Last week was about Alice’s wisdom, “Have a day you can be proud of.”  This week is a story about parenting, obstacle course racing, and tailoring support.  Shout out to Mud Run – Hollis Adams for putting on such a fabulous family friendly event.

On Saturday, Alice joined me for her first ever obstacle course race.  To say that she was nervous would be a major understatement.  I told her it was okay to be nervous, and that I’d be there beside her.  I explained that I wasn’t going to swoop in and do the obstacles for her, but I would be there to help her if she needed it.  Sometimes, helping her looked like me giving her advice on how to attempt an obstacle.  Sometimes, support looked like me giving her a boost, so she could get her footing while climbing a muddy creek bank.  Sometimes, support looked like me saying, “I know you’re scared because you’re on top of this tall wall.  You can still do this.  I’m here.  Just swing your leg over.”  Sometimes, support looked like me just cheering her on and high fiving her for conquering an obstacle.  By the end of the race, we had achieved our goals, and Alice was so excited and proud of herself.  I was super pumped too!  (The picture on the right is out before picture. The after picture is at the bottom).

What does this have to do with anything?  There were several times where Alice was nervous or flat out scared.  It would have been EASY for me to do all the work for her, but that would have robbed her of a chance to grow and see what she was capable of.  Instead of doing it for her, I helped and offered support.  That support took different forms based on HER needs in that specific moment.  Now think about work for a minute.  The best leaders I ever had weren’t the ones who swooped in and saved me from a challenge.  The best leaders I ever had were the ones who knew how to tailor their support to the situation.  Sometimes, I needed explicit direction, because I was lost.  Sometimes, I needed a thought partner to challenge my assumptions.  Sometimes, I just needed someone to say, “I trust you.  Go get’em!”

The challenge: How will you tailor the coaching and support you give to people?

Bonus lesson- I mentioned that Alice was nervous about the race.  In particular, she was worried about what would happen if she wasn’t strong enough to handle an obstacle.  She’s a planner and needed to know how things would work out.  I needed her to trust that I was strong and able to help her in any situation.  Here’s what I did.  I came home after my 20 miles of racing, and said, “I did 20 miles of racing yesterday.  I’m at my weakest and most tired point.  I need you to know that even now, I’m strong enough to support you.  I want you to know that I’ve helped boost and lift people who are my size, so you’ll be easy.  We are going to practice, so you know how this will work.”  From there, we practiced me giving her boosts and lifting her up.  I even had her sit on my shoulders while I squatted her for reps.  I walked around the house with her on my shoulders, so she knew I could carry her.  I know this all sounds ridiculous, but those actions showed her that she could trust my strength.  She realized that if I was able to do that when I was tired and weak, I’d be even better when I was rested up for our race.  As a leader, I’m not asking you to pick up people and squat them for reps (I’m pretty sure HR would frown on that 😉).  I am asking you to consider what you could do to inspire trust in the people you lead.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry