Lesson 2- Impostor Syndrome Doesn’t Just Go Away

Last week we started with lessons that have kept showing up for me this year and started with leadership matters. This week we will explore how impostor syndrome doesn’t just go away.

Impostor syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where individuals doubt their accomplishments and fear being exposed as a fraud, despite evident success. Have you ever experienced something like this? My impostor syndrome sounds like this, “Andrew, things aren’t going as well as you think. Remember how a few of your projects failed this year? Do you remember how that thing didn’t go as smoothly as it could have? Sure, you accomplished X, but you left Y and Z on the table. Why couldn’t you do Y and Z too? Are you not good enough? Andrew, you’re supposed to be leading AI stuff and you don’t know enough to be an expert.”

Let’s connect some dots. Here is what fascinates me about experiencing impostor syndrome. I’ve had a good year. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. I’ve led projects and been parts of groups who are reimagining the way we think about market research. I’ve met most of my goals and I have absolutely crushed some of them. I would have assumed that my success would keep impostor syndrome away, but it still rears its ugly head.

My learning is that impostor syndrome will likely always be there in some capacity, so I can either keep fighting it or I can learn to exist with it. I can learn to explore it. I talk to it now. It sounds like this:

When it tells me I failed or fell short, I say, “Yep, everything you said is true. I’ve had projects fail. I’ve had things that didn’t go as smoothly as I’d like. Can you show me anyone who did things perfectly all year? I’ll wait.” Yes, I’m being a bit of a smart aleck, but it snaps things into perspective.
When it tells me that my successes aren’t enough, I respond, “If someone else accomplished all the things I did that wasn’t me, what would I tell them?” It’s amazing how quickly I realize that if someone else did the exact same things I did this year that I would be cheering and telling them they should be proud of themselves.
When the impostor syndrome tells me that I missed opportunities I reply, “You’re right. I couldn’t do it all. I placed the best bets I could based on what I knew at the time. Some paid off. Some didn’t. I’ll make smarter bets in the future.”
When the voice tells me I don’t know enough I say, “That’s true. I don’t know it all. I also never claimed to. That’s why I’m open to learning.” The voice tends not to bother me that much once it sees I’m not afraid of not knowing.
Overall, talking things through, examining the evidence, and gaining a little perspective always makes me feel better.

The challenge: Impostor syndrome likely won’t go away. How can you learn to live with it and talk to it?

Bonus- The Inside Job Podcast, one of my favorite podcasts, recently did an episode on how we talk to ourselves. It covers the “inner critic” and more. Might be worth a listen if you want to go a bit deeper into this topic The Conversations We Have With… – Inside Job – Apple Podcasts

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Impostor Syndrome and Being Confident in Who You Are (11-13-24)

This will be our last entry about impostor syndrome. This week is about how being confident in who we are helps fight impostor syndrome.

A few months ago, someone reached out to me to speak about AI at an upcoming market research conference. As I’ve mentioned before, Impostor Syndrome takes chances like this to whisper to me that I’m not a technical expert. Normally, that would make me feel bad. However, this time I redirected the whispers from Impostor Syndrome.

I responded back to the individual and I said, “Thanks for the invite. I want to be clear on my role. If you are looking for a tech expert who knows all the ins and outs, that’s not me. I’ll be happy to connect you to someone who can do that for you. If you’re looking for a dreamer who is trying to drive solutions and change in his org, I’d be happy to chat.” The person responded and let me know they were looking for the latter, and that made me feel confident I could deliver. My impostor feelings instantly evaporated, and now I’m on a panel to speak at TMRE (The Market Research Event) in a few weeks. #pumped

Let’s connect some more dots. Do you ever feel like you need to be all things to all people? I do. This is one of the easiest ways to get lured into a situation where you are an impostor. The way to defend against this is to know who you are, what your strengths are, and what your weaknesses are. In our story, I leveraged the whispers of Impostor Syndrome to make sure I’d never be an impostor. It told me that I wasn’t X, and I said, “Based on the evidence you’re right. If they want X, I’m not the guy. If they want Y, then I’m a good fit.” Once I confirmed they wanted Y, all doubts and worries of being an impostor went away, because I know who I am.

The challenge: Will you confidently embrace who you are and who you aren’t?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

When and Why Impostor Syndrome Shows Up (11-6-24)

Spiritual Growth Last week was about impostor syndrome and listening to the positive whispers. This week is about understanding when and why impostor syndrome rears its ugly head.

I’ve had a lot more impostor syndrome over the past couple of months than I normally do. This has caused me to pause and wonder why, which led me to an epiphany. Impostor syndrome doesn’t show up as I brush my teeth. It doesn’t show up when I make myself breakfast in the morning or when I drive into work. Impostor syndrome doesn’t show up whenever I’m doing anything at home or work that is routine or easy.

Do you know when impostor syndrome shows up? It shows up when I’m pushing boundaries. It shows up when I’m doing something new. It shows up when I’m doing something challenging. All of those things bring nervousness and fear, and that’s when impostor syndrome shows up. Everything I’m doing at work right now involves challenging the status quo, carving paths through new frontiers, and pushing myself as a leader further than I thought possible. No wonder impostor syndrome has been so loud lately. 😉

What does this have to do with anything? When impostor syndrome first shows up, I often think it’s a me problem. I view it as a sign of my own weakness. I view it as a warning that I’m about to fail. Do you ever feel this way? Now, I’m beginning to view impostor syndrome a little differently. If impostor syndrome only shows up when I’m pushing myself, then impostor syndrome isn’t a sign of my weakness. Impostor syndrome is actually a sign that I’m on the verge of growing. If I view it this way, I can lean in and push forward instead of being paralyzed by it.

The challenge: How will you reinterpret what impostor syndrome means?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Impostor Syndrome and the Positive Whisper (10-30-24)

This week is about impostor syndrome and listening to positive whispers. I’ve been reflecting quite a bit about everything going on at work, all the challenges, and my attempts to lead through those things. All of that reflecting ultimately crystalized into something. I was in a meeting yesterday, there was great energy, and it’s like I heard a little positive whisper that said, “You’re doing pretty good at this stuff.”

Normally, Impostor Syndrome would catch a whiff of this positive whisper and rush to crush it. However, this time, I didn’t give Impostor Syndrome the chance to snuff out that flame. This time, I sat with the positive whisper for a bit. I shielded the whisper from being snuffed out, and I slowed down to stay with the whisper before rushing off. It was kind of like stepping outside of my body for a second, as the positive whisper kept talking to me, “Andrew, you may not be perfect, but you’re a lot of the things you appreciate from your favorite leaders. You’re challenging the status quo, casting a vision, navigating ambiguity, engaging people, and making trade-offs. You’re doing pretty good at this stuff. Make sure you see that.”

Let’s make some connections. Have you ever had Impostor Syndrome crush your momentum and belief in yourself? It happens to me all the time. I’ll start to have a positive thought like, “I’m doing well,” and then Impostor Syndrome will say, “But you messed up all of these things. Look at that chain of mistakes. They are going to find out you aren’t the real deal.” It wasn’t until I heard the positive whisper that I realized how incredibly deafening and all-consuming Impostor Syndrome can be. Have you ever realized this? We are so quick to allow the Impostor Syndrome to be loud and tear us down. At the same time, we are so slow to protect and encourage the fragile positive whisper. It doesn’t have to be this way. If we are willing to sit with the positive whisper, often that’s enough for it to grow and get through.

The challenge: Will you hear the positive whisper? How can you sit with and encourage the positive whisper?

Bonus: If you don’t hear the positive whisper right now allow me to be that, “You’re an awesome human. You’re doing a nice job of hanging in there. You’re pretty good at this life stuff.”

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Bonus- Impostor Syndrome and Distorting How You View Yourself (10-23-24)

I have a bonus follow-up to today’s blog. A friend and colleague of mine responded to my blog this morning and I had to share because it hit me hard and made things so clear. It’s another take on impostor syndrome distorting the way you view yourself.

From my friend- What’s funny is even in your thoughts here, you are selling yourself short – “They’ve worked with all kinds of amazing companies” “They have done work with heads of huge companies”. That’s you, too. Lilly is top ten biggest company in the world by market cap (ahead of tesla, Walmart, visa etc.) and you have made a big name for yourself here. You have the accolades and connections in one of the premier companies in the world – and yet imposter syndrome would tell you it doesn’t “count” for you. Personally, it sucks because it makes me discredit all my accomplishments “(right place at the right time, got lucky, was propelled by better people)”. It’s like everyone else earned their accomplishments except I just happened to stumble upon mine, so they don’t really count.

Deep thoughts, right? My friend makes a great point. It’s so weird that I would sell myself so short. Do you ever do the same? It’s like I see my reflection through a distorted funhouse mirror. Seriously, if I met someone and they said, “I’m responsible for reimagining market research. I’m the business lead for our market research AI efforts, and my company is one of the top 10 most valued in the world,” I’d be like, “Dang! That’s impressive! How do I get on their level?” That impressive person IS ME. Even though that person is me, I don’t view myself in that way, because impostor syndrome wants me to shrink myself. Impostor syndrome messes with my reflection. Sometimes, we need to step back to look through a more objective lens to see a true reflection.

The challenge- Will you step back and look at the big picture when impostor syndrome tries to make you feel small?

Bonus- A few “step back and see your awesomeness” moments that come to mind in case you are feeling a bit small

You are not just a parent. You are a builder of incredibly fierce, independent, and strong adults. You are the hug that held them when they cried that they will never forget. You are a crafter of curriculums, teaching lessons that last and unlocking levels of curiosity kids never knew they had. (#mywife)
You aren’t just a market researcher. You are an investigative reporter scouting sources, finding truth, and enabling people to make HUGE decisions that set the trajectory of million dollar brands (Here’s a poem about being a researcher Click HERE.
You aren’t just a college professor. You are a sage leaving lasting wisdom with students (#ProfessorSkinner).
You’re not just a sales professional. You are someone who manages a business and generates millions of dollars in revenue.
You aren’t just a middle manager. You are a leader of the team leaving a lasting legacy on the people in your care.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Impostor Syndrome and Your Unique Genius (10-23-24)

Last week was about impostor syndrome and the unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves. This week is about impostor syndrome and embracing your own unique genius.

I’m working with an amazing group of individuals right now. These people are absolutely brilliant in their field. They’ve worked with all kinds of amazing companies and people. If I’m being 100% honest, I often feel self-conscious and dumb around them. It’s nothing they’ve done. Impostor Syndrome whispers, “Did you hear all their accolades? They have done work with heads of huge companies. You’re kind of chump change. You’re not smart like them. You’re not in their league.”

Over time, something interesting started happening. This group of amazing people started telling me how much they value my input. At first, I was confused by this. I’m not in their league, so how am I valuable? I then begin to appreciate that I have context, insight, and skillsets they might not have. I’m not smart in THEIR way. I’m smart in MY OWN WAY. It just so happens that my unique genius has a synergistic effect that enables them to get even more out of their strengths.

Let’s make some connection. Have you ever been in a group of brilliant people and felt dumb or out of place? Has Impostor Syndrome ever told you that you don’t belong, and that you aren’t in their league? Per my story above, you know I’ve been there. My most important learning is I didn’t need to be smart or talented like them. I just needed to be smart and talented like me. We each have our own UNIQUE genius. We each have something special about us that inherently makes us valuable and worthy. Often, it’s the ability to combine the unique geniuses of multiple people that truly creates something magical.

The challenge: Will you embrace your own unique genius to combat impostor syndrome?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Impostor Syndrome and Unrealistic Expectations (10-16-24)

Last week was about being an impostor vs making mistakes. This week is about impostor syndrome and unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves.

In my current role, I’m focused on leading innovation for market research. This includes spearheading AI efforts. As I lead those efforts, Impostor Syndrome whispers to me constantly. It says things like, “Andrew, you aren’t fit for this role. You don’t know anything. You can’t name all the different AI technologies out there. You don’t understand how each AI engine tokenizes data differently. You can’t even vectorize a database. If you can’t do those things, how can you lead any AI efforts?” Not gonna lie. Those whispers are strong and make me doubt myself and question my value in a big way.

Here’s the thing. If I zoom out and look at the evidence, no one is expecting me to be able to do those things. Those are unrealistic expectations I’m putting on myself. What do they expect of me? They expect me to be able to understand the needs of the business and our market research community. They expect me to be able to translate those needs into a vision that reshapes our futures. They expect me to connect with internal teammates and external partners to find the AI experts who know how to vectorize databases and can build AI solutions. Sorting through complexity to find needs, translating needs into a vision, partnering with people, and letting my imagination run wild are all things that are MY JAM! I can do those things well, and while I’m not anywhere close to done I’m proud of what I’ve helped make happen in the AI space with the incredible teams I work with.

Let’s connect some dots. Does my story sound familiar to you? Have you ever felt listened to the whispers of Impostor Syndrome? Have you ever been tricked into listening to unrealistic expectations? If so, welcome to the club 😉 This happens to me way more than I’d like.

The solution is always taking a step back to look at the evidence. Are those expectations that Impostor Syndrome keeps whispering to you real? Probably not. Is anyone else holding you to those same expectations? Probably not. If those are false expectations, what are the real expectations? How do your experiences and skillsets stack up to those? I bet you are so much more competent and better than you initially believed.

The challenge: Will you be willing to challenge the expectations Impostor Syndrome whispers to you?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Making Mistakes vs Being an Impostor (10-9-24)

Over the past few weeks, a few of you made comments about impostor syndrome, so I wanted to explore that for a series. This entry is about making mistakes, feeling like an impostor, and evidence. Let’s start with a definition. Impostor (noun)- one that assumes false identity or title for the purpose of deception (Impostor Definition & Meaning – Merriam-Webster).

As many of you know, I do obstacle course races. I have only had 1 race where I completed every obstacle flawlessly. Usually, I fail anywhere between 10-30% of the obstacles. Here is what is interesting. When I fail an obstacle I tell myself, “I made a mistake” and move on. The thought that I might be an impostor who doesn’t belong on the course NEVER crosses my mind. Why is that? It’s because when I step back and take a look at the evidence, I see that it refutes the impostor claim. I have a wall full of medals that demonstrates I am an obstacle course racer. The evidence reinforces who I am and what I do.

What does this have to do with anything? When most people talk to me about impostor syndrome, they say something like, “I’m afraid that if I make a mistake they will find out I don’t belong here. If I make a mistake, they will see I’m an impostor.” Making a mistake doesn’t automatically make you an impostor. Making a mistake doesn’t mean you’ve assumed a false identity or are trying to be something you’re not.

Instead of assuming you’re an imposter, I’d ask you to step back and look at the evidence. If you zoom out, chances are that there is a mound of evidence that suggests you are more than competent and capable. If you zoom out, chances are there is a mound of evidence that suggests you are worthy of being in that room. If you make a mistake, you aren’t an impostor, you’re a human who makes mistakes sometimes. There is a big difference between those two things.

The challenge: Will you distinguish between being an impostor and being a human who makes mistakes? Will you remember to step back and look at the evidence?

Bonus thoughts- I used the obstacle course racing example, but I could have used different ones. I’m a slam poet who has bombed on stage, AND I’ve won competitions and been to nationals. The bad poems don’t make me an impostor. I’m a blogger that has written some stuff that isn’t that great, AND I’ve written some amazing blogs that have brought people to tears and made a difference. The weak entries don’t make me an impostor. I’ve made all kinds of mistakes at work, AND I’ve also won awards and been recognized for doing incredible things. The mistakes don’t make me an impostor, they just reinforce that I’m human.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry