This will be the last in the series of things to reflect on as we kick off 2022.  We’ve reflected on our one word/phrase, how to build a surge protector for ourselves, and whether the goals we have are the ones we want or the ones we think we should have.  Part of achieving our goals is changing our behaviors.  This week we will look at behaviors and understand how they serve us to determine if they are the right ones for us.  This blog is longer than usual. I’d ask that you sit with this a bit.

This entry is inspired by a Tim Ferriss podcast episode “#554: Jerry Colona- How to Reboot Yourself and Feel Unrushed in the New Year”  During the podcast Tim and Jerry were discussing how difficult it is to change behavior, and Jerry shared two questions we need to work through before changing behavior that struck me.  How does this behavior serve/benefit me? How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want? 

Let’s look at a personal example.  I stress eat too much junk food sometimes after a tough day.  Does this sound familiar?  I know this gets in the way of my goal to be stronger and move better.  I know that stress eating junk makes me not feel so great by the next morning.  I still do it though.  How does this behavior serve me?  The behavior serves me by giving me an escape, a distraction, a quick hit of happiness after a long day.  If that’s the case, then I need to find some other method of decompressing and gaining happiness after a tough day that doesn’t result in me eating junk food.  How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want?  If I stock up my house with junk, it’s easier to eat.  I can’t eat junk if it’s not there in the first place.  With all that said, I still enjoy dessert and junk food from time to time.  The difference is that now when I have it, I’m doing it to enjoy life vs. as a way to deal with stress.

What about a work example?  We often talk about how we work in a meeting heavy culture, and that all of these meetings aren’t usually the best use of our time.  Since we spend so much time in meetings, we can’t get other work done during normal working hours, so then people put in extra hours at night.  Why would we do something that is so obviously not effective? Let’s work through a few questions to find out.

How does this behavior serve/benefit me?  Meetings serve us in several different ways.  Some are positive and some are not.  Meetings give us a chance to collaborate.  Attending meetings makes us feel included, which is important in a culture that often prioritizes consensus over other things.  Having meetings on calendars makes us feel busy, and being busy is a status symbol.  Meetings save us short-term effort.  Think about all of the times you’ve attended a meeting and thought, “This could have been an email.”  Well, throwing a meeting on a calendar and talking requires less intentional effort than clearly communicating through other channels.  Meetings also give us the safety net that at least people were exposed to the message, because we all know many folks don’t read their emails.  Does any of this ring true?  Look at all the purposes the meetings serve: including folks, saving short-term effort (even though it wastes more energy long-term), status of being busy, a feeling of safety, the perception of communication occurring, and more.  If we want to change this behavior of having too many meetings, then we need to solve for how having too many meetings currently serves/benefits us.

How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want? How often do we schedule meetings that could have been an email?  How often do we host meetings where we lack clear objectives, agenda, and knowledge of how we are precisely going to run the meeting?  How often do we accept meetings when they lack clear objectives?  How often do we want to be part of a meeting when we really don’t need to be there?  How often do we not send follow-ups to relevant parties, keeping them informed in case they aren’t able to be at the meeting?  I’ve been guilty of doing all of those things.  Have you? 

Here’s the thing, we don’t have to be complicit in any of that.  We can hold ourselves accountable to not partake in those behaviors.  We can also hold each other accountable by asking for clear objectives and who really needs to be at a meeting.  We can also be clear about communication preferences.  As I meet with cross-functional partners I explain to them that wasting time is a huge pet peeve of mine.  I’m very clear.  Don’t read slides at me.  Send them to me ahead of time to process, so we can talk about them.  Send me the questions you want me to think about.  I’ll come prepared and if I don’t, I give them permission to call me out on it.  The only reason why this meeting culture continues is because we are ALLOWING it to do so.

The challenge: Think of a personal or work behavior you’d like to change.  How is that behavior currently serving/benefitting you?  How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want?

Bonus: I’d also recommend you listen to this podcast episode from Tim, “373: Jerry Colonna- The Coach with the Spider Tattoo”

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry