Lessons from Being a Dad Part 3 The Power of Appreciation (2-24-16)

Last week we talked about recognition and this week we’ll think about appreciation by sharing some pictures I came across on my phone from Christmas.

When I came back to work after holiday break people often asked me how my holidays were. I always told them they were amazing. I loved unplugging from work, getting caught up on sleep, and binge watching some TV shows. Most of all, I loved the Christmas I had with my family. This was by far the best Christmas I’ve ever had.

You might be wondering what was so special. Take a look at the pictures. Look at their faces. Look at the joy and appreciation. That’s why this was the best Christmas ever! Both girls are at a perfect age where they truly appreciated and cherished the gifts they were given. They did these things with such sincerity that I couldn’t help but smile. In the grand scheme of things, the gifts they received were not extravagant. Alice is clutching a maze activity book that probably cost $1. Violet is enthralled with a Little Einstein’s book that might have been $5. It wasn’t the gift that made them smile as much as it was the appreciation that someone cared about them so much that they got them something they would enjoy. I hope they never grow out of this stage.

When was the last time you felt and showed such appreciation? Maybe a family member did something special for you. Maybe a friend gave you a call to check up on you. Maybe a co-worker gave you a pat on the back for a job done well. There have been a lot of things going on in life right now that continue to confirm how precious life, family, and friends really are. How are you showing appreciation for these people and things that make life worth living?

The challenge: Show someone how much you appreciate them this week. Clutch onto life the way Alice holds her maze book and smile as you peruse through life’s pages the way Violet does as she searches for Rocket.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 2 Legos and Recognition (2-17-16)

Last week was a story about recognizing progress. This week is a different recognition story. The other day the girls and I were playing with Legos while my wife was out of the house with some friends. Whenever Alice builds something she thinks is really cool we put it up on the island in our kitchen so she can show her mom later. When we show my wife, Alice gets so excited, and it gives us a chance as parents to encourage her for her creativity, imagination, and the stories she tells.

The picture is of Alice with some Lego creations. Notice that I didn’t say HER Lego creations. She built the tower thing on the left, but the other things you see are things that I built with Violet. Violet and I had just finished building “Dinosaur Truck Tower” and “Helicopter Friend” (Alice’s names for the things) when Alice rushed over and said, “Daddy, these are beautiful. Can I put them on the island to show mommy? She’ll be so proud of you and Violet.”

Alice wasn’t jealous. Alice wasn’t worried that if her mom saw our cool stuff that she’d think Alice’s creations weren’t great. Instead, she was so proud of the work her sister and I did that she wanted to share it with her mom.

Think about our work. We often talk about the need for reward and recognition. We often wait for a boss or someone higher up to notice us. Instead of waiting, why don’t we lift each other up to be seen? How often do you get so excited about the work of your peers that you make the effort to make sure the boss notices them? How do you take their work and put it on your “kitchen island” so everyone else can see what you think is beautiful?

The Challenge: Show someone a peer’s “Lego creation” this week. Show them the beautiful colors, the thought that went into building it. Show them that you are noticing them and you care enough about them that you want to share them and their success with the world.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 1 Cheering on First Steps (2-10-16)

As many of you know, I’m a dad. I have two girls, Violet (2) and Alice (3.5). I’ve learned so much from my girls and over the new few weeks I’d like to share a few of those lessons. This week I want to share what I’ve learned about recognizing progress instead of just results.

When my girls started walking my wife got really excited. I didn’t think it was a big deal. I mean, they could barely take steps. Most of the people on this planet can walk. It’s not that impressive that they can take a few steps. Obviously those last few sentences aren’t true. If they were, I’d be one of the coldest dads out there. When my kids first started taking steps we partied like it was 1999. We yelled. We cheered. We did impromptu happy dances. We gave high fives, hugs, and lots of kisses.

Why would we celebrate this? We celebrated because for them, their first steps were a huge leap forward. Of course we want them to grow up and be coordinated and active individuals, but we know this outcome doesn’t happen overnight. If all we did was constantly compare them to a high bar that is out of their reach they’d be discouraged. We know their progress is worth celebrating to help them believe in themselves, so they can achieve great things.

As they continue to grow up I see how important it is to celebrate progress. Talking always came very easy to Alice. She’s been able to tell full crazy stories since she was really young. This isn’t the case with Violet. Violet’s a little behind in her speech to the point where we have her working with a speech therapist. There are a lot of friends and family members who compare outputs between Alice and Violet. They’ll say, “Violet doesn’t talk as much as Alice at that age. Violet can’t say many words.” What they are saying is true. What they are missing though is all of the progress that Violet is making right now. They are missing how she’s picking up a few more words. They are missing how proud of herself she is when she says words that are new to her like “balloon” or “bubble”. They are missing opportunities to encourage and cheer her on.

Work connection. When is the last time you stopped to reflect on your progress? When is the last time you commended someone else on their progress or on their growth? If you want someone to reach the high bar you are setting for them, you need to help them believe they can reach it. That only happens if you help them realize how far they’ve come and how much closer they are to the goal.

The challenge: Find someone (peer, direct report, friend, family member, etc.) this week and tell them how proud you are of the progress they’ve made.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Put Doubt to Work (2-3-16)

This week’s entry falls under the “Just in case you ever feel this way, know you’re not alone” category and is inspired by a conversation I had with Belinda months ago about how doubt isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, if Doubt it is used correctly it can help you avoid mistakes. I started a new role on February 1, and so far I haven’t been fired which is a win! Anyway, leading up to the start date I was mixture of excitement and nervousness. As it got closer and closer to February 1^st, Doubt started to creep in. One day when I was talking to myself while I was driving home, and Doubt was being obnoxiously loud and started heckling me from the couch, saying all kinds of stuff, “What if you fall on your face? You know you’re dumber than they are, right? What if they just don’t like you? What if you can’t pick this up fast enough? What if you can’t learn it all? What if you just don’t fit in this job? What if your skills don’t transfer over very well?”

It was in the middle of this spiral of negative questions that I had a mini-epiphany. Pretend for a moment that you lived in my house. I would expect you to contribute. I would expect you to clean up after yourself and also help with chores, split food costs, etc. My rationale is that if you are going to be part of my home, then you are going to be a helpful part of my home. I wouldn’t tolerate free loaders eating Doritos and watching TV all day.

So what is the epiphany? Doubt was the Dorito eating freeloader, and I didn’t have to tolerate that garbage. Doubt needs to productively contribute if he wants to live in my brain, so I put Doubt to work. As I was talking to myself I used Doubt to make lists of all the different reasons why I should have doubt, all the things I didn’t know, all of the things that made me nervous and scared. Doubt didn’t like it, but I made him get really specific. What was it about not knowing that should give me anxiety? What could I do to avoid falling into certain traps? Doubt worked out so hard during that conversation that I think he lost 30 pounds. So after I went through this conversation with Doubt, I shifted gears and asked Curiosity to step in. I said, “Curiosity, I have all this stuff that I don’t know. How about you go and try to figure it out? Can you find a way to make it all fit together?” Where Doubt is overwhelmed by all the things I don’t know, Curiosity comes in and says, “There are so many unopened boxes of stuff to learn! It’s like Christmas!”

My mind shifted from fear to the wonder of being able to learn new things. Anytime you start something knew, you’ll run into Doubt. Doubt will heckle you from the balcony. When this happens, are you putting Doubt to work or are you letting Doubt be a dark cloud freeloader?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Triggers, Assigned Meaning, Action, Habit (1-27-16)

I’m going to Andrew Embry this email and connect some dots, because this will be the last email in this recent series. We started this series by asking what our name would mean as a verb and trying to decide where we would need to grow. What our name means is a culmination of the habits we demonstrate on a daily basis. If we want to grow we need to identify what habits we want to change.

If you read about habit formation it goes like this. Trigger->Assigned Meaning->Action=Habit. For example, I feel tired (trigger), which means I need an energy boost (assigned meaning) so I drink a soda (action). If this habit becomes too prevalent it leads to me being unhealthy. If I wanted to change, I would either have to remove the trigger by finding a way to keep my energy level up or I would need to change what the trigger means. Taking time to learn from each other (Rogue) and how everyone views the world (tinted images) helps us identify how other people might identify and assign meaning to different triggers. This understanding gives us new options for how we can view triggers, what they mean, and how we can change our response to triggers to develop better habits.

Work example->Andrew Embry Leadership Failure Story. I ticked off and alienated an entire group I was working with because of habits I had developed. A problem popped up on a project, and I thought the project was supposed to be going one way and lots of the project team members were going in a different way. There was some disconnect and I got really frustrated and in an intense way I basically told the entire project team, “You all are making this too dang complicated! Just do it like this and let’s move on!” (My EQ meter must have been broken that day).

I did this because of the habits I had formed. In my old way of doing things, a problem would appear (trigger), which meant that I needed to solve it as fast as possible (meaning) so I would take immediate action and demand that people fix it my way. Not cool. My actions in this case basically told people I didn’t care about them or value their opinions and struggles. I’ve learned that the best leaders spend time understanding the problem from multiple angles, especially the people dynamics that are associated with a given challenge. In this particular instance the other folks on the project team were receiving guidance from multiple people at higher levels that was conflicting, so they were stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I would have taken the time to understand those dynamics first, we could have figured that out before me Hulking out. Now a problem appears (trigger), which means I need to spend time understanding the problem from all angles (meaning), so I seek to understand the technical as well as the emotional dynamics of the situation. Thinking like Rogue and viewing the world from different perspectives has helped me change the trigger meaning and gave me a new way to act.

What habits do you want to change? What are your triggers? What do those triggers mean? What actions do they lead you to take?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Tints, Lenses, and Inclusion (1-20-16)

Last week we talked a little bit about learning skills from each other. This week I want us to shift gears and think about learning about each other and the lenses from which we view the world. This week’s blog was inspired by some conversations I’ve had with folks lately that have stretched my thinking and an article about photography. I’d encourage you to read the article and watch the short video by clicking Here.

Take a look at the three pictures of my two year old daughter Violet. One might say that all of the pictures are the same, but that’s not exactly correct. Each image has its own tint to it. Pretend for a moment that you grew up with your eyes always seeing the world in one of these tints. For example, everything you saw always had a shade of green like the 1st picture. Now let’s pretend that I always saw things with a yellow tint. How would these changes impact the way we viewed and experienced the world?

What does this have to do with anything? As you look at these images you know that I’ve used a computer to make this effect happen. You can see all three tints and how they are impacting the image. In real life, these differences aren’t as easy to identify and understand. As we go through life, the lens we experience the world through evolves based on who we are and what we experience. In short, our diversity shapes how we view and experience our world.

I could be described as a white, male, husband, dad, son, straight, middle class, Indiana native, works outside the home, poet, and superhero lover. Would you describe yourself the same way? Probably not, and that’s the point. We each have a unique combination of dimensions that shape us, the way we see the world, and how we respond to what life throws at us. The challenge in all of this is that it’s easy to become so accustomed to viewing the world through your lens that you lose awareness of how your lens impacts the way you experience the world. It’s also easy to fall into the trap of thinking that everyone experiences the world the same as you do. I know that I’ve made these mistakes on several occasions and it was an honest conversation, a situation presented in a different light, or a new experience (like becoming a dad to two girls) that challenged my perspectives and made me view the world in a more holistic way.

True inclusion begins with understanding each other, and if we want to truly understand and learn from each other we have to be willing to step back from the lens we always use and actively search to see new perspectives. How are you challenging your day to day lens? What are you doing to see how others experience the world?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Learning like Rogue (1-13-16)

Last week we asked what your name would mean as a verb. Once you know what you want your name to mean, the question is, “How can I grow to make this a reality?” We’ll answer this question by thinking about a comic book character named Rogue. Rogue is a mutant in the Marvel universe who has the ability to absorb powers by touching someone. For example, if she touched the Hulk she would gain super strength or if she touched Spider-man she could climb walls. In short, Rogue enhances her powers by leveraging the people around her.

What if we could learn and develop like Rogue? Imagine for a moment you wanted to become a better strategic thinker. All you would have to do is find someone who is a great strategic thinker, give them a high five, and then you would absorb their skills. How cool would that be?

What does this have to do our jobs? If I’ve ever done anything to impress you, there is a 99.4% chance that what I did is either a new skill I’ve picked up from someone or one of my natural talents that has been made stronger by adding what I’ve learned from someone else. The other .6% of me impressing you is with my beard and I take full credit for that 😉 Although we can’t develop skills like Rogue, we can still absorb skills from each other. I’ve found that my learning can come from more than formal coaching sessions or one off events. I’ve learned that if I spend a little time being more observant and intentional I can take away lessons by watching how the people around me operate and look at the world. I can take their strengths and learn from them to make myself better.

Every day we tackle challenges that require dynamic leadership, strategic thinking, great communication, and many more skills. Every one of these moments is a chance to look at our peers and learn from them. Every moment is a chance to jot down those great strategic questions that Bob asked during the meeting, so you can apply them to other projects. It’s a chance to observe what it was about Sally’s leadership that caused her to be successful and how you could add that to your skill set. It’s a chance to watch Bill solve a problem and then apply his thought process to other obstacles you are facing. It’s an opportunity to be impressed by Susie’s presentation and ask her how she decided to tell the story in that way so you can prepare in a similar fashion. If we do this right it becomes a beautiful cycle of observing->absorbing->growing.

We work with some incredibly gifted and talented people. What if we could tap into all of those superpowers to make ourselves better? Are you taking advantage of learning from those around you? How are you absorbing their superpowers and putting them to good use? Who will you teach and who will you learn from?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

What would your name mean as a verb? (1-6-16)

Happy 2016! It’s the beginning of the year and many of us are making goals for 2016. These goals might be personal, professional, physical, mental, spiritual, or social. There are a wide variety of ways to go about creating goals, and I’d like to take a look at making goals from a different lens by asking a grammar related question. What would your name mean as a verb/adjective/noun? What your name would mean depends on who you are and how you demonstrate this to the world. The question to ask is, “If people used my name as a verb/adjective/noun, would it mean what I wanted it to mean?”

Here are some examples of what I mean. I was working in training and was discussing a challenge in a staff meeting when I said, “Toss me a marker and I’ll Charlie this problem.” To Charlie is a verb meaning to take complex problems and break them down into strategic process steps in a beautiful manner on a white board. If you know Charlie, you knew exactly what it meant to Charlie before I ever explained it. If you’ve ever been impressed by my strategic thinking on a whiteboard it’s because I learned that from Charlie. Let’s look at another example. When I introduce an initiative to someone I Steve or Derek the situation. To Steve or Derek means to have an intentional focus on sharing the WHY behind any initiative or request you are making. You can’t talk to these guys for more than 5 minutes before they say, “Let’s make sure we really drive home the why.” It’s what they do and who they are.

As I think of my own name there are things my name would mean right now that I’m happy about. Maybe my name would mean to be creative, deliver a great presentation, send email with awesome clip art, etc. In the future I hope what my name means continues to evolve. Down the line I’d like people to say, “I just Andrew Embryed that challenge” and mean that they pulled some miraculous leadership feat that elevated a large group of people to a new level, unleashed some marketing genius that impacted millions of people, or cared so deeply about others that it changed their lives. (Aim high, right?) If I want my name to mean these things, then these are some areas where I will have to continue to grow as I face new challenges in 2016.

What does it mean when someone says, “I just _____ (your name) that challenge?” Does it mean what you want it to mean?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Be like the Grinch (12-16-15)

This week will be the last blog of 2015. I hope that you have a wonderful and relaxing holiday break with your friends and families. Last week we looked at Rudolph and being “neutral”. This week we will look at another Christmas special, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!”

During this holiday season I all hope we are like the Grinch. Pretty strange thing to say, right? Let me explain why I feel this way. You may know the story of the Grinch. He is grumpy creature who decides he will try to steal Christmas from the Whos He concocts an elaborate scheme and then steals all of the presents, decorations, etc. in an effort to ruin their holiday. This negative attitude is what we often associate with the Grinch, but this isn’t the end of his story. The Grinch grows as a character, and if you remember our Rudolph story last week life is all about growing, changing, and becoming better.

The Grinch has stolen the gifts, and then he hears the Whos singing, and all of a sudden it hits him right as his sleigh full of gifts starts to go over the cliff. “And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two!” He saves the gifts from falling into the cliff, rides into Whoville, and serves the roast beef at the feast.

The reason I hope we are all like the Grinch this year is because he grows and becomes a better person. He begins filled with apathy, malice, and grumpiness, and then he allows love in and it fundamentally changes him. How have you changed and grown this year? Imagine how different the world be if all of our hearts grew like the Grinch’s. Here is to all of us hearing music, seeing the signs, and knowing what it feels like when our hearts grow three sizes in a day.

Have a jolly good day and wonderful holidays,

Andrew Embry

Rudolph and “Neutral” Characters (12-9-15)

My promise to myself is to keep it as real as I can with my blogs. I’m going to share something I’ve been thinking about for a few months now. I acknowledge this is may be viewed as a little sharp and heavy on the satire. My hope is that this week’s blog will make you stop and think about things a little differently.

You may be familiar with the story of Rudolph. On the surface, it’s a cute Claymation story about a misfit who becomes a hero. If you look a little deeper, you’ll see something else. Rudolph was born different and encouraged to hide what made him different. He was intentionally mocked by some reindeer. There are “neutral” characters also. These are the ones who weren’t making fun of or actively supporting Rudolph. Rudolph ran away, felt he needed to prove himself and goes on a dangerous adventure to save his friends. Rudolph returned to Santa’s workshop and Santa needed him because it is so foggy outside. As a result of his utility and his bravery, people finally accepted Rudolph.

Here is why this story is so messed up. It makes sense to focus on praising Rudolph for being brave and overcoming adversity. However, why do we let the other characters off the hook? Why was the bad behavior of the reindeer that were intentionally cruel to Rudolph tolerated for so long? Why did they have to wait for Rudolph to prove himself before accepting him? What was their character evolution like? Do those “neutral” characters realize that their neutrality is, or can be, destructive? Why are they neutral? Do they not want to get involved? Do they not know how to get involved? Are they oblivious to what is going on? Why don’t we expect these “neutral” characters to do better?

Here is the connection to our work. I feel that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is a lesson in diversity and inclusion. The story puts all of the pressure on Rudolph to grow as a character and glosses over how the other characters need to develop and grow. Read the paragraph again that describes the Rudolph story and wherever it says “Rudolph” replace that with a name and an aspect of diversity: “Bob my African American co-worker,” “Rhys my autistic nephew,” “Erica my Latino friend,” “Joe my LGBT colleague,” “Angela a working mother,” “Mike a Jewish neighbor.” It’s the same story. ______ (insert name) is intentionally ostracized by some people who are not inclusive, potentially unaware, or simply don’t care. There are “neutral” people who don’t actively ostracize, but they don’t do anything to support either. The pressure is on ______ to prove themselves and if they do, all those people who said ______ was not good says, “I guess ______ and that group of people ______ represents isn’t so bad.”

Confession: I’ve been the “neutral” person on different occasions and continue to make that mistake sometimes. I’ve been the one oblivious to how the frivolous use of the phrase, “That’s gay” hurt LGBT friends of mine. I’ve been the guy who didn’t know how to talk about the social issues played out in the media and even in our workplace concerning African American community throughout the year… so my awkward silence may have told people I care about that I don’t care about them. I’ve listened to friends without kids confess that they feel pressured to put in extra hours because they didn’t have kids to go home to, and I never did anything to help them understand their time is as valuable as any parents’. I’ve screwed up on several occasions and know I’ll continue to make mistakes.

Here’s to doing better. Sometimes being intentional about doing better means looking back to see what went wrong, why, and how we move forward in a different way. Here’s to rethinking “neutral” in whatever Rudolph story we have witnessed in the past, are involved in right now, or will be part of in the future.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry