Lesson 3- The Weight of the Invisible Backpack (11-12-25)

Last week was about impostor syndrome. This week is lesson 3: the weight of the invisible backpack.

I want you to imagine for a minute that you are hiking. Everything starts great. Now, you’re a few hours into the hike. You can’t quite explain it. Something is off. You are moving slower than you normally do. It’s harder to walk than it normally is. You find yourself more tired and out of breath. Eventually you sit down and all of a sudden you realize that you’ve been wearing an invisible backpack. You slide it off your shoulders and for the first time you realize all the extra weight you are carrying. You’re not sure how the invisible backpack ever go there, but you’re so glad the weight is gone now. You notice that things are quite a bit easier for the rest of your hike.

Let’s connect some dots. A couple of weeks ago my wife and I finished something, and we looked at each other and said, “Whoa, I didn’t realize how much that was weighing on me.” Somehow, we had picked up an invisible backpack during our hike through life. I could feel myself being tired, not as productive as I would have liked, and that things felt harder than usual. I just didn’t understand why, until that weight had been taken off my shoulders. Looking back, I wish I would have paid more attention to the signs, and maybe I could have done something about this invisible weight I was carrying. Have you ever been in a similar situation?

The challenge: Will you take the time to check the invisible weight you’re carrying? Will you give yourself and others a little more grace in the process?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lesson 2- Impostor Syndrome Doesn’t Just Go Away

Last week we started with lessons that have kept showing up for me this year and started with leadership matters. This week we will explore how impostor syndrome doesn’t just go away.

Impostor syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where individuals doubt their accomplishments and fear being exposed as a fraud, despite evident success. Have you ever experienced something like this? My impostor syndrome sounds like this, “Andrew, things aren’t going as well as you think. Remember how a few of your projects failed this year? Do you remember how that thing didn’t go as smoothly as it could have? Sure, you accomplished X, but you left Y and Z on the table. Why couldn’t you do Y and Z too? Are you not good enough? Andrew, you’re supposed to be leading AI stuff and you don’t know enough to be an expert.”

Let’s connect some dots. Here is what fascinates me about experiencing impostor syndrome. I’ve had a good year. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. I’ve led projects and been parts of groups who are reimagining the way we think about market research. I’ve met most of my goals and I have absolutely crushed some of them. I would have assumed that my success would keep impostor syndrome away, but it still rears its ugly head.

My learning is that impostor syndrome will likely always be there in some capacity, so I can either keep fighting it or I can learn to exist with it. I can learn to explore it. I talk to it now. It sounds like this:

When it tells me I failed or fell short, I say, “Yep, everything you said is true. I’ve had projects fail. I’ve had things that didn’t go as smoothly as I’d like. Can you show me anyone who did things perfectly all year? I’ll wait.” Yes, I’m being a bit of a smart aleck, but it snaps things into perspective.
When it tells me that my successes aren’t enough, I respond, “If someone else accomplished all the things I did that wasn’t me, what would I tell them?” It’s amazing how quickly I realize that if someone else did the exact same things I did this year that I would be cheering and telling them they should be proud of themselves.
When the impostor syndrome tells me that I missed opportunities I reply, “You’re right. I couldn’t do it all. I placed the best bets I could based on what I knew at the time. Some paid off. Some didn’t. I’ll make smarter bets in the future.”
When the voice tells me I don’t know enough I say, “That’s true. I don’t know it all. I also never claimed to. That’s why I’m open to learning.” The voice tends not to bother me that much once it sees I’m not afraid of not knowing.
Overall, talking things through, examining the evidence, and gaining a little perspective always makes me feel better.

The challenge: Impostor syndrome likely won’t go away. How can you learn to live with it and talk to it?

Bonus- The Inside Job Podcast, one of my favorite podcasts, recently did an episode on how we talk to ourselves. It covers the “inner critic” and more. Might be worth a listen if you want to go a bit deeper into this topic The Conversations We Have With… – Inside Job – Apple Podcasts

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Rabbit Holes and Perspective (8-7-25)

This is a bonus blog, because the universe said someone needs this today. If you’re the one, just know the universe heard you. This blog is about falling down rabbit holes, taking a step back, gaining perspective, and realizing you’re doing pretty well.

Let me start this by saying I’m not trying to fish for compliments or anything. I just want to be real about the head space I was in. I started my week with these thoughts going through my head, “I have a lot of stuff I need to get done. I’m feeling behind. Here is a whole list of things that aren’t quite going right that need to be fixed. This is not good.” I was in a bit of a rabbit hole. Have any of you been in that headspace? Not a fun place to be.

Then, something interesting happened. I was in a situation where someone was showering me with praise and recognition. They were publicly telling this story like, “Andrew is so awesome. He’s doing great work and it’s providing a lot of value.” All of that punched the negative mindset I had right in the face and shifted my perspective. I went from, “This is not good” to “In the grand scheme of things, stuff is going pretty well. I should feel really great about where I am and what I’m doing.” I also challenged myself to realize that in the grand scheme of things, all of those little things I was worried about don’t matter or detract from what I’m doing.

How does this connect to our day to day? It’s easy for one slip up, one imperfect thing to lead us down a rabbit hole to wallowing in a bad mindset. Once we are sliding down this rabbit hole, it’s easy to lose perspective on how things are truly going. Sometimes, we need to take a step back to look at the situation. Sometimes, we need an external force to help us see the truth of things too.

The challenge: Will you challenge a bad mindset when it starts to set in? Will you help others challenge their bad mindsets when they are stuck in a rabbit hole?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Impostor Syndrome and Being Confident in Who You Are (11-13-24)

This will be our last entry about impostor syndrome. This week is about how being confident in who we are helps fight impostor syndrome.

A few months ago, someone reached out to me to speak about AI at an upcoming market research conference. As I’ve mentioned before, Impostor Syndrome takes chances like this to whisper to me that I’m not a technical expert. Normally, that would make me feel bad. However, this time I redirected the whispers from Impostor Syndrome.

I responded back to the individual and I said, “Thanks for the invite. I want to be clear on my role. If you are looking for a tech expert who knows all the ins and outs, that’s not me. I’ll be happy to connect you to someone who can do that for you. If you’re looking for a dreamer who is trying to drive solutions and change in his org, I’d be happy to chat.” The person responded and let me know they were looking for the latter, and that made me feel confident I could deliver. My impostor feelings instantly evaporated, and now I’m on a panel to speak at TMRE (The Market Research Event) in a few weeks. #pumped

Let’s connect some more dots. Do you ever feel like you need to be all things to all people? I do. This is one of the easiest ways to get lured into a situation where you are an impostor. The way to defend against this is to know who you are, what your strengths are, and what your weaknesses are. In our story, I leveraged the whispers of Impostor Syndrome to make sure I’d never be an impostor. It told me that I wasn’t X, and I said, “Based on the evidence you’re right. If they want X, I’m not the guy. If they want Y, then I’m a good fit.” Once I confirmed they wanted Y, all doubts and worries of being an impostor went away, because I know who I am.

The challenge: Will you confidently embrace who you are and who you aren’t?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Bonus- Impostor Syndrome and Distorting How You View Yourself (10-23-24)

I have a bonus follow-up to today’s blog. A friend and colleague of mine responded to my blog this morning and I had to share because it hit me hard and made things so clear. It’s another take on impostor syndrome distorting the way you view yourself.

From my friend- What’s funny is even in your thoughts here, you are selling yourself short – “They’ve worked with all kinds of amazing companies” “They have done work with heads of huge companies”. That’s you, too. Lilly is top ten biggest company in the world by market cap (ahead of tesla, Walmart, visa etc.) and you have made a big name for yourself here. You have the accolades and connections in one of the premier companies in the world – and yet imposter syndrome would tell you it doesn’t “count” for you. Personally, it sucks because it makes me discredit all my accomplishments “(right place at the right time, got lucky, was propelled by better people)”. It’s like everyone else earned their accomplishments except I just happened to stumble upon mine, so they don’t really count.

Deep thoughts, right? My friend makes a great point. It’s so weird that I would sell myself so short. Do you ever do the same? It’s like I see my reflection through a distorted funhouse mirror. Seriously, if I met someone and they said, “I’m responsible for reimagining market research. I’m the business lead for our market research AI efforts, and my company is one of the top 10 most valued in the world,” I’d be like, “Dang! That’s impressive! How do I get on their level?” That impressive person IS ME. Even though that person is me, I don’t view myself in that way, because impostor syndrome wants me to shrink myself. Impostor syndrome messes with my reflection. Sometimes, we need to step back to look through a more objective lens to see a true reflection.

The challenge- Will you step back and look at the big picture when impostor syndrome tries to make you feel small?

Bonus- A few “step back and see your awesomeness” moments that come to mind in case you are feeling a bit small

You are not just a parent. You are a builder of incredibly fierce, independent, and strong adults. You are the hug that held them when they cried that they will never forget. You are a crafter of curriculums, teaching lessons that last and unlocking levels of curiosity kids never knew they had. (#mywife)
You aren’t just a market researcher. You are an investigative reporter scouting sources, finding truth, and enabling people to make HUGE decisions that set the trajectory of million dollar brands (Here’s a poem about being a researcher Click HERE.
You aren’t just a college professor. You are a sage leaving lasting wisdom with students (#ProfessorSkinner).
You’re not just a sales professional. You are someone who manages a business and generates millions of dollars in revenue.
You aren’t just a middle manager. You are a leader of the team leaving a lasting legacy on the people in your care.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Impostor Syndrome and Your Unique Genius (10-23-24)

Last week was about impostor syndrome and the unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves. This week is about impostor syndrome and embracing your own unique genius.

I’m working with an amazing group of individuals right now. These people are absolutely brilliant in their field. They’ve worked with all kinds of amazing companies and people. If I’m being 100% honest, I often feel self-conscious and dumb around them. It’s nothing they’ve done. Impostor Syndrome whispers, “Did you hear all their accolades? They have done work with heads of huge companies. You’re kind of chump change. You’re not smart like them. You’re not in their league.”

Over time, something interesting started happening. This group of amazing people started telling me how much they value my input. At first, I was confused by this. I’m not in their league, so how am I valuable? I then begin to appreciate that I have context, insight, and skillsets they might not have. I’m not smart in THEIR way. I’m smart in MY OWN WAY. It just so happens that my unique genius has a synergistic effect that enables them to get even more out of their strengths.

Let’s make some connection. Have you ever been in a group of brilliant people and felt dumb or out of place? Has Impostor Syndrome ever told you that you don’t belong, and that you aren’t in their league? Per my story above, you know I’ve been there. My most important learning is I didn’t need to be smart or talented like them. I just needed to be smart and talented like me. We each have our own UNIQUE genius. We each have something special about us that inherently makes us valuable and worthy. Often, it’s the ability to combine the unique geniuses of multiple people that truly creates something magical.

The challenge: Will you embrace your own unique genius to combat impostor syndrome?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Impostor Syndrome and Unrealistic Expectations (10-16-24)

Last week was about being an impostor vs making mistakes. This week is about impostor syndrome and unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves.

In my current role, I’m focused on leading innovation for market research. This includes spearheading AI efforts. As I lead those efforts, Impostor Syndrome whispers to me constantly. It says things like, “Andrew, you aren’t fit for this role. You don’t know anything. You can’t name all the different AI technologies out there. You don’t understand how each AI engine tokenizes data differently. You can’t even vectorize a database. If you can’t do those things, how can you lead any AI efforts?” Not gonna lie. Those whispers are strong and make me doubt myself and question my value in a big way.

Here’s the thing. If I zoom out and look at the evidence, no one is expecting me to be able to do those things. Those are unrealistic expectations I’m putting on myself. What do they expect of me? They expect me to be able to understand the needs of the business and our market research community. They expect me to be able to translate those needs into a vision that reshapes our futures. They expect me to connect with internal teammates and external partners to find the AI experts who know how to vectorize databases and can build AI solutions. Sorting through complexity to find needs, translating needs into a vision, partnering with people, and letting my imagination run wild are all things that are MY JAM! I can do those things well, and while I’m not anywhere close to done I’m proud of what I’ve helped make happen in the AI space with the incredible teams I work with.

Let’s connect some dots. Does my story sound familiar to you? Have you ever felt listened to the whispers of Impostor Syndrome? Have you ever been tricked into listening to unrealistic expectations? If so, welcome to the club 😉 This happens to me way more than I’d like.

The solution is always taking a step back to look at the evidence. Are those expectations that Impostor Syndrome keeps whispering to you real? Probably not. Is anyone else holding you to those same expectations? Probably not. If those are false expectations, what are the real expectations? How do your experiences and skillsets stack up to those? I bet you are so much more competent and better than you initially believed.

The challenge: Will you be willing to challenge the expectations Impostor Syndrome whispers to you?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Therapy and Radical Acceptance (9-18-24)

Last week was about therapy and thought traps. This week we are diving into the powerful idea of radical acceptance. I consider this to be my favorite therapy tool and mindset shift. This email is a bit longer, because I wanted to dig a little deeper into the concepts and I’m throwing in a couple examples.

During one of my therapy sessions I was talking about my problems and saying things like, “I keep running into X, and it sucks. It SHOULD be going like this. And I’m facing Y situation. It SHOULD NOT be going like that. It SHOULD be happening like this.” Have you ever been overwhelmed by the thought of how things should be vs how they are? After listening to me, my therapist hit me hard like a punch straight to the gut with an insight that cut to the core of my problem. She said something along the lines of, “You are making yourself suffer twice. You’re suffering the first time because the challenge you are facing is hard. That’s true. It is hard. You are making yourself suffer a second time, because you are refusing to accept reality for what it is. Instead of embracing reality you keep saying this SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be happening. You are creating unrealistic expectations, and that’s causing you even more pain because they can’t be fulfilled.”

I sat there stunned for a moment, and then my therapist talked to me about the concept of radical acceptance. Radical acceptance is focused on embracing what IS instead of what should be. The main idea is learning how to OBJECTIVELY look at a situation to see the real facts, challenges, and constraints. There is no judgment about whether it’s good or bad. It’s merely looking at the situation and saying, “This is reality. This is the challenge I need to contend with.” I can’t express how important of a mindset shift this was for me. Once I learned how to practice radical acceptance, I could step back from a situation and be objective. Once I learned how to embrace radical acceptance, the emotions of a situation no longer had such a hold on me. Being objective and creating distance helped me analyze what was occurring, so I could see potential solutions and get unstuck.

What does this have to do with anything? Whether it’s your personal life or work, it’s easy to get swept up in what SHOULD happen, and to become so focused on this that you end up suffering twice when reality doesn’t meet your expectations. Instead, we need to practice radical acceptance, embrace reality, and then problem solve. Below are a couple of real examples from my recent life. Do either of these sound familiar?

Too much work example– I started by telling myself this, “We have too much work to do. We SHOULD have more headcount or more resources. This is crap! I guess I’ll just have to work zillions of hours.” Does this ring any bells? Then I practiced radical acceptance with the team and the conversation turned into this, “The reality of the situation is that we have too much work to do. We don’t have the resources or people to do it all, and there are no indications that we are going to get more people or resources anytime soon. The only way we can get it all done is if we work ourselves to death. I don’t want that for any of us. Now let’s problem solve. It won’t be easy, but we need to make choices. What do we value? What can we prioritize? Okay, we value X, so we are going to focus all our efforts on Y and Z and leave everything else alone. I’ll start emailing folks to tell them we won’t help with their request right now, and/or we will offer them ______ because we are already doing that so they can try that if they want to but we won’t be doing anything special for them.” The situation didn’t necessarily get easier, but practicing radical acceptance enabled me to problem solve without suffering twice. Also, it might sound weird to say but practicing radical acceptance also has enabled me to be more zen, even in the midst of a lot of chaos.

Health and fitness example– I have what will likely be my last obstacle course race of the year in about 1.5 weeks. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been beating myself up. I’ve been saying things like, “I SHOULD have lifted more. I SHOULD have done more dead hangs. I SHOULD have ran more. I SHOULD have been better with all aspects of my health. I can’t believe I didn’t do those things. I suck. I SHOULD NOT feel like I’m more or less starting over.” Have you ever beat yourself up over your health and fitness goals? The reality of the situation is that I’m not happy about this, but it is the situation I’m in. Due to a wide variety of reasons, I did not train as much as I would have liked, and there is NOTHING I can do to change that. Rehashing it over and over again does not help. Practicing radical acceptance led me to realize that I have a limited number of days left to prepare for the race. I have the opportunity to make the most of those. Most importantly, the reality is that even if I didn’t train as much as I would have liked, I can still have a lot of fun at the race. I’m no longer beating myself up, and I feel so much better.

The challenge: How will you practice radical acceptance to embrace reality for what it is?

Resources- Here are a few videos I watched about radical acceptance.

DBT Skill: Radical Acceptance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyH1JLZcVR8
Mindfulness and Radical Acceptance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obVTT5PkbUI&feature=youtu.be
Radical Acceptance- How to change your life by accepting it first https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVwIVwGOnpo&feature=youtu.be

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Therapy and Asking for Help (8-21-24)

Today marks my 600^th blog! It’s wild to think I’ve been doing this for about 12 years. I appreciate all of you for reading and encouraging me to keep writing.

I mentioned a few months ago that after having a tough time I leveraged our Lyra benefit and reached out to a therapist for the first time. This series is going to consist of lessons I picked up from that experience. I’m hoping that it helps normalize therapy, and that maybe a few of the things I learned will be useful to you as well. We will kick the series off by focusing on asking for help.

I was nervous for my first therapy session. After a few moments of small talk, my therapist asked, “What brought you to therapy? Why now?” I paused for a second. It was hard to admit I needed help. I was used to having broad shoulders. I was used to being able to handle anything thrown in my direction. Eventually, I responded, “To be honest, life is kicking my a$$ and has been for a little while. Yes, I’m making it through it, but that isn’t the same as living. I don’t feel good about where I am or the person I am right now. I tried a few things on my own and they didn’t work. I decided I needed to get some help to handle life better. That’s why I’m here.”

What does this have to do with anything? It can be difficult to ask for help sometimes. It can be hard, because you’re worried about others judging you, being less than, or feeling weak for needing help. I’ve felt all those things. Have you? Once we start feeling those things, it’s easy to get stuck feeling those things, which prevents us from asking for the help we need.

Instead of focusing on the discomfort surrounding asking for help, I focused on the pain I was experiencing without the help. Once I acknowledged and embraced that life was kicking by butt and how that was having a negative impact on all aspects of my life, I realized the pain of living with that far outweighed any discomfort from asking for help. The next time you’re hesitant about asking for help for anything, ask yourself if you’d rather face the short discomfort of asking for help or if you’d rather be stuck feeling the current pain you are experiencing.

The challenge: Will you be willing to ask for help?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Learning to Listen to What You Need (7-10-24)

I hope you all enjoyed the 4^th of July holiday! The last entry was about expanding your comfort zone. This entry is about listening to what you need.

Cam came home after a particularly long rehearsal and was irritable. It had been a long week of rehearsals and other commitments. He was exhausted and grouchy. He comes home and says, “I’m grumpy. I just need to go flump.” In our house, flumping is like collapsing onto a softer cushiony service like a bed or a chair. Sometimes the flump also includes snuggling, reading, or just listening to music. In this instance, Cam flumped on his bed in his room and read his favorite book for 10-15 minutes. He then emerged from his room feeling so much better and was ready to face the world again. (Pic from Pawz Pet Café where you can go to snuggle some cats. #advancedflumping)

What does this have to do with anything? I love and am so impressed with how well Cameron can listen to what he needs in a moment and then act on that. He knew he was irritable and grumpy, and he knew that all he needed was 10-15 minutes to read to recharge his batteries. That’s wisdom and awareness that I don’t always have.

Meanwhile, here is how things play out for me. I don’t fully understand how upset I am at the moment and continue to keep pushing forward while a lot of time goes by. Eventually, I accidentally stumble into doing something along the way that is what I need whether that’s going on a walk, writing, reading a book, or something else. All of a sudden I feel a bit better, and then I say to myself, “Dang, I didn’t realize how much negative energy I was carrying. I wish I would have paused and did this thing sooner to deal with it.” Anyone else like that, or is it just me? I’m getting a bit better at listening to myself, but I’m not where I want to be yet.

The challenge: How can we do a better job of listening to ourselves and taking action?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry