Tough Conversations and Being Curious vs Judgmental (8-2-23)

Last week was about transforming experiences with a little effort. This week is about tough conversations and being curious vs judgmental.

A few weeks ago, my dad told me that he wanted to talk to me about parenting and my kids. Right now, I’m assuming that a fair amount of you reading this are cringing, because you can see how quickly this can go poorly. Parenting easily can feel extremely personal. I’ve been in those situations where the conversation is just a sneaky way for the person to judge you and tell you everything you’re doing is wrong without understanding your situation. Have you? Those chats don’t particularly feel good. The conversation with my dad wasn’t anything like that. It was a great chat, because the moment we sat down he made it clear that he wanted to understand things from my perspective.

He starts by admitting that he can only see one part of what is going and that he doesn’t have the full story. He also acknowledges that the rules have changed a lot from when he and my mom raised my brother and me. This sets the stage that this is a conversation to learn and not judge. From there we dive in. He shares an observation he has and how he is connecting the dots based on his experience. I respond by saying that I also have seen what he has observed, and I can see how he connects the dots the way he does. Then, I offer some additional context he doesn’t see every day and how that’s shaping the parenting decisions we are making. We keep repeating this pattern as we dive deep. We talk about parenting in a completely different world and entirely different challenges he and my mom didn’t have to encounter. We talk about mental health and navigating how to parent and lead in a family with neurodivergence. I talk about how we are thankful to have therapists to help us navigate situations that I’m not equipped to lead through. We talk about my family’s decision to homeschool, and how we are constantly balancing mental, physical, emotional, and social health with that decision. We talk about the fine balance between showing support and raising resilient kids, especially in a world that may not accept them. I share how I feel I’m over my head sometimes, because there isn’t an obvious playbook to navigate all these situations and sometimes it’s just about making the best trade-offs with the information we have. Throughout all of this, my dad asks follow-up questions to better understand and shares how he had never considered some of the angles before. By the end of everything, I can’t say that my dad fully understands or fully agrees with all my decisions. It would be hard to fully understand without being in the same situation. At the same time, I can say that he has a deeper understanding and that he is not passing judgment. I left the conversation feeling so good that we had it, and blessed I have a dad I can talk about these things with.

What does this have to do with anything? Think about work and life for a minute. Have you ever been in a situation where you thought you were going to have a conversation to share ideas, when the other person just wanted to pass judgement? Have you ever been that person who passed judgment instead of seeking to understand? I know I’ve been that person. We like to think that we are open minded and non-judgmental, but how true is that? How open are we to learning and considering something different from what we believe? In our story this week, there are so many ways that conversation could have went poorly and ultimately caused harm to our relationship, but it didn’t because my dad approached things from a place of genuine curiosity.

The challenge: Are you TRULY seeking to understand? How open are you to learning and growing?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Assessing Progress, Lifting, and Adjusting Training (5-17-23)

This will be in the last in the series inspired by lifting weights. This week is about assessing your progress, lifting, and making adjustments to your training.

This past weekend I completed Highlander Assault Dark Ages, a 4-mile obstacle course race that you do at night guided by a headlamp. One of my favorite parts of racing is that it enables you to assess your performance, and what led to that performance. You either completed an obstacle or you didn’t. If you did, was it as easy as you wanted it to be? If you didn’t, did you lack the strength, technique, or something else? I had some areas I felt great about. My legs felt fresh through the entire race. I felt strong, flipping tires and carrying heavy stuff felt easier than it has in the past. I also had some good failures. I still didn’t make it up the rope, but I made it farther than I have before. I have technique and strength gaps here. I had a couple monkey bar like obstacles that I failed. I still don’t have the grip strength I need. After I reflected on my performance, I looked at my lifting/training plan. It served me well in some areas, but there are other areas I need to tweak to get even better.

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything. In my obstacle course racing story, I completed a race, assessed my wins/losses, and then updated a training plan to make me better for next time. I’ll execute this updated training plan until my next race, and then start the cycle all over again. How often do you do this at work? How often do you pause to honestly assess your performance? When you do, how much time do you spend reflecting on what got you there? How often do you create a plan that helps you develop new skills and techniques? I think we could all do better at this. I know I could.

The challenge: Are you assessing your progress? How are you adjusting to become even stronger?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lifting and Different Kinds of Success (5-3-23)

Our last entry was about using proper form to help us be stronger and more efficient. This week is about lifting and different kinds of success.

A few of months ago, I wasn’t making any progress in my physical health and lifting journey. I wasn’t gaining strength. My body composition was staying the same. I didn’t feel any better. I was doing my best at the time, but not getting anywhere. I felt like an unsuccessful failure. Then, I took a step back and realized that life was throwing a lot at me right both personally and professionally. In the midst of all of that crazy, making the progress I wanted to make would have been impossible. I came to appreciate that while I may not have been moving forward at that exact moment, the fact that I wasn’t losing ground was a win. Despite all life was doing, it wasn’t pushing me back. It may not have been my ideal goal, but maintaining was success in those circumstances.

What does this have to do with anything? Often, we picture success as crossing the finish line in first place, and anything short of that is failure. After all, as the guru Ricky Bobby once said, “If you ain’t first, you’re last!” As a result of this thinking, we often feel like if we aren’t achieving our ideal of success then we are not worthy. That’s how I felt during that month. Have you ever felt that way? In these moments, it’s important to step back and realize that victory can take many forms. Success isn’t always about winning the race. Sometimes, success is just finishing the race. Sometimes, success is finding a way to keep moving forward. Sometimes, success is not getting knocked back. Sometimes, success is finding a way to get back up after being knocked flat on your butt. Depending on what you’re doing, and the hand life is dealing you at the moment, success can look very different. We need to accept that AND accept that we are always more than enough.

The challenge: Are you giving yourself the grace to understand what success looks like in the moment?

Bonus: I woke up this morning and I’m sore and exhausted, so my lifting success today is going to be taking a rest day 😉

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

I Hope We Are All Like The Grinch (12-14-22)

This will be the last blog of 2022. If you’ve been on this distribution list for a while, you might recognize that I usually end the year with this entry. I feel it is just as relevant now as it was in years past. Besides, we watch the same holiday specials every year, so we can revisit the same holiday themed blogs, right? 😉 For our final blog of the year we will look at How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

During this holiday season I hope we are all like the Grinch. Pretty strange thing to say, right? Let me explain why I feel this way. You may know the story of the Grinch. He is a grumpy creature who decides he will try to steal Christmas from the Whos He concocts an elaborate scheme and then steals all of the presents, decorations, etc. in an effort to ruin their holiday. This negative attitude is what we often associate with the Grinch, but this isn’t the end of his story. The Grinch grows as a character, and life is all about growing, changing, and becoming better.

The Grinch has stolen the gifts, and then he hears the Whos singing. All of a sudden it hits him right as his sleigh full of gifts starts to go over the cliff. “And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two!” He saves the gifts from falling over the cliff, rides into Whoville, and serves the roast beast at the feast.

The reason I hope we are all like the Grinch this year is because he grows and becomes a better person. He begins filled with apathy, malice, and grumpiness, and then he allows love in and it fundamentally changes him. How have you changed and grown this year? Wherever you are right now, we have the chance to be better. Imagine how different the world be if all of our hearts grew like the Grinch’s.

Here is to all of us knowing what it feels like when our hearts grow three sizes in a day. As always, thanks so much for reading. Your reading and encouragement throughout the year is the best gift I could ever ask for. Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, and happy holidays for anything you might be celebrating! I hope you disconnect and recharge. I hope you find peace, love, and fulfillment.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Wifi, Signal Strength, and Meaningful Connections (8-3-22)

Last week was about rethinking impossible. This week the words that inspired me come from a computer alert about Wi-fi and stronger connections. I was working on my computer on my back patio, trying to get caught up on everything, when the below message popped up and struck a chord with me.

I looked at it for a moment and my first instinct was to say, “Thanks Captain Obvious!” My second instinct was to say, “I’m not that far away from the router.” Then, I had a mini epiphany, which just goes to show that sometimes inspiration comes from strange places. As I looked at the message, I started substituting words.

“The strength of your connection between you and the people you care about could be improved by moving closer to them.”
“The strength of your connection between you and yourself could be improved by moving closer to who you are.”

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything. If I’m being entirely honest, work (and life for that matter) has been kicking by butt for the past few months. The expectations are high, and the pressure to meet them (whether external or internal) is even higher. It’s a flurry of early mornings, long nights, fire drills, and last-minute pivots. It’s been sprinting and sprinting and sprinting with little rest. Have you felt like this lately?

With all of this, I’ve felt myself getting lost in the swirl. It is kind of like being on a boat where each wave took me further and further from shore. Suddenly, you look up and realize how far you have drifted away, and that you need to get back. That pop up from IT was the nudge to get back to shore. My mini epiphany made me pause and realize that I had moved AWAY from the people/things that make me whole, and I needed to focus my energy on moving CLOSER to the people/things I care about (myself included). After all, life is all about having meaningful connections with people and things you love. It was just the nudge I needed to step back and refocus after a chaotic few months.

The challenge: Who or what do you need to move closer to?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

15 Years- NOT Jumping in to Save the Day (6-29-22)

Last week was about letters of intent and the power of small gestures. This week is about a moment when a leader was strong enough to NOT jump in to save the day.

Let’s go back a few years. I was in our marketing academy working on the the market research team for a launch brand. I had a meeting with the marketing team about the targeting project I was leading. Have you ever had a presentation/led a meeting where things went great and you left feeling like a rockstar? This was NOT one of those meetings. By the end, I was limping over the finish line with bruised legs and a black eye. It was ugly. There were questions I wasn’t prepared for, tangents that got us lost in rabbit holes, and I just wasn’t all that effective. Has that ever happened to you?

Anyway, I talked to my boss after the meeting and we were debriefing how it went. She kind of chuckled and said something like, “Yeah, I saw it getting a little rocky for you, and you were getting beat up a bit. I knew it wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle, so I didn’t jump in to save you. It’s good to learn from those things sometimes.” I busted out laughing and was like, “Thanks boss!” and then we finished discussing how to improve. She was right. I learned a lot from that not so successful interaction with folks, and I was able to apply those learnings in the future in multiple situations.

You might already see where this is going. Whether it’s being a parent and seeing your kids in a smidge of trouble or being a supervisor and seeing your employee struggle a bit, all too often we dive in WAY TOO EARLY to save the day. Have you done this as a parent or leader? When we do this, we “save the day”, but we also rob the person of tremendous growth. My boss not jumping in was the best help I could ask for. The stakes were low, the situation uncomfortable, AND it was a great environment to learn in. Since she didn’t jump in, I had to learn to save myself. During the course of that botched meeting, I learned I could take a punch to the face and not die, take punches and still have the energy to throw some counter jabs, and how to dodge punches in the future 😉 These lessons helped me in that role and in future roles. That was one moment where I discovered I had more strength, skills, and tenacity than I previously had known, but I would have never learned that if she had saved me.

The challenge: Are you a strong enough leader to let your people take their lumps and learn from them?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

The Struggles of Parenting and Developing Parenting/Leadership Skills (5-4-22)

This will be the last in our series about lessons I’ve learned as a dad. This week is about the struggles of parenting and developing parenting/leadership skills.

I’ve spent a fair amount of time talking to my wife, friends, and therapists about the struggles of parenting. If I’m being honest, I’ve never consistently failed at something the way I do with parenting. Parenting is making constant mistakes. Parenting is consistently recognizing that the worldview that I was programmed isn’t always the right one. Parenting is a constant reminder that my current skillsets aren’t quite good enough, and I have SOOOOOOOOO much room to grow. Do any of you parents feel similarly?

When I talk about room to grow, I don’t just mean switching up parenting styles. I mean building parenting competencies and working on the fundamental skills that are required to be a good parent. If I had to oversimplify where I am, I have so much room to grow with regards to demonstrating empathy, understanding, and grace. I invest time in getting better at these things, so I can be a better dad. After all, my family deserves it.

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything. I’ve said before that parenting is the same thing as leadership. Look at the above paragraph and replace the word parenting with leadership.

If I’m being honest, I’ve never consistently failed at something the way I do with leadership. Leadership is making constant mistakes. Leadership is consistently recognizing that the worldview I was programmed with isn’t always the right one. Leadership is a constant reminder that my current skillsets aren’t quite good enough, and I have SOOOOOOOOO much room to grow. Does anyone else feel this way?

Similar to parenting, when it comes to developing as a leader it’s not just about changing the style. It’s about looking at the competencies of leadership and working to develop those. It’s investing time in learning and practicing how to set a clear vision, how to create an environment where people feel like they belong, how to prioritize work, how to make decisions, how to hold others accountable, how to help people develop, and more. Like being a parent, it’s important to invest in getting better, because that is what will bring out the best in your team.

The challenge: Where do you need to grow as a parent/leader? How are you growing as a parent/leader?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

I Hope We All Grow like the Grinch (12-15-21)

This week will be the last blog of 2021. If you’ve been on this distribution list for a while, you might recognize that I usually end the year with this entry. I feel it is just as relevant now as it was in years past. Besides, we watch the same holiday specials every year, so we can revisit the same holiday themed blogs, right? 😉 For our final blog of the year we will look at How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

Here is to all of us knowing what it feels like when our hearts grow three sizes in a day. As always, thanks so much for reading. Your reading and encouragement throughout the year is the best gift I could ever ask for. Happy holidays! I hope you find peace, love, and fulfillment.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

The Power of Yet and Having a Growth Mindset (9-1-21)

Last week was about first grade spelling, clear expectations, and grace. This week is about the power of yet and having a growth mindset.

A couple of years ago, my wife and I asked Alice what happened at school and she told us that she learned about the power of yet. She was pretty excited about it. I had no clue what she meant, so I asked her to explain. She more or less responded like this, “Instead of saying I can’t do something, I should say that I can’t do it… yet. Instead of saying I can’t figure out the math problem, I should say I can’t figure out the math problem… yet. The power of yet means, I may not be able to do it now, BUT I can figure out how to do it in the future.”

How does this connect with life? My wife and I loved that Alice learned about the power of yet during school that day. It is a perfect example of growth mindset. It’s about being humble enough to admit where you are currently struggling, while also being confident enough to know you can figure it out. This type of mindset encourage us to challenge ourselves to grow. That growth mindset is very different than the negative and fixed mindset I find myself in sometimes.It sounds like this, “I’m not good at this. I can’t figure this out. I can’t achieve that goal. I can’t contribute value to the team. I’m not competent at this.” Do you ever find yourself thinking these things? If so, maybe we could all benefit from the power of yet.

The challenge: How are you embracing the power of yet?

Bonus Application 1: A few months ago I started working out more. I couldn’t do pull-ups. I kept telling myself, “I can’t do them…yet!” I can now do 3 or 4 at a time. #pumpedforprogress

Bonus Application 2: Just started a new role I’m super pumped, but all of a sudden the competence and expertise I felt in my last role is gone as I start this new adventure. I’m trying not to let that intimidate me. I keep telling myself, “I’m not as competent as I want to be…yet. I’m not a wizard in this role…yet.” (Yes, feeling like a wizard is what I aim for in roles 😉 The goal is to perform while making things look so easy and smooth that it has to be done by sorcery. It’s an incredible feeling if you can get there. #I’mweird #You’reawizardHarry #I’maHufflepuff)

I stand in solidarity against injustice and in support of humanity.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

I Hope We Grow like The Grinch (12-16-20)

This week will be the last blog of 2020. If you’ve been on this distribution list for a while, you might recognize that I usually end the year with this entry. I feel it is just as relevant now as it was in years past. Besides, we watch the same holiday specials every year, so we can revisit the same holiday themed blogs, right? 😉 For our final blog of the year we will look at How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

Here is to all of us knowing what it feels like when our hearts grow three sizes in a day.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry