Parenting and Little Signs of Support (2-26-25)

Last week was about parenting and setting incentives. This week is about parenting and little signs of support.

Recently, Cameron auditioned for a role in a local production of Finding Nemo. This was a big step for him. He had been in plays before, but this was the first time he auditioned for a speaking role. He put in a lot of effort to get ready. Ultimately, he earned the part of Nigel the pelican. My wife and I wanted to show our support of him and his accomplishment. She was scrolling on Amazon when she found a fun pelican t-shirt she was going to buy for Cam to celebrate his accomplishment. I laughed and asked, “Do they have one in my size?” Check out the pic on the right. Cam got a huge kick out of the fact that I got a shirt just like his and that we could be twins.

What does this have to do with anything? This week’s story shows how appreciated a small show of support can be. The shirts were relatively cheap. There was nothing fancy or flashy. Still, it showed Cam that we saw him and were proud of his accomplishments.

Think about work for a minute. Think about all the ways people show you small signs of support and what that means to you. Maybe, they buy you a coffee. Maybe, they send you a fun meme. Maybe, they send you a quick note. No matter what they do, I’m sure their small sign of support means something. Wouldn’t it be nice if we gave and received these small signs of support more often?

The challenge- What is something small you can do to show you support and appreciate someone today?

Bonus challenge- Are you a peliCAN or a peliCAN’T?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting and Setting Incentives (2-19-25)

Last week was about parenting, cleaning the house, and being flexible. This week is about parenting and creating incentives.

We already have 2 cats in our house, but my son Cameron (11) really wants his own cat. My wife and I ultimately agreed that he could get one for his 12^th birthday. Cam, ever the negotiator, talked to his to uncover what he could do to get it sooner and said he was willing to do anything to make this happen. My wife and I saw this as an opportunity to provide an incentive for Cam to do the right thing to earn the cat sooner.

Before setting the incentive, the first thing my wife and I did was talk about our overarching goal for Cam, which is for him to grow up to be a kind and compassionate self-sufficient human. From there, we got VERY SPECIFIC about what behaviors he could work on building now that would lead to this. Based on our understanding of our son, we settled on three things. First, we wanted him to get better at doing his chores without being asked or reminded, because this would help him learn how to take care of himself and his future house. Second, we wanted to help him get better at stepping outside of his comfort zone, which in this case includes trying new foods which is really hard for him. Third, we wanted him to continue to develop the ability to advocate for himself in situations, whether that is clearly expressing a boundary or just speaking up for himself. With these things in mind, I developed a point system and Excel sheet tracker that shows his progress over time. If he does those three things relatively consistently he will get his cat early. We talked to Cam about these things, and he’s on board. We even through in some extra hard bonus things worth a lot of points, and he’s strongly considering doing those things too.

How does this connect with anything? Often when we think of incentives we think of base pay, bonuses, or some other compensation. However, in my experience, we don’t do the best job thinking about the behaviors we are trying to drive in a culture or an organization. Then, since we haven’t truly thought about the behaviors we are trying to drive, we don’t have a way to directly link those behaviors with incentives (compensation, bonuses, verbal praise, Inspire points, etc.). Without that direct link, it’s difficult to reinforce the behaviors we want to see, which makes it hard to drive behavior change.

The challenge- Do you know what behaviors you are trying to drive? Do your incentives connect to those behaviors?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting, Leadership, and Stepping Beside Someone (7-24-24)

Last week was about parenting and being okay with joining the failure club. This week is about parenting, leadership, and stepping beside someone.

A couple of weeks ago, the kids and I were on a pontoon ride at the campground. We were having a nice ride when Cam asked if he could get in the lake. This is a big deal, because Cam is usually scared of lakes for a variety of reasons. I tell him that he can go ahead and get in, and that he can just change into his extra pair of clothes when he gets back to the camper. He puts on a life jacket, and sits on the edge of the boat, putting his feet into the water. I’m happy that he’s even doing that. I keep giving him encouragement to get in. He asks me to get in with him. I don’t necessarily want to, because I don’t swim well and am not a huge fan of water myself. However, I also recognize this could be the support he needs to take a big step forward. I throw on a life jacket and jump in too. Cam gets in and loves it! It’s one more fear he’s conquered, and I’m so proud of him.

What does this have to do with anything? I was supporting Cam. I could have just kept giving him words of encouragement while staying on the boat. However, at this time, he didn’t need words from a distance, he needed someone beside him. When I saw that, I hopped into the lake and that’s what he needed to be confident. Now think about work for a minute and for the different leaders you’ve worked with. I’ve seen some leaders who tried to lead from their high seat. They said the right things, but they always stayed distant from the team. I’ve also seen leaders who were willing to step beside their people when that was needed. These latter leaders are my favorite. What about you?

The challenge: Will you be willing to step beside someone to lead?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Learning to Listen to What You Need (7-10-24)

I hope you all enjoyed the 4^th of July holiday! The last entry was about expanding your comfort zone. This entry is about listening to what you need.

Cam came home after a particularly long rehearsal and was irritable. It had been a long week of rehearsals and other commitments. He was exhausted and grouchy. He comes home and says, “I’m grumpy. I just need to go flump.” In our house, flumping is like collapsing onto a softer cushiony service like a bed or a chair. Sometimes the flump also includes snuggling, reading, or just listening to music. In this instance, Cam flumped on his bed in his room and read his favorite book for 10-15 minutes. He then emerged from his room feeling so much better and was ready to face the world again. (Pic from Pawz Pet Café where you can go to snuggle some cats. #advancedflumping)

What does this have to do with anything? I love and am so impressed with how well Cameron can listen to what he needs in a moment and then act on that. He knew he was irritable and grumpy, and he knew that all he needed was 10-15 minutes to read to recharge his batteries. That’s wisdom and awareness that I don’t always have.

Meanwhile, here is how things play out for me. I don’t fully understand how upset I am at the moment and continue to keep pushing forward while a lot of time goes by. Eventually, I accidentally stumble into doing something along the way that is what I need whether that’s going on a walk, writing, reading a book, or something else. All of a sudden I feel a bit better, and then I say to myself, “Dang, I didn’t realize how much negative energy I was carrying. I wish I would have paused and did this thing sooner to deal with it.” Anyone else like that, or is it just me? I’m getting a bit better at listening to myself, but I’m not where I want to be yet.

The challenge: How can we do a better job of listening to ourselves and taking action?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Expanding Your Comfort Zone (6-26-24)

A person holding a staff

Description automatically generated Last week was about parenting and tailoring support. This week is about expanding your comfort zone.

About a year ago, Cameron watched his sister in The Wizard of Oz on the big stage in the spring play. This sparked Cam’s interest in doing something similar. The only problem was that he was nervous and scared to do something like that. This was outside of his comfort zone. Instead of giving up, Cam thought about things he could do to expand his current comfort zone, so being on the big stage wouldn’t be such a big leap. He started by signing up for a puppet camp last summer. Then he signed up and participated in a fall show with younger kids. He found he enjoyed those two things, and this gave him the confidence to be in a bigger show. A few weeks ago, he was on the big stage in Beauty and the Beast. He was in the ensemble, so mainly in the background as a villager and a dancing spoon. However, he ended up getting one line. He’s proud of being the angry mob member who yelled, “Kill him!” which started everyone to go after the Beast. Now that he’s had one line, he’s starting to think about auditioning for a bigger part next year. The audition is a little daunting, so he’s already thinking of smaller things he can do to stretch his comfort zone for that.

What does this have to do with anything? Cam saw how far out of his comfort zone being on stage was, and instead of giving up he became INTENTIONAL about taking small steps to expand his comfort zone. The first couple of shows gave him confidence. Then practicing for the big show set up him for success. By the time he was on the show, he was 100% feeling himself, and I loved his swagger 😉 Now think about your own life. Are there things you’d like to do outside of your comfort zone? Those things might seem too big and too scary now, but are there small steps you can take to move toward them?

The challenge: How will you expand your comfort zone?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Fear and the Brave Voice (7-12-23)

This week I’m going to kick off a series about lessons I’ve learned from being a dad. This entry is about fear and the Brave voice.

Lately, Cam and I have had a lot of conversations about fear. He talked about how the voice of fear was always too loud, and he couldn’t get it to shut up. One night I explained it to him like this. “The problem isn’t that fear is too loud. The problem is that it’s not being balanced by the Brave voice. Fear is doing its job. Fear’s job is to look out for you. It’s just that fear talks A LOT. The Brave voice says, ‘I hear you fear. Thanks for the input. You make some good points. I’m safe AND I got this!”

This all comes into play during a recent trip to Hoosier Heights, an indoor climbing facility. Cam starts climbing but won’t go up very high because of his fear of heights. We talk about the fear and how the Brave voice tells fear, “I hear you AND I got this.” Cam slowly starts working to face this fear. He climbs a little higher on his own. I climb beside Cam and together we go a bit higher. Each time he does a bit better and better. He continues to build confidence and realize that he’s safe AND he has everything he needs to be successful. Eventually, he makes it to the top of the wall for the very first time! He was so excited and proud!

What does this have to do with anything? If you’re anything like me, you get scared sometimes. Maybe you’re afraid of heights. Maybe you’re afraid of public speaking. Maybe you’re afraid of everyone finding out you’re an impostor. When I was younger, I would try my best to just ignore the fear voice, but that never worked. I would hope that the fear would go away, but that never worked either. The fear is always there somewhere. I’ve learned that I need to listen to fear. I need to give it a chance to say what it needs to say, because it is just trying to look out for me. Then, I need to thank the fear for doing its job, ask the Brave voice to weigh in, and then let fear know I got this.

The challenge: Will you listen to fear as it does its job? Will you make sure your Brave voice is talking too?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry