Making Mistakes vs Being an Impostor (10-9-24)

Over the past few weeks, a few of you made comments about impostor syndrome, so I wanted to explore that for a series. This entry is about making mistakes, feeling like an impostor, and evidence. Let’s start with a definition. Impostor (noun)- one that assumes false identity or title for the purpose of deception (Impostor Definition & Meaning – Merriam-Webster).

As many of you know, I do obstacle course races. I have only had 1 race where I completed every obstacle flawlessly. Usually, I fail anywhere between 10-30% of the obstacles. Here is what is interesting. When I fail an obstacle I tell myself, “I made a mistake” and move on. The thought that I might be an impostor who doesn’t belong on the course NEVER crosses my mind. Why is that? It’s because when I step back and take a look at the evidence, I see that it refutes the impostor claim. I have a wall full of medals that demonstrates I am an obstacle course racer. The evidence reinforces who I am and what I do.

What does this have to do with anything? When most people talk to me about impostor syndrome, they say something like, “I’m afraid that if I make a mistake they will find out I don’t belong here. If I make a mistake, they will see I’m an impostor.” Making a mistake doesn’t automatically make you an impostor. Making a mistake doesn’t mean you’ve assumed a false identity or are trying to be something you’re not.

Instead of assuming you’re an imposter, I’d ask you to step back and look at the evidence. If you zoom out, chances are that there is a mound of evidence that suggests you are more than competent and capable. If you zoom out, chances are there is a mound of evidence that suggests you are worthy of being in that room. If you make a mistake, you aren’t an impostor, you’re a human who makes mistakes sometimes. There is a big difference between those two things.

The challenge: Will you distinguish between being an impostor and being a human who makes mistakes? Will you remember to step back and look at the evidence?

Bonus thoughts- I used the obstacle course racing example, but I could have used different ones. I’m a slam poet who has bombed on stage, AND I’ve won competitions and been to nationals. The bad poems don’t make me an impostor. I’m a blogger that has written some stuff that isn’t that great, AND I’ve written some amazing blogs that have brought people to tears and made a difference. The weak entries don’t make me an impostor. I’ve made all kinds of mistakes at work, AND I’ve also won awards and been recognized for doing incredible things. The mistakes don’t make me an impostor, they just reinforce that I’m human.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting and Being Okay Joining the Failure Club (7-17-24)

Last week was about flumping. This week is about facing challenges, being human, and being okay with joining the failure club.

Recently, Alice played The Legend of Zelda A Link to the Past, which originally came out for Super Nintendo. She struggled quite a bit when she fought Ganon, the final boss, and as a result she became overstimulated and incredibly frustrated. I asked her to pause for a second to catch her breath, and then I asked her what was going on. Exasperated, she told me that she kept missing Ganon with her sword and how she kept screwing up. Reading in between the lines, I could see that she felt like a total failure and that she was the only one to make mistakes like this.

After hearing this I started a funny rant that went like this, “Congratulations! You are now a member of the ‘I missed Ganon with my sword’ club. Anyone who has ever played this game and made it this far is a member of that club. In fact, not only am I a member, but I’m the president of the club. If you give me a few minutes, I’ll even go and stamp your membership card.” Alice busted out laughing. My funny rant made her realize that she wasn’t uniquely a failure. It made her realize that EVERYONE has been in the same boat as her. Once she realized this, she wasn’t as frustrated. She defeated Ganon and saved Hyrule shortly after.

What does this have to do with anything? When you fail at something, do you ever feel like you are alone? Do you ever feel like you must suck or be a horrible person? I know I do. If you’ve ever failed, I’d like to take a moment to welcome you to the “I failed, which makes me human” club.Anyone who has ever lived is a member of this club. If you want, I can even stamp your membership card and give you a sticker 😉 All kidding aside, we are all miraculously flawed and beautiful humans. None of us are ever truly alone in our failures and mistakes. Somewhere there is a larger club with thousands, millions, and even billions of people who have been through something similar. You are never alone. Take solace and strength from that.

The challenge: How will you embrace your membership in the “I’m a messy human club”?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

The Not So Polished Human Side of Things (2-9-22)

Last week we looked at giving yourself permission to not be perfect. Let’s continue that theme by giving ourselves permission to share the not so polished human side of things.

This is from lap 2 of the Abominable Snow Race. On the first lap I scaled the 8 foot wall like a pro. Not so smooth this time. I misjudged the distance, swung my leg incorrectly, and got stuck in a painful position. If you zoom in, you can see me dying on the inside from the pain or as my cousin said, “I can see your soul leaving your body.” It took me 30 seconds or what felt like 1 hour to shimmy my other leg over and slide down the wall. I was hurting. It was ugly. But I made it. #bestphotoever

Whether or not you’ve ever done an obstacle course race, we have all been in some version of this moment from the picture on the right. Everything is going smoothly, and then bam it turns painful and awkward in a heartbeat from a trip, stumble, or our minds just blanking. We’ve all been there. You can probably picture that moment in your mind right now. I hope you chuckle when you do. Sharing this story doesn’t make me look cool. It’s not a flattering photo. However, it is one way of showing I’m human. It is one way of helping us all connect to the fact that we are all human. I’d hope that by sharing something like this, it might make you feel a little comfortable sharing the human side of you whenever you’re around me.

What does this have to do with work? Have you ever been around a co-worker who only shows you the polished side of things? Have you ever been around a leader like this? I don’t know about you, but I have a real hard time trusting people like that. I have a hard time being open about my thoughts and feelings. If the leader never shows that they are human, how can I be expected to show that I’m human? Now, am I saying that everyone needs to share a painful picture of them getting stuck on an 8 foot wall? No. What I am saying is that it would be great if we all felt comfortable to share a bit of us that makes us human. This could mean sharing stories of our mistakes, flaws, joy, love, passion, and anything that gives an insight into who we are as people. These are the actions that create the environment where humanity can be shared.

The challenge: How are you sharing the not so polished human side of you? What are you doing to give people a place where it’s safe to show they are human?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Running YOUR Race and the Permission to not be Perfect (2-2-22)

This week I want to kick-off a series inspired by obstacle course racing hobby. We’ll start with giving people permission to not be perfect and running YOUR race.

This past weekend I completed the Abominable Snow Race. I did the Yeti Challenge consisting of 2 laps of the course which equals 11.6 miles of running/hiking through snowy forests with a lot of hills, 48 obstacles, cold temps (3 degrees at the start and a high of 20), and about 5 hours for me to complete. This is the longest obstacle course race I had ever done, so I was nervous leading up to it. Alice, my wise 9 year old daughter, gave me a pep talk. She said, “This isn’t about winning, dad. This isn’t about getting every obstacle right. You just have to do your race at your pace. That’s all you got to do.” I had never had any delusions of winning. Still, I was putting pressure on myself to have the perfect race, to ace every obstacle, to be fast, and to put in an awesome performance. Alice’s words were exactly what I needed. They gave me permission to not be perfect. They were a reminder that this wasn’t about anyone else. This was about me and my growth. As I did the race, I failed 8 obstacles, was so much slower than I wanted to be, and dang was it ugly. BUT, I ran my race and I FINISHED! While I’m still sore, I’m also incredibly proud of myself because I couldn’t have done this a few months ago. My effort and my growth is what matters, not perfection.

How does this connect with work? I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get concerned with being perfect. I become obsessed with this idea that a mistake or a flaw will negate everything I do. These thoughts paralyze me. Do you ever feel that way? Throughout my life, I’ve realized I don’t need to be perfect. I just have to be willing to try. I have to be willing to keep moving, even if the journey if filled with mistakes. Vulnerability moment. I’m trying to figure out my newish role, especially in the midst of business units merging together. There are new processes, changes, and problems popping up from every direction. I started to feel a bit like a failure, because I wasn’t perfect with all these things. The other day I spoke to my boss and said, “Am I doing okay? I just feel like there’s all this stuff right now that I don’t have a handle on. Should I? It just feels like I’m messing stuff up, like I’m not good.” Similar to Alice, my boss more or less said, “You’re doing fine. You can’t expect to be perfect right now with all this stuff popping up. You’re good. Keep moving forward.” It was permission to not be perfect. It was permission to not have everything figured out, and that made all the difference. It was a reminder to keep moving forward. It was a reminder to focus on my effort and my growth, because those are the things that will get me to where I want to go and help me become who I want to be.

The challenge: Are you giving yourself permission to not be perfect? Are you giving other people permission to not be perfect? Are you running YOUR race?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Tough and Being Human

This week we are going to kick off a new series. Many of you know that my wife spent about a month in the hospital. She’s doing a lot better. The short version is that over a month span she found out she had a lot of pancreas stones, had surgery to deal with them, had bumpy recovery in and out of the hospital, and is now home making daily progress. This series will be particularly vulnerable and will be about some of my reflections I’ve had during this ordeal. This week we will look at being tough and being human.

While my wife was going through all the stuff mentioned above, I was trying to balance work and taking care of my two daughters. One night I was talking to Alice (8) before bed. At this point, my wife had been gone for 3 weeks, and it had just been the 3 of us at the house. I told Alice, “I’m proud of you. You’re being tough.” My daughter looked at me and started crying while saying, “I don’t want to be tough anymore. I miss mommy. I want her to be home.” How do you respond to that? I sat there, held her in my arms, and lovingly whispered, “It’s okay if you don’t want to be tough. It’s okay if you’re tired. I’m tired. I’m not feeling strong right now. I miss mommy a lot. All we can do is our best every day until mommy comes home.” We both sat there and cried.

You might wonder where this is going. Often, we value the ability to be a machine, to tough it out, gut it out, get the job done. We value this at all costs, not realizing the damage we are doing by always expecting more and more and more from each other. While we value these things in work and life, are these always the best things to value? In case no one has told you lately, it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to not be tough. It’s okay to be exhausted. It’s okay to not know how much further you can go. All of these things are okay, because it’s okay to be human. All you can do is your best to be the best you every single day. Sometimes the best version of you is a superstar. Sometimes the best version of you is someone who is just scraping by, and that’s okay.

The challenge: Are you willing to be human? Are you willing to try to be the best you can be, whoever that happens to be that day?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry