Ironing, the Need for Heat, and Development (8-23-17)

This week I’d like to kick off a new series on lessons learned from doing things around the house. Sounds thrilling, right? This series is either going to be horrible or it will bring the heat. Speaking of bringing the heat, let’s kick this off by thinking about ironing and development. (In case you’re wondering, I’m always this smooth with my bad jokes).

About once a month I iron all my dress shirts, polos, dress pants, and anything else that needs to be ironed. Recently, I finished ironing a bunch of clothes, and had to take them upstairs so I momentarily unplugged the iron and took the shirts up to my closet. When I came back, I started using the iron and quickly realized it wasn’t working. At first I was confused, and then realized I never plugged the iron back in. No electricity meant no heat, which meant the iron couldn’t do its job. It was at this point I had a minor epiphany about how ironing is always a delicate balance. You need to have heat to smooth out wrinkles, but not too much heat or you’ll burn the garment.

You might be wondering what this has to do with work. Well, I think we could all use a little ironing sometimes. We could all use something to help us smooth out our wrinkles and make us a little sharper, a little better. Much like the iron, I think we need heat to do this. In this case, heat could be a challenge, positive tension, coaching, a difficult conversation, making mistakes, failing, etc. If you don’t have those things, you never have what you need to grow. The trick is to find the balance in the heat. Too little challenge/positive tension/coaching/mistakes and nothing gets smoothed out. Too much, and you get burned out, damaged, and worse off than you were before. It’s up to us to find the heat in our jobs that helps us go to the next level.

Embry example-> When I talk to people about what kind of work I like I say, “I like messy and muddy problems.” I don’t like those things because they are easy. I like those things because they force me to grow and smooth out some of my rough spots, and I know I have more than my fair share of rough spots. Over the past few months I’ve had a lot of things I’ve worked on for the first time. Whether it was running market research, learning about marketing processes, or adapting to a new team, I wasn’t immediately great at any of those things. In fact a week or two ago, I turned to a teammate and said something like, “These past few days have been a friendly reminder that I’m not great at my job yet and that I have a lot of room to grow.” It’s not that I think I’m an incompetent mess, well maybe I am depending on the day 😉 It’s just that I realize I can still be so much better. Over the past few months I’ve experienced some heat and as a result I’ve smoothed out some of my wrinkles and grown. I believe the Andrew Embry of today could run circles around the Andrew Embry of 7 months ago. My hope is that in a year that Andrew Embry will be so awesome that he will be running circles around my current self while doing backflips and yo-yo tricks.

The challenge: Are embracing the heat to iron out your wrinkles? How can you be a good iron for others to help them get the wrinkles out?

Bonus challenge: Think of someone who has grown in the past few months and give them a shout out and let them know you see their progress.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Feedback, Investments, and being a Good Stock (10-28-15)

Last week was about giving quality feedback when people do things well and not just when they make a mistake. This week we’ll wrap up this series by thinking about our role in receiving feedback.

Imagine for a moment that you are investing in 2 different stocks. The stocks have the same potential, you invest the same amount of money in them, but there are a couple of differences. Stock A never shows you any data to let you know how the stock is doing, so you have no idea what your return on investment is. Stock B gives you consistent updates and you realize that every time you invest money in Stock B the stock increases in value and you get a higher dividend. Which stock would you rather invest in?

Gut check question. Which stock are you? You’re probably wondering what that question even means and how it connects to us at work. Think about the last time you received quality feedback. What did you do to show the person you valued their feedback? What did you do to demonstrate you had actually changed? If you didn’t do anything, then you are Stock A. The person invested their time and effort in you, and they have no idea what happened as a result. If you demonstrated that their words were valuable to you and you changed as a result, then you are Stock B.

Do you think the person would rather invest their time and effort in a person like Stock A or a person like Stock B? In my experience, when I have given feedback to people and they have done something to show me that they value the input and time I gave them, it drives me to help them more. I end up spending more time doing whatever I can to help them reach their goals. If I don’t feel the person ever listens or changes as a result I begin to wonder if it’s even worth my time. Have you ever felt this way?

Over my career I’ve learned that when it comes to giving feedback it’s my job to give specific and constructive feedback. When it comes to receiving feedback, it’s my responsibility to show I’m open to receiving the feedback and that I’ll actually do something with it.

The challenge: Which stock will you be? Will you be a good investment?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Feedback on Mistakes vs. Successes: What’s the Difference? (10-21-15)

Last week we talked about giving feedback in the frame of personal preference and business necessity. This week I want us to think about the intent behind giving feedback and then look at something that has always boggled my mind.

The intent behind giving feedback is to get someone to do something in order to perform. At its simplest level, you either want the person to change what they are doing or to keep doing what they are doing in order to perform well. In order to do this, you need to give specific feedback on what they should change or what they are doing well so the person is clear about what you and the organization values about them and how they operate.

With that said, let’s look at something that I’ve experienced that has always confused me. Why do we often treat giving constructive criticism differently than giving positive feedback? Two quick examples. If I mess something up the feedback might be something like, “Andrew, this isn’t really what we are looking for. I think you should have asked more questions in the beginning to gain clarity, and then you could have used that information to shape this.” People usually tell me what I did wrong and at least one specific thing I could tweak. If I do well on something the feedback might be like, “Andrew, you did a great job on this!” I leave that conversation having no idea what they valued. Did they value the teamwork? Did they value the thinking behind it? Who knows?

Does this feel familiar to you? I feel that I get more specific feedback when I mess something up compared to the generic good job I get when things go well. This is important to understand, because as leaders it is our job to set direction and to help people develop. Part of this is giving feedback that helps them decide when they should keep doing what they are doing and when they need to adapt. If you aren’t giving specific feedback on both the good and the bad you are withholding information that can help them perform at their best.

The challenge for the week: Give someone some specific feedback about what they are doing WELL. It will make their day and your day.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Feedback- Personal Preference or Business Necessity (10-14-15)

Last week we talked about the need to stop and ask a few questions before giving someone feedback in order to ensure you are diagnosing and helping solve the right problem. This week’s blog is inspired by an email exchange I recently had with a colleague. The topic for this week is personal preference vs. business necessity.

There was a workshop I went to that described business necessity as, “You have to do this or you’ll get hurt/hurt the team.” Example, wearing steel toed boots on a construction site is a business necessity. Not using the right safety equipment puts the team at risk. Personal preference is what you would prefer people to do (Thanks Captain Obvious).

What does this have to do with giving feedback? We all have biases about which behaviors we prefer, but how many of them are true business necessities? As our work culture evolves, so does our understanding of what is a personal preference vs. a true business necessity. When we give feedback to others we have to first figure out if the behavior is a preference or necessity, and we need to be able to explain our rationale.

I was filming someone I didn’t know really well once, and when they spoke they were very formal. I have a bias against formal language, because I’m a casual person. The guy asked me how I thought he did. I replied, “I’m naturally more of a casual guy, and you sounded formal to me. I don’t know you well though. If you’re more of a formal guy, go for it, but if you were being formal because you thought you had to be that way we can adjust.” I found out he’s a formal guy and was doing what was comfortable to him, so we didn’t change anything. This was a matter of personal preference, so who was I to change it as long as it is effective and true to the person?

On the flip side, I had a friend in the field who received coaching about not being a “strong and direct” closer. The manager wanted him to ask for the business and the “next 5 patients”. This was not my friend’s style. He was subtle and more of a partner vs. a driver. My friend also happened to be a very successful sales representative. My friend received coaching because his behaviors did not match his manager’s preferences, and not because of a business necessity.

The challenge- Are we focusing our feedback on personal preferences or business necessities? Are we connecting the dots to help people understand how their behaviors are business necessities?

Bonus questions: Who decides what constitutes “a business necessity”? How has this definition changed over time?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Feedback and Jumping the Gun (10-7-15)

Last week was about how giving feedback can be a way to show someone you recognize them and value them. This week we’ll dive into one of the mistakes we make when we give people feedback, but first a scene from the Embry house. Pretend you are in the living room sitting on the couch, while Violet (20 months) and Alice (3.5) are playing together in the other room. All of a sudden you hear Violet get upset. You walk into the room and Violet is crying, pointing at Alice, who is holding a toy. What do you think just happened and who do you need to give feedback to?

Your past experiences impact what you think just happened. Maybe you assume that Violet is crying because Alice took a toy from her. Maybe, Alice hit her with the toy. Maybe Alice had the toy all along and Violet is just throwing a tantrum because she can’t have it. There are countless variations of what could have occurred, so the first thing you need to do is figure out what actually happened. Once you know this, you know whether to talk to Alice about how it’s wrong to take toys away or to talk to Violet about calming down and not being a drama queen.

You probably see where this is going. Has anyone ever given you feedback on something before they understood the situation? This has happened to me before, and I know I’ve done it to other people (Yep, I’m not perfect. Still can’t walk on water). Someone has seen something, come to me and said, “Here is some feedback. I noticed that you were trying to do X, which led to Y, so next time you need to do Z.” I’m sitting there thinking, “I definitely messed up, but it has nothing to do with X. Actually, I was trying to do A, and I didn’t realize that would be a problem, which led to B, so next time I need to do C.” The person’s feedback would have me solving the wrong problem, which wouldn’t help me out in the long-run.

If this has happened to you, how did it make you feel? Would you want to make people feel that way? Would you have felt better if the person would have taken a few moments to ask questions to better understand the situation?

The challenge. Can you stop a moment to understand what happened before delivering feedback? If you want to read more about this concept, check out this short article by clicking HERE.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Feedback can be Recognition (9-30-15)

He tells me, “Sometimes people say you come across as…brash…abrasive.” And when he said this I felt ______. Take a guess.

We’ll finish this story in a minute. Over the next few weeks this blog will focus on giving and receiving feedback. This week’s entry is inspired by a leader I admire. Recently we had a Marketing Town Hall and during the event we had a panel of marketers across business units who shared some of their thoughts about engagement related topics. The group was talking about reward and recognition and a leader offered an insight that made me stop and think. He said something along the lines of, “We often think about the reward that goes with recognition. Sometimes the best recognition is feedback.” He went on to comment about how offering feedback to people is a way of showing that you are paying attention to them and that you care. At our core, isn’t this what we really want, to know that someone else cares about us? Unique perspective, huh?

So how did I feel when Bob (fake name) gave me the feedback that I can be brash and abrasive? Full transparency. The initial feeling was, “I suck!” We’ve all been there right? After all, it’s not like we walk around saying, “Tell me where I screwed up.” The next feeling was acceptance and that Bob was right. I’ve heard that feedback before and I know I unintentionally come off that way sometimes. I can be direct and loud, which isn’t always the best combination. Those of you who have been around me enough are probably chuckling, because you’ve probably experienced this from me 😉 Bob and I talked about how my directness can have upsides and downsides in certain situations, and that Bob mainly wanted to be sure that I was cognizant of how I was being perceived and respond accordingly.

The final and most powerful feeling I felt was appreciation. That’s right. Bob told me I can come across as brash and abrasive and I was thankful. I was thankful, because it’s easy to give people positive feedback but it’s so hard to give critical, honest, specific, and actionable feedback about where a person is making mistakes. Like the leader mentioned, Bob’s actions made me feel recognized, valued, and made me care about Bob even more.

The challenge: Do you care enough about someone to be a Bob? Give someone some feedback this week (positive or negative) and show them that you recognize them, that you see them, and that you care.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Holding up a Mirror (4-8-15)

Last week was about sharing your reflection. This week is about holding up a mirror to help people reflect. Overall, it’s a story about a mistake I made and how someone coached me to think about why I do what I do.

Imagine that we are working together and I’m doing pretty good work. Then, one day I send you something and say, “This is rough, but give me your thoughts.” You quickly see that it is complete garbage. You ask yourself, “How could he be so far off? I’ve never seen him do stuff that is so bad.” You give me a suggestion to go in another direction. Then I come back to you with something that’s really good. You’re left wondering, “Why did he go from sending me crap to sending me something really good? How does he miss so badly and then turn around and get it right?”

Fast forward. I’m sitting down with a co-worker and asking for some feedback. She highlights a few good things and then tells me the above story. Her fear is that I might do this with other folks, and they’ll be left asking themselves the same questions. A lesser coach would have just pointed it out and told me to fix it. Instead, she holds up a mirror to me and says, “Can you help me understand why you do this?”

I think and realize that I’m not communicating my intent well. What is happening in these situations is that I’m trying to figure out which of two problems I need to address. Problem 1 is that it is a good idea, but I’m having problems executing it. Problem 2 is that the idea isn’t good, so I need to change course altogether. The way I move forward really depends on what the problem is. Our email exchange told me I was dealing with Problem 2, so I switched to a different idea and that’s why the work was better. Now she knows my thought process and why I did what I did. She says that this makes sense, but without this rationale it just looks like I missed the boat by a mile and half.

Here’s the thing. I’ve made this mistake before. I’ve made it with peers and higher up folks including VPs. If she would have just pointed this out and told me to fix it, then nothing would have changed. I would have fixed it once, but probably made the same mistake over and over again. However, since she asked the question and held the mirror up to help me reflect, I am more cognizant of what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, and how I can be better in the future.

Are you holding up a mirror to help others reflect or are you just pointing everything out?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Sharing your Reflection (4-1-15)

I don’t meant to brag, but I’m at least a 9.5 on a scale from 1 to 10 when it comes to attractiveness, because of my beard, beautiful hair, and a physique so chiseled people call me David (sculpture reference, what?) Luckily, I don’t really think of myself that way. As we’ve been talking about reflecting, it’s also important to take the time to share the way you see yourself with others to make sure that other people see a lion and not a kitten like the photo on the right.

Recently I set up time and talked to someone about how I’m perceived. We talked about strengths (my beard, which is the only thing we could come up with) and my improvement areas (knowing when to flex my style and pull back a little bit, coming across as brash/obnoxious/silly, etc.) After I shared I shut my mouth, listened, and only asked questions to better understand her perspective. I learned some important nuggets that day from her.

When it came to my strengths, she agreed with what I shared, but she also talked to me about other things I do well that I just took for granted. She helped me see how these are unique things I can leverage in the future. Without her help, I wouldn’t have realized that other people were seeing these things in me and how important those things I are for my current and future success.

When it came to areas of improvement, she told me that she found me annoying when we first worked together because we clashed, there was bad communication, and we were put in a difficult situation. I almost hugged her. Yes, you read that right. I wanted to hug her, because she cared enough about me to be that honest. By the way, I agree and totally saw how I came across that way. Anyway, she also told me about something I do that I wasn’t aware of. Sometimes when I’m working with folks and I have an idea or a question that’s a little different I’ll preface things with, “Weird comment/question for you…” The people who know me laugh, and chime in with something like, “Big surprise.” However, she explained that the people who don’t know me could take this as me apologizing for being different. It gives them an opportunity to hold the uniqueness against me. Instead of making the joke, I could just go in with, “I’m looking at this from a different perspective. Here’s my thought…” I walked away from that conversation after learning a few more things about myself and reaffirming that there is another person who cares enough about me to be really honest. You can imagine how much more I think of her now.

Anyway, since I’ve shared a bit of my reflection consider this an open invitation. If you ever have feedback for me you think I should know, send it my way. On the flip side, if you ever want to share your reflection with someone and gather feedback, I’ll be happy to do that too.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons Learned from being a Dad Part 5- Disciplining out of Love (9-10-14)

There are two lessons I have learned since becoming a parent that work hand in hand with each other.

Lesson 1- Parenting is the name for a lifelong coaching session.
Lesson 2- You can discipline or give feedback to a child out of love or out of negative intent.

Alice acts up sometimes and when she does I have to admit that she’s not always my favorite person in the world (Bonus lesson: Having kids means loving them always, but not always liking them). I don’t like having stern conversations with her and disciplining her. It’s not easy and it’s not fun. The reason I do it though, is because I love her so much that I want to help her grow up and become a good woman. I want her to be polite, nice, generous, caring, loving, etc. I don’t want her breaking stuff, being disrespectful, etc. I do NOT have these conversations with her to prove that I’m smarter, more powerful, or authoritarian. (The picture is Alice right before she transforms into “Defiant Temper Tantrum Throwing Alice”. Transform. Get it? She’s wearing an Optimus Prime shirt. #dadsaysboysaredecepticons)

I’ve noticed the same thing when it comes to giving people feedback. For me, what the person says and how they say it is not as important as the intent behind the words. I’ve had conversations with people who give me feedback by saying things like, “Dude, you’re kind of being an idiot and a jerk” or “I’m not feeling that at all” or “That kind of sucks” but I knew they were having the conversations out of love so it was okay. I know other people who say things that sound nicer like, “I have a little coaching for you if you’ll take it,” which is actually code for “I’m smarter than you are and think you should do things my way.” Let’s just say that’s not the best way to get me to do anything. It’s not just the words. It’s the intent behind them.

In my daughter’s case, I have to constantly demonstrate that I love her and care about her so she always can at least see my intent. I’d say we have the opportunity to do the same with our co-workers.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry