Running, Personal Records, and Doing your Best (8-21-19)

This will be the last in the series about running. We started with gutting out tough runs, and then looked at refueling and giving fuel to others. From there we focused on understanding where the finish line is, and how we might need to train to get there. Last week was about accepting that we are worthy. This week is about running, doing your best, and striving for growth.

A few months ago, I finished a race. When I got home Alice (7), asked me, “Daddy, did you win?” I chuckled at the question, because the only way I’d ever win a race is if all the runners were miraculously hit by a magic spell that made them run backwards. Anyway, I told Alice that I didn’t win, and that most of the other runners are faster and better than I am. Then Alice said, “Okay. Well, did you beat your personal score? (She meant personal record aka PR) Did you do your best? Those are the things that matter, right?” I smiled a ridiculously proud smile, and let her know that I had done my best and today doing my best also meant beating my personal record. Then, I told her I agreed that trying to get better and doing your best are the main things that matter, and those are the main things we can control.

You probably see where this is going. We are all running our own race, and we are all facing obstacles, many of which are out of our control. When we face these obstacles, it’s so easy to get focused on them that we lose sight of what we can control. One thing we can control is the amount of effort we put in. We can control whether we come in and give it our all every single day. We can control the energy and effort we give to our projects and our relationships. The other thing we can control is our drive to improve and grow. It’s easy to get into a routine. It’s easy to fall into the rhythm of a role where things are going smoothly. I don’t know about you, but when this happens it’s easy to be content with getting by vs. being focused on improving. I’ve mentioned in previous blogs that I spend a decent amount of time reflecting. One of the reasons I do this is because it helps me understand where I currently am, where I’m still falling short, and what I can do to beat my personal best. Each day is another run, another race, and another chance to get better.

The challenge: Keep running. Keep striving. Keep beating your personal records.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Running and being Worthy (8-14-19)

Last week was about adjusting your training for new goals. This week is about accepting that you are worthy.

After I finished my first marathon a friend sent me a message that said, “You can’t say you’re not a runner now.” (#lovedoublenegatives) This made me laugh, but it also hit me in a powerful way. I’ve been running for years, but for the longest time I never claimed to be a runner, because I had decided that all runners were graceful elks effortlessly bounding on their runs. I didn’t fit that mold, so I wasn’t a runner. At my core, I refused to call myself a runner, because I felt I wasn’t worthy. With that in my mind my friend’s comments basically said, “Only runners do what you just did. If that doesn’t make you a runner, nothing will. You are worthy of being called a runner.” My friend was right.

What does this have to do with anything? I kept shrugging off the title of “runner” because I didn’t feel worthy. I sometimes do that with compliments and kind words, even if they are objectively true, because deep down I don’t know if I’m worthy of the praise. Do you do anything similar? Embry poetry example. If you’d look at the evidence (won slam competitions, participated in nationals, received standing ovations and countless positive comments, continue to get asked to perform) objectively you’d say that I must be a pretty good poet. Still, for the longest time when people gave me compliments, I would shrug it off and say things like, “Thanks. I don’t know if I’m a good poet. I think I’m just a good performer.” I did this because the visual in my head of what a good poet is was something unattainable. I didn’t feel I was worthy of being called a good poet.

This happens at work too.Throughout my career I’ve had people say, “Bob, Susie, and Joe all believe you are really good at X, so they sent me to get your perspective on X.” Objectively speaking, that means multiple people thought I was good at something, which means at least to them my opinions had real value. I’d often respond with, “Oh thanks. I don’t know about that. I don’t know if I’m really all that good of a X or good at Y…” It’s another case of not feeling worthy enough to accept the compliment, accept who/what I am, and accept that others see me as worthy. Over time I learned that I am in fact worthy, and could accept the kind words.

The fact is that we are all more worthy than we ever can readily admit, and we just need to be willing to embrace this fact. In case no one has told you lately… If you influence people, bring out the best in them, engage their hearts and minds, and achieve results that wouldn’t be possible without you, then you are worthy of being called a leader. If your children know that you love them, and you invest your time and energy into helping them grow, you are worthy of being called a good mom/dad. (<-Parents, read this one twice.) If you are a person, you are worthy of love, kindness, and compassion.

The challenge: Will you accept that you are worthy?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Running, Fuel, and Water Stations (7-24-19)

Last week we kicked off a series about running by looking at gutting out tough runs. This week is about running and water stations. It’s inspired by one of the responses to last week’s blog.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned since I began running is the importance of fueling up as you run. It can make or break your run or race. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had some runs and races where things started out okay, and then everything started falling apart. All of a sudden it was like my body was out of rhythm, and my legs turned into cement. Often that happened to me because I didn’t fuel up during the race. I didn’t drink enough water and/or I didn’t eat and give my body the calories it needed to keep going. Has this ever happened to you, either during a race, a run, a workout, or another activity?

What does this have to do with anything? Last week was about tough runs, and someone responded to me and said, “But I will not quit. I will keep running – despite the bruises, bumps, scrapes, and then some. I do love it – my family, my career, my life. Just some days I need someone at the water station to give me that cheer and cup of water – telling me to keep running!”

I found this insightful and inspiring, and I think it connect to us in two ways. First, it speaks to the importance of taking the time to refuel. We all are in the middle of our own tough run, but how often are we taking the time to refuel? How often are we taking the time to pause for a moment to make sure we get some “water” and “fuel” into our system? I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get so caught up in running around in work and life that I don’t pause to refuel. While I can run for a long time, sooner or later it all catches up and I end up crashing hard and falling apart. We all do.

The other connection is that we can all be the person at the water station giving encouragement and water to other people. As I reflect, I realize that I have no idea what kind of race other people are running. I don’t know if it’s a tough run for them or a smooth one. I don’t know if they are tired or if their legs are still fresh. Regardless, what I do know is that everyone needs fuel, and we all have the ability to give each other a little fuel in the form of a smile, a kind word, encouragement, and any other gifts we have to offer.

Challenge 1: Will you slow down and refuel?

Challenge 2: Will you give fuel to others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Heat and Hard Running (7-17-19)

This week I’d like to start a series inspired by running by looking at lessons learned from tough runs. Normally, I get enjoyment from running, but with the heat that hasn’t lately been the case. I remember a recent run. It was hot. I’m out of shape and sweating like crazy, thirsty as heck and out of water. My entire body was sore and cramping. The sun was frying my skin like an egg, and my eyes were itching from pollen and allergies. Bugs kept flying in my mouth. Not fun.

As I’m hobbling along like an elephant with bad knee caps, I start talking to myself. “Why am I doing this? What is this going to do for me? Did I make the right choice to be doing this? Am I going to make it? Does this mean I’m a horrible runner? How much longer is this going to last? This sucks!” I finally finished the run. I’d like to say at that moment I hit some amazing runner’s high, but I didn’t. I was exhausted and banged up. Nothing about that run was enjoyable. I still run though. I don’t run because it’s always fun. I run because sometimes it sucks. I run because whether it’s fun or whether it’s difficult, it makes me stronger and more prepared for my next race.

You might be wondering where this is going. Think about life/work for a moment. Have you ever been in a situation where you weren’t having fun, but you knew you were growing? It’s hard being in these places, but it is these moments that make us stronger. With all that said, that’s where I am right now in work. Recently, a friend asked me if I was having fun in my role. My gut instinct was to say, “Yeah, everything’s great,” like we always do. However, I hesitated for a moment and then decided to be honest. I told her that I wasn’t having fun, and I kind of felt guilty about admitting that things weren’t care free and perfect. *(#probablybeingtoohonest)

Why wasn’t I having fun? We all have our runs in the hot sun. Lately mine has consisted of working on a complicated launch brand on an alliance while trying (and sometimes failing) to skillfully and smoothly navigate customer planning, company processes, cultures, surprises, and people across the two companies. It’s a struggle. It’s exhausting. It’s not always care free fun and easy. In the midst of gutting out this tough run, I find myself asking all of the same questions I asked when I ran in the sun, “Why am I dong this? What is this doing for me? Did I make the right choice? Am I going to make it? If it’s this hard, does it mean I’m horrible or I lack the skills to do this?”

It’s okay to be honest. It’s okay to admit that things are tough from time to time. I can’t tell you that I’m having care free fun right now, but I know with certainty that I’m growing. These last 7 months have consisted of a lot of bruises and scrapes, but I’m stronger for it. I feel my leadership skills, understanding of marketing, thinking, and tolerance for ambiguity have improved more in the past few months than they have in the past few years, because they had to. So while it’s not all smiles and rainbows, I keep showing up. I show up, not because it’s fun, but because sometimes it sucks. I show up and keep running, because it makes me stronger and more prepared for everything moving forward. I keep showing up, because I have an awesome team and people who need me. You do too. I see you gutting out your own hot run, whatever it is. You got this! You’re strong. Keep running!

The challenge: Can you embrace the tough times for what they are and what they give you?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 8 Learning to Ride a Bike and Cheering Others On (7-10-19)

I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday. In my last entry I mentioned we were going to be done with lessons I’ve learned from being a dad. However, something neat happened over the holiday week, so I have one more story about my daughters. This is about bike riding and cheering others on.

A few weeks ago I shared a story about how my daughter Alice (7) faced her fears and learned how to ride her bike. This was a big deal for her. She had to work hard, and it took hours of her trying and facing her fears before she was able to ride without training wheels. Last week, Violet (5) learned how to ride her bike without training wheels. Violet is more physically gifted than Alice. It probably took about 10 minutes for Violet to get the hang of it. Now, Violet can ride her bike without training wheels and is faster than Alice could ever hope to be. (#ridingabikewhilewearinganinjaturtlehelmetlikeaboss)

We had been praising Alice for riding her bike for 2 weeks. We’d talked about how awesome it was and how proud of her we were. Then, all of a sudden Violet comes through and learns how to do the same thing in a matter of minutes. I assumed Alice was going to be upset when Violet learned how to ride. I assumed Alice was going to be jealous of how easy it came to Violet. I assumed Alice would be irritated that Violet is better than her at something, especially because Violet is 2 years younger. I was wrong. Instead of being upset, Alice encouraged and congratulated Violet. Alice was so excited for her sister, and didn’t care about any of those things I thought she might be concerned about.

What does this have to do with anything? Take the bike riding example above, and imagine yourself as Alice and the other people you know as Violet. How would you react toward “Violet” when they got “the promotion”, “the great opportunity”, “perfected a new skill”, or “got a new job” either before you or faster than you ever did? I don’t know about you, but I’m not always as gracious and encouraging as Alice is. Sometimes I get jealous. Sometimes I see other people get things and my first thought is, “Why not me? Aren’t I as good as them? I’m the one who deserves that.”

What Alice understood is that Violet learning how to ride a bike has nothing to do with Alice learning how to ride a bike. Just because Violet learned how to ride a bike easier and at a younger age, it doesn’t take away the fact that Alice overcame a fear. Also, Alice also knows there are areas in life where things come easier to her than they do with Violet. Because Alice knows these things, she is able to cheer on her sister instead of being consumed by jealousy and bitterness.

The challenge: Will you cheer on or grow jealous of others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 5 Biking and Bravery (6-5-19)

Last week was about small, medium, and big deals. This week is about bike riding and bravery. Recently, we taught my daughter how to ride her bike. I love Alice to pieces, but this was not easy. Alice is great at many things, but physical coordination is not one of them. Also, she was terrified of going faster than a crawl on her bike which made it hard to balance. The second we let go of her seat she’d get scared, stop pedaling, and then crash.

We worked and worked and worked with her and she was frustrated. She told us she couldn’t do it because she was scared. She was ready to give up and I told her, “Alice, I’m not asking you to stop being afraid. This is scary, and that’s okay. Am asking you to be, and right now being brave means you pedal and pedal and pedal. Do you think you can do that?” She said she could, so I told her to keep saying, “Pedal, pedal, pedal,” as we went. We do this a couple of times with me holding her seat, and then I finally sneakily let go. I run beside her with my hand behind her and she thinks I’m holding on, and she keeps pedaling. She crashes after 15 feet. She’s frustrated, until I tell her I wasn’t holding on. I told her she was brave and kept pedaling, and asked if she could keep doing that. Soon 15 feet become 50 became 65 became 149 became 264, and now we don’t measure because she can ride her bike pretty well. #touchedandprouddad

You might wonder where this is going. Alice was terrified, so she couldn’t ride her bike and thought the only way she’d ever ride her bike is if the fear went away. Life doesn’t work like that. The fear never fully disappears, the bravery fills the space and pushes fear to the corners. In her case being brave meant she just had to keep pedaling. Now think about work. Think about all the different situations we enter that are scary. I’m not asking us to stop being afraid. I’m asking us to be brave. Sometimes, being brave means holding your ground in a conversation even though it causes tension. Sometimes being brave is about embracing your ignorance and trying to see something from someone else’s perspective. Sometimes, being brave is owning your mistakes. Sometimes, being brave is wading into a difficult conversation to give someone feedback. Sometimes being brave is opening up to others.

The challenge: How will you be brave?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Human is Universal (5-1-19)

This is going to be the final entry about the “secrets” I’ve learned over time. We began with the secret power of gratitude, and then we explored the secret of our own uniqueness. Last week was about the idea that everyone has something going on in life that is impacting them, even if it is unseen. This week we will explore how being human is more universal than we realize.

If you’ve followed this blog for a period of time, you’ll know that I’ve written about a wide variety of things including but not limited to:

How I lost it at work and cried after a cousin died from a drug overdose.
My failures when it comes to loving others.
How I’ve felt that I wasn’t good enough. (Saw this within the past few weeks)
Various mistakes I’ve made from FBI interrogating an intern to mishandling other conversations.
My failures when it comes to loving/appreciating myself.
My attempts at finding myself/my voice.

Anytime I’ve shared one of those things, I’ve had this fear that the experience I was sharing was unique to me, which meant other people wouldn’t understand. Without fail when I have shared something like that, people have responded with, “That is totally me. I’ve been there.” Someone else always understood what I was going through and what I was feeling. I began to realize that those things I thought were personal, were in fact universal.

You might be wondering where this is going. We often talk about being brave enough to be vulnerable, and how hard it is to be vulnerable. The secret I learned is that for the most part the experiences we have are more universal than we think. There are other people out there who have been through something similar. If other people have had similar experiences, then vulnerability can’t be about being all alone on a limb. Instead, it’s about stepping out and saying, “I’m human. You’re human. We’ve all been there, right?” Understanding this has dramatically increased my willingness to be vulnerable. I’m no longer paralyzed by the scary question of, “Is there anyone who will understand?” Instead, I know the real question is, “How many people have been where I am?” and if others have been where I am, being vulnerable is just one more way for us to connect human to human.

The challenge: Can you see how being human is more universal than we realize? Are you willing to be vulnerable?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Eagles, Bears, and Uniqueness (4-17-19)

Last week was about the power of gratitude. This week’s secret is about the power of our individual uniqueness.

An eagle flies over a forest, majestic and fast. It’s flown all of its life, and doesn’t really know any different. It looks down and sees a bear, huge and full of strength. The eagle says to himself, “I wish I had strength like the bear.” The bear is huge and strong, lumbering throughout the forest. He’s always been like that, and doesn’t really know any different. He looks up to see an eagle flying, majestic and fast. The bear says to himself, “I wish I had wings like the eagle, so I could soar through the skies.”

By now you’re wondering where this Aesop fable sounding tale is going. I was preparing for a job interview and I had a conversation with a friend/mentor of mine. She’s the type of person who gives you truth in a loving way (everyone needs someone like this in their life). I tell her why I wanted the role and what my story would be for the interview. I’m going over the top to establish that I’m smart and have the marketing chops to succeed (#makingupforinsecurity). After we talk through all of this she gives me that look. The look that says, “Andrew, you’re really missing the obvious and I’m about to drop knowledge.” Then she says something like, “Everything you said makes sense. I get that it’s important to you that you show people you are smart and a good marketer, and I believe you are those things and it’s important to talk about those things. However, don’t forget that there is a lot about who you are that’s important to bring to life for these people too.” From there she listed what she saw in me that differentiated me, which consisted of strengths that I wasn’t thinking about emphasizing because they seemed too “soft” and I wasn’t sure they mattered. Essentially she told me, “It’s cool that you want to show that you’re strong like a bear, and bears are great. However, don’t forget you are an eagle blessed with flight.”

If leveraging my uniqueness is so obvious to her, why wasn’t it so obvious to me? Why wasn’t I thinking of leading with this in the interview as opposed to trying too hard to feature something else? I think there are a few reasons. I think our uniqueness is part of who we are, and at times it is easy to forget that not everyone shares what makes you you. It’s easy to fall into the trap of saying, “But doesn’t everyone do this or bring this to the table?” The answer to that is no. Also, I don’t know about you, but sometimes I look at others, get a little jealous, and say, “I want to be like that. I want to be known for that.” Maybe I feel that the organization wants me to be just like that or that people really respect/admire/value one type of person over another. Maybe I’m insecure and just don’t always have the confidence in myself that I should. Do you ever feel this way?

The secret hidden in all of this is my uniqueness is worth more than I could ever know, and yours is too. The challenge: Can you see, accept, and embrace, your uniqueness?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Bonus thought: I’d like to say that since that conversation I’ve always remembered that I’m an eagle and that I should embrace my flight. However, I’d be lying if I said that. From time to time, I still get into this, “I want them to know I’m strong/smart/whatever” as opposed to embracing who I am and what I bring.

The Secret Power of Showing Gratitude (4-10-19)

This week we are going to kick off a new series inspired by the “secrets” I’ve learned throughout my life. When I say secrets, I don’t mean some entirely unknown revelation. Instead, I mean something that is often in front of us that we don’t see or lose sight of. This week’s secret is about the power of showing gratitude to others.

Pretend for a moment that you go to Bob’s house. When you get to Bob’s house you do 100 things for Bob, and he never shows any appreciation. Now, you go to Joe’s house. You do 100 things for Joe, and he shows you appreciation. Joe doesn’t give you more money than Bob or anything, Joe ensures that you know he appreciates you and that he’s grateful for you. The next day, you have the choice to help Bob or Joe. Who do you help? I’m guessing you help Joe, because Joe appreciates you.

You might see where this is going. Every day you go to work. At work you do hundreds of things for different people. How many of those people ever show their gratitude? What’s it like when you work with people who don’t show gratitude? What’s it like when you work with people who do? Gratitude goes a long way with me, because gratitude is one of those things that remind us we are humans and not just cogs in a wheel. If you show me that you appreciate me, I will go out of my way to help you, even if you aren’t my boss or someone else who has “power” over me.

The secret I’ve learned is how powerful showing gratitude can be. It transforms the people you work with and it transforms the relationships you have with them. It makes those relationships stronger, so you can have real conversations with each other out of love. It makes those relationships stronger, so when you lean on the other person they hold you up. It’s not only good for the other person and the relationship, but showing gratitude is good for you too. Showing gratitude makes you realize how lucky and blessed you are to have the people you have in your life, and it keeps you centered and focused on the right things.

The challenge: Do you know the power of showing gratitude? Reach out and show some appreciation to 5 people today.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Magnets, a Compass, and True North (4-3-19)

This is going to be the last in our series inspired by science. We began with thermodynamics and inclusion. From there we moved to ionic bonds and vulnerability, and then we reflected on the power of catalysts. We spent a couple of weeks in physics thinking about Bernoulli’s principle and pressure, and Newton’s laws of motion. Last week was about centrifugal force and slowing life down. This week we will think about magnets, compasses, and north.

Let’s pretend for a moment that I dropped you off in the middle of the woods. Let’s pretend it was so foggy that you couldn’t see very well. From here, it was your job to get back to the cabin, and the only thing you know is that the cabin is due north. I’m assuming at this point, you’d be pretty concerned, because you’d be out in the middle of the forest and can’t really see anything. How would this change if you had a compass? I bet if you had a compass, you’d feel better. While you might not be able to see too far ahead of you, the compass would be able to guide you. Even with the fog, the compass would still work, because the compass doesn’t rely on visual cues. Instead, the compass relies on magnetism and its connection to the north pole.

You might be wondering what this has to do with work. How many times have you been in the middle of a conversation (or project) that swirled and swirled and swirled until everyone was lost, confused, or misaligned? How many times have you been the one leading those conversations? I’ve been there before…a lot… more times than I care to admit.

Why does this happen? Often we blame it on the complexity or ambiguity of the situation. There is some truth to this. However, complexity and ambiguity are like the forest and fog in the situation. They make it more difficult to get to north, but they don’t make it impossible. Many times, the reason why the conversations go sideways and end up with everyone lost, is because we lost focus on what north is. Essentially, we enter those conversations without a compass or never look at the compass during the conversation. Often, what these conversations require is someone connecting the group back to objective/end game aka true north to help guide people. For example, someone might say something like, “I appreciate all of the thoughts. The real problem we need to fix is X, so let’s make sure we focus on X.” Then that person can moderate the conversation to ensure it stays focused on solving X, because that is the true north in this situation.

The challenge: Are you establishing “north” aka the key objectives before beginning complicated conversations (or projects)? Are you brave enough to get people to pause and consult their compasses when they start to get lost?

Bonus Thought 1: Take the meeting example above and replace it with “life”. Until you find your true north, you will swirl and get lost.

Bonus thought 2: It’s okay if you don’t always know your true north right away in life and/or at work. At work I’m doing a lot of things for the first time in a new role, and I’m not always clear on what the objectives are. I’ve found that I need to pause when I’m in these situations to gain clarity on my objectives before rushing forward and getting lost in swirl.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry