Going through Closets and Letting Things Go (10-2-19)

We started this series focused on socks and nudges. From there we explored how our choices can communicate things, and we spent time reflecting on power outfits and triggers. We also looked at embracing other styles. This final entry in the clothing series is about going through the stuff in your closet to see what is worth keeping.

Everyone has their own unique method of going through the stuff in their closet. Maybe you use the KonMari method, which is about asking if something sparks joy in your life. If it does, you keep it, and if it doesn’t you get rid of it. Here is what I do. I have a system where after I wear a shirt, I move it to the other side of the closet. This lets me know what shirts I’ve worn in the past month. As I get down to the final shirts I haven’t worn, I take a look through them and ask myself a few questions. Why haven’t I worn this yet? Do I still like it? Does it fit right? Did I just not have the occasion to wear it? Is it ripped/broken? After I ask those questions I either keep the shirt, donate it, or trash it.

Where is this going? Going through your closet is about taking the time to pause and reflect to determine if the clothing still serves the purpose it was originally meant to serve. If it does, you keep it. If it doesn’t, you either get rid of it or figure out how to make it work. I believe that we could all do a better job of going through our actual closets as well as our metaphorical closets. For example, metaphorical closets could be the people we surround ourselves with, the goals we have, and the behaviors we exhibit. How often do you take the time to reflect on those things to determine if you should keep them or not?

The other day I had a conversation with one of my neighbors. He was talking about this job he wanted and was excited about. Then, as he did some self-reflection, he realized that this job he initially was excited about didn’t really fit him. This job would give him a title and lead him down a prestigious path, but that path isn’t where he wanted to be. Since then, he’s spent time trying to figure out how to change his path to make it the one he wants to walk down. I have a lot of admiration for him, because he is one of the brave souls who paused and realized something didn’t quite fit before going too far.

Two Sundays ago was my birthday, and on the eve of my birthday I found myself reflecting. On the people side, I feel over the years I’ve done a better job of keeping myself surrounded by the people who matter and letting go the people who just take from me. On the life side, I feel I have a lot of things figured out, but I still have some habits, some fears, some doubts that don’t fit who I am and who I want to be, so I need to find a way to get rid of those and replace them with something new. On the work side, I looked through 9 months of reflections, and there were things that made me smile and mistakes that made me face palm (and then chuckle that I could have done something that is now so obviously dumb). Hopefully, I can change some of those face palm things for the future.

The challenge: Are you going through the various closets in your life to determine what you need to keep and what you need to let go?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Embracing Styles that aren’t Yours (9-25-19)

Last week was about power outfits and triggers. This week we will explore the need to embrace styles that aren’t our own.

I don’t wear earrings, but one of the things that first drew me to my wife was her collection of cool dangling earrings. I don’t like having marker or pen on my skin, but I think tattoos on other folks are awesome. I don’t regularly wear suit jackets (because I’d melt in the middle of a meeting), but there are men and women who look sharp and cool as heck with jackets of all different colors and designs matched with dress shirts or a graphic t-shirts. I never wear scarves, but I think it’s cool how they can be used as an accessory in so many situations and that there are so many different types of scarves. There are a million other fashion things I wouldn’t partake in, but I still have a lot of admiration and appreciation for the various styles people rock, especially because they can rock and do things that I can’t.

Personally, I enjoy my geek chic look. I get a kick out of color coordinating superhero socks with the shirt I’m wearing. I like hiding Easter eggs in my outfits to see if anyone notices them. For example, I’ll wear Tetris cufflinks when we are in big meetings about making things click and connect together. I wore a Captain America bowtie, cufflinks, and socks, to a meeting where I was a captain of something, just to see if people would pick up on it. I know this is totally ridiculous, but it gives me joy. While I’d never expect you to want to rock superhero socks, I’d hope you’d say, “Not my cup of tea, but I appreciate it for Andrew being Andrew.”

You might already see where this is going. We talk about people’s style quite a bit. We talk about how important it is for people to be able to flex their style for different situations. I feel we waste so much energy and effort focusing on the need to constantly flex styles. Often, I feel that we do this, because of the inflexibility of certain individuals to receive information and people in a way that is not their own. Using the clothing analogy, it would be like me saying, “I don’t wear scarves, so anyone who wears scarves is bad. They shouldn’t wear scarves. They should wear superhero socks.” Have you ever been in one of those situations where you worked with someone and if it wasn’t done in their exact way then it wasn’t done correctly? How did you feel? This always made me feel miserable.

I agree with the need to flex styles to a certain extent, but shouldn’t we be more focused on accepting and embracing people different from ourselves? Shouldn’t we be more focused on understanding what the individual styles of people can give us? I can remember one situation in particular where I was working with someone, and we had very different styles on how we approached things. What I appreciated is that even though it was so obvious we were very different, this person appreciated, trusted me, and empowered me to leverage my style to do things. They understood that while my way of doing things was different, it could still deliver great outcomes. His willingness to accept my style led to me better realizing and embracing the benefits of the way he approached things. Together, we were quite the team, and over time I even incorporated some elements of his style into how I operate.

The challenge: How can we embrace styles beyond our own?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Power Outfits and Triggers (9-18-19)

Last week was about clothing that goes together and building teams. This week is about power outfits and triggers. If I asked you to wear your “power” outfit to work tomorrow, what would it be? Power outfits are those outfits that seem to magically give you an extra boost of confidence. For example, a few weeks ago I had a big presentation. I was going to be part of a small group to present some of our marketing plan to a gaggle of VPs across the company (<-I love this phrase). I knew I had to deliver, so this could only mean one thing. It was time to bust out my power outfit which is built around a purple shirt and black tie. (Side note, shout out to Tara, Beth, and Adam for presenting with me. They did great! They aren’t pictured, because I don’t have their permission and because I’m afraid our combined awesomeness might blind some of you and I don’t want to be held responsible for that. I cause enough trouble as is.)

I’ve always been fascinated by the concept of a power outfit, and its ability to increase people’s confidence. Why is it that some clothing can boost your confidence and other clothing has no real impact on confidence? It all comes down to how we decide to make a certain outfit a trigger for increasing confidence. In my case, a purple shirt increases my confidence. Why? The short version is that I’ve received some compliments from folks on how nice the shirt looked especially with the black tie. This made me feel good about the shirt. Then, I began to associate feeling confident with wearing this purple shirt. Now the purple shirt is a trigger, which shifts me to feeling confident.

What does this have to do with anything? This story isn’t about clothing. It’s about understanding how triggers work and how triggers can shift your mindset. What are some of your triggers? Listening to The Gorillaz and The Roots puts me in a funky frenetic free flowing idea state, which leads to better writing and creativity. Getting overwhelmed/stressed triggers me to binge eat comfort food and to stop exercising, which are basically the worst decisions you can make when you are stressed (#doublewhammy). Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Similar to how a purple shirt can trigger me to be more confident, behaviors at work can trigger us to think of certain things. Someone missed a detail, which triggers you to think they aren’t organized. Someone doesn’t know the answer to a question, which triggers you to assume they are unprepared. Someone talks a lot and speaks loudly, which triggers you to think they must know what they are doing. A person is being quiet during conversation, which triggers you to assume they don’t have any value to add. Maybe these things are true in some instances. Often, we just believe these things, because that is what we associate the trigger with.

The bottom line in all of this is that we are the ones who assign meaning to the triggers we experience, and if we are the ones who assign meaning, then we have the power to change what the triggers mean. It all starts with awareness of what certain things trigger you to believe/do, and then working to examine that trigger and thought/behavior pattern to see if it’s appropriate. The challenge: What are some of your triggers and what do they lead you to do? How can you evolve your triggers to help you become the best version of you?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Matching vs. Clothing that Goes Together (9-11-19)

Last week was about how the choices you make communicate things to the world. This week is about color palettes and coordinating outfits.

I’ve always been confused by the concept of “matching” clothes vs. choosing clothing that “goes together”. To me, matching is about finding things that are exactly the same. For example, you match socks. Each sock is identical to its partner. With this line of thinking, if you matched an outfit, you’d choose an entire outfit that was all the same color/pattern/fabric. For example, the entire outfit would be grey cotton. At its core, matching is easy, because you look for identical things. With that said, the matching results can look nice, but they’ll never have the pop of combining different colors together.

Choosing clothing that “goes together” is a different beast. It’s about figuring out which colors coordinate and combine to create something better. I am horrible at this. The amount of time I’ve spent asking my wife if certain ties go with shirts and/or looking up color wheels on the internet to understand how colors complement each other is ridiculous. Color coordinating outfits take more time and effort, especially as you work to incorporate more colors. With that said, when you do find the right colors that go together the outfit pops and the result is something so much better than an outfit of just one color.

So where is this going? Matching vs. choosing clothes that go together is a lot like assembling a team and building a culture. It’s easier to match. It’s easier to find people who are just like you. It’s easier to recruit them, talk to them, connect to them, and bring them into the fold. While it’s easier you end up with a team just like yourself, which in many ways will limit your ability to achieve new things.

It takes more time build a team with individuals that “go together”. It takes more time and effort to figure out how we make the yellows, blues, reds, and greens of the world work together in the “outfit” to bring everything to life. What do we do with this lime green over here? How can we use this pink to accent certain things? How do we leverage polka dots in our ensemble? While it takes more time and effort, to recruit different people and/or cultivate the differences within individuals the end result is worth it.

The challenge: As you build and develop teams/groups are you matching or are you building teams of people who “go together”?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Bright Dress Shirts and What your Choices Communicate (9-4-19)

Last week was about the gift of socks and nudging people forward. This week is about understanding that your choices communicate things.

One day I went to work and someone stopped me and said, “You’re off brand today.” I was confused, and asked what they meant. They explained that my brand is to wear bright solid colored dress shirts. On that day I was wearing a striped shirt. The picture to the right is from my closet. Yes, it is color coded. Yes, my t-shirts are also color coded. As you can see, most of the shirts are solid colored, and many of them are bright. I have 4 shirts that aren’t solid colored. Anyway, after he finally helped me understand why I was off brand he said, “Yeah, you must really love the bright colors.” Since then, other people have made similar comments.

Here’s the thing. Until that person pointed it out, I didn’t realize I had a style or a “brand” when it came to clothing. I never realized that my choices were communicating things. The other interesting thing is that he was wrong. He thought I had the shirts, because I liked bright colors. That’s not what it is at all. It’s more practical than that. I hate shopping, and fashion isn’t my thing. I found a brand of shirt I liked, the size that fit, and decided to buy a variety of colors. I didn’t want to get all white, because they would stain. Didn’t want to do all black, because I’d feel I was always at a funeral. Therefore, I purchased the exact same shirt in the exact same size in multiple colors.

You might be wondering where this is going. There are a couple of lessons we can take from this. First, whether we realize it or not, all our choices communicate something to the world. How often do you pause to ensure you know what your choices are communicating? How often do you pause to ensure you are communicating what you want to be communicating? If you don’t do so on a regular basis, you should spend time reflecting on this and getting feedback from folks to figure out what kind of vibes you’re putting out into the world.

The other lesson is that if we are the receivers of a message, it’s up to us to make sure we understand what the message means. This guy thought my clothing choices were about me liking bright colors, and he was wrong. If he would have asked earlier, I would have explained it to him. In the same way, when someone does something that we don’t like or agree with, it’s easy to begin passing judgment on them before you ever realize their intentions and what they were doing. Have you ever found yourself misinterpreting someone’s words or actions? Take the time to understand before you jump to conclusions. Just the other day I had a conversation with someone where I said, “I’m seeing X and feeling Y.” The person responded with, “I didn’t even know I was doing X. I thought I was doing Q.” Having this conversation, helped tremendously.

The challenges: Be aware of what you are communicating. Seek to understand before passing judgment.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Socks and Nudges (8-28-19)

This week I’d like to start a series inspired by clothing. We’ll start with a story about the gift of cool socks.

If you go back in time about 5 years, my sock game was boring. I wore basic solid colored dress socks every day. That’s what I had been doing for years. Fashion/style isn’t my thing, so my main goal in life is to not look like an idiot (this pertains to clothing, not general life, because you all know I’m always a slightly weird mess). This all changed when I met Reggie Chris . In case you don’t know these fine gentlemen, they are style mavens. They are always on point with their sock game, bow ties, shoes, and other stuff. Anyway, I noticed their sock game and would give them compliments from time to time. One day Chris and Reggie gave me a gift. They gave me my first pair of cool Happy socks, and that turned out to be the gateway to elevating my sock game. Now my sock game consists of different superhero, video game, and nerdtastic socks.

So what does this have to do with anything? The story isn’t really about socks. The story is about a small act. It’s a story about giving people a nudge. You never quite know what a small act will turn into. They bought me a pair of socks for a few dollars, and it became a nudge for me to further explore and express my nerd side. What I’ve come to realize is that cool socks are fun and they make me happy. They also sometimes make other people chuckle too.

Think about your career for a moment. What are some of the small acts and little nudges that you’ve received. Here are a few of my favorite personal smalls acts/nudges throughout my career.

A guy I worked with in training, told me that he believed my poetry and storytelling could move people. This led to some of my first blogs and poetry performances, and now I blog weekly and perform poetry on a regular basis at work (this still blows my mind). This has opened me up to so much and given me a chance to impact so many people.
I was new to a role and was given a last minute project that needed to be handled right away. I was unsure of whether or not I could deliver and my supervisor said, “I know you can handle it.” That little nugget of faith was all I needed to keep going.
One of my bosses sent me a text message that basically said, “You’re crazy, and we need your kind of crazy. Keep it up.” This was a small nudge to keep being me, even though there were a lot of people looking at me like I was a Martian. (Full disclosure- I’m from Pluto and ticked that you punks don’t view my home world as a planet.)
I believe I have all the thank you cards people have written for me over the past few years. The thank you cards all essentially say the same thing. “Thanks. Keep being you,” and often that’s the fuel I need to keep going.

The challenge: What small act will you do to nudge and move people forward?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry