Tag: asking for help

Bags of Rock and Not Assuming You’re a Burden (5-28-25)

Last week was about my wife’s garden and the effort it took to create it.  This week is about bags of rock and not assuming you’re a burden.

When my wife designed the garden, she decided that she wanted to put in some river rock.  A few weeks ago, we went to Lowe’s and got several bags.  When we got home, I unloaded the rock and my wife started placing it in the garden.  Eventually, she saw that we would need more for tomorrow.  She had been working hard all day, so she had no interest in leaving the house. #can’tblameher

I offered to go to the store to get more.  She said I didn’t have to.  We went back and forth for a bit.  Ultimately, she felt like she was being a burden and forcing me to go to the store.  She figured since she didn’t want to leave the house I felt the same way.  Meanwhile, getting the rock wasn’t a big deal for me.  In fact, I viewed carrying the rock as a good workout for the day.  I also knew how much joy the garden would bring to her and the rest of the family.  Ultimately, I got the stuff, and she appreciated it.

Let’s make some connections.  Did my wife’s story sound familiar to you?  Have you ever felt guilty or been overly concerned that someone was going too far out of their way to help?  I know I have.  It’s easy to get conditioned into believing that we shouldn’t ask for or accept help.  It’s easy to feel like we are a burden to folks if they do help us.  The truth is 99% of the time this isn’t the case.  99% of the time that person is helping because they care about you and want to.  Plus, who is to say that they even view the ask or the situation a big deal in the first place?

The challenge: Will you embrace that you are not a burden?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Therapy and Asking for Help (8-21-24)

Today marks my 600th blog!  It’s wild to think I’ve been doing this for about 12 years.  I appreciate all of you for reading and encouraging me to keep writing.

I mentioned a few months ago that after having a tough time I leveraged our Lyra benefit and reached out to a therapist for the first time.  This series is going to consist of lessons I picked up from that experience.  I’m hoping that it helps normalize therapy, and that maybe a few of the things I learned will be useful to you as well.  We will kick the series off by focusing on asking for help.

I was nervous for my first therapy session.  After a few moments of small talk, my therapist asked, “What brought you to therapy?  Why now?”  I paused for a second.  It was hard to admit I needed help.  I was used to having broad shoulders.  I was used to being able to handle anything thrown in my direction.  Eventually, I responded, “To be honest, life is kicking my a$$ and has been for a little while.  Yes, I’m making it through it, but that isn’t the same as living.  I don’t feel good about where I am or the person I am right now.  I tried a few things on my own and they didn’t work.  I decided I needed to get some help to handle life better.  That’s why I’m here.”

What does this have to do with anything?  It can be difficult to ask for help sometimes.  It can be hard, because you’re worried about others judging you, being less than, or feeling weak for needing help.   I’ve felt all those things.  Have you?  Once we start feeling those things, it’s easy to get stuck feeling those things, which prevents us from asking for the help we need.

Instead of focusing on the discomfort surrounding asking for help, I focused on the pain I was experiencing without the help.  Once I acknowledged and embraced that life was kicking by butt and how that was having a negative impact on all aspects of my life, I realized the pain of living with that far outweighed any discomfort from asking for help.  The next time you’re hesitant about asking for help for anything, ask yourself if you’d rather face the short discomfort of asking for help or if you’d rather be stuck feeling the current pain you are experiencing.

The challenge: Will you be willing to ask for help?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry