Stepping Up to Support Others (9-23-20)

Last week was about being tough and being human.  This week is about stepping up during difficult times to help others.

I’d say on most days on a scale from 1 being absolutely miserable and 10 being the best day ever, I’m somewhere between an 8 and a 10.  I generally see the beauty and awesomeness in the world.  I’m generally pretty excited, filled with humor, joy, and happiness.  With my wife in the hospital, I quickly found myself at about a 3 to 5 on a daily basis.  I was struggling as a husband, a dad, a friend, and an employee.  I didn’t feel I was doing anything well, and I didn’t feel anything was going right.

Luckily for me, I had a good number of people who stepped up in big ways to help.  My wife has a casual acquaintance through book club.  That person stepped up and formed a meal train that has been feeding my family.  Completely came out of nowhere.  Some family members took the extra effort to help with the girls, watching them so I could get some time off.  Some people unexpectedly sent gift packages to the girls filled with crafts, candy, and other surprises to put a smile on their face and keep them busy during stressful times (see the picture of my daughter decorating the bird house she mdad).  I had colleagues chip in with UberEATS and Door Dash gift cards, a genius idea to help lighten the load at home, and my team stepped up in a big way to help me manage my load at work.  Other colleagues stepped up to check in on me and offer emotional support.  Everyone stepping up made my life a little bit better when I needed it the most.

What does this have to do with anything?  One of my mentors told me that whenever things get tough you need to look at the people around you.  Some of them will step up.  They will step up to connect with you emotionally and find ways to support you through the challenge.  Other people will fade into the background and not be there when you need them the most.  I don’t know about you, I tend to remember the people who step up.  I tend to deepen my appreciation for them and in turn become more willing to help them, work with them, and support them in the future. because I know when things get tough they will be there. 

There is a lot going on for EVERYBODY right now.  Who are you seeing step up in these tough times?  These people can come from anywhere.  It might be your wife’s casual acquaintance.  It might be a relative.  It might be your boss.  It might be a VP.  It might be the new associate who has only been here two  months.  The person’s title and status are irrelevant.  All that matters is if they offer support when it is needed most. 

The challenge: Are you stepping up or disappearing when things get difficult?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Tough and Being Human

This week we are going to kick off a new series.  Many of you know that my wife spent about a month in the hospital.  She’s doing a lot better.  The short version is that over a month span she found out she had a lot of pancreas stones, had surgery to deal with them, had bumpy recovery in and out of the hospital, and is now home making daily progress.   This series will be particularly vulnerable and will be about some of my reflections I’ve had during this ordeal.  This week we will look at being tough and being human.

While my wife was going through all the stuff mentioned above, I was trying to balance work and taking care of my two daughters.  One night I was talking to Alice (8) before bed.  At this point, my wife had been gone for 3 weeks, and it had just been the 3 of us at the house.  I told Alice, “I’m proud of you.  You’re being tough.” My daughter looked at me and started crying while saying, “I don’t want to be tough anymore.  I miss mommy.  I want her to be home.”  How do you respond to that?  I sat there, held her in my arms, and lovingly whispered, “It’s okay if you don’t want to be tough.  It’s okay if you’re tired.  I’m tired.  I’m not feeling strong right now.  I miss mommy a lot.  All we can do is our best every day until mommy comes home.”  We both sat there and cried.

You might wonder where this is going.  Often, we value the ability to be a machine, to tough it out, gut it out, get the job done.  We value this at all costs, not realizing the damage we are doing by always expecting more and more and more from each other.  While we value these things in work and life, are these always the best things to value?  In case no one has told you lately, it’s okay to cry.  It’s okay to not be tough.  It’s okay to be exhausted.  It’s okay to not know how much further you can go.  All of these things are okay, because it’s okay to be human.  All you can do is your best to be the best you every single day.  Sometimes the best version of you is a superstar.  Sometimes the best version of you is someone who is just scraping by, and that’s okay.

The challenge: Are you willing to be human?  Are you willing to try to be the best you can be, whoever that happens to be that day?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Flowers, Carbon Dioxide, and Adversity (9-9-20)

This is the last in the series of lessons we can learn about flowers.  We started with the need to stop and zoom in to see the flowers.  From there, we talked about understand if you need heat or shade to grow, and last week was about transplant shock and taking care of ourselves in difficult times.  This week is about flowers, carbon dioxide, and adversity.

If you ever found yourself in a room filled with carbon dioxide it wouldn’t be good for you.  Slowly it would begin to poison your systems, because our bodies need oxygen and give off carbon dioxide.  However, if we put a flower in a room filled with carbon dioxide it would be good for them.  Their cellular system would take that carbon dioxide and mix it with sunlight and water to go through photosynthesis.  As a result the flower would grow.

You might be wondering where this is going.  It’s interesting that carbon dioxide can have two entirely different impacts, based on the makeup of humans and flowers.  For one group carbon dioxide is harmful and for the other group it is helpful.  In a similar way, adversity can either be harmful or can lead to growth based on the makeup of the individual and their mindset during the situation.

We all face adversity, but we don’t all respond to adversity the same.  Throughout this entire year I have continued to challenge myself to find ways to grow from the obstacles that have come.  Sometimes, I can’t find a way to grow.  Sometimes, the situation just straight up sucks, and there is no real lesson to take from it.  This is okay.  Other times, there are challenges I can learn from.  These challenges can be great teachers, if I’m willing to approach them with an open mind. 

The challenge: What have you learned from some of the challenges you’ve faced this year?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Dealing with Transplant Shock (9-2-20)

Last week was about being intentional about giving “water” to teammates.  This week builds off this theme and is about plants and transplant shock.  Thanks to a friend for the inspiration.  (Side note- My wife came home from the hospital on Monday!  She still has a lot of recovering to do, but she’s home.  Thanks for the prayers and good vibes.)

A few years ago, my wife moved a rose bush from her parents’ house to our house.  The bush lasted for a few months, but eventually it died.  I never knew why it died until I learned that often when bushes are moved from one location to another, it doesn’t go very well.  The reason is something called transplant shock.  “Transplant shock is a term that refers to a number of stresses occurring in recently transplanted trees and shrubs. It involves failure of the plant to root well, consequently the plant becomes poorly established in the landscape. New transplants do not have extensive root systems, and they are frequently stressed by lack of sufficient water. Plants suffering from water stress may be more susceptible to injury from other causes such as the weather, insects, or disease. When several stresses are being experienced, the plant may no longer be able to function properly.” (Transplant Shock of Trees and Shrubs).  You can help minimize transplant shock by carefully transporting the roots, watering the plant appropriately, and giving the plant a little extra care and attention.

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything.  Two weeks ago, a friend responded to the blog about knowing what you need to grow and said, “This blog post also makes me also think about the stress of a plant being uprooted and replanted.  We all got uprooted by COVID, but some of us got replanted more ideally and others less.  And even a perfectly healthy thriving plant will still need time to recover.” 

I loved the analogy.  He’s spot on.  COVID changed our entire worlds and we were replanted.  Furthermore, we continue to be replanted over and over again as we collide with new normal due to COVID and other circumstances.  Maybe we are replanted when more of our routines are disrupted.  Maybe we are replanted as our kids start school in an entirely different environment.  Maybe we are replanted as we face personal difficulties.  In all of these situations, these adjustments are difficult to take, and if we don’t get what we need to recover then we risk being down and out for a long time.  Similar to plants, if we want to minimize transplant shock, we need to be careful with ourselves, extend everyone a little extra grace, and show everyone a little extra care and attention.

The challenge: How you are reducing transplant shock for yourself?  How are you reducing transplant shock for others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Intentional about Watering Plants (8-26-20)

Last week was about knowing what you need to grow and develop.  This week is about being intentional about watering plants and giving love, care, and recognition to people.

My wife has flowers planted everywhere outside of our house.  Every day she would spend a few minutes checking on the plants to ensure they were getting enough water.  Sometimes the plants were fine, because it had been raining, so they were receiving all the nourishment they needed.  Sometimes, the plants were a little dry and she’d water them that night to take care of them.  Either way, she always checked in on them to see what they needed.  This pattern has been disrupted lately.  My wife has been in the hospital for the past 3 weeks with surgery and recovery.  With all this going on, I haven’t been doing the best job of checking on the plants, so they aren’t doing as well as they should be doing.  Now you could say I’m busy with other things right now, which is true.  The other truth is that the plants are starting to not do so well, and I need to take care of them. 

Where is this going?  Plants need water to grow, and a parallel to this is that people need care, love, and recognition to feel seen.  Like plants, people won’t always tell you when they need a little nourishment.  It’s up to us to check in on them and give them nourishment.  My wife was great about checking on the plants, and I wasn’t, so they began to die.  In a similar way, if we don’t check on each other and give what is needed, people become disengaged and start to wither.  When it comes to people, I always make the assumption that people need a little extra care, love,  and recognition, so I try to give them a little bit of this in every interaction.  Assuming they need this is the safest bet, because it guarantees there is no way to lose.  If the person is already feeling awesome about themselves and I give them an extra word of encouragement, they gain an extra boost in their step.  If the person is having a tough time, then my words of encouragement can be the water they desperately need.

Now you could say it’s difficult to give people the care, love, recognition, and support they need.  This is true.  You could also say, it’s easy not to do those things because you are so busy.  This is also true.  The other truth is that if it is your team, you are responsible for helping your team grow.  If you don’t give them the support they need, they will wither until you begin taking care of them again.

The challenge: How intentional are you about ensuring your team gets the “water” they need? 

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Sun, Shade, and What We Need to Grow (8-19-20)

Last week was about stopping to admire the flowers.  This week is about sun, shade, and what we need to grow.

Recently my aunt bought some potted plants for my girls to plant at our house.  As soon as we received them I asked, “Are these plants that require a lot of sun or a lot of shade?”  Both of them happened to be plants to require sun.  This simple question was important because of where my house is in the subdivision relative to the sun.  We have some plants in areas that have intense heat for most of the day, some plants that get both sun and shade, and other plants that primarily get shade.  We need to put the plants in the right spot, so they will get what they need to thrive and grow.  If you put a shade plant in a place filled with hot sun it shrivels and vice versa.

Your probably see where this is going.  There are two main connections we can make.  The first connection is with regards to figuring out what we each individually need.  Deep inside plants “know” what they need to thrive and survive.  Do you?  What does your ideal environment look like?  Where do you need to get those things from?  I know for me to thrive and grow I need work that is challenging, a chance to make impact, the ability to touch a lot of stuff, folks who are good people that care about each other, and a space where I can be my weird self.  (Having the space to be me is important, because weirdness is my natural state of being 😉) When I have those things I grow and when I don’t have those things I either grow more slowly or shrivel a bit.  As a result, when I think about what roles to apply for and teams I want to join I look for those things.  Throughout my career there have been jobs I’ve decided not to apply for, because I knew I couldn’t get the things I needed.  It didn’t make the roles bad, they just weren’t where I was going to grow.  Maybe someone else needed those vibes, and that’s okay.  The second connection is about building the environment other folks can flourish in.  Not everyone is going to be exactly like you.  As a leader, do you know what kind of environment your team needs?  Are you actively building and monitoring that environment?  This is a delicate balance, because there are things that everyone needs and there are also opportunities to add in the small extra touches that impact some individuals more than others.

The challenge: Are you planting yourself in the right spot?  How are you building the best environment for the people around you?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Zooming in on Flowers and Our Lives (8-12-20)

This week I want to kick off a series inspired by plants.  We’ll start by reflecting on zooming in on flowers and our lives.

It started as a joke.  One day I came home from a run and noticed the flowers my wife had planted.  I got close to them, pulled out my iphone, zoomed in as close as I could, and did my best to take an overly artistic photo.  I thought it would be funny, because I don’t have photography skills.  Then, I looked at the picture.  It’s not that I had great skills, but there was something about zooming in and seeing a flower for the first time like that.  It made me pause and appreciate how beautiful it was.  Since then, from time to time I like to take zoomed in pictures of flowers to see what I can capture.  Check out the picture above and tell me that isn’t amazing.

You might be wondering where this is going.  My wife has planted flowers for years, and I never fully appreciated them until I stopped one day to admire their beauty.  Since then, I’ve seen flowers in an entirely different light.  In a similar way, all too often we are in too much of a rush to realize the beauty in our life that surrounds us.  However, if we are lucky enough to pause from time to time and examine our lives, we often can find something hidden away.  We can find something small, beautiful, and powerful if we are willing to zoom in and look a little closer.  Once you see that one piece of beauty in your life, you’ll continue to find more and more beauty around you.

The challenge: Are you taking the time to slow down and zoom in on the life you are living?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Noticing, Taking Action, and Creating Gay Video Game Characters (8-5-20)

Happy Wednesday,

This will be the last entry in our series about diversity and inclusion related topic.  This week is about noticing something is off and taking action.

Recently, I’ve been playing a video game with Alice (8) called The Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword.  The game follows the main character, Link, as he defeats bad guys to save Zelda.  In this version of The Legend of Zelda, Link has a crush on Zelda.  While we have been playing this game, Alice has also been playing Harvest Moon, a farming game where you can grow crops, raise livestock, get married, and start a family.  A couple of weeks ago, Alice announced she was going to create her own “video game”.  She used beads and a hot iron to create characters and supplies (see pic).  After showing me these materials, she told me about the game.  She proudly explained, “My version of Zelda is different than the Zelda we played and different from other video games I’ve played.  First of all, in this game Zelda is the hero and fights bad guys with Link.  Also, in this game if you’re Zelda and want to get married you can marry a boy or you can marry a girl if you want to be gay.  You know dad, in most games like Harvest Moon, you can’t be gay.”

What does this have to do with diversity and inclusion?  The above story is about Alice noticing that something isn’t quite right, and then taking action to fix it.  Alice may not have the vocabulary to express that it is sexist beliefs and tropes that result in the majority of action heroes in video games being male.  What she can see though is that there should be more representation and that a female character is just as capable of fighting bad guys as a male character.  Alice may not understand all of the biases against people because of their sexual orientation or the fact that gay marriage was illegal until a few years ago.  She does know what love looks like, and she understands if that love happens between a man and a woman or two men or two women it’s all good.  She does see that video games often don’t allow the representation of gay couples, and that their love is worth celebrating as much as straight couples.  She sees all these things, and then makes a game where the girl is the hero and you can be gay.

In a similar way, we can look around at our world and realize that things aren’t right.  If we open our eyes, we can see the discrimination that is overt and also woven into the fabric of our society.  Once we see those things, we have the power and responsibility to change them.  Alice is trying to change things by taking the small step to make her games more inclusive, because that is what is in her sphere of influence.  If you look at your sphere of influence, you likely can enact change for the better too. 

The challenge- What do you see that is off in the world?  What will you change about the world around you in your sphere of influence?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Working Out and Difficult Conversations (7-29-20)

Last week was about machines and systemic racism.  This week is about working out and having difficult conversations. 

Let’s pretend for a moment that you currently can squat 200 pounds as your max and that 1 year from now you will need to squat 300 pounds.  How would you prepare for this?  Would you do nothing and hope you would be able to rise to the challenge or would you train so you would be ready?  Putting in the time and effort to make yourself stronger would not be easy, but it would be essential to you gaining the strength so you could meet the challenge.  Even after training, squatting 300 pounds wouldn’t be easy, but it would be possible. 

How does this have anything to do with diversity and inclusion?  One of the things that I often hear people say is that having discussions about things like race, gender, sexual orientation, other elements of diversity, privilege (especially white privilege), discrimination, and potential reform are difficult conversations to have.  This is true.  The conversations are messy, complicated, tricky to navigate, and deeply personal.  As a result of this difficulty, I feel that many individuals, myself included, avoid having these conversations.  While these conversations are difficult on many fronts,, much like the analogy where you HAD to squat 300 pounds, I’d argue you HAVE to have these conversations if you want to move forward and enact change.

In the squat example, we discussed how important it is to put the work in, so you can be ready to rise to the challenge of squatting 300 pounds.  In the same way, if you want to be able to have these difficult conversations, you have to put the work in leading up to those conversations so you’re ready to rise to the challenge.  So what is the work?  It could be educating yourself.  It could be working on listening, so you can truly step into someone else’s shoes and see the world from their perspective.  Maybe it’s being vulnerable and sharing your evolution.  The work could be creating spaces for these conversations to happen.  It could be you making sure you are laying a strong foundation of inclusivity, care, and compassion so people feel comfortable having these conversations with you.  There is a lot of different kinds of work we can all put in.  Even if we do these things, it won’t make these conversations easy.  What it will do is make it possible for us to have them, and to find a way to move forward.

The challenge: Are you putting the work in?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Factories and Diversity- Broken Parts or Design Issues? (7-22-20)

Last week was about the idea of a blank canvas.  This week we will build on that idea by looking at factories and broken parts vs. poorly designed systems.  Let’s pretend you own a factory that makes red, yellow, and green bottles.  The factory has 2 large machines.  Machine 1 has an issue and breaks some bottles of all colors.  What would you do?  I’d assume you’d run some diagnostics and check past logs to see if there is a pattern.  There’s no pattern.  You realize that sometimes stuff just breaks, so you replace the part and things work again.

One day machine 2 has an issue and breaks a bunch of green bottles.  What would you do?  You’d probably run diagnostics and check past logs.  When you check the logs, you notice a pattern emerging.  You notice that only green bottles are broken, and that it happens on the 2nd Tuesday of a every month.  You decide to replace the parts, but when the 2nd Tuesday of the next month comes around more green bottles are broken.  At this point, you have to ask yourself if something on machine 2 is broken or if it is poorly designed.  I’d argue that it’s likely a design issue, since the problem keeps repeating itself.  If it’s a design issue, then replacing parts won’t help.  Instead, you need to redesign the machine and the processes to reach a new outcome.

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything.  Over the past few months, I’ve heard a lot of people comment that “the system” is broken in response to racially charged events.  I’d argue this isn’t correct.  If the system was broken, you should be able to just fix the parts, and it would work again kind of like machine 1 in our analogy.  Instead, I’d argue that “the system” is doing exactly what it was designed to do, and the roots of this design are in the not so blank canvas that our country has grown from.  I’d argue that “the system” isn’t broken, it has design flaws.  To solve the problem, you need to design a new system that serves everyone.  For a work related example you can look at the evolution of talent management processes in various companies.  For the longest time talent management systems either intentionally or unintentionally discriminated against minority group members.  To fix the problem we had to move away from the assessments and practices we had always used, and replace them with a new design that would generate more fairness.  This evolution continues every day as we learn more and more about he biases that are built into things.

The challenge: What designs and systems influence your life?  Are you designing and building the right processes and systems to serve EVERYONE?

Bonus thought 1: I recently started reading Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America by Dr. Ibram Kendi https://www.amazon.com/Stamped-Beginning-Definitive-History-National/dp/1568585985.  I’m only a few chapters in, and I’m already gaining a better appreciation of the themes and ideas that have been shaping our canvas and have been the foundation for the design of our country and world.  It’s definitely been eye opening to me, especially as I read about racist ideas that started back hundreds of years ago and cause me to instantly think of things today.

Bonus thought 2: You can apply the idea of broken vs. poorly designed to your individual life as well.  When you want to make big changes in your life, you can’t just get a new part to replace a broken one.  You have to change the system and things you surround yourself with.  Changing the design, changes the output.  I’m currently in the midst of doing this for my physical, mental, and spiritual health.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry