Screen Time, Value, and Prioritization (3-17-21)

Last week was about identifying your cultural pillars. This week is about parenting, screen time, value, and prioritization.

One of our rules is that the girls get limited screen time each day. During this time they have the option to do different things. They can watch cartoons, play video games, or do something on the ipad. Whatever they choose to do, they still get the same amount of time. The other day the girls had their normal amount of screen time. They chose to watch a cartoon on the main TV. At the end of the episode, I told them it was time to turn everything off. They asked for more screen time. I told them no. They got upset, because they said they didn’t want to watch cartoons, and they had really wanted to play video games. I reminded them that they knew they had limited amounts of screen time and that they chose to watch cartoons. I also explained In the future they would need to be more thoughtful about how to spend that screen time if they were disappointed.

What does this have to do with anything? The girls don’t realize it yet, but we are essentially teaching them a sneaky lesson in prioritization and understanding what you value and want. They have a set amount of screen time, and they have a few different ways they could spend that time. How should they spend it? It all depends. Out of their options, which one(s) would give them the most value? In a similar way, we all have a limited number of hours each week to fit in everything we need to do as it relates to our holistic health, our relationships, and work. How often have you looked back at the day or week and said to yourself, “Whoa, I don’t think I did any of the things I really wanted to do. I wish I could have done X, Y, and Z instead.” I know this happens to me sometimes. There’s no way to go back in time, but I can do a better job of ensuring I know what I value and then making sure I focus my efforts on those things. Sometimes, this means making sure I’m prioritizing and staying focused on important work. Sometimes, this means that I step away from that important work and spend time connecting with others and myself to ensure I’m meeting my other needs. It all depends on what I value and need.

The challenge: What do you value? Are you CHOOSING to prioritize your time to reflect what you value?

Bonus thoughts: When it comes to prioritizing work I tend look at 3 variables: impact to the business, quality of the deliverable, and amount of effort. I try to focus on the things that have the most impact. From there, I’m constantly balancing quality and effort. If the work needs to be A quality, then it requires a lot of effort. This means, I can only do a limited amount of A quality things at a time. However, if the quality required is only a B or C, then that requires less effort and I can produce more work. My opinion is that most stuff really just needs to be a B, because it’s not going to be perfect before it hits the market anyway. Being honest about the quality helps me make sure I put the right amount of effort towards the right things. There is no point putting maximum effort toward something that needs to be a B.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Family Values and Culture (3-10-21)

This week we will kick off a series of lessons I’ve learned since becoming a dad. This week is about artwork my wife created and defining the culture you want to have.

The image on the right is art my wife did that captures the key values for our family. It includes things like, “We can do hard things” (grit), “We write worlds” (creativity), “Experiment, fail, and try again” (learning), and “We belong to each other” (love/inclusion). Having clarity on what we value as a family shapes the behaviors we exhibit as parents. For example, we value creativity, so we embrace messiness. If you come to my house you’ll see multiple experiments, a hot mess creative area, a rope swing, a fort, and likely a dance party. We don’t sweat the mess, because we value creativity. One thing we won’t tolerate is giving up when things get difficult. We value grit, so we encourage our daughters to lean into hard things. We spend extra time encouraging them, helping them learn to cope with frustration, and celebrating their progress.

How does this connect with anything? That board summarizes what is important to the culture of our family, and serves as a guide for how we need to behave to support those pillars. In a similar way, when you’re on a team you need to understand what you want the pillars of your culture to be. On top of being clear on the pillars, you need to be clear on what behaviors support that culture, so you can be aware if you are exhibiting those or not. If you are NOT intentional about defining your culture and the corresponding behaviors, culture will still develop. It just won’t evolve into what you want it to be, and in my experience it will become something that doesn’t necessarily reflect you and what you value.

The challenge: Have you taken the time to define what you want the culture of your team to be? Have you taken the time to think through the norms/behaviors that create that culture? How are you and your teammates currently living (or not living) your culture?

Bonus thought- You can apply the same thinking to define your leadership principles as well. In case you’re curious, mine are love, purpose, synergy, and movement. I try to act in act in a way that people know I care deeply about them and the work we do together (love). I stay connected to our greater purpose and also try to help the team understand why we are doing what we are doing for any given project (purpose). I believe we are all superheroes, and I’ll work to leverage the superpowers of others (synergy). Last, we will always find a path forward no matter the obstacles (movement).

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Spider-Man: Miles Morales and Understanding the Other Side (3-3-21)

This is the last in our series about Spider-Man: Miles Morales. Last week was about setting the stage to welcome authenticity. This week is about trying to understand the other side before passing judgment. This contains some SPOILERS about the video game.

In most video games (or stories for that matter) there is a clear hero and a clear villain. My daughters know this, so when they played Spider-Man with me they assumed that whoever Spider-Man was trying to stop was obviously evil. In the game, there is an energy company called Roxxon and there is a character named The Tinkerer. Spider-Man fights the Tinkerer early in the game, so my daughters assumed they were evil was evil. As the game unfolds, you learn that Roxxon is doing some shady things and that The Tinkerer is leveraging some outside of the law means to try to stop them. When this is revealed Alice says, “Wait. So is the Tinkerer a good guy or a bad guy?” I replied with, “What do you think?” Alice responded by saying, “I don’t know. They are doing some things I wouldn’t do, but I also understand why they are doing it. This is tricky.”

What does this have to do with anything? Too often in life we assume that all situations are black and white. We see something that we wouldn’t necessarily do, declare it is wrong, and decide the “other” is bad. We don’t always take the time to understand their situation and where they are coming from. The fact is that it’s rarely ever so cut and dry. Trying to truly understand the other person is the first step to seeing the problem and ultimately finding a solution. We see this play out in politics, personal relationships, and even work. How often have you been part of a conversation where someone decided the other person was wrong, before ever trying to understand them? How often have you been that person who passed judgment without understanding?

Here is what makes listening to the other side even harder. It’s human instinct to want to be heard before we try to understand the other person. If we don’t feel like we are being heard, it’s too easy to close our mind to what the other side is saying. I know something I’m continuing to focus on is seeking first to understand before demanding to be understood, even if the other side isn’t originally listening to me.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Burnout and Boundaries (3-1-21)

I kind of hit a wall last week, so I spent the weekend recharging. This led to some reflections I want to share with you.

There are different types of rest- The 7 types of rest that every person needs | (ted.com). This weekend was all about mental, sensory, and creative rest. I completely unplugged, hung out outside, and spent most of the time reading and blogging. It was the recharge I needed. Make sure you’re filling your bucket.

Setting boundaries for yourself- Speaking of burnout, it’s important we set boundaries for ourselves. Here’s something I do. Whenever I have a new colleague I’m working with I get to know them and then we spend time discussing working styles. I always talk about how my family time is sacred, so I do what I can to avoid being on my computer at night. This means they won’t see stuff from me at night and shouldn’t expect to. Of course there will be times when it’s all hands on deck and everyone is putting in extra hours, but that shouldn’t be all the time. If it is, something is wrong. Priorities aren’t clear, expectations are unrealistic, or you’re not clear on what your boundaries are.

Setting expectations for others- While we set our own boundaries, it’s important to set and reinforce expectations for others. A vendor sent me an email on Sunday and said, “I’ll be standing by all day if you have questions.” This morning I sent him back the below message to clarify my expectations, because I don’t expect or need him to work all weekend for me.
- I appreciate you saying in your email that you’d be standing by on Sunday to answer questions if needed. I want you to know that I do NOT expect you to be on call for us over the weekend. You’re not some random vendor to me, you’re a teammate. When it gets close to crunch time, we will all be working long hours, but until then I want you and all my other teammates to spend time unplugging, refueling, and spending time with friends/family/important people in your life. In fact, if there is ever anything I can do to help alleviate any work burden you might have on the weekend please let me know.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Spider-Man: Miles Morales and Authenticity (2-24-21)

Happy Wednesday,

Last week was about representation. This week is about Spider-Man: Miles Morales and appreciating authenticity.

One of my favorite parts about Spider-Man: Miles Morales is that it feels different from the first Spider-Man game, where you play as Peter Parker, a white middle class college student from Queens. The developers could have made the second game feel exactly the same, but they didn’t do this. Instead, they gave each game its own personality with its unique characters, setting, story, music, etc. The developers never tried to force fit Miles into being Peter, because that would not have been true to who Miles is. As a result, you get two games that are true to themselves. This only works, because there is a large enough audience willing to embrace all the different ways someone could be Spider-Man.

How does this connect with anything? In the video game analogy, the audience had to be willing to embrace a different kind of Spider-Man. They needed to be able to look at Peter Parker and Miles Morales and say, “Both of these individuals create compelling stories because of who they are as individuals.” Even if the developers wanted Miles and Peter to be authentic to themselves, it wouldn’t work unless the audience embraced who those characters are.

Often we put the responsibility of being authentic on the individual. We tell people, “You just need to bring your authentic self to work.” We say this like it should be easy to do, and it isn’t. Bringing your authentic self only works if the audience is able to say, “Bob and Joe are different people with unique backgrounds who each bring their own perspective to the role, AND they both are able to deliver BECAUSE of what makes them unique.” If we are being honest with ourselves, often we aren’t to the point of fully embracing the authenticity of others. We still get hung up on the way we think things SHOULD be done. Rather than put the responsibility of being authentic on the individual, this responsibility falls on our leaders and co-workers. Leaders set the tone and co-workers help set and/or embrace the tone that is set. If these individuals (the audience) isn’t willing to embrace the authenticity of others, the individual can never be their authentic self.

The challenge: How are you creating the space that encourages people to be who they are?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Spider-Man: Miles Morales, Representation, and Inclusion

Happy Wednesday,

Last week was about challenging biases. This week is about the video game Spider-man: Miles Morales, representation, and inclusion.

Alice (8) was watching me play the game and there is a scene where Spider-man (Miles Morales) uses sign language to communicate with a character who is deaf. Alice asked, “Why isn’t she talking?” I explained that the character is deaf and often individuals who are deaf use sign language to communicate. Alice then said, “Why would they do that in a video game?”

It was an interesting question and a powerful moment, because I realized that Alice had never seen someone who offered this element of difference. I told Alice, “She’s in the video game, because the people who created this video game understand that she has a story worth telling. On top of that, the people who made the video game understand that she represents the people out in the world who are like her and also have stories worth telling. It’s kind of the same way with Miles Morales. How cool is it to have a Spider-man who is Black and Puerto Rican? How cool is it to have a Spider-man who can tell different stories? We all are unique, and we all have our own stories to tell. I say the more different stories we can see the better.” Alice paused for a moment and then said, “Yeah, that’s pretty cool!”

How does this connect with anything? If you pause for a moment and think about the things you watch on TV and the people at your work, how many of them look like you and are like you? The majority of the world looks like me. This sends clear signals that I’m welcome and included in a variety of situations. The same can’t be said for all people. While it’s easy to look at the progress we’ve made with regards to diversity and inclusion, the fact is that non-majority group members are still vastly underrepresented at all levels in an organization. A lack of representation, a lack of people who look and are like you, is often a signal that you aren’t necessarily welcome and included in an environment. If we want to live in a world where all people are valued, then we need to work to ensure all people are represented and are included.

The challenge: How will you include a wider variety of people in your work and life?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Spider-Man: Miles Morales and Challenging Biases (2-10-21)

Last week was about video games, milestones, and ambiguity. This week we are going to look at Spider-man: Miles Morales and challenging biases.

I mentioned earlier in the series that Miles Morales is Black and Puerto Rican. Throughout the game there are times when he speaks Spanish to his mom and other characters. At one point, my daughter Violet (6) asked, “Why are they speaking Spanish?” I responded by saying, “Why shouldn’t they be speaking Spanish? What’s wrong with that?” She said, “This is an English video game and an English TV, right? So shouldn’t they speak English?” I paused for a moment and then explained that Miles is Black and Puerto Rican, and was raised in multiple cultures. This means he speaks English and Spanish. I explained that this is a story about Miles, and if Miles is being true to himself, then he should speak Spanish. He should embrace who he is, and this gives us a chance to see the beauty in who Miles is and where he comes from. From then on, Violet had an appreciation for Miles being who he is.

Do you see the connections? When she asked me that question all I could think about is how often I’ve heard other white majority members say similar things. “Why do they have to speak Spanish? Why does that person act so Black? Why can’t she just act like one of the guys?” Maybe you’ve said or thought these things (I know I have, especially when I was younger and more ignorant). Maybe you’ve heard other people say those things. Maybe you’ve been the target of those statements. All of these statements (and ones like them) are racist, sexist, etc. because they are all based in the assumption that the majority way of doing something is superior and the right way of doing things. When Violet asked her question what she was really saying was, “I’m closer to the majority. Those characters are not the majority. Why don’t they just assimilate and act like the majority? Isn’t the majority way the best way? Shouldn’t they assimilate to that?” Those statements and mindsets are signals that individuals are not welcome and will not be included. It was challenging the assumption of why that behavior is inferior or wrong that got her to realize that it wasn’t and she was wrong to view it that way. In a similar way, we all have these built in biases. Unless we are actively challenging our biases, we will never get better.

The challenge: How are you confronting your biases and assumptions to be a better human?

Bonus: Last year I read, How to be an Antiracist by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi. It opened my eyes to how often I have had and continue to have assimilationist views and how those are harmful. Worth checking out.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Spider-Man: Miles Morales- Milestones and Unclear Paths (2-3-21)

This week we are going to kick off a series inspired by the video game Spider-man: Miles Morales. We will focus on video games, milestones, and unclear paths.

In this game you play as Miles Morales as he embraces his role as Spider-man. In case you aren’t familiar with Miles, he is biracial with a Black dad and a Puerto Rican mom. (You should also watch Into the Spider-verse). He is new to his powers and just coming into his own as a superhero. When you start the game you know that you’ll ultimately have to save the city, but you have no idea the path you will take to do this. While you don’t have a clear path that shows exactly how you’ll beat the game, you do have milestones you need to reach. For instance, a dot will show up on your map telling you to go there. You go to that destination and learn about what is going on in the game. After you complete that objective, you gain more insight into what the next step is. You go to the next dot on your map and repeat the process. As you complete the series of objectives you gain new powers and momentum that aid you in your quest. By the time you get to the final battle you’ve achieved a series of short-term goals that have set you up for ultimate long-term success.

What does this have to do with anything? I’ve come to accept that dealing with ambiguity will be one of the few constants in life. Things are more complex and changing faster than ever. It’s impossible to always have step by step instructions on how to reach your goals. This lack of clarity on a precise path forward makes it easy to freeze up and feel lost when facing a messy situation. Have you ever felt this way? In times like this, I think we have to take the video game approach. Instead of being paralyzed because every step isn’t laid out in front of us, we need to be willing to look at the situation, identify a few milestones, and start moving in their direction even if we don’t have every other step perfectly laid out. Similar to the Spider-man game, making progress on our first objective will give us the learning and momentum to better define and progress along a path toward our ultimate goal. It just requires us to be brave enough to keep moving forward even if we can’t plan out every little step.

The challenge: When faced with ambiguity, how will you find a way to move forward?

Bonus thought: Whenever I’m faced with an ambiguous situation I tend to ask myself these questions to try to bring clarity:

What do I believe the end goal is? By the end of this, what should people think/feel/do? Who can I bounce this thinking off of?
What is the from to for this?
What are 3 major milestones I’ll need to hit between now and the end goal to be on the path toward success? I’ve found I can always identify 3 milestones.
What is an immediate step I can take right now to move things a little bit forward? This could be anything from scheduling time with someone to connect to pulling together rough thoughts to show someone.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Self-Care is NOT a Luxury, it’s Required Maintenance (1-27-21)

This is the final entry in our 2021 Reboot series. We started by identifying our 1 word for the year. Then, we reflected on our habits and processes to see if they would get us to where we want to go, and last week was about giving ourselves grace when we falter. This week is about how self-care isn’t a luxury.

Pretend for a moment that you’re driving, and your oil change light comes on. What do you do? I assume that you get the oil changed sometime soon. You might not do it immediately, but you’d get it changed. Would you ever ignore the oil change light? Would you ever keep driving miles and miles and miles, never changing the oil? Do you know what happens if you don’t change the oil in a car? It ruins the engine. Everything locks up, and it’s extremely difficult to recover after that.

What does this have to do with anything? In the above example, no one would say that changing the oil in the car is a luxury. They would say it is an important part of maintenance to keep the car running. I wish we did a better job of applying this thinking to self-care. In many ways, I feel we have romanticized self-care as a luxury, a special treat to ourselves. Over the past few years, I’ve shifted my thinking in this regard and realized that self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s necessary maintenance. Can I ignore self-care for a period of time? Yes, just like I can ignore the oil change light when it first comes on. However, if I go too long without practicing self-care, my engine locks up. I break down, and then it’s so hard to recover from that. As a result, I’m making attempts to make self-care a priority in life. For me, self-care looks like getting enough sleep, going on runs, getting outside at least once a day, working out, making sure I’m eating healthy on more days than not, going on walks, meditating daily, getting plenty of time with my family, and taking me time to read, write, or play video games. I need these things to function at my best and to perform at a high level. This isn’t a luxury, it’s a requirement.

Challenge for everyone: How are you practicing self-care in 2021?

Extra challenge for leaders in formal positions of authority- I admit it’s unfair, but so much of setting the standard on whether self-care is a luxury or a necessity is on YOUR shoulders. Your actions shape the culture that makes it okay to stop working like a robot and start living like a human. Let’s be real for a minute, we survived 2020, but I think it’s safe to assume that most people are still walking around with the check engine light on. What actions are you doing to create space for self-care for your people?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Giving Ourselves More Grace (1-20-21)

Last week was about analyzing your habits to ensure they will lead to success. This week is about giving yourself grace when you falter.

Back in November in 2020 I looked at my life and realized I had fallen off the wagon when it came to working out, and that this was having negative consequences. I made a goal that beginning December 1^st, I would do something fitness related every single day, so I could become a healthier version of myself.

This new fitness habit was going great. My workouts had been awesome. I was making so much progress. Then a leg day crushed my spirits. When I started working out that morning I felt really great. I get halfway through the workout and my legs die on me. I’m struggling. I decrease my weight, I go without weights, and I eventually stop halfway into the workout because I just can’t do any more reps. I’m upset with myself and feel like a total failure because I fell short of what I wanted to accomplish. Then I see my whiteboard, where I make a tally mark for every day I do something fitness related. I realize I have 25 tallies. This tells me that for 25 days in a row, I’ve done something fitness related. This tells me I have 25 days of positive progress. Seeing that gives me perspective. While I might have struggled during the workout, it was one more step toward being a better me. While I might have struggled in that workout, screwing up didn’t make me a failure. In the grand scheme of things, this bad workout was just a blip on a trajectory that was taking me into a positive direction. I could either dwell on this one hiccup or I could say, “I’ve made amazing progress. Let go of this. Tomorrow is another day.”

You might be seeing the connections. I don’t know about you. I know that I over sensationalize my mistakes. My small mistakes quickly turn into colossal failures. When I do this, I lose sight of how much progress I’ve made and how often I’ve done things successfully. I lose sight of how this is one small blip on a path that is leading me to something better. I lose sight of the fact that the one stumble doesn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things. Do you ever feel this way? If you do, it’s important to give yourself a little grace and pause a moment to put this situation into perspective. I’m sure you’ll see things a little differently when you do.

The challenge: We are all striving to be our best, so let’s give ourselves grace if we fall a little short from time to time. How are you keeping your shortcomings in perspective? #moreselfgracein2021

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry