Lesson 2- Impostor Syndrome Doesn’t Just Go Away

Last week we started with lessons that have kept showing up for me this year and started with leadership matters. This week we will explore how impostor syndrome doesn’t just go away.

Impostor syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where individuals doubt their accomplishments and fear being exposed as a fraud, despite evident success. Have you ever experienced something like this? My impostor syndrome sounds like this, “Andrew, things aren’t going as well as you think. Remember how a few of your projects failed this year? Do you remember how that thing didn’t go as smoothly as it could have? Sure, you accomplished X, but you left Y and Z on the table. Why couldn’t you do Y and Z too? Are you not good enough? Andrew, you’re supposed to be leading AI stuff and you don’t know enough to be an expert.”

Let’s connect some dots. Here is what fascinates me about experiencing impostor syndrome. I’ve had a good year. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. I’ve led projects and been parts of groups who are reimagining the way we think about market research. I’ve met most of my goals and I have absolutely crushed some of them. I would have assumed that my success would keep impostor syndrome away, but it still rears its ugly head.

My learning is that impostor syndrome will likely always be there in some capacity, so I can either keep fighting it or I can learn to exist with it. I can learn to explore it. I talk to it now. It sounds like this:

When it tells me I failed or fell short, I say, “Yep, everything you said is true. I’ve had projects fail. I’ve had things that didn’t go as smoothly as I’d like. Can you show me anyone who did things perfectly all year? I’ll wait.” Yes, I’m being a bit of a smart aleck, but it snaps things into perspective.
When it tells me that my successes aren’t enough, I respond, “If someone else accomplished all the things I did that wasn’t me, what would I tell them?” It’s amazing how quickly I realize that if someone else did the exact same things I did this year that I would be cheering and telling them they should be proud of themselves.
When the impostor syndrome tells me that I missed opportunities I reply, “You’re right. I couldn’t do it all. I placed the best bets I could based on what I knew at the time. Some paid off. Some didn’t. I’ll make smarter bets in the future.”
When the voice tells me I don’t know enough I say, “That’s true. I don’t know it all. I also never claimed to. That’s why I’m open to learning.” The voice tends not to bother me that much once it sees I’m not afraid of not knowing.
Overall, talking things through, examining the evidence, and gaining a little perspective always makes me feel better.

The challenge: Impostor syndrome likely won’t go away. How can you learn to live with it and talk to it?

Bonus- The Inside Job Podcast, one of my favorite podcasts, recently did an episode on how we talk to ourselves. It covers the “inner critic” and more. Might be worth a listen if you want to go a bit deeper into this topic The Conversations We Have With… – Inside Job – Apple Podcasts

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Self-Doubt and Being an Unreliable Narrator (4-16-25)

This week I’m going to kick off a series inspired by different storytelling mechanics. This entry is about self-doubt and being an unreliable narrator.

An unreliable narrator is a storyteller whose account of events can’t be fully trusted. They might be lying on purpose or they might unintentionally have things wrong. The Sixth Sense is a great example of having an unreliable narrator. The story is told from the perspective of Malcom, a child psychologist, played by Bruce Willis. Throughout the movie we see the world unfold through his eyes, and assume the events are true. Then the twist is revealed. Malcom had been dead the entire time and had not known it. As all the pieces start connecting you begin to realize that the events we saw from Malcom’s eyes weren’t the real ones.

You’re probably wondering how this connects to anything. What if we can be an unreliable narrator sometimes like Malcom? What if we allow our self-doubt, skepticism, or other things to infiltrate our minds and distort our perception of the reality around us? Has this ever happened to you? Sometimes, we need some perspective from the outside or another person to nudge us to ensure we have an accurate view on reality.

Let me share a recent personal story with you. My new boss started a couple of months ago. We were having a pretty good heart to heart during a 1 on 1. At the time, self-doubt was shaping my narrative, and I shared something along the lines of, “I feel like I’m just moving soooo slow right now. It’s like I’m not being effective.” My boss looks at me and says something like, “I don’t feel that way or see that being true.” This jolt was similar to the twist in the Sixth Sense, where all of the pieces started to fit together in a different and more true way. This comment made me realize that I might have been an unreliable narrator. Maybe, my perception of what was going on was not actually reality. Maybe, my perception had been distorted by self-doubt. Fast forward from two months ago to yesterday when I had my first performance check-in for the year. Now, I had a better grasp on reality due to a more balanced self-reflection and by listening to the feedback and encouragement from others. Instead of being burdened by self-doubt, I went into that conversation confident. I was able to sit down and tell a story like, “I’m so proud and so excited about everything I’ve delivered so far, AND I also know I’d like to grow in A, B, C areas.” It was a total shift from just a couple of months prior.

The challenge- How will you ensure that self-doubt doesn’t turn you into an unreliable narrator?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Bonus- Impostor Syndrome and Distorting How You View Yourself (10-23-24)

I have a bonus follow-up to today’s blog. A friend and colleague of mine responded to my blog this morning and I had to share because it hit me hard and made things so clear. It’s another take on impostor syndrome distorting the way you view yourself.

From my friend- What’s funny is even in your thoughts here, you are selling yourself short – “They’ve worked with all kinds of amazing companies” “They have done work with heads of huge companies”. That’s you, too. Lilly is top ten biggest company in the world by market cap (ahead of tesla, Walmart, visa etc.) and you have made a big name for yourself here. You have the accolades and connections in one of the premier companies in the world – and yet imposter syndrome would tell you it doesn’t “count” for you. Personally, it sucks because it makes me discredit all my accomplishments “(right place at the right time, got lucky, was propelled by better people)”. It’s like everyone else earned their accomplishments except I just happened to stumble upon mine, so they don’t really count.

Deep thoughts, right? My friend makes a great point. It’s so weird that I would sell myself so short. Do you ever do the same? It’s like I see my reflection through a distorted funhouse mirror. Seriously, if I met someone and they said, “I’m responsible for reimagining market research. I’m the business lead for our market research AI efforts, and my company is one of the top 10 most valued in the world,” I’d be like, “Dang! That’s impressive! How do I get on their level?” That impressive person IS ME. Even though that person is me, I don’t view myself in that way, because impostor syndrome wants me to shrink myself. Impostor syndrome messes with my reflection. Sometimes, we need to step back to look through a more objective lens to see a true reflection.

The challenge- Will you step back and look at the big picture when impostor syndrome tries to make you feel small?

Bonus- A few “step back and see your awesomeness” moments that come to mind in case you are feeling a bit small

You are not just a parent. You are a builder of incredibly fierce, independent, and strong adults. You are the hug that held them when they cried that they will never forget. You are a crafter of curriculums, teaching lessons that last and unlocking levels of curiosity kids never knew they had. (#mywife)
You aren’t just a market researcher. You are an investigative reporter scouting sources, finding truth, and enabling people to make HUGE decisions that set the trajectory of million dollar brands (Here’s a poem about being a researcher Click HERE.
You aren’t just a college professor. You are a sage leaving lasting wisdom with students (#ProfessorSkinner).
You’re not just a sales professional. You are someone who manages a business and generates millions of dollars in revenue.
You aren’t just a middle manager. You are a leader of the team leaving a lasting legacy on the people in your care.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Impostor Syndrome and Unrealistic Expectations (10-16-24)

Last week was about being an impostor vs making mistakes. This week is about impostor syndrome and unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves.

In my current role, I’m focused on leading innovation for market research. This includes spearheading AI efforts. As I lead those efforts, Impostor Syndrome whispers to me constantly. It says things like, “Andrew, you aren’t fit for this role. You don’t know anything. You can’t name all the different AI technologies out there. You don’t understand how each AI engine tokenizes data differently. You can’t even vectorize a database. If you can’t do those things, how can you lead any AI efforts?” Not gonna lie. Those whispers are strong and make me doubt myself and question my value in a big way.

Here’s the thing. If I zoom out and look at the evidence, no one is expecting me to be able to do those things. Those are unrealistic expectations I’m putting on myself. What do they expect of me? They expect me to be able to understand the needs of the business and our market research community. They expect me to be able to translate those needs into a vision that reshapes our futures. They expect me to connect with internal teammates and external partners to find the AI experts who know how to vectorize databases and can build AI solutions. Sorting through complexity to find needs, translating needs into a vision, partnering with people, and letting my imagination run wild are all things that are MY JAM! I can do those things well, and while I’m not anywhere close to done I’m proud of what I’ve helped make happen in the AI space with the incredible teams I work with.

Let’s connect some dots. Does my story sound familiar to you? Have you ever felt listened to the whispers of Impostor Syndrome? Have you ever been tricked into listening to unrealistic expectations? If so, welcome to the club 😉 This happens to me way more than I’d like.

The solution is always taking a step back to look at the evidence. Are those expectations that Impostor Syndrome keeps whispering to you real? Probably not. Is anyone else holding you to those same expectations? Probably not. If those are false expectations, what are the real expectations? How do your experiences and skillsets stack up to those? I bet you are so much more competent and better than you initially believed.

The challenge: Will you be willing to challenge the expectations Impostor Syndrome whispers to you?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Making Mistakes vs Being an Impostor (10-9-24)

Over the past few weeks, a few of you made comments about impostor syndrome, so I wanted to explore that for a series. This entry is about making mistakes, feeling like an impostor, and evidence. Let’s start with a definition. Impostor (noun)- one that assumes false identity or title for the purpose of deception (Impostor Definition & Meaning – Merriam-Webster).

As many of you know, I do obstacle course races. I have only had 1 race where I completed every obstacle flawlessly. Usually, I fail anywhere between 10-30% of the obstacles. Here is what is interesting. When I fail an obstacle I tell myself, “I made a mistake” and move on. The thought that I might be an impostor who doesn’t belong on the course NEVER crosses my mind. Why is that? It’s because when I step back and take a look at the evidence, I see that it refutes the impostor claim. I have a wall full of medals that demonstrates I am an obstacle course racer. The evidence reinforces who I am and what I do.

What does this have to do with anything? When most people talk to me about impostor syndrome, they say something like, “I’m afraid that if I make a mistake they will find out I don’t belong here. If I make a mistake, they will see I’m an impostor.” Making a mistake doesn’t automatically make you an impostor. Making a mistake doesn’t mean you’ve assumed a false identity or are trying to be something you’re not.

Instead of assuming you’re an imposter, I’d ask you to step back and look at the evidence. If you zoom out, chances are that there is a mound of evidence that suggests you are more than competent and capable. If you zoom out, chances are there is a mound of evidence that suggests you are worthy of being in that room. If you make a mistake, you aren’t an impostor, you’re a human who makes mistakes sometimes. There is a big difference between those two things.

The challenge: Will you distinguish between being an impostor and being a human who makes mistakes? Will you remember to step back and look at the evidence?

Bonus thoughts- I used the obstacle course racing example, but I could have used different ones. I’m a slam poet who has bombed on stage, AND I’ve won competitions and been to nationals. The bad poems don’t make me an impostor. I’m a blogger that has written some stuff that isn’t that great, AND I’ve written some amazing blogs that have brought people to tears and made a difference. The weak entries don’t make me an impostor. I’ve made all kinds of mistakes at work, AND I’ve also won awards and been recognized for doing incredible things. The mistakes don’t make me an impostor, they just reinforce that I’m human.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being New and Engaging with Self-Doubt (9-13-23)

Last week was about being new and embracing humility. This week is about being new, engaging with self-doubt, and asking for evidence. By the way, the idea of asking for evidence comes from The Inside Job Podcast.

Whenever I’ve started a new role, Self-Doubt has crept in whispering that I don’t belong there, telling me I’m not good enough, etc. #impostorsyndrome Has this happened to you? When this happened to me the first few times in my career, the Self-Doubt was so strong it was paralyzing. As I grew older, I’ve tried different approaches to managing Self-Doubt. I tried to ignore it, and that would lead to it getting louder and louder. I tried combatting with anger and a “Forget you!” attitude, and that didn’t exactly seem to work either. Now, I engage with my Self-Doubt like I would talk to anyone else making claims.

Here is how that conversation goes. Self-Doubt says, “You aren’t going to be good at this new job.” I respond and say, “Show me your evidence. Here’s what I have to support that I will be successful. First, I was given this opportunity, and my boss wouldn’t have given it to me if they thought I would suck. My new boss told me they hired me for X and Y reasons, and I’ve delivered those in every role I’ve been in. I have a track record of being successful. None of this means I’m the best person on the planet. All these things would suggest that I have a good chance of success. What is your evidence to the contrary?” It’s weird how Self-Doubt quiets down after that conversation. It’s weird how Self-Doubt starts to be more honest after that conversation. Self-Doubt moves from “All of you is horrible” to “There are some specific tasks and challenges that you might not be ready for yet.” This truth is helpful, because then I can use that Self-Doubt as something to learn from. I can use it to identify potential blind spots and then create a plan to address them.

What does this have to do with anything? Self-Doubt can be deafening. It finds one little crack and then spreads like poisonous gas, affecting everything in its area. While this is true, we don’t have to let it. We don’t have to ignore Self-Doubt. We don’t have to attack it in anger. We can challenge that Self-Doubt, the exact same way we would challenge anyone else making a claim. We would ask them for the evidence and rationale to back it up, and we would supply our own to support our position. The challenge- How will you engage with Self-Doubt?

Bonus: Speaking of self-doubt, I recently achieved a major goal of mine. I completed a marathon length obstacle course race (26.2 miles and over 100 obstacles). Self-Doubt tried to creep in on this too. Here is how my conversation went. “Dude, if you’re telling me to doubt myself, because I’m not going to win. You’re right. I’m not going to win. That’s not the goal. I just want to finish. Where is your evidence I won’t finish? Here’s what I have saying I will. I’ve completed 2 marathons (one in rain and one in cold), been training for this race for months, and finished obstacle courses in an Arizona desert, snow in Wisconsin, and 13+ miles of running up hills at a ski resort. My legs feel strong, I have plenty of fuel, and you couldn’t ask for better weather today. If I can do all of those things and the current circumstances are in my favor, it’s just a matter of time at this point until I cross the finish line.” Self-Doubt stayed quiet.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Self-Doubt, Comparison, and Feeling like an Impostor (10-18-21)

Special blog edition. I want to share some good news I’m proud of and excited about, while also sharing the vulnerability behind it. Continuing with our theme of things I’ve struggled with, another struggle I have is the combination of self-doubt, comparing myself to others, and feeling like an impostor.

So the good news…I was invited to be a guest on a podcast! This was my first ever invitation to be a guest on a show. The podcast is called Unlocking Your World of Creativity with Mark Stinson (Link to my episode if you want to listen). Mark interviews people across different industries and talks to them about creativity. What does it mean to them? How do they apply it in their lives? Now here is where the self-doubt creeps in. When I was first asked to be on the podcast, I was thrilled. Then, I noticed that other guests were business owners, CEOs, published authors, and people who seemed more successful than me. Suddenly, I didn’t feel like I belonged anymore. I told my wife I wasn’t sure if I’d be a great guest for the podcast.

Does my story sound at all familiar to you? Maybe it’s not a podcast. Maybe it’s a new role or opportunity. Have you ever got stuck in the trap of comparing yourself to others and then feeling like an unworthy impostor? In the case of feeling like a podcast imposter I turned this around by examining the evidence. Learned this approach from The Inside Job podcast with Dr. Nayla Bahri and Eric Johnson. I asked a simple and powerful question, “If the podcast is about creativity, what evidence do I have to support that I’m someone who can and should talk about creativity?”

It turns out I have a lot of evidence to suggest I’m an authority on creativity. Everyone I’ve ever worked with has given me positive feedback on my creativity and how it’s helped me be a successful marketer and market researcher. I’ve been called a master storyteller/poet by colleagues. I’ve performed poetry in National competitions AND brought that same creativity to Corporate America in the form of a blog and mic dropping performances. I’m a Marketer-Poet Unicorn. Finally, Mark chose me, because of my blogs on LinkedIn. He would only invite someone he felt was worthy. All of these are factual statements. All of this evidence suggests I’m a great candidate to discuss creativity. After reviewing the evidence I realized I’m definitely not an impostor. I went on to have an enjoyable conversation that felt very much like me, and I love how it turned out.

The challenge: How will you use “the evidence” to challenge your feelings of self-doubt and being an impostor?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Podcast episode