Tag: vulnerability

Ionic Bonds and Vulnerability (2-27-19)

Last week was about thermodynamics and inclusion.  At the core of inclusion is building relationships, so this week is about ionic bonds, vulnerability, and building relationships. 

Essentially, an ionic bond is when a positively charged ion forms a bond with a negatively charged ion.  In order to do this, one atom transfers electrons from itself to another atom (www.yourdictionary.com).  Said in an entirely different way, in order for an ionic bond to work, one of the atoms has to transfer one of its electrons to the other element.  Once this occurs, a bond is formed.  The image to the right depicts Sodium and Chloride.  They start as separate atoms, then Sodium gives an electron to Chloride and a bond is formed.  Once this bond is formed, Sodium Chloride becomes table salt.

You’re probably wondering where this is going.  The thing that interests me about ionic bonds is the fact that an atom has to be willing to give up part of itself (an electron) to make the bond happen.  If the atom doesn’t give part of itself away, then the bond can never form.  This reminds me of the way that vulnerability and relationships work.  In order to form a connection with someone else, you have to be brave enough and willing enough to be vulnerable.  You have to be willing to share a part of yourself with them.  As you share parts of yourself with each other, you give yourselves an opportunity to have powerful bonds form. 

Being willing to share part of yourself doesn’t mean you have to share your deepest and darkest secrets right away.  What it does mean is that you have to share something about who you are.  Maybe you share things about your family.  Maybe you share things about your favorite hobbies and passions.  Maybe you talk about some of your favorite memories.  Whatever it is, you need to share, and as you share electrons, you open up the chance for a strong bond to form.

The challenge: Are you brave enough to be vulnerable?  Are you sharing parts of yourself with others to form a bond?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Emotions and Losing vs. Finding Things (2-28-18)

This week I’d like to kick off a series that challenges us to think differently about emotions.  This week we will start by thinking about emotions as they relate to losing and finding things.  This week’s message started more like a journal entry that I decided to share.  I don’t have a clever metaphor to kick us off this week.  All I have is a true story and some thoughts.

Embry story.  A couple of weeks ago I had a one on one meeting with someone at work.  I was talking about stuff, became pretty emotional, got choked up, and cried a few tears.  As soon as I did this, I said something like, “Sorry for losing my crap.  I need to pull my crap together.”

You might be wondering where this is going.  Often in life, losing things is a bad thing.  If I lose my wallet/phone/keys, etc. it’s a bad thing.  If I lose those things it reflects poorly on me.  If I lose things I’m careless.  If I lose things, I’ve made a mistake.  In the above story, I was emotional, cried, and the first thing I did was apologize for losing something.  I “lost” my crap.  I “lost” my composure.  I “lost” face.  I apologized for “losing” those things.  I apologized for letting a little bit of my humanity slip through.  Do you ever feel this way?  Do you ever feel you need to apologize when you show emotion, as if showing emotion is some kind of mistake, some kind of weakness?

More context to the Embry story.  Four days before the meeting, my cousin had died of a drug overdose, leaving behind a fiancée and a two month old baby.  I hadn’t cried since I found out he had died.  I was sad for him and even sadder about the family he had left behind.  I spent the days asking, “What will be the ripple effect for my family?  Who will fall apart?  Will they fall apart in a safe way?  Who will turn to bad coping mechanisms?  Who do I need to watch out for?”  I was also stressed about work, life, who knows what else, and I was carrying all of this around with me everywhere I went.  I was a mix of emotions heading into that one on one meeting and as I mentioned I got emotional and cried a couple of tears. 

My epiphany.  Like I said, in that moment, I felt I had lost something.  I had lost my “crap.”  I felt I had lost my composure.  What if I was wrong?  What if I didn’t lose anything?  What if I found something?  What if I found tears I needed to cry that had eluded me for days?  What if I found a colleague that created a safe enough space where I could show that emotion at work?  What if I found a little bit of peace?  What if in that brief moment I found the part of myself that is most human?  Tell me those things aren’t special.  Tell me those things aren’t sacred.  Tell me I “lost” something that day.  Tell me those things aren’t some of the best things you can find.

The challenge: What are you losing?  What are you finding?  (Just know that if you ever feel like you are “losing” something, I’ll be right there beside you finding anything you want to find and more of myself in the process.)

By the way, in case you’re wondering, I’m good and the family is doing okay.  Thanks to everyone for the good vibes and things.  Hug the people you love a little tighter next time you see them.   

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry