Parenting, Autonomy, and Empowerment (4-21-21)

This is our final installment of lessons I’ve learned since becoming a dad. This entry is about parenting, autonomy, and empowerment.

My wife and I believe our role as parents is to raise girls who grow up to be strong independent young women. With this in mind, we are constantly navigating the balance between the need for our involvement and giving them autonomy. This is tricky, because this line is always moving as our girls grow and develop. Ultimately, my wife and I have decided that we have the final decision making authority regarding anything that might impact their health and safety. Outside of those areas, we try to empower them and give them as much space to operate as we can. Over time, I’ve realized that empowering them to explore on their own has had interesting results. They have learned to figure stuff out on their own. They explore their creativity in “cool girl” fashion shows (pics this week). They experiment in different ways, whether using art supplies or tools to build things. They are learning to trust and believe in themselves. Most importantly they are finding who they are. These things wouldn’t happen if my wife and I were constantly interfering in their lives.

How does this connect with work? Being a parent is being a leader of a family. As a leader of a family or of a team it is your job to continue to walk the fine line between being involved in things vs. empowering others. Walking this line isn’t easy. If the leader is too involved, then the individual doesn’t have much decision making power, and things tend to move slowly. If the leader is not at all involved, there is a risk that the individual may not be taking things in the right direction with their decision making power. We are all leaders in some capacity, so all of us need to continue to work on this balance for ourselves. As leaders we need to be intentional about what we are involved in. Where do we want to be involved in something and why do we want to be involved? Do we want to be involved because we want control? Do we want to be involved because we offer unique insight? Do we want to be involved because we see a potential risk for our team?

The challenge: How are you striking the balance as a leader between involvement and autonomy? How could you empower your people even more?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Alice, the Science Fair, and Doing Things Herself (3-18-20)

I hope you are all strong and healthy. Last week was about shaping the environment as leaders. This week is about Alice, the science fair, and doing things herself.

Last year Alice was a first grader and she asked to do the science fair. My wife and I told her no, because we didn’t want to be the ones who ended up doing the project for her. We told her she could enter the science fair in second grade, but she would do the work. This year, Alice entered the science fair where she tested what would happen to green bean plants when she watered them with different liquids including water, tea, coffee, Gatorade, gasoline, vegetable oil, and milk.

While my wife and I were there to help teach Alice, she was the one who did the work. I was so proud of her for all the hard work she put in. However, if I’m being honest, the science fair drove my wife and I a bit crazy. Have you ever watched a second grader type? It took her years to type out paragraphs, and it took everything we had not to just type it for her. Have you ever watched a second grader try to use a mouse and Excel? She wanted to make graphs, so I taught her how to type in the data and how to highlight the data to make a graph. Watching her actually go through those steps was like having something slowly eat away at my brain. Deep down inside, I just wanted to do the things, because it would have been faster. However, If I would have done the things for her, she wouldn’t have learned anything. Now she has skills and abilities that she didn’t have a few weeks ago, because we taught her vs. did it for her.

What does this have to do with work? Coaching and developing people is one of the most important things we can do as leaders. With that said, how often do we invest the time it takes to teach and help people grow vs. jumping in and taking control? Helping someone grow takes time, a lot of time. Just like my situation with Alice, watching someone struggle to get something is painful, and you could definitely do it faster and better than they could. I don’t know about you, but I know that there have been times I’ve jumped in and done things FOR someone vs. helping them learn how to do it. The problem is that if I am always jumping in to do it for them, they can never learn on their own. This will lead them to be dependent on me, and they’ll never be able to evolve into the person and employee they were meant to be.

The challenge: Are you investing the time with people to help them grow and develop?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 5 Biking and Bravery (6-5-19)

Last week was about small, medium, and big deals. This week is about bike riding and bravery. Recently, we taught my daughter how to ride her bike. I love Alice to pieces, but this was not easy. Alice is great at many things, but physical coordination is not one of them. Also, she was terrified of going faster than a crawl on her bike which made it hard to balance. The second we let go of her seat she’d get scared, stop pedaling, and then crash.

We worked and worked and worked with her and she was frustrated. She told us she couldn’t do it because she was scared. She was ready to give up and I told her, “Alice, I’m not asking you to stop being afraid. This is scary, and that’s okay. Am asking you to be, and right now being brave means you pedal and pedal and pedal. Do you think you can do that?” She said she could, so I told her to keep saying, “Pedal, pedal, pedal,” as we went. We do this a couple of times with me holding her seat, and then I finally sneakily let go. I run beside her with my hand behind her and she thinks I’m holding on, and she keeps pedaling. She crashes after 15 feet. She’s frustrated, until I tell her I wasn’t holding on. I told her she was brave and kept pedaling, and asked if she could keep doing that. Soon 15 feet become 50 became 65 became 149 became 264, and now we don’t measure because she can ride her bike pretty well. #touchedandprouddad

You might wonder where this is going. Alice was terrified, so she couldn’t ride her bike and thought the only way she’d ever ride her bike is if the fear went away. Life doesn’t work like that. The fear never fully disappears, the bravery fills the space and pushes fear to the corners. In her case being brave meant she just had to keep pedaling. Now think about work. Think about all the different situations we enter that are scary. I’m not asking us to stop being afraid. I’m asking us to be brave. Sometimes, being brave means holding your ground in a conversation even though it causes tension. Sometimes being brave is about embracing your ignorance and trying to see something from someone else’s perspective. Sometimes, being brave is owning your mistakes. Sometimes, being brave is wading into a difficult conversation to give someone feedback. Sometimes being brave is opening up to others.

The challenge: How will you be brave?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

The Secret Power of Showing Gratitude (4-10-19)

This week we are going to kick off a new series inspired by the “secrets” I’ve learned throughout my life. When I say secrets, I don’t mean some entirely unknown revelation. Instead, I mean something that is often in front of us that we don’t see or lose sight of. This week’s secret is about the power of showing gratitude to others.

Pretend for a moment that you go to Bob’s house. When you get to Bob’s house you do 100 things for Bob, and he never shows any appreciation. Now, you go to Joe’s house. You do 100 things for Joe, and he shows you appreciation. Joe doesn’t give you more money than Bob or anything, Joe ensures that you know he appreciates you and that he’s grateful for you. The next day, you have the choice to help Bob or Joe. Who do you help? I’m guessing you help Joe, because Joe appreciates you.

You might see where this is going. Every day you go to work. At work you do hundreds of things for different people. How many of those people ever show their gratitude? What’s it like when you work with people who don’t show gratitude? What’s it like when you work with people who do? Gratitude goes a long way with me, because gratitude is one of those things that remind us we are humans and not just cogs in a wheel. If you show me that you appreciate me, I will go out of my way to help you, even if you aren’t my boss or someone else who has “power” over me.

The secret I’ve learned is how powerful showing gratitude can be. It transforms the people you work with and it transforms the relationships you have with them. It makes those relationships stronger, so you can have real conversations with each other out of love. It makes those relationships stronger, so when you lean on the other person they hold you up. It’s not only good for the other person and the relationship, but showing gratitude is good for you too. Showing gratitude makes you realize how lucky and blessed you are to have the people you have in your life, and it keeps you centered and focused on the right things.

The challenge: Do you know the power of showing gratitude? Reach out and show some appreciation to 5 people today.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Catalysts and Chemical Reactions (3-6-19)

Last week was about ionic bonds and vulnerability. This week is about catalysts and chemical reactions. Thanks to Bethany Thomson for the suggestion. A chemical reaction occurs when molecules unleash their kinetic energy while colliding into each other. If their kinetic energy is high enough to make it through the transition state then the reaction occurs and the materials are transformed into a new product. A catalyst is something that speeds up the chemical reaction, but is not consumed by it. Essentially, a catalyst is an energy efficient boost that helps get molecules moving so they can make it past the activation barrier to hit the reaction and create a new output. (https://www.chemicool.com/definition/catalyst.html)

So what does this have to do with anything? I’d argue that we are all different chemicals bouncing around trying to create some kind of reaction that leads to better relationships, better products for our customers, higher engagement, better quality of life, etc. Doing these things are difficult and require a lot of energy, and it requires people having the right amount of kinetic energy to make it through the transition state to get to the amazing output on the other side.

This is why it’s important to have people who can be a catalyst. Have you ever been around a person who just makes things easier and makes things move faster? I can think of certain people that I love to brainstorm with, because they help the group propel through the nasty mud. There are certain people I have clicked with where we are able to go from a surface level relationship to a meaningful relationship incredibly quickly. Have you ever been around a person who is an inhibitor (the opposite of a catalyst), and seems to make everything harder than it needs to be? What is the difference between someone who is a catalyst and someone who is an inhibitor? The people I think of as catalysts are the ones who do the “soft little things” correctly and consistently. They are the ones who show people how much they appreciate and care about them, who listen before speaking, who seek to understand, who find ways to say, “Yes…and” instead of “Yes… BUT”, and constantly offer encouragement. What other behaviors would make someone a catalyst?

The challenge: We all have a chance to be a catalyst. What are you doing to help propel people/relationships/work forward? Are you exhibiting catalyst behaviors?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Potatoes and Transformation (10-10-18)

This will be the final entry in the series about food and cooking. We started by thinking about playing our role in any given situation. From there, we reflected on leadership style vs. competency. Then, we shifted to think about flavor combinations, belonging, and inclusion. Additionally, we thought about following recipes to drive better engagement, and last week was about being daring enough to expand our flavor palettes. This week is about potatoes and transformation.

Before we talk about potatoes, let’s think about apples. Apples are delicious. I love a good honey crisp apple. With an apple, you pick it up, brush it off (or wash it if you’re into being clean), and you eat it. It’s instantly amazing. It doesn’t require any extra effort.

Potatoes don’t work like apples. You don’t pick a potato out of the dirt and start eating it right away. Potatoes take work. Potatoes are most delicious when they are transformed, and I would say that potatoes have a large range of things they can become. Clean a potato and throw it in the oven and it becomes a baked potato (add in some butter, cheese, and bacon, and you have magic). Slice a potato and fry it and you could have fried potatoes, one of my favorite breakfast foods. You could deep fry potatoes and turn them into French fries, waffle fries, or tater tots. Potatoes could be turned into all kind of different potato chips. You could turn a potato into smashed potatoes. You could dice potatoes and throw them in a casserole. You could turn potatoes into mashed potatoes, and then if you are awesome you could turn leftover mashed potatoes into potato cakes. Some potatoes even grow up to become vodkas. The variability is amazing! Bonus, potatoes can even power flashlights. Tell me that isn’t cool.

You might be wondering what this has to do with work. I’d argue that we aren’t apples. We aren’t ripe for picking already at a high level of instantaneous delicious awesomeness. We won’t become bruised and disgusting if we fall off a tree or are dropped. Instead, we are all potatoes. We are all pulled from the ground, covered in dirt, and filled with potential. All that is left for us is to figure out what kind of potato we are going to be. This won’t be easy. Potatoes require work, and so do humans. To reach our potential we have to go through a transformation. Often, these transformations are caused by some kind of challenges, and they are never easy. A potato gets beat up, smashed, cooked, and sliced, but it comes out better on the other side. In the same way, we get beat up, confused, lost, and hurt, but we have the chance to come out better on the other side. It’s up to us to make sure we transform into something better.

The challenge: Who and what are you transforming into?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

From Inclusion to Superempowerment (8-26-15)

This week’s blog was partially inspired by an article written by Dr. Gates, “Inclusion is bad for business”. Click HERE for the article. Last week we talked about the silent questions we ask such as: Can I be myself? Does this person value different people and thoughts? Can I trust this person? We also spent time thinking about the difference between diversity and inclusion. Often when people talk about inclusion they talk about creating a safe environment, but I want to challenge us to do more. How can we take inclusion to the next level?

I want you to think about the teams you’ve been on throughout your life. I’ve been on teams where it was safe to jump in and people tiptoed into the waters. I’ll call this an inclusive team. I’ve also been on teams that had some kind of extra magic where you jumped in, cannonball style, unleashing your personality, talent, and abilities for the greater good. I’ll call this a team that practices superpowerment (Super+Empowerment). Which team would you rather be on?

By now you are probably trying to figure out what superpowerment looks like? These are the leaders who go one step further on everything. Inclusive leaders encourage you to be yourself. Superpowerment leaders go out of their way to make sure you understand how your uniqueness is valuable to them, the team, and the organization. Inclusive leaders give you the chance to be visible and Superpowerment leaders ensure you are seen. The bottom line is that an inclusive leader sees a spark and gives it room to flourish, while a superpowerment leader sees the spark and pours gas on it to make it burn brighter, bigger, and longer.

Is inclusion good enough for you? What kind of a leader do you want to be? How can you answer those silent questions and move from diversity to inclusion and then from inclusion to superpowerment?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Aladdin, a Magic Carpet, and Empowerment (2-18-15)

Last week we talked about real love and showing love to the people you work with. This week I want to look at another love story and its link to empowerment. In Disney’s Aladdin there are two scenes where Aladdin turns to Jasmine and asks, “Do you trust me?” What Aladdin is really asking is, “Do you trust me enough to make decisions that will solve our problem?” In both instances she takes his hand and then they either start escaping guards or go on a magic carpet ride. What Jasmine is actually telling him when she takes his hand is that she trusts him to make certain decisions. This is a weird way of saying that trust is the basis of empowerment.

For the past few months it feels like everyone is talking about empowerment, making faster decisions, and decision rights. We talk about how we need to stop micromanaging people and empower employees. What I don’t hear anyone directly talking about is empowerment and its link to trust. I feel that the only way you can truly empower someone is to help them understand what decisions you trust them to make and then show that you trust them to make those decisions.

This sounds so simple, but it’s not easy. I feel that a lack of empowerment stems from two issues that both go back to trust or a lack of trust. Issue 1 is that you told someone that you trust them to make a decision, but you don’t really mean it. Someone says, “You own X.” Then you start doing X. Out of nowhere the person comes back and tells you how to do X and makes you dramatically change what you were doing. They do this, because they already knew how they wanted it done and whether they say it or not, they don’t trust you to do it any other way but their own. (Please tell me I’m not the only one this has ever happened to. Also, confession, I know that I’ve done this to other people. I don’t do it intentionally, but I know I’ve done it.)

Issue 2 is that you legitimately trust the person to make the decision, but they aren’t sure if you really trust them to make those calls. The reason Issue 2 is a problem is because the person keeps coming back to get your approval and wasting time when you have faith that they can do the job. Most of the time, we put the burden on the employee when this happens. We say that they need to step up and make decisions. What we often fail to think about is that they are probably a little gun shy, because Issue 1 is so prevalent. Also, people don’t like to say this, but when Issue 2 happens it is often the leader’s fault for not ensuring that the other person understand how much they trust them.

Are you really giving your trust to people when you empower them? Are you doing everything you can to ensure they understand how much you trust them and what you trust them to do when you empower them?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry