This week we are going to kick off a new series inspired by emotions. We will start looking at toxic positivity. In case you’re not familiar with the concept, here is a definition. “Toxic positivity is an obsession with positive thinking. It is the belief that people should put a positive spin on all experiences, even those that are profoundly tragic.” (Toxic positivity: Definition, risks, how to avoid, and more (medicalnewstoday.com) Now let’s reflect on how candy and toxic positivity are connected.
Imagine for a moment that every meal you had moving forward was candy. At first it might be kind of good. The food would be sweet and delicious. However, over time there would start to be negative effects. You might have cavities. Your blood sugar would go through the roof, and you would start feeling horrible because you weren’t gaining the nutrients you needed to be healthy. What started out as something sweet would essentially poison your body.
How does this connect with toxic positivity? When bad things happen, often the first instinct is to try to ignore the pain and encourage others to find the positive in the situation. We say things like, “You just need to stay positive.” “Find the silver lining.” “Everything happens for a reason.” “Be thankful it’s not worse.” “Don’t feel sad, you’ll be fine.” I know I’ve said all these things to people. Have you?
Similar to candy, at first these words appear to be sweet. They appear to be encouraging. It feels like the right thing to do. However, like a diet consisting only of candy, this could be unhealthy. If all we ever consume are thoughts encouraging us to be positive, it starts to veer into the territory of toxic positivity. The problem is that the focus on positivity gets in the way of dealing with emotions we deem unpleasant. To move forward, we have to grapple with tough emotions and their meaning. Instead of jumping straight to positivity we have to be comfortable sitting and sifting through the sucky situation and feelings, so we can understand what those emotions are trying to tell us. Only relying on positivity robs of this process and the progress it can bring.
The challenge: How will you embrace ALL emotions and not just the “positive” ones? How will you minimize toxic positivity?
Bonus 2 Real Example- I remember that I got some bad news once, and immediately the person started telling me, “Keep your chin up. There are so many positives you’ll take from this.” They meant well, and they unintentionally completely overlooked the difficulty of the situation. I responded to them by saying, “One day I will probably find learnings from all this. Right now it sucks, and I’m going to take a few days and just sit in the suckiness.” I spent the time sitting in the suckiness, reflecting, and working through things, until I came out a different me on the other side. That wouldn’t have happened if I would have just skipped to positive thoughts.
Have a jolly good day,
Andrew Embry
Striking Matches 