Designing a Garden, Decision Making Rights, and Intentional Collaboration (6-4-25)

Last week was about bags of rock and not assuming you’re a burden. This week is about decision making rights and intentional collaboration.

Technically, it is my wife’s garden. However, she did invite us all to collaborate in certain ways. She was very clear that she alone was going to decide how to design the space, which included creating the paths, setting up the rock, and deciding which structures go where. Outside of the creating the space, she invited us in to help populate the space. We had the opportunity to choose flowers, vegetables, colors, and other potential decorations. My contribution is this cool cat statue that hangs out in the corner 😉

Let’s connect this to decision making rights and intentional collaboration. Sometimes, when people think of collaboration, they assume this means that everyone has an equal part throughout every step of the decision-making process. Have you ever experienced this on a project? I have, A LOT. I’d argue that our culture of consensus leads to this as well. Approaching problems in a manner where there has to be 100% consensus is incredibly inefficient and slow. The fact is that not everyone has equal decision rights in any given situation. The fact is that everyone’s viewpoint and feedback should not be equal in every situation.

Notice what my wife did in our story this week. She was crystal clear that she was the decision maker on the garden design. This clarity let the kids and I know not to spend any time there. My wife was also very clear on where she wanted our input. As a result, we could focus our time and efforts in that area. While my kids and I may not have weighed in on every decision, we were still able to contribute in meaningful ways. We are still proud of our contributions.

The challenge: Will you take the time to outline who has the true decision making rights? Will you take the time to outline roles and responsibilities when you begin collaborating?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Patio Furniture and Clarifying Roles in Decision Making (5-29-24)

Last week was about not overcomplicating solutions. This week we will explore patio furniture and clarifying roles in decision making.

I mentioned in our last entry that we had a family conversation about the patio furniture. During this conversation, my wife and I asked our kids what they wanted. They were excited to have input. At the

same time, we were very clear with them about their role in this decision. We explained that we would listen to everything they said, and at the end of the day, my wife and I were the final decision makers. I further stated that my wife’s preferences outweigh everyone else on this. My kids understood and appreciated the transparency. They still felt involved in the decision even if they didn’t have the final say so.

What does this have to do with anything? Is it just me, or does it feel too often that we try to make decisions by committee? While I understand the desire to include individuals, doing things by consensus and committee is incredibly slow and ineffective in a world that moves faster and faster. Additionally, making decisions in this way is incredibly confusing for everyone involved. If everyone believes that they have an equal say and equal decision-making power, then it’s easy for everyone to believe that all of their suggestions/feedback must be acted on.

While I don’t believe we should make decisions by committee, I do believe there is a sweet spot. That sweet spot requires you to identify who ultimately will be held accountable for the decision and who has the decision-making authority. It also includes being transparent with everyone that while you will hear all of their opinions it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be able to act on all of them. If you combine this with being clear about the decision making criteria (lesson from a couple of weeks ago 😉) then you have a decision making process that is inclusive AND fast.

The challenge- Are you clarifying who has decision making rights and how the decision will be made?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Specific When Asking for Feedback (10-25-23)

Last week was about cleaning rooms, setting clear expectations, and giving feedback. This week is about asking for specific feedback in situations.

Here is a short poem.

The mysterious

one-eyed Jack gazes both at the

past and the future

If I asked you to give me feedback on the poem, what would you say? I’d imagine that right now you’re not exactly sure where to begin or what feedback would be helpful. What if I told you that I was trying to ensure the poem followed the haiku format (5, 7, and then 5 syllables)? I’m sure you could assess whether or not I did that. What if I told you that the poem was supposed to give off a mystical vibe? I’m sure you’d be able to talk through what feelings the poem made you feel, and then we could discuss how close those were to what I was aiming for. What if I told you my goal was to write a poem about regret and anxiety? Could you assess if it communicated that idea?

What does this have to do with anything? Have you ever asked for feedback at work? How clear were you about what you were looking for? This lack of clarity could often lead to you getting feedback that isn’t helpful and/or isn’t what you’re actually trying to understand. In the poem example, I initially asked for broad feedback. I’m assuming your broad feedback wouldn’t have been all that helpful. Then, I started asking more intentional questions to gather more specific feedback. Once I did that, you could provide direction that could be used.

When I think about work, I try to never ask for general feedback. Instead, I try to have specific questions. “I was trying to achieve X. Is that the right thing to achieve? How well did I achieve X?” or “I’m trying to develop X skills. On a scale from 1 to 5 I believe I’m a 3.5 for A, B, C reasons. Is this the right skill to develop? Do you agree with my assessment of where I am? Why or why not?” or “I’m just looking for a good idea, so I can develop it further. What has promise for you and why?” I’ve found over time these specific questions lead to more useful direction.

The challenge: As a receiver of feedback, can you ask the specific questions about what you want to know? As a giver of feedback, how do you narrow down the scope of the feedback to ensure it is useful?

1000 bonus points if you counted the syllables in the poem. I did 5, 8, 5 when it was supposed to be 5, 7, 5. 😉

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry