Lesson 2- Impostor Syndrome Doesn’t Just Go Away

Last week we started with lessons that have kept showing up for me this year and started with leadership matters. This week we will explore how impostor syndrome doesn’t just go away.

Impostor syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where individuals doubt their accomplishments and fear being exposed as a fraud, despite evident success. Have you ever experienced something like this? My impostor syndrome sounds like this, “Andrew, things aren’t going as well as you think. Remember how a few of your projects failed this year? Do you remember how that thing didn’t go as smoothly as it could have? Sure, you accomplished X, but you left Y and Z on the table. Why couldn’t you do Y and Z too? Are you not good enough? Andrew, you’re supposed to be leading AI stuff and you don’t know enough to be an expert.”

Let’s connect some dots. Here is what fascinates me about experiencing impostor syndrome. I’ve had a good year. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. I’ve led projects and been parts of groups who are reimagining the way we think about market research. I’ve met most of my goals and I have absolutely crushed some of them. I would have assumed that my success would keep impostor syndrome away, but it still rears its ugly head.

My learning is that impostor syndrome will likely always be there in some capacity, so I can either keep fighting it or I can learn to exist with it. I can learn to explore it. I talk to it now. It sounds like this:

When it tells me I failed or fell short, I say, “Yep, everything you said is true. I’ve had projects fail. I’ve had things that didn’t go as smoothly as I’d like. Can you show me anyone who did things perfectly all year? I’ll wait.” Yes, I’m being a bit of a smart aleck, but it snaps things into perspective.
When it tells me that my successes aren’t enough, I respond, “If someone else accomplished all the things I did that wasn’t me, what would I tell them?” It’s amazing how quickly I realize that if someone else did the exact same things I did this year that I would be cheering and telling them they should be proud of themselves.
When the impostor syndrome tells me that I missed opportunities I reply, “You’re right. I couldn’t do it all. I placed the best bets I could based on what I knew at the time. Some paid off. Some didn’t. I’ll make smarter bets in the future.”
When the voice tells me I don’t know enough I say, “That’s true. I don’t know it all. I also never claimed to. That’s why I’m open to learning.” The voice tends not to bother me that much once it sees I’m not afraid of not knowing.
Overall, talking things through, examining the evidence, and gaining a little perspective always makes me feel better.

The challenge: Impostor syndrome likely won’t go away. How can you learn to live with it and talk to it?

Bonus- The Inside Job Podcast, one of my favorite podcasts, recently did an episode on how we talk to ourselves. It covers the “inner critic” and more. Might be worth a listen if you want to go a bit deeper into this topic The Conversations We Have With… – Inside Job – Apple Podcasts

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Impostor Syndrome and Being Confident in Who You Are (11-13-24)

This will be our last entry about impostor syndrome. This week is about how being confident in who we are helps fight impostor syndrome.

A few months ago, someone reached out to me to speak about AI at an upcoming market research conference. As I’ve mentioned before, Impostor Syndrome takes chances like this to whisper to me that I’m not a technical expert. Normally, that would make me feel bad. However, this time I redirected the whispers from Impostor Syndrome.

I responded back to the individual and I said, “Thanks for the invite. I want to be clear on my role. If you are looking for a tech expert who knows all the ins and outs, that’s not me. I’ll be happy to connect you to someone who can do that for you. If you’re looking for a dreamer who is trying to drive solutions and change in his org, I’d be happy to chat.” The person responded and let me know they were looking for the latter, and that made me feel confident I could deliver. My impostor feelings instantly evaporated, and now I’m on a panel to speak at TMRE (The Market Research Event) in a few weeks. #pumped

Let’s connect some more dots. Do you ever feel like you need to be all things to all people? I do. This is one of the easiest ways to get lured into a situation where you are an impostor. The way to defend against this is to know who you are, what your strengths are, and what your weaknesses are. In our story, I leveraged the whispers of Impostor Syndrome to make sure I’d never be an impostor. It told me that I wasn’t X, and I said, “Based on the evidence you’re right. If they want X, I’m not the guy. If they want Y, then I’m a good fit.” Once I confirmed they wanted Y, all doubts and worries of being an impostor went away, because I know who I am.

The challenge: Will you confidently embrace who you are and who you aren’t?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being New and Engaging with Self-Doubt (9-13-23)

Last week was about being new and embracing humility. This week is about being new, engaging with self-doubt, and asking for evidence. By the way, the idea of asking for evidence comes from The Inside Job Podcast.

Whenever I’ve started a new role, Self-Doubt has crept in whispering that I don’t belong there, telling me I’m not good enough, etc. #impostorsyndrome Has this happened to you? When this happened to me the first few times in my career, the Self-Doubt was so strong it was paralyzing. As I grew older, I’ve tried different approaches to managing Self-Doubt. I tried to ignore it, and that would lead to it getting louder and louder. I tried combatting with anger and a “Forget you!” attitude, and that didn’t exactly seem to work either. Now, I engage with my Self-Doubt like I would talk to anyone else making claims.

Here is how that conversation goes. Self-Doubt says, “You aren’t going to be good at this new job.” I respond and say, “Show me your evidence. Here’s what I have to support that I will be successful. First, I was given this opportunity, and my boss wouldn’t have given it to me if they thought I would suck. My new boss told me they hired me for X and Y reasons, and I’ve delivered those in every role I’ve been in. I have a track record of being successful. None of this means I’m the best person on the planet. All these things would suggest that I have a good chance of success. What is your evidence to the contrary?” It’s weird how Self-Doubt quiets down after that conversation. It’s weird how Self-Doubt starts to be more honest after that conversation. Self-Doubt moves from “All of you is horrible” to “There are some specific tasks and challenges that you might not be ready for yet.” This truth is helpful, because then I can use that Self-Doubt as something to learn from. I can use it to identify potential blind spots and then create a plan to address them.

What does this have to do with anything? Self-Doubt can be deafening. It finds one little crack and then spreads like poisonous gas, affecting everything in its area. While this is true, we don’t have to let it. We don’t have to ignore Self-Doubt. We don’t have to attack it in anger. We can challenge that Self-Doubt, the exact same way we would challenge anyone else making a claim. We would ask them for the evidence and rationale to back it up, and we would supply our own to support our position. The challenge- How will you engage with Self-Doubt?

Bonus: Speaking of self-doubt, I recently achieved a major goal of mine. I completed a marathon length obstacle course race (26.2 miles and over 100 obstacles). Self-Doubt tried to creep in on this too. Here is how my conversation went. “Dude, if you’re telling me to doubt myself, because I’m not going to win. You’re right. I’m not going to win. That’s not the goal. I just want to finish. Where is your evidence I won’t finish? Here’s what I have saying I will. I’ve completed 2 marathons (one in rain and one in cold), been training for this race for months, and finished obstacle courses in an Arizona desert, snow in Wisconsin, and 13+ miles of running up hills at a ski resort. My legs feel strong, I have plenty of fuel, and you couldn’t ask for better weather today. If I can do all of those things and the current circumstances are in my favor, it’s just a matter of time at this point until I cross the finish line.” Self-Doubt stayed quiet.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Mindsets and where does your confidence come from? (1-11-17)

Last week we started a series on mindsets. This week I want us to think about our mindset as it relates to confidence and how where your confidence comes from impacts your behavior. This week’s blog is inspired by a conversation I had with an external consultant who works with various leaders and leadership teams. She once told to me that having high levels self-confidence is often one of the most intriguing traits someone can have. She went on to explain that the source of that confidence goes on to transform the leader into someone who is arrogant or someone who is well grounded. She argues that your source of confidence can come from 1 of 2 places.

1-> You believe that you are MORE than human. You feel you are bigger, smarter, and more talented than anything that comes your way. This overinflates your ego. You become defensive when you make mistakes, because your ego can’t handle the fact that you are human. On the inside you are scared that people might found out that you aren’t all powerful, and this gives them leverage on you. As you can imagine this leads to arrogance and a lot of other bad behaviors.

2->You embrace the fact that you ARE human. You acknowledge the fact that in the grand scheme of things you are weak, vulnerable, and imperfect while still having the possibility to do amazing things. Your ego is healthy. When you make mistakes you roll with it, because you’ve already accepted that you are human and making mistakes is part of being human. You understand it’s not a matter of “if” you make a mistake, but when. On the inside, you don’t have to be afraid of being wrong, because you know it’s part of the human condition. They don’t have leverage on you, because you’ve embraced what it means to be human. You own your attitude. This leads to a leader who is grounded. This leads to being a person who can stand strongly.

Now think about work. Do you want to spend time with people in bucket 1 or bucket 2? Do YOU want to be in bucket 1 or bucket 2? In my opinion, the people who fall into bucket 1 usually end up being arrogant, and they aren’t my favorite people to work with or be around. The people who fall into bucket 2 have this magnetism and gravitas that draws me in.

How can we apply this to our own life? One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned over the past few years is that embracing my humanity has given me more self-confidence than pretending to be perfect ever could. I’ve learned that the moment I accepted the fact that in the grand scheme of things I’m weak, vulnerable, and prone to fail that this removed a lot of pressure to be perfect in the eyes of everyone else. It’s a feeling that is freeing, exhilarating, and powerful.

The challenge: Where does your confidence come from? How can you embrace your humanity to unleash your power?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry