Author: Andrew Embry

If you mixed diet mountain dew, funk music, dragons, hip hop, superheroes, and lightning in a blender you’d end up with Andrew Embry. He is part wordsmith and part alchemist, able to use his Batman utility belt to turn anything and everything into a story worth telling that is equal parts insightful, memorable, inspiring, humorous, and entertaining. Andrew is comfortably creative in almost any setting, but especially when he is performing spoken word poetry. His enthusiasm for words comes from the way he loves people and the little nuances of life that make it worth living.

Creating Space to Be Real (7-19-23)

Last week was about listening to fear AND the Brave voice. This week is about creating spaces where people can be real.

We go to my parents’ house every year for the 4^th of July. We grill out, my mom makes enough food to feed a small army, and then we hang out enjoying yard games, playing Uno, telling stories, and watching fireworks. I can’t remember what got us started, but my mom shared a story about a stupid mistake she had made recently. As she shared it, she laughed at herself and her mistake. We all started laughing along with her. From there, everyone else starts jumping in and sharing mistake stories too. We begin calling ourselves out and each other. We give each other a hard time out of love for the dumb things we’ve done. It’s a great vibe. The energy opens the floodgates for my kids to be their silly selves, and once they got going everyone was rolling on the floor laughing. Later that night as were driving home, Alice (11) said, “I like that at grandma and grandpa’s house that we can all laugh at ourselves. I like that we can be a little crazy. It feels good.” As her dad, I was so glad to hear this, because all I want for my kids is for them to be able to be who they are.

What does this have to do with anything? Alice may not be aware of the concepts of vulnerability, authenticity, or psychological safety, BUT she knows how those things feel. She knows that her grandparents love her unconditionally, and that she can be herself there. She knows she can make mistakes and talk about them, and people won’t judge her or think less of her. She also knows that not all places are like this. She knows that not all places feel like that. There is something special at grandma and grandpa’s house, and it starts with them being comfortable laughing at themselves and talking about their mistakes. It starts with them taking actions to set the stage to create a welcoming environment.

Think about work for a minute. Have you ever been on a team where you could really lean in and be yourself? Have you been on teams where you couldn’t? How different did the two teams feel? What did people do to make you feel like you could be yourself? The challenge: What are you doing to create spaces where people can be vulnerable and be themselves? (Here is my elbow nudge- If you can’t instantly think of the things you’re doing to create these spaces, that’s likely a sign that this is an area where you can improve)

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Fear and the Brave Voice (7-12-23)

This week I’m going to kick off a series about lessons I’ve learned from being a dad. This entry is about fear and the Brave voice.

Lately, Cam and I have had a lot of conversations about fear. He talked about how the voice of fear was always too loud, and he couldn’t get it to shut up. One night I explained it to him like this. “The problem isn’t that fear is too loud. The problem is that it’s not being balanced by the Brave voice. Fear is doing its job. Fear’s job is to look out for you. It’s just that fear talks A LOT. The Brave voice says, ‘I hear you fear. Thanks for the input. You make some good points. I’m safe AND I got this!”

This all comes into play during a recent trip to Hoosier Heights, an indoor climbing facility. Cam starts climbing but won’t go up very high because of his fear of heights. We talk about the fear and how the Brave voice tells fear, “I hear you AND I got this.” Cam slowly starts working to face this fear. He climbs a little higher on his own. I climb beside Cam and together we go a bit higher. Each time he does a bit better and better. He continues to build confidence and realize that he’s safe AND he has everything he needs to be successful. Eventually, he makes it to the top of the wall for the very first time! He was so excited and proud!

What does this have to do with anything? If you’re anything like me, you get scared sometimes. Maybe you’re afraid of heights. Maybe you’re afraid of public speaking. Maybe you’re afraid of everyone finding out you’re an impostor. When I was younger, I would try my best to just ignore the fear voice, but that never worked. I would hope that the fear would go away, but that never worked either. The fear is always there somewhere. I’ve learned that I need to listen to fear. I need to give it a chance to say what it needs to say, because it is just trying to look out for me. Then, I need to thank the fear for doing its job, ask the Brave voice to weigh in, and then let fear know I got this.

The challenge: Will you listen to fear as it does its job? Will you make sure your Brave voice is talking too?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Marriage, Context, and Interpretation (6-28-23)

Our last entry was about marriage and showing support. This week is about marriage, context, and interpretation.

If I told you that you could stop by any time, what would that mean to you? Is it a nice thing to say? Is it telling you that you can stop by, but only if you call first? Is it an open invitation? Earlier when Diane and I were dating, I found out that “stop by any time” could mean different things based on how you grew up. The short version is that Diane had once told my dad he could stop by any time. Months later, he dropped by her college apartment without giving her any heads up he was coming. He called her from the parking lot, asked if she was home, and then said he had brought groceries for her and her roommates. Luckily, she was home at the time. After doing a 2-minute frantic clean, she invited my dad to hang out for a bit. (Pic of my parents at our wedding. Yes, I’m a clone of my dad.)

Diane called me later to ask why my dad would do something so weird. I asked her to explain why this was so weird for her and she told me that growing up, she would have NEVER randomly dropped in on anyone and her family would have hated it if anyone did that to them. I now understood the disconnect, so I shared how we were the hang out house growing up and if we told people to stop by any time that meant they were invited to stop by ANY time. We always had people coming and going without any hint they’d be over, and it wasn’t a big deal. When Diane told my dad he could drop by any time, he had just taken her up on that offer like my friends had growing up. Sharing this context helped each other know where they were coming from, so we could figure out how to be on the same page moving forward.

What does this have to do with anything? Think about work for a minute. How often have you thought you were on the same page and then the other person was in a totally different book? In these situations, it’s not always that the other person was wrong. It’s that they were able to draw different conclusions based on their context and surroundings. At those junctures, it’s important to slow down the conversation to figure out why there is a disconnect and figure out how to move forward.

The challenge: How are you being intentional about understanding where people are coming from and finding ways to move forward together?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Marriage and Support (6-14-23)

Last week was about marriage and the idea of equal contribution. This week is about marriage and showing support. By the way, today is our 15-year wedding anniversary!

One of the things I am most thankful for in my relationship with my wife is how we have supported each other through the years. This support can take different forms, based on what we NEED at the time. Sometimes, support is listening to each other vent, even though we’ve told the same frustrating story a zillion times. Sometimes, showing support is offering help. Sometimes, showing support is backing decisions that were made.. Sometimes, showing support is saying, “You’ve had a rough few days. I’ll handle the kids and the house. Get out of here and do whatever will bring you joy and energy.” Sometimes, support is saying, “I love you. In this instance, you’re wrong. We need to talk about it.” Sometimes, support is saying, “You are being too damn hard on yourself.” Having someone who is always there for me has made a world of difference when facing life’s challenges.

What does this have to do with anything? Life is hard. Having someone there to support you is huge. With that said, supporting each other shouldn’t just be limited to marriage and significant others. We can and should support friends, family, and work colleagues. Similar to the example with my wife, this support can take on many forms based on someone’s needs. Sometimes, support is showing up. Sometimes, support is helping remove obstacles and barriers. Sometimes, support is being and ally and friend. Sometimes, support is advocating for someone. Sometimes, support is giving tough feedback.

The challenge: How are you supporting people in your life?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Marriage and Equal Effort (6-7-23)

Last week was about marriage and small acts of recognition. This week is about marriage and the concept of equal effort. When I was first married, I think I wanted to make sure things were always equal. For example, I’d handle the dishes one time, and she’d handle them the next time. When taken too far, this created resentment. Have you ever said to yourself, “I’m doing all the work around here. They are a lazy punk!”? Maybe that’s just me 😉

Over time, I realized that our relationship would never be 100% equal for a few different reasons. First, we have different skillsets, and we should make the most of those skillsets. Second, we have different interests or aversions to different household tasks. For example, my wife enjoys cooking and I don’t particularly like it. My wife HATES cleaning bathrooms with the fire of a thousand suns, and while it’s not my favorite thing to do, it doesn’t trigger intense loathing for me. The third reason is that on any given day/week/month we might have more or less capacity to handle things. If we need 100 units of effort to run our house, sometimes we both have plenty of energy and can split that 50/50. Sometimes, one of us might need to recharge, so they can only put forward 20 and the other person picks up the 80. Sometimes, we are both worn down, and we agree that there is no way we can get to 100. At that point, we just agree that we need to hunker down, lower our expectations to just making it through the night without killing everyone, and probably put on a movie for the night. Anyone else been here? At the end of the day, as long as we are both contributing to our greater whole, we are doing the right things.

What does this have to do with anything? This has some parallels with other relationships we have whether it’s family, friends, or work colleagues. It’s easy to get fixated on the idea of equal effort meaning that everyone needs to contribute the exact same amount. Instead, contribution doesn’t always have to be exactly equal, as long as we find a way to ensure the contributions add up to the greater whole. We can think about contribution from the other lenses we explored including skillsets, what people enjoy/dislike, and individual capacity. Where does it make sense to have them lean more heavily into their strengths? Where does it make sense to have them lean into their passions? How do we adjust things based on an individual’s capacity (work, emotional, physical, and mental)?

The challenge: How will you think differently about relationships and equal effort?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Marriage and Small Acts of Recognition (5-31-23)

In about a month, I’ll celebrate my 15-year wedding anniversary with my wife, Diane. In honor of that, this series will be about lessons I’ve learned over those 15 years. We’ll start by talking about the importance of small acts of recognition.

Our family has a lot going on right now. I’m working multiple jobs and trying to be cool like a duck on the pond while my legs frantically move under the water. Summer is starting. Alice has her first major play and is having rehearsal every night for multiple hours. Cam has been going crazy about going to the pool since it opened. There’s a lot of stress/excitement/energy making everyone a bit crazy right now. Sound familiar to anyone else? 😉 Needless to say, it’s been a lot. Yesterday, Cam was having a particularly difficult day, and my wife handled it beautifully with incredible patience and listening. She sent me a text update about the situation. I could have just said read the message and moved on. Instead, I immediately said, “Great parenting! You’re the best!” We went on to offer a few words of encouragement and recognition to each other.

What does this have to do with anything? I’ve found that in our almost 15 years of marriage, it’s easy to get so busy and wrapped up in the day-to-day grind and routine that I miss a chance to show my appreciation for my wife. I’ve learned how far a few words of recognition and appreciation can go, especially when things are hectic. The exact same thing holds true for work. It’s so easy to get lost in the day-to-day that we don’t pause for a few moments to appreciate and value people for what they are doing.

The challenge: How will you ensure you’re letting people know you appreciate and value them?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Night Obstacle Course Racing, Headlamps, and Moving Forward (5-24-23)

Last week I concluded a series about lifting by sharing a story from a recent nighttime obstacle course race. Lindsey Caruthers reached out to me and suggested there was more to tell. That got me thinking, and now this week is about running a night obstacle course race, headlamps, and moving forward.

A few days before the race, I got my hands on the course map. I could see that it was going to be around 4 miles, mainly running through woods. I knew there was going to be a lot of mud. I saw the names of the obstacles, so I had an idea of what was going to come my way. When I started the race, the sun was still out, so for the first 30 minutes I could see quite a bit in front of me, including the obstacles. Then, it got dark. That’s when everyone turned on their headlamps. Now, instead of being able to see out in the distance, I was only able to see the few feet in front of me. While this may have slowed me down a bit, it didn’t stop me. While I couldn’t see as much as I once could, I could still see enough in front of me to keep going. I could still see the marked trail. I could see the obstacles as I approached them. I could remember the obstacles on the map to estimate where I was on my journey. I was able to stay focused on taking the steps in front of me over and over again, until finally I reached the finish line.

How does this connect to anything? I’d argue that organizational change management efforts or leading projects is a lot like running an obstacle course race in the dark. It would be so much easier if we always had a goal AND a clearly outlined path we could easily follow to get to that goal. However, it doesn’t work that way. You might have a general idea of where you are trying to go, but you like don’t have a clear line of sight to get there. The path isn’t going to be easy either. It’s going to be filled with mud and obstacles like resource demands, difficult stakeholders, last minute pivots, etc. It’s easy to freeze and become paralyzed when things aren’t 100% clear. The thing to remember though, is you don’t have to be able to see every step on the path clearly. All you really need is a good head lamp in the form of a clear milestone or next step to take. As long as you have this headlamp, you can keep moving forward, even if things are a little dark and tough.

The challenge: How can you keep your headlamp focused on the immediate next step, so you can keep going?

Bonus thought: I can’t remember where I saw this, but it’s always stuck with me. I saw a presentation about how to successfully drive organizational change management. They said you needed 3 things: A clear vision of where you’re going, a clear why that people can rally around, and an IMMEDIATE next step the audience can take toward that vision. If folks get stuck, it’s because you don’t have those 3 things.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Assessing Progress, Lifting, and Adjusting Training (5-17-23)

This will be in the last in the series inspired by lifting weights. This week is about assessing your progress, lifting, and making adjustments to your training.

This past weekend I completed Highlander Assault Dark Ages, a 4-mile obstacle course race that you do at night guided by a headlamp. One of my favorite parts of racing is that it enables you to assess your performance, and what led to that performance. You either completed an obstacle or you didn’t. If you did, was it as easy as you wanted it to be? If you didn’t, did you lack the strength, technique, or something else? I had some areas I felt great about. My legs felt fresh through the entire race. I felt strong, flipping tires and carrying heavy stuff felt easier than it has in the past. I also had some good failures. I still didn’t make it up the rope, but I made it farther than I have before. I have technique and strength gaps here. I had a couple monkey bar like obstacles that I failed. I still don’t have the grip strength I need. After I reflected on my performance, I looked at my lifting/training plan. It served me well in some areas, but there are other areas I need to tweak to get even better.

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything. In my obstacle course racing story, I completed a race, assessed my wins/losses, and then updated a training plan to make me better for next time. I’ll execute this updated training plan until my next race, and then start the cycle all over again. How often do you do this at work? How often do you pause to honestly assess your performance? When you do, how much time do you spend reflecting on what got you there? How often do you create a plan that helps you develop new skills and techniques? I think we could all do better at this. I know I could.

The challenge: Are you assessing your progress? How are you adjusting to become even stronger?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lifting, Bias, and a Hello Kitty Towel (5-10-23)

Happy Wednesday,

Last week was about lifting and different kinds of success. This week is about a Hello Kitty towel and recognizing the bias we all have.

I was a few minutes into my workout in my house when I realized I needed a towel. I was doing laundry, so my normal blue workout towel was being washed. I went upstairs reached into the cabinet without looking and pulled out a Hello Kitty towel. Instantly I thought to myself, “This is kind of girly for a workout towel, isn’t it? I can’t use this,” and I dropped the towel. A second later, I realized what thought had run through my brain and how stupid it was. I paused and asked myself, “Why can’t I use this towel? All I need is something to wipe the sweat off my face. If the towel would have been a different color and had Batman or Ninja Turtles on it, I wouldn’t have hesitated to use it. Why should I treat this towel differently?” I picked the towel back up and used it.

Are you seeing how this connects with bias? I was working out by myself in my house, where there was no threat of anyone judging me. Even in this environment, when I picked up the Hello Kitty towel, my first instinct was a biased one. My first instinct was to say, “This is towel is too girly, and I’m a tough masculine man doing tough manly things like weightlifting. Since that towel is so girly, it can’t be a part of doing tough masculine things.” (Seriously, reread those two sentences and look at how many wrong ignorant assumptions are built in there.) It wasn’t until I paused a moment to examine my thought process that I realized I was wrong and ridiculous.

I like to tell myself that I’m a good person. I like to hope that I’m above having bias, but this was another reminder that I’m human. If I can have a bias about an inanimate object when there isn’t anything at stake, then I know I have more biases lurking under the surface. We all have biases. It’s up to us to recognize these biases and then challenge them with each other and most importantly within ourselves.

The challenge: Will you recognize and challenge your biases?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lifting and Different Kinds of Success (5-3-23)

Our last entry was about using proper form to help us be stronger and more efficient. This week is about lifting and different kinds of success.

A few of months ago, I wasn’t making any progress in my physical health and lifting journey. I wasn’t gaining strength. My body composition was staying the same. I didn’t feel any better. I was doing my best at the time, but not getting anywhere. I felt like an unsuccessful failure. Then, I took a step back and realized that life was throwing a lot at me right both personally and professionally. In the midst of all of that crazy, making the progress I wanted to make would have been impossible. I came to appreciate that while I may not have been moving forward at that exact moment, the fact that I wasn’t losing ground was a win. Despite all life was doing, it wasn’t pushing me back. It may not have been my ideal goal, but maintaining was success in those circumstances.

What does this have to do with anything? Often, we picture success as crossing the finish line in first place, and anything short of that is failure. After all, as the guru Ricky Bobby once said, “If you ain’t first, you’re last!” As a result of this thinking, we often feel like if we aren’t achieving our ideal of success then we are not worthy. That’s how I felt during that month. Have you ever felt that way? In these moments, it’s important to step back and realize that victory can take many forms. Success isn’t always about winning the race. Sometimes, success is just finishing the race. Sometimes, success is finding a way to keep moving forward. Sometimes, success is not getting knocked back. Sometimes, success is finding a way to get back up after being knocked flat on your butt. Depending on what you’re doing, and the hand life is dealing you at the moment, success can look very different. We need to accept that AND accept that we are always more than enough.

The challenge: Are you giving yourself the grace to understand what success looks like in the moment?

Bonus: I woke up this morning and I’m sore and exhausted, so my lifting success today is going to be taking a rest day 😉

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry