Lifting, Bias, and a Hello Kitty Towel (5-10-23)

Happy Wednesday,

Last week was about lifting and different kinds of success. This week is about a Hello Kitty towel and recognizing the bias we all have.

I was a few minutes into my workout in my house when I realized I needed a towel. I was doing laundry, so my normal blue workout towel was being washed. I went upstairs reached into the cabinet without looking and pulled out a Hello Kitty towel. Instantly I thought to myself, “This is kind of girly for a workout towel, isn’t it? I can’t use this,” and I dropped the towel. A second later, I realized what thought had run through my brain and how stupid it was. I paused and asked myself, “Why can’t I use this towel? All I need is something to wipe the sweat off my face. If the towel would have been a different color and had Batman or Ninja Turtles on it, I wouldn’t have hesitated to use it. Why should I treat this towel differently?” I picked the towel back up and used it.

Are you seeing how this connects with bias? I was working out by myself in my house, where there was no threat of anyone judging me. Even in this environment, when I picked up the Hello Kitty towel, my first instinct was a biased one. My first instinct was to say, “This is towel is too girly, and I’m a tough masculine man doing tough manly things like weightlifting. Since that towel is so girly, it can’t be a part of doing tough masculine things.” (Seriously, reread those two sentences and look at how many wrong ignorant assumptions are built in there.) It wasn’t until I paused a moment to examine my thought process that I realized I was wrong and ridiculous.

I like to tell myself that I’m a good person. I like to hope that I’m above having bias, but this was another reminder that I’m human. If I can have a bias about an inanimate object when there isn’t anything at stake, then I know I have more biases lurking under the surface. We all have biases. It’s up to us to recognize these biases and then challenge them with each other and most importantly within ourselves.

The challenge: Will you recognize and challenge your biases?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Chili and being Inclusive (11-2-22)

Last week was about chili and appreciating simplicity. This week is about chili and intentionally being inclusive in day-to-day life.

About 2 years ago I wrote a blog series about inclusion and my wife being a vegetarian. You can read that entry and any of my past blogs by going HERE. In summary, when my wife comes to my parents’ house for dinner, my mom makes vegetarian options, so Diane is included. This makes Diane feel cared for and valued. This week’s story takes this to the next level.

I take my kids over to my mom and dad’s house for a family lunch almost every Sunday, and my wife stays home so she can have a day to herself after holding it down with the kids all week (teaching, taking care of them, running the house, putting up with me 😉 etc.) Recently, we went over to have chili. My mom makes chili with beans and ground beef. As we were leaving, my mom asked if I’d take some home to Diane. That’s when my mom reveals that she made Diane her own separate small pot of chili WITHOUT meat. Isn’t that awesome? Now, my mom didn’t want to be praised for this or anything, she just wanted to show Diane she cares about her. I get home from my mom and dad’s house, and I tell my wife that my mom made her a separate pot of vegetarian chili and my wife simply said, “She’s the best!” You could tell my wife felt loved and appreciated.

What does this have to do with anything? It’s great that my mom makes vegetarian options when my wife comes over for dinner. It’s even better that my mom takes action when Diane isn’t around. In a similar way, it’s appropriate to focus on diversity and inclusion when we are in forums focused on those things or celebrating holidays. It’s even better, when we are consistently putting in the work because it’s the right thing to do. It’s even better, if we are making these actions just part of what we do vs. some kind of action that should be celebrated because we are showing initiative.

The challenge: Do an honest assessment. How are YOU consistently and intentionally being inclusive in day-to-day life? Where could YOU improve?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Spider-Man: Miles Morales, Representation, and Inclusion

Happy Wednesday,

Last week was about challenging biases. This week is about the video game Spider-man: Miles Morales, representation, and inclusion.

Alice (8) was watching me play the game and there is a scene where Spider-man (Miles Morales) uses sign language to communicate with a character who is deaf. Alice asked, “Why isn’t she talking?” I explained that the character is deaf and often individuals who are deaf use sign language to communicate. Alice then said, “Why would they do that in a video game?”

It was an interesting question and a powerful moment, because I realized that Alice had never seen someone who offered this element of difference. I told Alice, “She’s in the video game, because the people who created this video game understand that she has a story worth telling. On top of that, the people who made the video game understand that she represents the people out in the world who are like her and also have stories worth telling. It’s kind of the same way with Miles Morales. How cool is it to have a Spider-man who is Black and Puerto Rican? How cool is it to have a Spider-man who can tell different stories? We all are unique, and we all have our own stories to tell. I say the more different stories we can see the better.” Alice paused for a moment and then said, “Yeah, that’s pretty cool!”

How does this connect with anything? If you pause for a moment and think about the things you watch on TV and the people at your work, how many of them look like you and are like you? The majority of the world looks like me. This sends clear signals that I’m welcome and included in a variety of situations. The same can’t be said for all people. While it’s easy to look at the progress we’ve made with regards to diversity and inclusion, the fact is that non-majority group members are still vastly underrepresented at all levels in an organization. A lack of representation, a lack of people who look and are like you, is often a signal that you aren’t necessarily welcome and included in an environment. If we want to live in a world where all people are valued, then we need to work to ensure all people are represented and are included.

The challenge: How will you include a wider variety of people in your work and life?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Spider-Man: Miles Morales and Challenging Biases (2-10-21)

Last week was about video games, milestones, and ambiguity. This week we are going to look at Spider-man: Miles Morales and challenging biases.

I mentioned earlier in the series that Miles Morales is Black and Puerto Rican. Throughout the game there are times when he speaks Spanish to his mom and other characters. At one point, my daughter Violet (6) asked, “Why are they speaking Spanish?” I responded by saying, “Why shouldn’t they be speaking Spanish? What’s wrong with that?” She said, “This is an English video game and an English TV, right? So shouldn’t they speak English?” I paused for a moment and then explained that Miles is Black and Puerto Rican, and was raised in multiple cultures. This means he speaks English and Spanish. I explained that this is a story about Miles, and if Miles is being true to himself, then he should speak Spanish. He should embrace who he is, and this gives us a chance to see the beauty in who Miles is and where he comes from. From then on, Violet had an appreciation for Miles being who he is.

Do you see the connections? When she asked me that question all I could think about is how often I’ve heard other white majority members say similar things. “Why do they have to speak Spanish? Why does that person act so Black? Why can’t she just act like one of the guys?” Maybe you’ve said or thought these things (I know I have, especially when I was younger and more ignorant). Maybe you’ve heard other people say those things. Maybe you’ve been the target of those statements. All of these statements (and ones like them) are racist, sexist, etc. because they are all based in the assumption that the majority way of doing something is superior and the right way of doing things. When Violet asked her question what she was really saying was, “I’m closer to the majority. Those characters are not the majority. Why don’t they just assimilate and act like the majority? Isn’t the majority way the best way? Shouldn’t they assimilate to that?” Those statements and mindsets are signals that individuals are not welcome and will not be included. It was challenging the assumption of why that behavior is inferior or wrong that got her to realize that it wasn’t and she was wrong to view it that way. In a similar way, we all have these built in biases. Unless we are actively challenging our biases, we will never get better.

The challenge: How are you confronting your biases and assumptions to be a better human?

Bonus: Last year I read, How to be an Antiracist by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi. It opened my eyes to how often I have had and continue to have assimilationist views and how those are harmful. Worth checking out.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Hoodies and Psychological Safety Part 2 (10-30-20)

A couple of individuals sent me comments about my recent blog about hoodies and psychological safety. They caused me to do some deep reflection, so I wanted to share that with you. We will continue to think about hoodies and psychological safety, and how just because psychological safety exists for one person, it does not mean it exists for ALL people.

Here is a response from someone who read the blog from Wednesday. “When I first read the title and the beginning, I thought you were going to talk about the unfortunate fact that many black men can’t and don’t feel safe wearing a hoodie because they are judged/viewed a certain way if they do (e.g. Trayvon Martin, etc.) which compromises psychological safety.”Here is another response, “After the death of Trayvon Martin, the hoodie double standard emerged. So much emotion, rhetoric, and rules about wearing an object of clothing. While I still love my hoodie, I no longer wear it out of the house without thinking about my privilege. No one looks twice at a middle aged white person in an oversized hoodie walking their dogs at night.”Both comments are insightful and worth exploring. As a straight middle-aged bald white guy, I can wear a hoodie and feel safe. I can wear a hoodie and not have any problems. As I’ve reflected, not everyone has that privilege.

How does it all connect? As a majority group member it is easy to say, “We are all just people, so if I’m psychologically safe you are too.” Nothing could be further from the truth. While we are all people, we are all experiencing life in unique ways because of our dimensions of differences. Something I’ve continued to learn is that just because I feel psychologically safe, it doesn’t mean the same situation is safe for others. Just because I’m included, doesn’t mean others feel included. This idea links back to the first blog post about hoodies and psychological safety, and how important it is to be intentional when you are creating safe environments. It’s not enough to create safe environments. You also must be thoughtful regarding who those environments are safe for.

The challenge: Are you recognizing your position and your privilege? Are you building environments where EVERYONE can feel safe, valued, welcomed, trusted, and cared for?

Bonus video- “Are hoodies dangerous for black men?” Perspective worth thinking about to challenge the biases we have.

Have a jolly good day and have a safe Halloween,

Andrew Embry

Noticing, Taking Action, and Creating Gay Video Game Characters (8-5-20)

Happy Wednesday,

This will be the last entry in our series about diversity and inclusion related topic. This week is about noticing something is off and taking action.

Recently, I’ve been playing a video game with Alice (8) called The Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword. The game follows the main character, Link, as he defeats bad guys to save Zelda. In this version of The Legend of Zelda, Link has a crush on Zelda. While we have been playing this game, Alice has also been playing Harvest Moon, a farming game where you can grow crops, raise livestock, get married, and start a family. A couple of weeks ago, Alice announced she was going to create her own “video game”. She used beads and a hot iron to create characters and supplies (see pic). After showing me these materials, she told me about the game. She proudly explained, “My version of Zelda is different than the Zelda we played and different from other video games I’ve played. First of all, in this game Zelda is the hero and fights bad guys with Link. Also, in this game if you’re Zelda and want to get married you can marry a boy or you can marry a girl if you want to be gay. You know dad, in most games like Harvest Moon, you can’t be gay.”

What does this have to do with diversity and inclusion? The above story is about Alice noticing that something isn’t quite right, and then taking action to fix it. Alice may not have the vocabulary to express that it is sexist beliefs and tropes that result in the majority of action heroes in video games being male. What she can see though is that there should be more representation and that a female character is just as capable of fighting bad guys as a male character. Alice may not understand all of the biases against people because of their sexual orientation or the fact that gay marriage was illegal until a few years ago. She does know what love looks like, and she understands if that love happens between a man and a woman or two men or two women it’s all good. She does see that video games often don’t allow the representation of gay couples, and that their love is worth celebrating as much as straight couples. She sees all these things, and then makes a game where the girl is the hero and you can be gay.

In a similar way, we can look around at our world and realize that things aren’t right. If we open our eyes, we can see the discrimination that is overt and also woven into the fabric of our society. Once we see those things, we have the power and responsibility to change them. Alice is trying to change things by taking the small step to make her games more inclusive, because that is what is in her sphere of influence. If you look at your sphere of influence, you likely can enact change for the better too.

The challenge- What do you see that is off in the world? What will you change about the world around you in your sphere of influence?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Working Out and Difficult Conversations (7-29-20)

Last week was about machines and systemic racism. This week is about working out and having difficult conversations.

Let’s pretend for a moment that you currently can squat 200 pounds as your max and that 1 year from now you will need to squat 300 pounds. How would you prepare for this? Would you do nothing and hope you would be able to rise to the challenge or would you train so you would be ready? Putting in the time and effort to make yourself stronger would not be easy, but it would be essential to you gaining the strength so you could meet the challenge. Even after training, squatting 300 pounds wouldn’t be easy, but it would be possible.

How does this have anything to do with diversity and inclusion? One of the things that I often hear people say is that having discussions about things like race, gender, sexual orientation, other elements of diversity, privilege (especially white privilege), discrimination, and potential reform are difficult conversations to have. This is true. The conversations are messy, complicated, tricky to navigate, and deeply personal. As a result of this difficulty, I feel that many individuals, myself included, avoid having these conversations. While these conversations are difficult on many fronts,, much like the analogy where you HAD to squat 300 pounds, I’d argue you HAVE to have these conversations if you want to move forward and enact change.

In the squat example, we discussed how important it is to put the work in, so you can be ready to rise to the challenge of squatting 300 pounds. In the same way, if you want to be able to have these difficult conversations, you have to put the work in leading up to those conversations so you’re ready to rise to the challenge. So what is the work? It could be educating yourself. It could be working on listening, so you can truly step into someone else’s shoes and see the world from their perspective. Maybe it’s being vulnerable and sharing your evolution. The work could be creating spaces for these conversations to happen. It could be you making sure you are laying a strong foundation of inclusivity, care, and compassion so people feel comfortable having these conversations with you. There is a lot of different kinds of work we can all put in. Even if we do these things, it won’t make these conversations easy. What it will do is make it possible for us to have them, and to find a way to move forward.

The challenge: Are you putting the work in?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Factories and Diversity- Broken Parts or Design Issues? (7-22-20)

Last week was about the idea of a blank canvas. This week we will build on that idea by looking at factories and broken parts vs. poorly designed systems. Let’s pretend you own a factory that makes red, yellow, and green bottles. The factory has 2 large machines. Machine 1 has an issue and breaks some bottles of all colors. What would you do? I’d assume you’d run some diagnostics and check past logs to see if there is a pattern. There’s no pattern. You realize that sometimes stuff just breaks, so you replace the part and things work again.

One day machine 2 has an issue and breaks a bunch of green bottles. What would you do? You’d probably run diagnostics and check past logs. When you check the logs, you notice a pattern emerging. You notice that only green bottles are broken, and that it happens on the 2^nd Tuesday of a every month. You decide to replace the parts, but when the 2^nd Tuesday of the next month comes around more green bottles are broken. At this point, you have to ask yourself if something on machine 2 is broken or if it is poorly designed. I’d argue that it’s likely a design issue, since the problem keeps repeating itself. If it’s a design issue, then replacing parts won’t help. Instead, you need to redesign the machine and the processes to reach a new outcome.

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything. Over the past few months, I’ve heard a lot of people comment that “the system” is broken in response to racially charged events. I’d argue this isn’t correct. If the system was broken, you should be able to just fix the parts, and it would work again kind of like machine 1 in our analogy. Instead, I’d argue that “the system” is doing exactly what it was designed to do, and the roots of this design are in the not so blank canvas that our country has grown from. I’d argue that “the system” isn’t broken, it has design flaws. To solve the problem, you need to design a new system that serves everyone. For a work related example you can look at the evolution of talent management processes in various companies. For the longest time talent management systems either intentionally or unintentionally discriminated against minority group members. To fix the problem we had to move away from the assessments and practices we had always used, and replace them with a new design that would generate more fairness. This evolution continues every day as we learn more and more about he biases that are built into things.

The challenge: What designs and systems influence your life? Are you designing and building the right processes and systems to serve EVERYONE?

Bonus thought 1: I recently started reading Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America by Dr. Ibram Kendi https://www.amazon.com/Stamped-Beginning-Definitive-History-National/dp/1568585985. I’m only a few chapters in, and I’m already gaining a better appreciation of the themes and ideas that have been shaping our canvas and have been the foundation for the design of our country and world. It’s definitely been eye opening to me, especially as I read about racist ideas that started back hundreds of years ago and cause me to instantly think of things today.

Bonus thought 2: You can apply the idea of broken vs. poorly designed to your individual life as well. When you want to make big changes in your life, you can’t just get a new part to replace a broken one. You have to change the system and things you surround yourself with. Changing the design, changes the output. I’m currently in the midst of doing this for my physical, mental, and spiritual health.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Painting and “Blank” Canvases (7-15-20)

Last week was about blind driving and ignorance. This week is about painting and canvases. Stick with me for a second, because we are about to dive kind of deep.

Look at the image above. There is something on the easel. What is it? I’d say that it’s a blank canvas. What exactly is a blank canvas? It’s a canvas that doesn’t have anything on it yet. If a blank canvas is a canvas without anything on it, can that thing on the easel really be a blank canvas? I’m not sure it is. The canvas is white, so there is already a background color, meaning the canvas already has something on it and isn’t blank. The color of the canvas has its own unique properties, influencing how you would have to paint it. Painting on a white canvas would be different than painting on a red, blue, green, or black canvas.

What does this have to do with anything? I see a connection at the macro level and at the more personal level. At the macro level, when I was younger, I believed that we all had the same exact opportunities, because we all started with the same blank canvas. Over the years, I’ve realized the canvas of our society isn’t blank. Instead, there is already stuff on the canvas that we are making our mark on, and what is already on that canvas impacts the ability to paint on it. Our canvas is comprised of our history, social norms, and laws, which have all been substantially shaped by straight white men. This backdrop becomes the canvas we start with and has a huge impact on the way we think about race, gender, sexual orientation, and other areas. The question really becomes whether or not we grasp how the canvas built by the past impacts our current conversations and situations.

At the more personal level, relationships are about making your mark on another person. With this in mind, no one is a blank canvas. Everyone has their own canvas filled with their history and experiences that shapes who they are and how they interact in relationships. The more I can do to show I want to understand them, what makes them tick, and the things that shape their canvas, the more likely they are to open up and share parts of themselves. We can then use this understanding to connect better.

The challenge: What is already on the “blank” canvas? How is it shaping you? How is it shaping our present?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Blind Driving, Ignorance, and Causing Harm (7-8-20)

This week we will kick off a series about diversity and inclusion related topics. This week’s post is about driving, ignorance, and causing harm. It’s inspired by a question Aaron T., asked me a few weeks ago.

Imagine for a moment you were driving blindfolded. What would happen? Chances are you’d hit things, cause all kinds of destruction, and hurt other people and possibly yourself. If you had the choice, would you rather drive with or without a blindfold on? I’m assuming you’d want to see, so you could drive more safely.

What does this have to do with anything? A few weeks ago, I was on an area call sharing my diversity and inclusion journey. My story isn’t pretty. It’s a story of being raised color blind and incredibly ignorant, realizing I was (and am still) ignorant, and then working to fix this. During the story, I spent time talking about being raised to not see race and how that led me to believe and do things that I’d never believe or do now (Is any of that true for you too?). Aaron then asked me a question that has stuck with me for weeks, “When you were colorblind, how did that harm your relationships and the people you were with?” His question was a great one, because it punched me right in the heart, and I can’t thank him enough for his courage and willingness to ask it. I said that I knew there were certain people I had hurt. However, the truth is, I’ll never know how many people I hurt, because I was blind to my own ignorance and the impact that ignorance was having on others. For years, I drove blind in a tank, unaware of the damage I was causing, and that’s just straight up horrible.

The question still sticks with me and is something I think about often, because while I know I am less ignorant than I was when I was younger, my eyes are still not fully open to matters of race, gender, sexual orientation, and the other elements of individuality. As a result, I continue to be driven to do better, to learn more, to understand more, and to navigate the world a little more carefully so the vehicle I drive out in the world won’t have devastating effects to the people around me.

The challenge: How is your ignorance harming your relationships and the people you are with? How will you do and be better?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry