Last week we started the series about memorable moments over my 15-year career.  This week is a story about a leader showing care by giving me tough feedback.   

It was time for my mid-year check in for my first internal role.  I was doing okay, but I wasn’t setting the world on fire.  I met my supervisor and in a kind, caring, and straight forward way, he said, “You will not meet expectations if you continue to do what you’re doing.  The organization needs you to own this work and drive it forward to deliver X and right now you are delivering Y.  I think you’re currently not delivering X, because you aren’t good at stakeholder management or creating project plans with clear objectives.  How can I help you deliver X?”  I’m not going to lie.  That conversation didn’t make me happy.  I felt like I was coming up short…because I was.  While the feedback hurt a bit, I was incredibly thankful for his candor.  By the time the conversation had ended, I had clarity on what I needed to deliver, and my boss helped me come up with a plan to improve.  By the end of the year, I was delivering X and then some.  I had crushed it!  By the way, I’d work for that boss again in a heartbeat, because of this story and more.  Everyone needs a someone like him in their life.

What does this have to do with anything?  Have you ever experienced a situation where you wish people would have just given you honest feedback and they hadn’t?  How did that make you feel?  Have you ever been the person to NOT give that honest feedback?  Why didn’t you give the feedback?  I’ve been in both situations.  I’ve experienced that we are often “Lilly nice” and we avoid these tough conversations.  Avoiding these conversations isn’t “nice”. It’s harmful.  While these conversations are hard, they are critical to be successful.  If you truly care about people, you’ll share truth with them.  If my boss had been “nice” and never given me the feedback, I would have kept on my path, got to the end of the year, and then been blindsided by not delivering to the level I was supposed to.  However, he cared enough about me to be real.  His feedback was what I needed to get better.  His feedback led me to develop skills that helped in that role and beyond, so I could grow AND deliver for the business.

The challenge:  Are you being “nice” or are you delivering the truth that needs to be told?

Bonus: If you are looking for help in this area I’d suggest you check out Radical Candor by Kim Scott or watch her talk on the subject.  

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry