Being Vegetarian and More (2-26-20)

This will be the last in the series about diversity, inclusion, and my wife being a vegetarian. This week is about recognizing that what makes people different is part of them, but not the whole story.

Last summer, Diane and I were with a family and they were grilling. Diane had decided that she wasn’t in the mood for veggie burgers, so she didn’t bring any over. Instead, she was happily enjoying all the other food available, including homemade potato salad which is one of her favorite things ever. Diane is completely content. Then, Bob realizes that he’s grilling burgers and doesn’t have anything to grill for Diane. He mentions it, and Diane says, “I’m great. If I wanted the veggie burgers I would have brought them.” Bob won’t accept this. He keeps going on about how Diane is a vegetarian and now she’s making a sacrifice, since he’s not grilling anything for her and how she should have bought some veggie burgers. He keeps going on and on about this, and it’s awkward. Bob is taking one element of what makes her who she is, and is blowing it way out of proportion. This isn’t the first time Bob has done something like this.

Where is this going? My wife is a vegetarian. This is something that has an impact on her life. At the same time, being a vegetarian is not all she is. She’s a wife, a mom, a daughter, a person who loves kids, a writer, a painter, a gardener, a cook, a reader, and so many other things. If you view my wife as only one element of what makes here who she is, then you’re doing her a disservice. Doing this takes a beautiful and complex individual and turns her into a one dimensional being. If we step away from my wife being a vegetarian, I feel the idea applies to other elements of diversity. Does your gender/race/ethnicity/sexual orientation/other element of diversity shape who you are? Yes. Do they play a large role in shaping who you are? Most definitely. Are any of those individual elements the only thing that makes you who you are? No. As people we are shaped by our elements of diversity, AND we are also greater than the sum of those individual parts.

The challenge: To be truly inclusive, we need to be able to see, recognize, and appreciate how people’s elements of diversity shape them, while at the same time seeing that they are so much more than those individual things. We need to be willing to put in the effort to embrace the WHOLE person.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Curious, Embracing Differences, and the Impossible Burger (2-25-20)

Last week was about how being “the other” can often lead to bias and judgment. This week is about how you can approach “the other” from a place of curiosity and eventually embrace them. When my wife first became vegetarian some people were judgmental, some were apathetic, but my dad was curious. He had a genuine interest and talked to Diane about what she ate, how she got her protein, if the veggie burgers had got any better since he had tried them years ago, and other questions. On top of that, when Diane cooked my dad was curious enough to try things, and he was totally surprised to find out that he likes tofu and other vegetarian dishes.

The other day my dad went out to eat by himself and had an Impossible Burger, a meatless burger. When he told me this, my jaw dropped and hit the ground so hard it broke in three places. After I got over the shock I asked him why he tried it. He said something like, “Well, the stuff that Diane fixes is pretty good. This seemed like it was worth trying. It was so good that if I went back there, I’d get the Impossible Burger again.” My dad went to a burger place on his own and got the most vegetarian thing he could get… and he enjoyed it. This was not the same guy I grew up with. He had definitely changed. His curiosity led him to try something and now he was embracing something different.

You might be wondering where this is going. When you encounter diversity, you can respond in 1 of 3 ways. You can be judgmental, apathetic, or genuinely curious. Think about work. When you have been different how often have people responded to you in each of those three ways? How did you feel when people responded to you in each of those ways?

As we explored last week, all too often when we meet someone who isn’t like us and who does things differently than us, our first instinct is to be judgmental. Our first instinct is to say, “That’s not right. That’s not the way it’s done.” If we aren’t judgmental, we are often apathetic. We look and say, “They’re different and that’s okay,” and then we stop there. However, sometimes, we begin with genuine curiosity and we move to the point where we embrace the differences. These are the times that we transform ourselves and the relationships we have with others. These are the times when we grow.

The challenge: When you encounter differences will you brave enough to be genuinely curious?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Vegetarianism, being “The Other”, and Judging Individuals (2-19-20)

Last week was about my wife being a vegetarian and how my mom puts in extra effort to include her. This week is about being a vegetarian and being “the other”.

Not everyone embraced my wife’s vegetarianism like my mom did. Some people were judgmental and had negative comments. They’d say things like, “Why in the world would you do that? Can you even eat anything? Are you trying to starve yourself? You grew up eating meat, what’s wrong with that?” In each of these situations, my wife became “the other” because she was doing something different from the norm. Since she was “the other” people judged her and reacted negatively toward her, even if her choice didn’t impact them.

What does this have to do with anything? If you’re anything like me, you’re probably perplexed that people could get so upset about something that had no negative impact on them. While it’s easy to see how wrong it is in this situation, I’d argue that this is a mistake we ALL make. At some point in our lives we all have treated (and continue to treat) people as “the other” because they are different from us and what we consider the norm. At work treating someone like “the other” might sound like this, “That outfit isn’t appropriate at work (by my standards).” “Why are THEY acting like THAT (being too loud, laughing too much, smiling too much, not smiling enough)?” “That person doesn’t seem very professional (by my standards).” “Yeah, that’s not how WE do things HERE.” “The people in the other business unit or on the other team do X…(when we all know Y is the ONLY way to do it).” How have you been viewed as “the other” by people at work?

We know it doesn’t feel good to be branded as “the other”. With that in mind, have you ever said any of above things? I have, and sometimes I still find myself thinking those things. It’s a built in bias that tells me if you aren’t one of “us” then you are “the other” and being “the other” is bad. The interesting part of this is that in all those situations, someone being different from me has NO negative impact on me. In all those situations, what makes a person “the other” has little to no correlation to how they perform as an employee or how they might be as a person. This built in bias to see “the other” in people is harmful. I’ve discovered that if I’m not actively confronting that bias, then I lose the ability to see the beauty inside of people.

The challenge: How do we check our biases, so we don’t judge “the other”?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Vegetarianism, Inclusion, and Taking Action (2-12-20)

This week we are going to start a series about diversity, inclusion, and how people respond to differences. We are going to do this by looking at some of the ways people have responded to my wife (Diane) being a vegetarian. Important note: I don’t think my wife’s vegetarianism is the same as ______ (insert your element of diversity). Depending on your element of diversity you are bound to face more scrutiny, criticism, prejudice, etc. I do believe there are interesting parallels worth exploring, regarding how people respond to individuals who are different. We’ll start this series by looking at my mom and putting forth extra effort to include others.

My wife and I grew up in meat and potatoes households. A few years ago my wife became a vegetarian. Fast forward to today. Whenever we have a meal at my parents’ house, my mom puts in the extra effort to ensure there will be plenty of food that Diane will like. Sometimes, this means that my mom creates an extra dish. Sometimes, this means that my mom makes one version of the dish with meat and one without. My wife always tells my mom, “You didn’t have to do that.” My mom responds with, “It’s no trouble.” When my mom says, “It’s no trouble,” what she really means is, “I had to put in a little extra effort, but it is worth it because you are worth it.” As a result, Diane feels loved, because she sees and feels the extra effort my mom puts in to ensure she’s included.

You might be wondering where this is going. Inclusion is about bringing people in. The truth is that including people who are different than you requires extra effort to build trust and bring them in. It requires you to be more thoughtful, loving, and deliberate than you need to be if you are always surrounded by people just like you. While including people requires more effort, the pay-off is worth it. In the above story, my mom takes action to include Diane. My mom doesn’t brag or complain, she just puts the work in to make my wife part of the family.

Think about work for a moment. Have you ever been in a situation where someone put in the extra effort to include you? How did it feel? Have you ever been in a situation where someone didn’t put in the effort to include you? How did that feel? Which situation would you rather be in? Each day, we have the option to either put in the effort to make people feel included or not.

The challenge: Are you putting in the effort to make people feel included?

The tough challenge: Talk to 5 people you work with and ask if they feel you put in the extra effort to include people. If anyone hesitates before replying, you have room to grow.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry