This is going to be the last in the series of things I’ve struggled with over the past year.  We’ve looked at struggling with self-doubt, leading through change, wondering if we are enough, and grappling with our value.  This week we will look at the golden thread that connects all of these, and that’s the power of the stories we tell ourselves.  Let’s look at this through the lens of kicking field goals.

Bob the kicker misses a 30 yard field goal.  After he misses he tells himself, “It’s okay. It’s one miss.  It’s one mistake.  I own that.  I also know I am more than capable of hitting the next one.”  Steve the kicker misses a 30 yard field goal.  After he misses he tells himself, “I can’t believe I missed that!  It’s all my fault.  I’m horrible.  I’m not sure I belong here on this field.”  Both kickers committed the same action.  The only difference is that they are telling themselves radically different stories.  Out of the two, who do you think will bounce back and hit the next kick?

You probably see where this is going.  Think about yourself for a minute.  Think about this series.  So often, the struggles we face aren’t just because of the circumstances.  The struggles also come with the negative stories we tell ourselves.  Throughout these series I’ve said, “I don’t know if I’m good enough.  I don’t know if I’m capable to lead through this.  I don’t think I’m enough.  I’m not sure I’m valuable.”  In these situations this negative story quickly became a downward spiral making tough situations even worse.  Does this ever happen to you? 

In order to productively grapple with these struggles I had to recognize that I couldn’t always change the situation, but I could change my perspective.  The peace I found in these struggles came when I told myself the other side of the story, and that sounded like, “This is hard and I’m doing the very best I can.  I can’t guarantee sunshine and rainbows, but I can reinforce how strong my people are and that strength will get them through.  I am more than enough.  I am valuable, even if I do face failure or rejection.”  When I told myself those stories rooted in facts and truth, I was able to move forward.

The Challenge- Are you mindful of the stories you tell yourself?  Are you aware of how those stories impact you?

Bonus insight- This series was supposed to be about some of the PERSONAL struggles I’ve had over the past year.  What has been amazing is that each week a wide variety of have responded and said, “Yep, this one is me right now.  I’m struggling with that too.”  I share this as a reminder that often the things we think are personal are more universal than we realize.  After all, we are all humans.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry