Running and being Worthy (8-14-19)

Last week was about adjusting your training for new goals.  This week is about accepting that you are worthy. 

After I finished my first marathon a friend sent me a message that said, “You can’t say you’re not a runner now.” (#lovedoublenegatives)  This made me laugh, but it also hit me in a powerful way.  I’ve been running for years, but for the longest time I never claimed to be a runner, because I had decided that all runners were graceful elks effortlessly bounding on their runs.  I didn’t fit that mold, so I wasn’t a runner.  At my core, I refused to call myself a runner, because I felt I wasn’t worthy.  With that in my mind my friend’s comments basically said, “Only runners do what you just did.  If that doesn’t make you a runner, nothing will.  You are worthy of being called a runner.”  My friend was right. 

What does this have to do with anything?  I kept shrugging off the title of “runner” because I didn’t feel worthy.  I sometimes do that with compliments and kind words, even if they are objectively true, because deep down I don’t know if I’m worthy of the praise.  Do you do anything similar?  Embry poetry example.  If you’d look at the evidence (won slam competitions, participated in nationals, received standing ovations and countless positive comments, continue to get asked to perform) objectively you’d say that I must be a pretty good poet.  Still, for the longest time when people gave me compliments, I would shrug it off and say things like, “Thanks.  I don’t know if I’m a good poet.  I think I’m just a good performer.”  I did this because the visual in my head of what a good poet is was something unattainable.  I didn’t feel I was worthy of being called a good poet. 

This happens at work too.Throughout my career I’ve had people say, “Bob, Susie, and Joe all believe you are really good at X, so they sent me to get your perspective on X.”  Objectively speaking, that means multiple people thought I was good at something, which means at least to them my opinions had real value.  I’d often respond with, “Oh thanks.  I don’t know about that.  I don’t know if I’m really all that good of a X or good at Y…”  It’s another case of not feeling worthy enough to accept the compliment, accept who/what I am, and accept that others see me as worthy.  Over time I learned that I am in fact worthy, and could accept the kind words.

The fact is that we are all more worthy than we ever can readily admit, and we just need to be willing to embrace this fact.  In case no one has told you lately… If you influence people, bring out the best in them, engage their hearts and minds, and achieve results that wouldn’t be possible without you, then you are worthy of being called a leader.  If your children know that you love them, and you invest your time and energy into helping them grow, you are worthy of being called a good mom/dad.  (<-Parents, read this one twice.)  If you are a person, you are worthy of love, kindness, and compassion. 

The challenge: Will you accept that you are worthy?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Adjust Training to Reach New Goals (8-7-19)

Last week was about knowing where the finish line is.  This week is about knowing your destination and training accordingly.

Last year I had a goal to complete a half-marathon in under 2 hours.  This was quite a stretch for me.  In order to run a half-marathon under 2 hours, I would need to run approximately 9 minute miles, and my normal pace for a mile is around 11 minutes.  As I trained for this, I had to force myself to train faster than what I was accustomed to running, so I could build up the speed and stamina to carry me through.  In November of 2018, I reached my goal and finished a half-marathon in about 1 hour 59 minutes.  (#skinofmyteeth #itstillcounts).  A few months after that I decided to run a full marathon.  My goal was to just finish the marathon.  I knew that if I ran the marathon at my half-marathon pace, I wouldn’t be able to safely complete the race.  As I trained, I ran slow and steady (around a 12 min 30 sec) pace, and I built up my endurance over time.  I also spent more time stretching and doing yoga to keep my body relatively fresh and healthy.  I finished my first marathon in April in about 5 hours and 30 minutes. (#turtlepower)

What does this have to do with anything?  The thing that led to me having a successful half-marathon would not be the same thing that would make me have a successful marathon.  In the story above I had to change my training and the way I operated based on the goal I had.  Think about work for a moment.  Think about the times that you’ve started a new role or a new project.  What did it take for you to be successful in that new role vs. your old role?  What did it take as your responsibilities changed?  How did you have to adapt to deliver on these new responsibilities?  What I’ve found throughout my career is that there are always things that transfer from one role to the next.  At the same time if I leveraged ONLY what I did in my old role in my new role, I’d never reach my new goals, because new challenges require new skills. 

Embry example, before my current role I worked in market research, where I spent a lot of my time thinking about big picture strategy, defining problems, and figuring out how to answer questions.  In my new role, half my job is strategy, which leverages previous skills, and the other half of my job is more operational focused.  This operational component has caused me to think more about timelines, processes, and how things work at a more detailed level than I’m accustomed to.  This has caused me to stretch and use muscles I haven’t used as often in the past.  If I attacked this job the same way I did my market research job I would fail.  I’ve had to adapt based on my new goals.  My main goal right now is to not get fired for being incompetent 😉 #sofarsogoodbutit’sstillearly.  Actually, one of my goals is to figure out how to operationalize things in a way that causes the least amount of swirl and wasted effort possible.  I haven’t mastered this yet, but am learning things and adapting in ways that might help me reach this goal in the future. 

The challenge: Are you adapting your “training” to new goals or are you stuck doing “old things” that will only help you meet old goals?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Running, Fuel, and Water Stations (7-24-19)

Last week we kicked off a series about running by looking at gutting out tough runs.  This week is about running and water stations.  It’s inspired by one of the responses to last week’s blog.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned since I began running is the importance of fueling up as you run.  It can make or break your run or race.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve had some runs and races where things started out okay, and then everything started falling apart.  All of a sudden it was like my body was out of rhythm, and my legs turned into cement.  Often that happened to me because I didn’t fuel up during the race.  I didn’t drink enough water and/or I didn’t eat and give my body the calories it needed to keep going.  Has this ever happened to you, either during a race, a run, a workout, or another activity?

What does this have to do with anything?  Last week was about tough runs, and someone responded to me and said, “But I will not quit.  I will keep running – despite the bruises, bumps, scrapes, and then some.  I do love it – my family, my career, my life.  Just some days I need someone at the water station to give me that cheer and cup of water – telling me to keep running!”

I found this insightful and inspiring, and I think it connect to us in two ways.  First, it speaks to the importance of taking the time to refuel.  We all are in the middle of our own tough run, but how often are we taking the time to refuel?  How often are we taking the time to pause for a moment to make sure we get some “water” and “fuel” into our system?  I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get so caught up in running around in work and life that I don’t pause to refuel.  While I can run for a long time, sooner or later it all catches up and I end up crashing hard and falling apart.  We all do.

The other connection is that we can all be the person at the water station giving encouragement and water to other people.  As I reflect, I realize that I have no idea what kind of race other people are running.  I don’t know if it’s a tough run for them or a smooth one.  I don’t know if they are tired or if their legs are still fresh.  Regardless, what I do know is that everyone needs fuel, and we all have the ability to give each other a little fuel in the form of a smile, a kind word, encouragement, and any other gifts we have to offer.

Challenge 1:  Will you slow down and refuel?

Challenge 2:  Will you give fuel to others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Heat and Hard Running (7-17-19)

This week I’d like to start a series inspired by running by looking at lessons learned from tough runs.  Normally, I get enjoyment from running, but with the heat that hasn’t lately been the case.  I remember a recent run.  It was hot.  I’m out of shape and sweating like crazy, thirsty as heck and out of water.  My entire body was sore and cramping.  The sun was frying my skin like an egg, and my eyes were itching from pollen and allergies.  Bugs kept flying in my mouth.  Not fun. 

As I’m hobbling along like an elephant with bad knee caps, I start talking to myself.  “Why am I doing this?  What is this going to do for me?  Did I make the right choice to be doing this?  Am I going to make it?  Does this mean I’m a horrible runner?  How much longer is this going to last?  This sucks!”  I finally finished the run.  I’d like to say at that moment I hit some amazing runner’s high, but I didn’t.  I was exhausted and banged up.  Nothing about that run was enjoyable.  I still run though.  I don’t run because it’s always fun.  I run because sometimes it sucks.  I run because whether it’s fun or whether it’s difficult, it makes me stronger and more prepared for my next race.

You might be wondering where this is going.  Think about life/work for a moment.  Have you ever been in a situation where you weren’t having fun, but you knew you were growing?  It’s hard being in these places, but it is these moments that make us stronger.  With all that said, that’s where I am right now in work.  Recently, a friend asked me if I was having fun in my role.  My gut instinct was to say, “Yeah, everything’s great,” like we always do.  However, I hesitated for a moment and then decided to be honest.  I told her that I wasn’t having fun, and I kind of felt guilty about admitting that things weren’t care free and perfect. *(#probablybeingtoohonest) 

Why wasn’t I having fun?  We all have our runs in the hot sun.  Lately mine has consisted of working on a complicated launch brand on an alliance while trying (and sometimes failing) to skillfully and smoothly navigate customer planning, company processes, cultures, surprises, and people across the two companies.  It’s a struggle.  It’s exhausting.  It’s not always care free fun and easy.  In the midst of gutting out this tough run, I find myself asking all of the same questions I asked when I ran in the sun, “Why am I dong this?  What is this doing for me?  Did I make the right choice?  Am I going to make it?  If it’s this hard, does it mean I’m horrible or I lack the skills to do this?”

It’s okay to be honest.  It’s okay to admit that things are tough from time to time.  I can’t tell you that I’m having care free fun right now, but I know with certainty that I’m growing.  These last 7 months have consisted of a lot of bruises and scrapes, but I’m stronger for it.  I feel my leadership skills, understanding of marketing, thinking, and tolerance for ambiguity have improved more in the past few months than they have in the past few years, because they had to.  So while it’s not all smiles and rainbows, I keep showing up.  I show up, not because it’s fun, but because sometimes it sucks.  I show up and keep running, because it makes me stronger and more prepared for everything moving forward.  I keep showing up, because I have an awesome team and people who need me.  You do too.  I see you gutting out your own hot run, whatever it is.  You got this!  You’re strong.  Keep running! 

The challenge: Can you embrace the tough times for what they are and what they give you?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 8 Learning to Ride a Bike and Cheering Others On (7-10-19)

I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday.  In my last entry I mentioned we were going to be done with lessons I’ve learned from being a dad.  However, something neat happened over the holiday week, so I have one more story about my daughters.  This is about bike riding and cheering others on.

A few weeks ago I shared a story about how my daughter Alice (7) faced her fears and learned how to ride her bike.  This was a big deal for her.  She had to work hard, and it took hours of her trying and facing her fears before she was able to ride without training wheels.  Last week, Violet (5) learned how to ride her bike without training wheels.  Violet is more physically gifted than Alice.  It probably took about 10 minutes for Violet to get the hang of it.  Now, Violet can ride her bike without training wheels and is faster than Alice could ever hope to be.  (#ridingabikewhilewearinganinjaturtlehelmetlikeaboss)

We had been praising Alice for riding her bike for 2 weeks.  We’d talked about how awesome it was and how proud of her we were.  Then, all of a sudden Violet comes through and learns how to do the same thing in a matter of minutes.  I assumed Alice was going to be upset when Violet learned how to ride.  I assumed Alice was going to be jealous of how easy it came to Violet.  I assumed Alice would be irritated that Violet is better than her at something, especially because Violet is 2 years younger.  I was wrong.  Instead of being upset, Alice encouraged and congratulated Violet.  Alice was so excited for her sister, and didn’t care about any of those things I thought she might be concerned about.

What does this have to do with anything?  Take the bike riding example above, and imagine yourself as Alice and the other people you know as Violet.  How would you react toward “Violet” when they got “the promotion”, “the great opportunity”, “perfected a new skill”, or “got a new job” either before you or faster than you ever did?  I don’t know about you, but I’m not always as gracious and encouraging as Alice is.  Sometimes I get jealous.  Sometimes I see other people get things and my first thought is, “Why not me?  Aren’t I as good as them?  I’m the one who deserves that.”

What Alice understood is that Violet learning how to ride a bike has nothing to do with Alice learning how to ride a bike.  Just because Violet learned how to ride a bike easier and at a younger age, it doesn’t take away the fact that Alice overcame a fear.  Also, Alice also knows there are areas in life where things come easier to her than they do with Violet.  Because Alice knows these things, she is able to cheer on her sister instead of being consumed by jealousy and bitterness.

The challenge: Will you cheer on or grow jealous of others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Do you know where the finish line is? (7-31-19)

Last week was about refueling while running and giving fuel to others.  This entry is about running races and knowing where the finish line is.

Let’s pretend for a moment that I talked you into doing a race, but I never told you how far we were running.  Now imagine, it’s a hot day and a tough course.  Imagine we are running and we hit the 5k mark and there is a big sign and you think you’re done.  You start to slow down and I say, “What are you doing?  We still have miles to run.”  We keep going and going, and you quickly realize that if you knew the race was going to be this long you probably would have prepared differently.  Now in real life this would never happen.  You wouldn’t run with me until you had an idea of how far we were going. 

So what does this have to do with anything?  How often do we dive into a situation before we have any idea where the finish line is and what the end goal looks like?  This has happened to me before.  I’ve jumped right into something, thought it was going well, thought I was done, and then realized I still had miles and miles to go. Why does this happen?  I’d argue that this happens because we often don’t take the time to pause to understand where the finish line is before we start running.  We don’t always take the time to pause and define what good looks like to a degree where we know whether or not we have hit that mark.

This idea of not knowing where the finish line is could apply to anything.  The other day I had a conversation with a friend, and we were talking about all of this as it relates to being an inclusive leader.  Inclusive leadership is such a big term that often we dive in without ever trying to break it down and operationalize how to be an inclusive leader.  As a result, people often think they are more inclusive than they actually are.  I believe there are a lot of people who are nice people, who fail to realize that being a nice person only gets you to mile 8 in a 26.2 mile (marathon) race to truly being inclusive.  These people fail to realize that until you hit at least mile 18, you aren’t even close to what being a truly inclusive leader is.  If you’re falling short, this doesn’t mean you are bad.  It just means you still have more miles to run and more milestones to pass.

The challenge: Do you know where your finish line is?  Do you know where you are in relation to the finish line?

Bonus thoughts: I’m passionate about inclusive leadership and being a great human.  In case you’re curious, I’d love to share where my finish line is in those areas.  I’ll know that I’m the leader I want to be when everyone I work with knows that I have love for them and that they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I care about them and the work we do together.So what are my mile markers (behaviors to show) on the way to the finish line?  In order to get to the finish, I know I’ll have to pass certain things.  I’ll have to be a good listener, be vulnerable, proactively reach out to folks early and often, be welcoming, actively bring different people in and together, seek to understand without passing judgment, give praise regularly, build people up, make it safe for them to give input, extend more grace, be real, share tough feedback in a loving way, and a few other things I can’t think of right now.  Most importantly, when it comes to DOING all of those things, I’ll need to do them 100% of the time, every single day.  I’m not there yet.  I still have miles to run.  Luckily, I have plenty of water, good shoes, great socks, and people to help cheer me on along the way. 😉

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 7 Parenting, Vacations, and Expectations (6-26-19)

I’m back after a relaxing week of vacation.  I hope you’re all doing well.  This is the final entry in this series about lessons I’ve learned from being a dad.  This week is about kids, vacations, and expectations.  Special shout out to Tara Walton for the inspiration.

I recently returned from a week long vacation with my family and my wife’s family.  This is a trip we take every year, and we always have a blast.  I can still remember the first time we ever went on vacation with the kids.  Before that, vacation had always just been my wife and myself.  No responsibilities.  No cares.  No real plans.  It was super easy to go with the flow.  When we had kids, that all changed.  We have a lot of fun on vacation, but it’s a heck of a lot different than it was just my wife and myself.  Not only do we eat at different restaurants and do different activities, but vacations with the family add a whole additional level of responsibilities.  Now, I have to get myself ready and focus on my well-being, while also taking care of two other crazy small humans ready as well.  It’s still fun, just different.  Can you relate?

You might wonder where this is going.  A few weeks ago I was talking to my boss, Tara, about a situation I was facing at work.  I explained that I was frustrated, because I thought the situation was going to be X and it turned out to be Y.  The difference between X and Y was causing irritation on my end.  Have you ever had that happen at work?  After I explained the situation to her she jokingly said, “Sounds like you had the wrong expectations.  It’s like going on vacation.  A vacation with the family is a lot of fun, but it’s a lot different than just you and your wife.  If you thought the vacation with your family would be the same as a vacation with you and your wife, you’d be disappointed.” (#inspirationforthisblog)

After she made the joke, she said something like, “So what are you going to do?  Sounds like you went into it thinking it was one thing and you found out it wasn’t.  You can either continue being disappointed or you can change your expectations and how you’ll respond moving forward.”  From there we talked about how this situation is never going to be X, so I need to let that go.  I need to embrace that the situation is Y.  Y isn’t bad.  Y is different.  I needed to change my perspective and behaviors accordingly to make Y work.  That’s my choice.  It’s your choice too.  We all have the ability to reexamine our expectations and adjust accordingly.

The challenge: Are you setting the right expectations for yourself in any given situation?  How do you adapt when things don’t meet your expectations?

Side note: I’ll be out next week for the 4th of July holiday, so you won’t hear from me.

Have a jolly good day and enjoy the 4th!

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 6 Kids are Contagious (6-12-19)

Last week was about bike riding and being brave.  This week we are going to talk about kids as petri dishes and being contagious.

I am sooooooo thankful that summer is here.  As a parent to two young girls, Alice (7) and Violet (5), I feel that during the winter months kids are essentially walking petri dishes.  As soon as winter comes my entire family is in a constant state of being sick.  My children have an uncanny ability to capture and share germs with anyone and everyone within a 50 mile radius.  Alice will catch something and pass it around, and then Violet will catch something new and pass it around.  Meanwhile, we are cooped up in the house, tired, feeling crummy, and irritated with each other.  Dealing with sick kids during the winters is one of the sucky parts of parenting.  It’s a bit of an unavoidable part of life.  Kids are just more susceptible to things, and I swear all kids are contagious.  If you understand what I’m saying, can I get an amen?  (See the picture.  You probably see a girl enjoying herself.  I see that too, but I also see someone gathering germs to bring home😉)

You might be wondering how this connects with work.  When I talked about my kids I talked about them being contagious with regards to physical illness.  I also believe that emotions and attitudes are contagious.  They are powerful like a virus, spreading fast, infiltrating every nook and cranny of a team or a culture. 

Have you ever witnessed this on a team you’ve been on?  Maybe you’ve worked with someone whose positive attitude always managed to inspire hope in any situation.  I know I have.  There are people that I love bumping into because, I know that merely seeing them and chatting with them for a few seconds will fill me with energy, laughter, sunshine, wisdom, and so much more.  These are the people I try to spend most of my time with.  Maybe you’ve been on the team with the person who was always so negative that it seemed to spread and taint everything.  All it took was one person spreading those negative germs to turn the culture into something that is toxic, causing countless hours of swirl and frustration.  I’ve been in this situation too, trying to quarantine that person and their vibes away from everything.   If emotions are contagious, we are the carriers.  Unlike being stuck with a disease, we can choose our outlook.  We can choose our attitude.  We can choose to be a virus for good.

The challenge:  You’re contagious.  What kind of vibes are you spreading?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 5 Biking and Bravery (6-5-19)

Last week was about small, medium, and big deals.  This week is about bike riding and bravery.  Recently, we taught my daughter how to ride her bike.  I love Alice to pieces, but this was not easy.  Alice is great at many things, but physical coordination is not one of them.  Also, she was terrified of going faster than a crawl on her bike which made it hard to balance.  The second we let go of her seat she’d get scared, stop pedaling, and then crash. 

We worked and worked and worked with her and she was frustrated.  She told us she couldn’t do it because she was scared.  She was ready to give up and I told her, “Alice, I’m not asking you to stop being afraid.  This is scary, and that’s okay.  Am asking you to be, and right now being brave means you pedal and pedal and pedal.  Do you think you can do that?”  She said she could, so I told her to keep saying, “Pedal, pedal, pedal,” as we went.  We do this a couple of times with me holding her seat, and then I finally sneakily let go.  I run beside her with my hand behind her and she thinks I’m holding on, and she keeps pedaling.  She crashes after 15 feet.  She’s frustrated, until I tell her I wasn’t holding on.  I told her she was brave and kept pedaling, and asked if she could keep doing that.  Soon 15 feet become 50 became 65 became 149 became 264, and now we don’t measure because she can ride her bike pretty well.  #touchedandprouddad

You might wonder where this is going.  Alice was terrified, so she couldn’t ride her bike and thought the only way she’d ever ride her bike is if the fear went away.  Life doesn’t work like that.  The fear never fully disappears, the bravery fills the space and pushes fear to the corners.  In her case being brave meant she just had to keep pedaling.  Now think about work.  Think about all the different situations we enter that are scary.  I’m not asking us to stop being afraid.  I’m asking us to be brave.  Sometimes, being brave means holding your ground in a conversation even though it causes tension.  Sometimes being brave is about embracing your ignorance and trying to see something from someone else’s perspective.  Sometimes, being brave is owning your mistakes.  Sometimes, being brave is wading into a difficult conversation to give someone feedback.  Sometimes being brave is opening up to others.

The challenge:  How will you be brave?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 4 Small, Medium, or Big Deal (5-29-19)

This week we will build on what matters and perspective by looking at my very advanced scientifically based parenting classification system of small deal, medium deal, and big deal.  I was in the kitchen eating my breakfast when Alice started yelling.  I asked her, “What is going on?”  She explained to me that she had lost her bracelet toy thing.  I then looked at her and said, “Is that a small deal, a medium deal, or a big deal?”  She replied that it was a small deal, so my next question was, “When are we allowed to freak out?”  She replied, “When it’s a big deal.”  Finally, I said, “So should you be freaking out now?  Take a breath and go solve your problem.”  She looked in her room and found the bracelet 10 seconds later.

This classifying of small, medium, or big is a common thing at my house.  Small deals are minor annoyances that shouldn’t even phase you.  Big deals are when someone is badly hurt or likely to get badly hurt.  Big deals usually require a grown-up to help resolve.  Everything else is a medium deal, which can often be frustrating, but can be resolved without freaking out.  I’ve been a parent for 7 years and only encountered a handful of big deal moments. 

I see two connections to work.  First, reflect on some of the stressful situations you’ve faced at work.  Now ask yourself, “Was that situation that caused you stress a small deal, a medium deal, or a big deal?”  I don’t know about you, but I very rarely have ever had to deal with a big deal moment at work.  Most of the time I deal with small deals or medium deals, and it just so happens that they get blown up to be more than they really are.  Sometimes, it’s the organization that blows them up.  Sometimes, it’s a leader.  Sometimes, it’s all on me, getting caught up in the frenzy and losing perspective.

The other connection is that as a dad, I’m one of the co-leaders of the household.  As the leader, it is my job to deescalate things, and help my daughters see that the thing they are freaking out about is really a medium deal and everything will be fine.  As a leader, you have tremendous power and responsibility.  If you allow and/or enable small and medium deals to become big deals, you create unnecessary stress and pain for everyone else you work with.  If you are able to help people keep things in perspective, you give your team the ability to focus on the things that truly matter.

The challenge: Are you taking the time to pause and decide if it is a small, medium, or big deal?  Are you setting the tone of what is a small, medium, or big deal with your teams?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry