Lessons from Being a Dad Part 3 Violet- Bubbles and Simple Things (6-24-15)

I hope that you enjoyed your weekend. This week I want to continue with lessons I’ve learned since becoming a dad by looking at couch cushions, chalk, and bubbles.

As we grow older we often lose the ability to see the beauty in things. Things that were once novel to us become commonplace and lose their luster. For example, before having kids I couldn’t tell you the last time I blew bubbles, drew with sidewalk chalk, or thought of couch cushions as anything other than where to sit.

Having the girls has helped me slow down and see the beauty in those things again. It’s helped me see the magic in bubbles, the spirit in a chalk drawing, and the appreciation of how quickly couch cushions can transform into a fort or “Pillowland”.

Think about work for a moment. How often do we get lost in the grind? How often do we lose the ability to see the beauty in things? Have you noticed any of these things lately?

The person who has been working hard and developing right before your eyes into a better leader.
The smile from an individual when you give them a pat on the back for a job well done.
The challenging question that someone asks that spurs the group to arrive at a much better place.
The joke that reminds us that we don’t have to be so dang serious all the time.
A simple high five just because.
The phrase, “This made me think of you…”
Someone wearing bright colors to fight the negative energy of a rainy day.

All of those things and many more are worth noticing. Are you seeing them? Are you showing them to others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons from Being a Dad Part 2 Violet- My girl and my demon (6-17-15)

Last week we started with some lessons I have learned since becoming a dad and we talked about Alice (3 year old) and Eye Patch the Octopus. This week we will talk about Violet (1 year 5 months), my angel and my demon.

I know that I am biased, but I think my daughter is one of the sweetest little girls ever. With a smile like that you can’t help but imagine that when she speaks she sounds like angel trumpets and gentle winds. You can’t help but think about how her hugs are so warm and consuming that it melts your heart and turns your legs into jello. Those things are true.

While Violet is sweet, she also has a bad sad. I call her Legion, for her tantrums are many. You can see the wild eyed craziness and almost feel the demon rushing out of her mouth to consume you in anger, pain, and misery. You can imagine that her screams make banshees shudder. Her cries are the sound the horsemen make to call in the apocalypse. Those things are also true.

I love Violet, but I’ll also tell you there are times when she is a raving lunatic that I don’t like that much. However, there are a lot of parents in my life who like to pretend that their kids aren’t ever demons. It makes me wonder, if they can’t admit that their kids (especially little toddlers) aren’t perfect, how can I trust them to understand they aren’t perfect either?

What about you? I know that Violet is a small developing human who isn’t always perfect, and I’m just a bigger developing human who isn’t always perfect. Do you know this? Are you strong enough to show this? Throughout my career I’ve worked with and around too many people who didn’t know they were human. I’ve worked with too many people who couldn’t admit their mistakes, shortcomings, or failures. When that happens you can’t have honesty. You can’t have a relationship. You can’t have love.

Here’s to my little demon and my little angel. Here’s to being strong enough to be human.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons Learned from being a Dad Part 4- Mistakes and Face Plants (9-3-14)

This entry is about the parenting lessons I’ve learned from watching Violet face plant into the couch. Violet is 7 months old and is crawling/bouncing/scooting around everywhere. On one hand this is great, because she is mobile, but on the other hand she is more prone to bump/crash into things. Have you ever deconstructed what occurs when a baby face plants into a couch? Here is the play by play.

Deconstructing a fall

First, Violet begins to fall, which is a sensation that scares her. Her face then hits the couch, sending pain signals through her body. The initial instinct is to think the impact is worse than it actually is. While this is occurring, she is looking at me and her mom to gauge what our reaction to the fall means. If I overreact, she gets more scared and cries harder. If I don’t react, I am showing her I don’t care. I have to aim somewhere in the middle, so I usually play the reassuring, “You’re okay.” After I comfort her, I set her back on the floor and let her get to exploring again.

Deconstructing making a mistake

Have you ever thought about how the above process mirrors what it is like to make a mistake? When you made a mistake did you feel like the picture on the right? I do. First, you make a mistake, which is a sensation that scares you. You feel the impact from the mistake, which signals to you how bad you’ve messed up. The initial instinct is to think the mistake is much worse than it actually is. While all of this is going on, you look out to the people around you to gauge their reaction. Their reaction gives insight into how much you screwed up and helps you decide whether or not it is safe to try again.

Leadership connection

As a parent I am learning that the fall is as scary as or worse than the impact. My job is to show I care without blowing the situation out of proportion. Good leaders know how to treat a bruise like a bruise instead of a broken arm. Better leaders know what type of person you are and whether you need ice, a Band-Aid, or someone to tell you to “rub some dirt on it”. The best leaders are the ones who do all of those things and then help you get back in the middle of things, ready to explore again.

When they fall and look to you, what do you do?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lessons Learned from being a Dad Part 2- The Power of a Smile (8-20-14)

Continuing with the lessons I’ve learned since becoming a parent…

For my wife it had been over 300 days. For me it was closer to 50. It had been days upon days of discomfort and emotional stress. We had went so long without sleeping that it felt like crows had set up a permanent nest around our eyes. The wounds were emotional, physical, and mental.

Then, one day that all faded into the background. On that day Violet was about 6 weeks old and for the first time she smiled. I know. It sounds a little dramatic, but if you have ever been around little kids you have probably felt the same way. Their smile, their joy can light up the room and heal all the little wounds you collect as you go through each day.

Anyone who tells you that they love newborns is lying or over-romanticizing the memory. Newborns are tough. All you do is work, work, and work for them without any word of encouragement. Then all of a sudden that changes when they smile. It becomes even better when they first start to say your name. My favorite part of the day is coming home, Alice giving me a huge hug and then picking up Violet and watching her smile and giggle. At that point, the stresses and cuts I’ve picked up from the day disappear, if only for a little while.

I bring this up to show the power of a smile, a hug, and a kind word. I don’t know about you, but if you’re anything like me sometimes you feel that nobody notices or appreciates you. Sometimes, I feel like I’m just trudging through and all I do is work, work, and work. Then, someone (a colleague, a supervisor, a partner) smiles or gives a hug or offers a kind word and it washes away that mentality and gives me the fuel to keep going.

How often are you the one who offers the encouragement when others need it? How often are you offering a smile, a hug, or kind words to a colleague, a customer, a family member, or friend? How powerful is your smile?

In case no one has told you lately, thank you. If you receive these emails it means you are trying to make a difference. You are trying to build a culture. You are trying to keep it real in a world where everything is plastic. Thanks for this. Smile, air high five, and hug!

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry