This week’s entry falls under the “Just in case you ever feel this way, know you’re not alone” category and is inspired by a conversation I had with Belinda months ago about how doubt isn’t always a bad thing.  In fact, if Doubt it is used correctly it can help you avoid mistakes.  I started a new role on February 1, and so far I haven’t been fired which is a win!  Anyway, leading up to the start date I was mixture of excitement and nervousness.  As it got closer and closer to February 1^st, Doubt started to creep in.  One day when I was talking to myself while I was driving home, and Doubt was being obnoxiously loud and started heckling me from the couch, saying all kinds of stuff, “What if you fall on your face?  You know you’re dumber than they are, right?  What if they just don’t like you?  What if you can’t pick this up fast enough?  What if you can’t learn it all?  What if you just don’t fit in this job?  What if your skills don’t transfer over very well?”

It was in the middle of this spiral of negative questions that I had a mini-epiphany.  Pretend for a moment that you lived in my house.  I would expect you to contribute.  I would expect you to clean up after yourself and also help with chores, split food costs, etc.  My rationale is that if you are going to be part of my home, then you are going to be a helpful part of my home.  I wouldn’t tolerate free loaders eating Doritos and watching TV all day.

 So what is the epiphany?  Doubt was the Dorito eating freeloader, and I didn’t have to tolerate that garbage.  Doubt needs to productively contribute if he wants to live in my brain, so I put Doubt to work.  As I was talking to myself I used Doubt to make lists of all the different reasons why I should have doubt, all the things I didn’t know, all of the things that made me nervous and scared.  Doubt didn’t like it, but I made him get really specific.  What was it about not knowing that should give me anxiety?  What could I do to avoid falling into certain traps?  Doubt worked out so hard during that conversation that I think he lost 30 pounds.  So after I went through this conversation with Doubt, I shifted gears and asked Curiosity to step in.  I said, “Curiosity, I have all this stuff that I don’t know.  How about you go and try to figure it out?  Can you find a way to make it all fit together?”  Where Doubt is overwhelmed by all the things I don’t know, Curiosity comes in and says, “There are so many unopened boxes of stuff to learn!  It’s like Christmas!”

My mind shifted from fear to the wonder of being able to learn new things.  Anytime you start something knew, you’ll run into Doubt.  Doubt will heckle you from the balcony.  When this happens, are you putting Doubt to work or are you letting Doubt be a dark cloud freeloader?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry