about the power of yet. She was pretty excited about it. I had no clue what she meant, so I asked her to explain. She more or less responded like this, “Instead of saying I can’t do something, I should say that I can’t do it… yet. Instead of saying I can’t figure out the math problem, I should say I can’t figure out the math problem… yet. The power of yet means, I may not be able to do it now, BUT I can figure out how to do it in the future.”

How does this connect with life? My wife and I loved that Alice learned about the power of yet during school that day. It is a perfect example of growth mindset. It’s about being humble enough to admit where you are currently struggling, while also being confident enough to know you can figure it out. This type of mindset encourage us to challenge ourselves to grow. That growth mindset is very different than the negative and fixed mindset I find myself in sometimes.It sounds like this, “I’m not good at this. I can’t figure this out. I can’t achieve that goal. I can’t contribute value to the team. I’m not competent at this.” Do you ever find yourself thinking these things? If so, maybe we could all benefit from the power of yet.

The challenge: How are you embracing the power of yet?

Bonus Application 1: A few months ago I started working out more. I couldn’t do pull-ups. I kept telling myself, “I can’t do them…yet!” I can now do 3 or 4 at a time. #pumpedforprogress

Bonus Application 2: Just started a new role I’m super pumped, but all of a sudden the competence and expertise I felt in my last role is gone as I start this new adventure. I’m trying not to let that intimidate me. I keep telling myself, “I’m not as competent as I want to be…yet. I’m not a wizard in this role…yet.” (Yes, feeling like a wizard is what I aim for in roles 😉 The goal is to perform while making things look so easy and smooth that it has to be done by sorcery. It’s an incredible feeling if you can get there. #I’mweird #You’reawizardHarry #I’maHufflepuff)

I stand in solidarity against injustice and in support of humanity.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

I Hope We Grow like The Grinch (12-16-20)

This week will be the last blog of 2020. If you’ve been on this distribution list for a while, you might recognize that I usually end the year with this entry. I feel it is just as relevant now as it was in years past. Besides, we watch the same holiday specials every year, so we can revisit the same holiday themed blogs, right? 😉 For our final blog of the year we will look at How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

Here is to all of us knowing what it feels like when our hearts grow three sizes in a day.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Flowers, Carbon Dioxide, and Adversity (9-9-20)

This is the last in the series of lessons we can learn about flowers. We started with the need to stop and zoom in to see the flowers. From there, we talked about understand if you need heat or shade to grow, and last week was about transplant shock and taking care of ourselves in difficult times. This week is about flowers, carbon dioxide, and adversity.

If you ever found yourself in a room filled with carbon dioxide it wouldn’t be good for you. Slowly it would begin to poison your systems, because our bodies need oxygen and give off carbon dioxide. However, if we put a flower in a room filled with carbon dioxide it would be good for them. Their cellular system would take that carbon dioxide and mix it with sunlight and water to go through photosynthesis. As a result the flower would grow.

You might be wondering where this is going. It’s interesting that carbon dioxide can have two entirely different impacts, based on the makeup of humans and flowers. For one group carbon dioxide is harmful and for the other group it is helpful. In a similar way, adversity can either be harmful or can lead to growth based on the makeup of the individual and their mindset during the situation.

We all face adversity, but we don’t all respond to adversity the same. Throughout this entire year I have continued to challenge myself to find ways to grow from the obstacles that have come. Sometimes, I can’t find a way to grow. Sometimes, the situation just straight up sucks, and there is no real lesson to take from it. This is okay. Other times, there are challenges I can learn from. These challenges can be great teachers, if I’m willing to approach them with an open mind.

The challenge: What have you learned from some of the challenges you’ve faced this year?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Intentional about Watering Plants (8-26-20)

Last week was about knowing what you need to grow and develop. This week is about being intentional about watering plants and giving love, care, and recognition to people.

My wife has flowers planted everywhere outside of our house. Every day she would spend a few minutes checking on the plants to ensure they were getting enough water. Sometimes the plants were fine, because it had been raining, so they were receiving all the nourishment they needed. Sometimes, the plants were a little dry and she’d water them that night to take care of them. Either way, she always checked in on them to see what they needed. This pattern has been disrupted lately. My wife has been in the hospital for the past 3 weeks with surgery and recovery. With all this going on, I haven’t been doing the best job of checking on the plants, so they aren’t doing as well as they should be doing. Now you could say I’m busy with other things right now, which is true. The other truth is that the plants are starting to not do so well, and I need to take care of them.

Where is this going? Plants need water to grow, and a parallel to this is that people need care, love, and recognition to feel seen. Like plants, people won’t always tell you when they need a little nourishment. It’s up to us to check in on them and give them nourishment. My wife was great about checking on the plants, and I wasn’t, so they began to die. In a similar way, if we don’t check on each other and give what is needed, people become disengaged and start to wither. When it comes to people, I always make the assumption that people need a little extra care, love, and recognition, so I try to give them a little bit of this in every interaction. Assuming they need this is the safest bet, because it guarantees there is no way to lose. If the person is already feeling awesome about themselves and I give them an extra word of encouragement, they gain an extra boost in their step. If the person is having a tough time, then my words of encouragement can be the water they desperately need.

Now you could say it’s difficult to give people the care, love, recognition, and support they need. This is true. You could also say, it’s easy not to do those things because you are so busy. This is also true. The other truth is that if it is your team, you are responsible for helping your team grow. If you don’t give them the support they need, they will wither until you begin taking care of them again.

The challenge: How intentional are you about ensuring your team gets the “water” they need?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Sun, Shade, and What We Need to Grow (8-19-20)

Last week was about stopping to admire the flowers. This week is about sun, shade, and what we need to grow.

Recently my aunt bought some potted plants for my girls to plant at our house. As soon as we received them I asked, “Are these plants that require a lot of sun or a lot of shade?” Both of them happened to be plants to require sun. This simple question was important because of where my house is in the subdivision relative to the sun. We have some plants in areas that have intense heat for most of the day, some plants that get both sun and shade, and other plants that primarily get shade. We need to put the plants in the right spot, so they will get what they need to thrive and grow. If you put a shade plant in a place filled with hot sun it shrivels and vice versa.

Your probably see where this is going. There are two main connections we can make. The first connection is with regards to figuring out what we each individually need. Deep inside plants “know” what they need to thrive and survive. Do you? What does your ideal environment look like? Where do you need to get those things from? I know for me to thrive and grow I need work that is challenging, a chance to make impact, the ability to touch a lot of stuff, folks who are good people that care about each other, and a space where I can be my weird self. (Having the space to be me is important, because weirdness is my natural state of being 😉) When I have those things I grow and when I don’t have those things I either grow more slowly or shrivel a bit. As a result, when I think about what roles to apply for and teams I want to join I look for those things. Throughout my career there have been jobs I’ve decided not to apply for, because I knew I couldn’t get the things I needed. It didn’t make the roles bad, they just weren’t where I was going to grow. Maybe someone else needed those vibes, and that’s okay. The second connection is about building the environment other folks can flourish in. Not everyone is going to be exactly like you. As a leader, do you know what kind of environment your team needs? Are you actively building and monitoring that environment? This is a delicate balance, because there are things that everyone needs and there are also opportunities to add in the small extra touches that impact some individuals more than others.

The challenge: Are you planting yourself in the right spot? How are you building the best environment for the people around you?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Dusting Off Shelves and Skills (9-6-17)

Last week was about taking out the trash and letting go. This week we will reflect on dusting, and taking the time to brush off your skills (and your shoulders if you are Jay-Z). By the way, this week is dedicated to Hannah Short, because she is the one who said we need to do something on dusting.

You may not know this about me, but I’m a cleaner. I’m not obsessive about cleaning, but I do enjoy keeping everything relatively clean, which means I am definitely someone who dusts. I dust in order to keep things clean, tidy, and functioning. Not only do I dust, but where I come from, there are two kinds of dusting (#dustingsnob). There is feather dusting, which is a relatively quick exercise, where you use the feather dusting to brush off things where they are. It takes minimal time and effort, and is best suited as something that is done between serious cleaning. Feather dusting keeps things from getting too dirty. Then, there is real dusting where you bust out some pledge, take EVERYTHING off the shelves, and go after dust bunnies like you were a fox. This is more labor intensive, but it also helps you achieve a deeper clean and isn’t that what everyone wants in life? It’s not that one kind of dusting is necessarily better than the other, but each one has different purposes and uses.

So what does this have to do with work? It’s really easy to avoid dusting. Then, all of a sudden when you do look at stuff you realize there are dust bunnies, gunk, and grime covering everything and messing stuff up. I feel the same can be said about work. It’s really easy to get so lost in the day to day stuff that we ignore the dirt and grime that find a way to bog down our skills and capabilities. When we ignore dusting, we ignore ourselves, and we take away our chance to get better. Seriously, how often do you stop and take a few moments to think about you and brushing off your skills? Just like at home, I feel that there are a couple of different ways of dusting things off at work. You can feather dust, which to me is taking a few minutes to stop and reflect on something you’ve recently experienced, read, watched, etc. You can also roll up your sleeves and do some deep cleaning, whether that is going to workshops, deep diving with a trusted mentor/coach/colleague, or some other activity that requires you to go to a deeper level.

The challenge: Are you taking the time to dust? Do you have a specific skill or competency you want to dust off?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Ironing, the Need for Heat, and Development (8-23-17)

This week I’d like to kick off a new series on lessons learned from doing things around the house. Sounds thrilling, right? This series is either going to be horrible or it will bring the heat. Speaking of bringing the heat, let’s kick this off by thinking about ironing and development. (In case you’re wondering, I’m always this smooth with my bad jokes).

About once a month I iron all my dress shirts, polos, dress pants, and anything else that needs to be ironed. Recently, I finished ironing a bunch of clothes, and had to take them upstairs so I momentarily unplugged the iron and took the shirts up to my closet. When I came back, I started using the iron and quickly realized it wasn’t working. At first I was confused, and then realized I never plugged the iron back in. No electricity meant no heat, which meant the iron couldn’t do its job. It was at this point I had a minor epiphany about how ironing is always a delicate balance. You need to have heat to smooth out wrinkles, but not too much heat or you’ll burn the garment.

You might be wondering what this has to do with work. Well, I think we could all use a little ironing sometimes. We could all use something to help us smooth out our wrinkles and make us a little sharper, a little better. Much like the iron, I think we need heat to do this. In this case, heat could be a challenge, positive tension, coaching, a difficult conversation, making mistakes, failing, etc. If you don’t have those things, you never have what you need to grow. The trick is to find the balance in the heat. Too little challenge/positive tension/coaching/mistakes and nothing gets smoothed out. Too much, and you get burned out, damaged, and worse off than you were before. It’s up to us to find the heat in our jobs that helps us go to the next level.

Embry example-> When I talk to people about what kind of work I like I say, “I like messy and muddy problems.” I don’t like those things because they are easy. I like those things because they force me to grow and smooth out some of my rough spots, and I know I have more than my fair share of rough spots. Over the past few months I’ve had a lot of things I’ve worked on for the first time. Whether it was running market research, learning about marketing processes, or adapting to a new team, I wasn’t immediately great at any of those things. In fact a week or two ago, I turned to a teammate and said something like, “These past few days have been a friendly reminder that I’m not great at my job yet and that I have a lot of room to grow.” It’s not that I think I’m an incompetent mess, well maybe I am depending on the day 😉 It’s just that I realize I can still be so much better. Over the past few months I’ve experienced some heat and as a result I’ve smoothed out some of my wrinkles and grown. I believe the Andrew Embry of today could run circles around the Andrew Embry of 7 months ago. My hope is that in a year that Andrew Embry will be so awesome that he will be running circles around my current self while doing backflips and yo-yo tricks.

The challenge: Are embracing the heat to iron out your wrinkles? How can you be a good iron for others to help them get the wrinkles out?

Bonus challenge: Think of someone who has grown in the past few months and give them a shout out and let them know you see their progress.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Fixed vs. Growth Mindset and Parenting (1-18-17)

Last week was about mindsets and confidence. This week we will explore having a fixed vs. a growth mindset. The inspiration comes the work Carol Dweck has done in this space. Click HERE for Carol’s TED talk on the subject.

Carol’s premise is that you can either have a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. If you have a fixed mindset you believe that things like talent and intelligence are pre-determined, and you will tend to avoid challenges, because failure is something you can’t do anything about since your skills are fixed. If you have a growth mindset you realize that you have a baseline of talent and intelligence, but you know these can be enhanced. If you have this mindset you view failure as an opportunity to learn and improve.

Connection to parenting-> My wife and I are trying to raise kids with a growth mindset. You’d assume that all we would need to do is praise our girls and tell them they can do anything. This is only a small part. The big part is celebrating the grind with them and what the grind has enabled them to do. For example, my youngest, Violet, will turn 3 over the weekend. She is behind with her speech. As Violet makes progress we praise her for that, and we also say, “I’m so proud of how hard you’ve been working on your words. Good job working on your flashcards. You’re hard work is helping you do better.” We don’t always do it, but we are trying to be intentional about celebrating the grind and how that leads to the result. We believe that if we continually do this we will foster a growth mindset, a mindset in which our girls will grow up and say, “I can’t do that yet, BUT I will figure out how!” Take that growth mindset and add in some grit and some sass, and you’ll have two strong Embry ladies ready to take on the world.

Work connection. I see two different ways this can connect with work. The first connection is to your personal mindset. Do you have a fixed or a growth mindset? Be honest. Here is where I’m supposed to tell you that I’m some wise sage who always believes in myself and always has this sunny outlook that I can grind it out and improve. I’d be lying if I said that. I have times where I’m like, “Forget it. I can’t do that garbage!” (That’s my maturity right there). The second connection is what are you doing to create a growth mindset for others around you? What are you saying and/or doing to get others to see their potential for growth? Are you praising them for going through the process like you praise them for the result? Are you helping them see how they messiness and pain they are going through now is making them better? If you can connect those dots for people they will be more likely to embrace a growth mindset. They will be more likely to say, “I can’t do that yet, BUT I will figure out how.”

The challenge: What are you doing to create a growth mindset for yourself and the others around you?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry