Change and the Arrival of Fall (10-20-20)

The change in the seasons brings a wide mix of emotions.  On one hand, I love fall.  I love the bright colors of the leaves.  I love the crisp air.  I love being outside by a fire and being cozy in a warm hoodie.  On the other hand, fall bums me out a bit too.  Fall represents the beginning of the end for the year.  Fall is a signal that the days are getting shorter.  It’s a signal that things are going to get darker and colder.  It’s a sign that winter and harsh weather is just around the corner.  I have had 36 years of fall, and every single time I find myself with mixed emotions about the season.

What does this have to do with anything?  It’s not just that I have mixed emotions about fall.  It’s that I have mixed emotions about change.  Some individuals embrace change more easily.  Some individuals are more hesitant to accept change.  No matter which camp you fall into, I’d imagine that if we were being honest with ourselves most of us would admit that we have some level of conflicting emotions when it comes to change.

In the world of business we often say that the only thing that is constant is change, and then under our breath we kind of mutter, “so you better just suck it up and get used to it.”  I’m not sure this is the healthiest attitude to have.  Too often I think we are expected to plow forward in the midst of change without being given the opportunity and/or sometimes the permission to feel those conflicting feelings.  Like I said, I’ve had 36 years of fall and I have conflicting feelings every time.  The change we face in business and in life are usually much larger than the change of the seasons, so it’s okay if you feel and sit with some of those conflicting feelings whenever you’re going through some kind of change.

The challenge: How do you respond to change?  Do you allow yourselves and others to feel their feelings?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Loving Yourself as Much as You Love Others (10-14-20)

This is the final entry in the series of lessons I learned from my wife being in the hospital.  It’s about loving yourself as much as you love others. 

Throughout the entire ordeal with my wife I went through an interesting downward spiral of emotions.  Obviously, I was worried about her and my family.  I also felt guilty that I wasn’t being a better husband, dad, friend, and employee.  I wasn’t ever there at the hospital enough for her.  When I was at the hospital, I wasn’t there enough for my kids.  Throughout all of this I wasn’t attentive enough to what I had going on at work.  I was disappointed I wasn’t doing anything well and then was disappointed that I was disappointed.  Then, one night I wrote the words in the image above. I think it was supposed to be a poem,  but it never quite made it.  Instead, it became some truth I needed to hear.

How does this connect to anything?  After weeks of feeling guilty and disappointed about being a failure, I finally looked in the mirror and realized I wasn’t giving myself the same love I’d give other people.  If a friend going through similar stuff had been so hard on themselves I would have told them, “You know I love you right?  I understand and appreciate your feelings.  I also want you to know that you’re being completely unfair to yourself.  You’re in an impossible situation.  You’re being as human as you can be, and that’s exactly what you should be doing right now.  I’m here for you.  You are doing all the right things.  Love and appreciate yourself.”

Have you ever felt the way I described in the beginning of the post?  Have you ever felt guilty and disappointed in yourself, because you were being human in an impossible situation?  If you have, just know you aren’t alone.  If you have, I hope you learn to love yourself as you love others.

The challenge: Will you love yourself the way you love others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Emotional Weight and Grace (10-7-20)

Last week was about setbacks and taking the next step forward.  This week is about emotional weight and extending grace.

I can’t speak for my wife, but the thing that surprised me most about her whole health ordeal was the emotional weight I found myself carrying.  The emotional weight was comprised of my fear, anxiety, stress, worry, and concern about her, my girls, myself, work, and other things.  If I’m being honesty, I’m still not sure how well I carried that weight.  If I’m being real, I know that as a result of carrying all that weight I was less than the best version of myself for basically all of August in all the roles I play in life: husband, dad, friend, co-worker, and human.  I had less patience.  I couldn’t focus as much.  I was irritable.  I wasn’t as smart, efficient, or good at my job.  During that month you probably got the “C” version of Andrew Embry, and I’m thankful that folks extended me grace during this time and forgave me of my shortcomings.  This small act of extending a little grace, meant the world to me and helped me feel a little bit safer and secure in a crazy time.

What does this have to do with anything?  There are a few connections.  First, no matter how much we talk about compartmentalizing things, the emotional weight that is carried outside of work will sooner or later impact you at work.  Second, you never quite know what might be creating emotional weight for the people you work with.  Maybe they have something going on at home.  Maybe they are impacted by current events.  Maybe they are being impacted by their own self-doubts and insecurities.  Finally, when we see someone who isn’t their best self that day, it’s easy to blame theme.  It’s easy to believe it’s because of some character flaw or shortcoming they have.  These things could be true, or maybe the person is carrying weight you don’t know about.  In these situations, extending a little grace before passing judgment can make all the difference.

The challenge: Will you recognize the weight others carry?  Will you extend grace before judgment?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Love is Action (10-5-20)

Special edition of the blog coming to you early this week.  It’s about love being an action and not just a feeling.

I knew that I loved my wife early in our relationship when we started dating in college.  I had the butterflies, the warm feelings, and everything that you think of when you think of young love.  If you would have asked me then what love is, I would have described it in those terms.  Over the years, I’ve learned that love is so much more than those feelings.  Love is also action.  Over the past couple of months in my life, love has been the small actions.  Love was visiting my wife at the hospital, giving my girls extra hugs since mommy wasn’t home, being a shoulder to cry on, and showing up when my family needed me.  These small actions brought me closer to the ones I care the most about.

What does this have to do with work?  We don’t talk about love very often at work, but maybe we should.  Everyone needs a little love, care, and compassion.  When have people at work made you feel loved and cared for?  What did they do? 

As I continue to grow older and gain new experiences, I continue to realize how love is often expressed best in consistent small actions.  Love is a note with a motivational message delivered to my house.  Love is a text message asking, “How are you doing?”  Love is an email saying, “This made me think of you.”  Love is someone checking in to see how you’re doing.  Love is someone giving you perspective you didn’t know you needed.  Love is someone listening as I vent.  Love is all of these little things and more done consistently by teammates and colleagues that help us feel whole.  Now, more than ever, we could all use a little bit of that love.

The challenge: What small actions are you committing to show love for others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Setbacks and Moving Forward (9-30-20)

Last week was about supporting others.  This week is about setbacks and taking the next step forward. 

The end of July is when my wife first had stomach pains.  She went to the hospital and spent about 3 days there.  She was diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis (setback), which was weird because she never had issues before.  Then she came home.  A few days later she was in pain again and went back to the hospital (setback).  At the hospital we found out she would require intense surgery that is typically used on patients with pancreatic cancer (setback).  Surgery went well!  She was told she’d be in the hospital for about 4 days and then would go home.  She was there for about 10 days (setback). 

She came home, and we were all so thankful and excited.  She was home for about 3 days before she went back to the hospital (setback).  She went into the hospital thinking it would be a couple of days, but it turned out to be another week or so (setback).  While in the hospital this time they attempted to put in a feeding tube because she couldn’t hold down food.  The feeding tube came out (setback).  The next day they tried the feeding tube again (setback).  The third day they tried placing the feeding tube with a scope.  It was in for about an hour before it was coiled in the back of her throat and had to be removed (setback).  Finally, they decided she would need a PIC line so she could get nutrition. 

They put in the line and then sent her home on August 31st.  The first night she’s home she gets sick all throughout the night (setback).  I sleep downstairs on the couch, so I can help her.  Over the next few days she continues to get sick (setbacks).  Finally, one day she keeps food down.  She starts to do a little better.  After 2 weeks she’s about 60%.  She finally gets off the PIC line.  She’s making progress.  Now she has some days that are better than others.  Sometimes the tiredness comes, another reminder she’s not there yet, another small setback.

Throughout all of the above, I continued to have ups and downs with work and with other stuff going on in life.  Often all these setbacks were overwhelming and led to fear and tears.  My wife and I would talk and we’d both be worried about whether or not we could handle this.  Everything felt too big, too overwhelming.  Finally, we realized that the only thing that matters is taking the next step forward.  It’s not about having some grandiose victory where we conquer something.  It’s about getting knocked back again and again and again, and making the decision to keep trying to move forward after every setback.  That’s what we are focused on now as we continue to recover and get back to normal.  We know there will be bad days, and we know that we will keep moving forward, no matter how small those steps are.

What does this have to do with anything?  I’m sure if we ever talked you could tell me a similar story to the one described above.  It might be about work.  It might be about health.  It might be about relationships.  It would be the same story of getting knocked back again and again and again, and you moving forward again and again and again.  It’s not an easy story.  It’s not a pretty story.  However, it is a powerful story that reminds us what we can overcome if we focus on finding ways to move forward.  No matter what you might be facing, I pray you have the strength to keep moving forward.

The challenge: Will you keep moving forward?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Stepping Up to Support Others (9-23-20)

Last week was about being tough and being human.  This week is about stepping up during difficult times to help others.

I’d say on most days on a scale from 1 being absolutely miserable and 10 being the best day ever, I’m somewhere between an 8 and a 10.  I generally see the beauty and awesomeness in the world.  I’m generally pretty excited, filled with humor, joy, and happiness.  With my wife in the hospital, I quickly found myself at about a 3 to 5 on a daily basis.  I was struggling as a husband, a dad, a friend, and an employee.  I didn’t feel I was doing anything well, and I didn’t feel anything was going right.

Luckily for me, I had a good number of people who stepped up in big ways to help.  My wife has a casual acquaintance through book club.  That person stepped up and formed a meal train that has been feeding my family.  Completely came out of nowhere.  Some family members took the extra effort to help with the girls, watching them so I could get some time off.  Some people unexpectedly sent gift packages to the girls filled with crafts, candy, and other surprises to put a smile on their face and keep them busy during stressful times (see the picture of my daughter decorating the bird house she mdad).  I had colleagues chip in with UberEATS and Door Dash gift cards, a genius idea to help lighten the load at home, and my team stepped up in a big way to help me manage my load at work.  Other colleagues stepped up to check in on me and offer emotional support.  Everyone stepping up made my life a little bit better when I needed it the most.

What does this have to do with anything?  One of my mentors told me that whenever things get tough you need to look at the people around you.  Some of them will step up.  They will step up to connect with you emotionally and find ways to support you through the challenge.  Other people will fade into the background and not be there when you need them the most.  I don’t know about you, I tend to remember the people who step up.  I tend to deepen my appreciation for them and in turn become more willing to help them, work with them, and support them in the future. because I know when things get tough they will be there. 

There is a lot going on for EVERYBODY right now.  Who are you seeing step up in these tough times?  These people can come from anywhere.  It might be your wife’s casual acquaintance.  It might be a relative.  It might be your boss.  It might be a VP.  It might be the new associate who has only been here two  months.  The person’s title and status are irrelevant.  All that matters is if they offer support when it is needed most. 

The challenge: Are you stepping up or disappearing when things get difficult?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Tough and Being Human

This week we are going to kick off a new series.  Many of you know that my wife spent about a month in the hospital.  She’s doing a lot better.  The short version is that over a month span she found out she had a lot of pancreas stones, had surgery to deal with them, had bumpy recovery in and out of the hospital, and is now home making daily progress.   This series will be particularly vulnerable and will be about some of my reflections I’ve had during this ordeal.  This week we will look at being tough and being human.

While my wife was going through all the stuff mentioned above, I was trying to balance work and taking care of my two daughters.  One night I was talking to Alice (8) before bed.  At this point, my wife had been gone for 3 weeks, and it had just been the 3 of us at the house.  I told Alice, “I’m proud of you.  You’re being tough.” My daughter looked at me and started crying while saying, “I don’t want to be tough anymore.  I miss mommy.  I want her to be home.”  How do you respond to that?  I sat there, held her in my arms, and lovingly whispered, “It’s okay if you don’t want to be tough.  It’s okay if you’re tired.  I’m tired.  I’m not feeling strong right now.  I miss mommy a lot.  All we can do is our best every day until mommy comes home.”  We both sat there and cried.

You might wonder where this is going.  Often, we value the ability to be a machine, to tough it out, gut it out, get the job done.  We value this at all costs, not realizing the damage we are doing by always expecting more and more and more from each other.  While we value these things in work and life, are these always the best things to value?  In case no one has told you lately, it’s okay to cry.  It’s okay to not be tough.  It’s okay to be exhausted.  It’s okay to not know how much further you can go.  All of these things are okay, because it’s okay to be human.  All you can do is your best to be the best you every single day.  Sometimes the best version of you is a superstar.  Sometimes the best version of you is someone who is just scraping by, and that’s okay.

The challenge: Are you willing to be human?  Are you willing to try to be the best you can be, whoever that happens to be that day?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Flowers, Carbon Dioxide, and Adversity (9-9-20)

This is the last in the series of lessons we can learn about flowers.  We started with the need to stop and zoom in to see the flowers.  From there, we talked about understand if you need heat or shade to grow, and last week was about transplant shock and taking care of ourselves in difficult times.  This week is about flowers, carbon dioxide, and adversity.

If you ever found yourself in a room filled with carbon dioxide it wouldn’t be good for you.  Slowly it would begin to poison your systems, because our bodies need oxygen and give off carbon dioxide.  However, if we put a flower in a room filled with carbon dioxide it would be good for them.  Their cellular system would take that carbon dioxide and mix it with sunlight and water to go through photosynthesis.  As a result the flower would grow.

You might be wondering where this is going.  It’s interesting that carbon dioxide can have two entirely different impacts, based on the makeup of humans and flowers.  For one group carbon dioxide is harmful and for the other group it is helpful.  In a similar way, adversity can either be harmful or can lead to growth based on the makeup of the individual and their mindset during the situation.

We all face adversity, but we don’t all respond to adversity the same.  Throughout this entire year I have continued to challenge myself to find ways to grow from the obstacles that have come.  Sometimes, I can’t find a way to grow.  Sometimes, the situation just straight up sucks, and there is no real lesson to take from it.  This is okay.  Other times, there are challenges I can learn from.  These challenges can be great teachers, if I’m willing to approach them with an open mind. 

The challenge: What have you learned from some of the challenges you’ve faced this year?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Dealing with Transplant Shock (9-2-20)

Last week was about being intentional about giving “water” to teammates.  This week builds off this theme and is about plants and transplant shock.  Thanks to a friend for the inspiration.  (Side note- My wife came home from the hospital on Monday!  She still has a lot of recovering to do, but she’s home.  Thanks for the prayers and good vibes.)

A few years ago, my wife moved a rose bush from her parents’ house to our house.  The bush lasted for a few months, but eventually it died.  I never knew why it died until I learned that often when bushes are moved from one location to another, it doesn’t go very well.  The reason is something called transplant shock.  “Transplant shock is a term that refers to a number of stresses occurring in recently transplanted trees and shrubs. It involves failure of the plant to root well, consequently the plant becomes poorly established in the landscape. New transplants do not have extensive root systems, and they are frequently stressed by lack of sufficient water. Plants suffering from water stress may be more susceptible to injury from other causes such as the weather, insects, or disease. When several stresses are being experienced, the plant may no longer be able to function properly.” (Transplant Shock of Trees and Shrubs).  You can help minimize transplant shock by carefully transporting the roots, watering the plant appropriately, and giving the plant a little extra care and attention.

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything.  Two weeks ago, a friend responded to the blog about knowing what you need to grow and said, “This blog post also makes me also think about the stress of a plant being uprooted and replanted.  We all got uprooted by COVID, but some of us got replanted more ideally and others less.  And even a perfectly healthy thriving plant will still need time to recover.” 

I loved the analogy.  He’s spot on.  COVID changed our entire worlds and we were replanted.  Furthermore, we continue to be replanted over and over again as we collide with new normal due to COVID and other circumstances.  Maybe we are replanted when more of our routines are disrupted.  Maybe we are replanted as our kids start school in an entirely different environment.  Maybe we are replanted as we face personal difficulties.  In all of these situations, these adjustments are difficult to take, and if we don’t get what we need to recover then we risk being down and out for a long time.  Similar to plants, if we want to minimize transplant shock, we need to be careful with ourselves, extend everyone a little extra grace, and show everyone a little extra care and attention.

The challenge: How you are reducing transplant shock for yourself?  How are you reducing transplant shock for others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Intentional about Watering Plants (8-26-20)

Last week was about knowing what you need to grow and develop.  This week is about being intentional about watering plants and giving love, care, and recognition to people.

My wife has flowers planted everywhere outside of our house.  Every day she would spend a few minutes checking on the plants to ensure they were getting enough water.  Sometimes the plants were fine, because it had been raining, so they were receiving all the nourishment they needed.  Sometimes, the plants were a little dry and she’d water them that night to take care of them.  Either way, she always checked in on them to see what they needed.  This pattern has been disrupted lately.  My wife has been in the hospital for the past 3 weeks with surgery and recovery.  With all this going on, I haven’t been doing the best job of checking on the plants, so they aren’t doing as well as they should be doing.  Now you could say I’m busy with other things right now, which is true.  The other truth is that the plants are starting to not do so well, and I need to take care of them. 

Where is this going?  Plants need water to grow, and a parallel to this is that people need care, love, and recognition to feel seen.  Like plants, people won’t always tell you when they need a little nourishment.  It’s up to us to check in on them and give them nourishment.  My wife was great about checking on the plants, and I wasn’t, so they began to die.  In a similar way, if we don’t check on each other and give what is needed, people become disengaged and start to wither.  When it comes to people, I always make the assumption that people need a little extra care, love,  and recognition, so I try to give them a little bit of this in every interaction.  Assuming they need this is the safest bet, because it guarantees there is no way to lose.  If the person is already feeling awesome about themselves and I give them an extra word of encouragement, they gain an extra boost in their step.  If the person is having a tough time, then my words of encouragement can be the water they desperately need.

Now you could say it’s difficult to give people the care, love, recognition, and support they need.  This is true.  You could also say, it’s easy not to do those things because you are so busy.  This is also true.  The other truth is that if it is your team, you are responsible for helping your team grow.  If you don’t give them the support they need, they will wither until you begin taking care of them again.

The challenge: How intentional are you about ensuring your team gets the “water” they need? 

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry