Containers and Holding Things (2-26-24)

This is a special one-off post. I opened the fridge today to pack my lunch and this blog idea hit me really hard, and I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to share this today. Maybe it’s just the message I need. However, if you feel this one hit you at the right time, just know that God/The Universe/Whatever thing connects us all together, says, “Hello! I see you. Here’s a hug.” The message is all about containers and holding things.

Anyway, take a look at the picture. What’s in the container? Your first instinct might be to say that it’s a tub of butter, since the container says it holds Country Crock. Spoiler alert. It’s not butter. It’s actually filled with delicious vegetable soup that my mom made the other day. It’s going to be my lunch. Growing up, did any of you ever use leftover butter containers to hold leftovers, legos, craft parts, and other things? We did this all the time and still do.

As I pulled the tub from the fridge and put it in my lunchbox, I smiled at the realization that this was a container that could hold anything. Just because it held butter once, didn’t mean it always had to hold butter. There are limitless possibilities for this container. There are infinite possibilities of what this container could hold.

So, where is this going? I realized this morning that I’m a lot like the container. I’m a vessel capable of holding multitudes. I realized that just because I was filled with one thing, didn’t mean I would always have to be filled with that thing. If I was filled with anger, irritation, venom, sadness, hopelessness, or any other strong emotion that felt heavy, didn’t mean that I would always be filled with those things. In the same way that the butter was emptied from the container, I could empty myself of those things too. In the same way that the container was then filled up with heart warming soup, I too could fill myself up and allow others to feel me up with things that warm my heart and spirit.

The challenge: We are all containers. What will you hold?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Lies of P and Expecting Difficulties (2-21-24)

This week we will kick off a series inspired by a video game I recently played call Lies of P. Our first entry is about expecting difficulties.

Lies of P (click for the trailer) is a darker reimagining of Pinocchio. You play as Pinocchio in a world where robots, called puppets, have gained sentience, and turned against humans. On top of all of this, there is some mysterious plague going around and other foul forces at play. Anway, I was playing the game and was dying A LOT. Alice, my daughter, noticed this and said, “You’re failing a lot. Why aren’t you getting upset at the game?” I thanked her for pointing out that I was failing so much 😉, and then I explained, “I’m not upset, because this game is exactly what I thought it would be. From the trailers and what I heard about the game I knew it would be a cool/creepy story, interesting game mechanics, and HARD bosses. I went into it assuming that I would fail a lot and that I would have to get good in order to make it. Now if a Mario game was this hard, I’d be super upset, because Mario games don’t position themselves to be soul crushing games. However, this game from the beginning has made it clear that it is about being tough and challenging players. I also went into the game knowing I’d feel awesome once I made it through the game’s challenges. ”

What does this have to do with anything? I wasn’t frustrated with the game, because I EXPECTED it to be difficult. I EXPECTED to run into challenges that I wouldn’t get past on the first, second, or even tenth try. Since I expected these things, I wasn’t upset when they happened. I understood that the failed attempts were just the price you have to pay before you can do great stuff.

Now think about a time when you were frustrated at work. Were you frustrated because it was difficult OR were you frustrated because you didn’t expect it to be difficult? There’s a big difference. I’ve found when I get the most frustrated at work, it’s usually because I didn’t expect that situation to be difficult. It’s because I’ve assumed that things would be smooth sailing. As I’ve matured over my career, I’ve learned to expect bumps. I’ve learned to expect things to go sideways. I’ve come to appreciate that the job isn’t doing all the things in the job description, but dealing with all of the unexpected stuff that pops up as you try to do the things listed in the job description. I’ve learned to expect things to be challenging, so I’m not thrown off when they are. I’ve learned that going through the bumps and obstacles is the price you pay to do great things, and how amazing it feels to achieve something after struggling through obstacles.

The challenge: How will you readjust your expectations to expect difficulties?

Side note: If you are into Soulslike games and haven’t tried Lies of P yet, I’d definitely recommend it. It is one of my favorite games in that genre that I’ve played and I’m pumped to say that I actually beat it!

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Valentine’s Day and Reflections on Love (2-14-24)

On top of it being Wednesday, it is also Valentine’s Day. With that in mind, this week I want to share a few miscellaneous reflections on love.

This is going to sound weird. I’m convinced that emptying the dishwasher is one of the most loving things I do for my wife. She HATES dealing with dishes. She hates having to put them up. She hates having a counter full of dishes. Because of all of this, I try my best every morning to make sure I’ve emptied the dishwasher and cleared the counter before she wakes up. It won’t ever make it on a hallmark card, but it’s a gesture of love. Sometimes, showing love is about being a good partner.

Over the weekend, Diane made ravioli and Texas toast. I sat at the table and saw a plate full of Texas toast, and then I heard the oven timer go off. I was confused why that was happening when the bread was right in front of me. Diane said, “That timer is for your pieces.” She knows I like mine a little crispier than they like theirs, so she left mine in the oven a few extra minutes. The result was garlic perfection. Sometimes, showing love is paying attention to small things and proactively taking action.

Earlier in my marriage, Diane didn’t always feel that I listened to her, which was always surprising to me, because I would take in what she was saying and come up with great ways to address her issues. The problem is that most of the time, she didn’t want solutions, she just wanted to be heard. I learned that I needed to do a better job of asking and understanding what she wanted. Did she want to vent? Was she looking for empathy? Was she looking for suggestions and solutions? I now ask her those questions when I’m unclear, so I can ensure I’m listening to her in the right way. Sometimes, showing love is about listening and ensuring they feel heard.

My wife is phenomenal, and what she does day to day teaching and helping our kids grow is nothing short of a miracle. It’s a bummer that they don’t give awards and Inspire points for things like that. That’s why the most important thing I can do is make sure she knows how much I appreciate her. This might be a hug. It might be a small surprise. It might be a simple text telling her that she is crushing it as a parent. Sometimes, showing love is about showing appreciation.

I don’t know about you, but I have bad days sometimes. I even have bad weeks or months, where I fall a bit out of it, get lost, and become frustrated and angry at myself. Eventually, I remember to love myself again, which is important because you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself first. Sometimes, showing love is about first remembering that you are always worthy of love.

What do these reflections have to do with anything? Here’s the secret. All of the above examples are about my love for my wife, AND they all apply to every other relationship I’m in whether that is friendships with college buddies or working partnerships with co-workers. They likely apply to every single relationship you are in too.

The challenge- How will you show love to others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Discomfort, Paralysis, and the Glacier Leap (2-7-24)

Last week was about discomfort and psychological safety. This week is about discomfort, paralysis, and the Glacier Leap.

The Glacier Leap is one of the obstacles at the Abominable Snow Race. You start by climbing up an incline wall (covered in snow/ice/slush) until you are on top of the first structure and about 7 or 8 feet off the ground. This is where things get interesting. You have to jump to the next structure making sure you position your body correctly and grab the bar tightly or you will fall.

When I got to the top of the structure, I watched as people would stand at the edge and peer down. You could feel them becoming more and more uncomfortable until they ultimately became paralyzed at the thought of falling. At that point, they wouldn’t jump. Instead, they’d turn around and climb down without ever giving it a try. I knew that the same thing would happen to me if I didn’t move quickly. I made a decision. I would step up to the edge, count out loud, and jump on three. Any more hesitation and the discomfort would turn to fear would turn to paralysis. So, I stepped up, counted to three and jumped! My hands grasped the bar, my feet hit a patch of ice on the wood, and I instantly slid down and fell. It wasn’t exactly pleasant. 😉 At this point, I was determined (or dumb), and refused to let this obstacle beat me. I climbed back up. This time I had an advantage, because I knew exactly what the discomfort felt like. I knew exactly what falling felt like. I had survived, and now those things weren’t so scary. I stepped up, counted to three, and jumped! This time I made it! With my heart beating out of my chest, I stepped up and jumped to the next platform! Success!

What does this have to do with anything? Whether you’re doing an obstacle course race or performing your role at work, sooner or later we all run into a patch of discomfort. When that happens it is easy for the discomfort to turn into fear which turns into paralysis. Have you ever experienced this at work? I know I have. I’ve walked out of situations and said, “I wish I would have asked this. I wish I would have said that. I wish I would have done something different, but I just froze.”

I wish I had a magic way to avoid this, but I haven’t uncovered one yet. All I’ve found is that once the discomfort starts setting in, I need to move. I need to take some kind of action before the discomfort becomes fear and before the fear becomes paralysis. During the obstacle course race I counted to three and then jumped. Counting was the trigger to move. What could your trigger to move be at work? Maybe you write down the statement or question you think you’ll want to make, so when you start to freeze you can just read off the paper. Maybe your action isn’t dealing with something that day, but scheduling time on calendars to handle it in the future. Maybe it’s recognizing that the paralysis is taking over and just stepping out of the situation to catch your breath.

The challenge: How will you ensure discomfort doesn’t paralyze you?

#yetination #abominablesnowrace

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Discomfort, Psychological Safety, and the Yeti Challenge (1-31-24)

Last week was about embracing discomfort, so you can be successful. This week is about discomfort, psychological safety, and the Yeti challenge.

This past weekend I completed the Abominable Snow Race. I did the Yeti challenge, which consisted of 12 miles through ice/snow/mud/slush and around 50 obstacles. I was in a constant state of discomfort through most of the race. I was cold, wet, sore, covered in bruises, had a weird spot on my hand we call a yeti bite because we have no idea what happened (credit to Kristina Kittle for the name), and I was nervous/anxious/scared a fair amount. It would have been easy for me to say, “I’m uncomfortable, so that means this isn’t safe.” However, even though I was in a constant state of discomfort, the course and environment were safe. Plus, I felt like a complete bad a$$ when I crossed that finish line. #yetination

How does this connect with work and psychological safety? There are a lot of different definitions for psychological safety. At their core, I believe that most definitions center on the idea of creating an environment where people can be themselves and freely share their ideas without fear of negative repercussions. What you’ll notice if you read different definitions is that none of them promise a workplace without any discomfort or tension. This connects back to my racing story. I was uncomfortable for most of the race, AND I was still safe. In a similar way, it’s easy to be in a tough conversation or situation at work and think to yourself, “This isn’t comfortable, so this environment must not be safe.” This isn’t necessarily true. Tension, challenging questions, or a difficult conversation at work, doesn’t mean that the environment lacks psychological safety. Sometimes what we are feeling is just discomfort, and we need to find a way to process that and move forward. In my experience the more psychological safety I have with a person or group the more real conversations we can have that include tension and discomfort, and like how I felt when I finished the race I usually feel so much better after these convos. Is this true for you?

The challenge- How will you think about discomfort vs psychological safety?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Performing Poetry in Bars and Embracing Discomfort to be Successful (1-24-24)

Last week was about choosing when to feel discomfort. This week is about performing poetry in bars and embracing discomfort to be successful.

I remember one time earlier in my career, when I had crushed a presentation in front of a difficult audience that peppered me with tough questions. Afterwards, a person asked me what my secret was. I replied, “As a hobby I perform poetry in bars. Imagine presenting in a room where everyone is loud and obnoxious. Imagine sharing deep parts of yourselves and then getting a low score on the poem. Imagine being booed. None of that is pleasant. Besides the poetry, I do dry runs where I ask people to come at me hard with stuff to throw me off my game. That gets bumpy. You live through that ugliness a few times, and the official presentation becomes a lot easier.”

Where is this going? A large reason why I was successful presenting in a tough situation is because I had spent so much time embracing discomfort. As a result, my mind and body were ready for the discomfort when the stakes were real. The pressure from the situation and the tough questions weren’t anything new. They were things I had dealt with and more importantly overcome time and time again. Once the pointed questions started coming, it’s like my muscle memory took over and just handled things. However, if I would have never experienced discomfort like that before, I would have frozen.

Think about work for a moment. How often are you embracing situations that cause discomfort? How often do you truly encourage people to challenge you and your thinking? How often do you do a dry run and ask people to critique you before the real presentation? How often do you role play through difficult feedback and conversations, so you can be prepared for the real convo? If you’re anything like me, you probably don’t create or invite these situations as often as you should. While none of those situations are particularly pleasant, consistently embracing discomfort in lower stakes instances make it a lot easier to tolerate that discomfort when things are on the line.

The challenge: How are you embracing discomfort to grow and be better?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Choosing Your Discomfort (1-17-24)

This week I’d like to kick off a series exploring comfort and discomfort. We will start by exploring working out and choosing your discomfort.

There are some people who feel great as they workout and love doing it. I am NOT one of those people. I’m quite the opposite. Whenever I exercise my body screams at me about how miserable and stupid all of this stuff is and pleads with me to just go sit on the couch. While exercising causes discomfort, I’ve found that if I consistently go through the discomfort of working out, then I feel more comfortable in my body on any given day. On the flip side, if I embrace the comfort of just hanging out on the couch too often, I begin to feel uncomfortable in my body. It’s achy, sore, tired, etc. It’s weird that sometimes my body can feel worse from not doing anything vs pushing itself. Anyone else experience that? As a result of all of this, even though I don’t particularly like exercising, I choose the discomfort of working out, so I can have the comfort of being in my body.

Where is this going? I can’t remember who said it, but I once heard someone say something like, “Either way you’re going to experience discomfort. You get to decide what discomfort you experience and when.” While this sentiment applies to me and working out, it often applies to work situations as well. Last week I was in a kickoff call, and we were discussing milestone maps and timelines. It became apparent to me that the rough draft just wasn’t working. At that point I had a decision. I could choose comfort and not say anything, or I could choose discomfort and encourage us to dive into the issues which would likely bring some tension. I chose discomfort. I said to the team, “These kickoff meetings are always messy. I want you all to know that not only am I okay with that, but I expect that to happen. We need to dive deeper into these milestone maps, because it’s not quite where it needs to be. Before we go any further, I just want to reiterate that I’d rather have these uncomfortable conversations about how we need to fix our plan now early in the year vs avoiding the conversation and scrambling at the end of the year when we missed things because we didn’t plan for them.” With the stage set, we all chose discomfort. We began challenging, pushing, and demanding more from ourselves. We had real talk about how certain parts weren’t well defined and how the sequencing was off. There was a healthy amount of tension, and no one felt carefree, cozy, and comfy during the conversation. Afterwards, we were all thankful we chose discomfort because we could see how choosing discomfort now will make life easier down the road.

Is the above situation familiar to you? Maybe your situation isn’t about milestone maps. Maybe your situation is about giving tough feedback. Maybe your situation is about making a tough prioritization decision. Maybe your situation is making a market research recommendation that won’t exactly be embraced with open arms (Nothing like telling a VP that the data isn’t as meaningful as they had hoped 😉). Whatever your situation you have a choice. You can choose to go through some relatively short-term discomfort that can set you up for more sustained comfort or you can choose short-term comfort which will likely make you consistently uncomfortable in the long-term. The choice is yours.

The challenge: What discomfort will you choose?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Electric Currents, Parenting, Leadership, and Burn Out (1-10-24)

As we start off the year and begin to dive back into the craziness, I think we can all agree that we want to make sure that throughout the year we are taking care of each other in order to avoid exhaustion and burn out. With this in mind, I want us to reflect on electrical current, parenting, leadership, and burn out. If you’re in an official leadership position, I hope you read this and seriously consider the themes and implications. Side note, I’m in an official leadership position, and I’m writing this as a reminder to myself more than anything.

Let’s pretend for a minute that I took a lot of heavy power using appliances and plugged all of them into the same surge protector. It might look something like this picture. I’d assume that you’re thinking, “Why would you do that? That is not smart at all. Even though it’s a surge protector, it is not designed to handle that amount of electrical current. You’re going to burn something down.”

Now let’s think of parenting. Imagine that I have an overwhelming list of demands for my kids, and I expect everything on my to-do list to be done perfectly, and this occurs over months. My kids struggle with this workload. When I notice them struggling, I tell them, “You just need to practice some self-care. Take a rest.” However, the workload and expectations stay the same. At this point, I’d assume/hope you’re thinking something like, “You’re being a bad dad. You’re giving them an impossible task that is beating them down, and instead of doing something that could help them you are telling them to fix it themselves. They don’t have the power to fix it themselves, because they don’t control the expectations you are putting on them. You need to do something.”

What does this have to do with anything? The overloaded surge protector that would start a fire was MY responsibility because I chose to route too much power through it. When my kids were struggling and couldn’t fix it by practicing self-care, it was MY responsibility, because I controlled the list of demands and expectations. Why don’t we more consistently apply this same thinking when we think about employee burn out? Most things I read and hear about burn out put the responsibility on the individual employee. We tell them to practice self-care, go for a walk, and get plenty of rest. Why don’t we more consistently look at the leader and hold them responsible for creating an environment that is a huge contributing factor to burnout? The fact is, even if the individual practices the best self-care ever, it doesn’t matter if their work environment is always crushing them into the ground. The individual can have some responsibility, but not all. Leaders have a large portion of responsibility with regards to burn out, because their actions or inactions are the ones that create environments where burn out has a higher or lower chance of being a negative force for employees.

Think about it for a minute. If a leader doesn’t have a clear vision, then all the additional energy trying to navigate the swirl is extra burden on the team. If the leader doesn’t have clear priorities about what work needs to be done, the quality it needs to be delivered in, and the effort it should require, then all of the extra work done on things that isn’t needed puts extra burden on the team. If the leader is not actively driving a culture where people feel heard and valued, then all the extra energy people put in to survive that culture is extra burden on the team. Have you ever been on the receiving ends of any of those situations? I have. I’ve found that once you add up all that extra burden ON TOP of already largely out of reach goals and expectations, you have the perfect recipe for burnout. Have you ever been the leader who hasn’t done those things well? I have. What did you notice? I notice when I don’t do those things well, it puts a tremendous burden on folks that shouldn’t be there, and it sucks their souls.

The challenge: As a leader, what are you doing to create an environment that minimizes the potential of burnout? Asked another way, as a leader are your actions increasing or decreasing the chances of people experiencing burn out?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

One Word or Phrase for 2024 (1-3-24)

Happy Wednesday and Happy New Year!

I hope you had fabulous holidays filled with joy, love, and peace. We will kick off 2024 with a focus on identifying a word/phrase that will be your north star for the year.

At the beginning of every year, I take time to reflect and choose a word or phrase that will be my north star for the year. I’ve found it helps ground me versus getting lost among setting too many goals. To identify my one word/phrase I ask myself things like: What went well last year that I want to continue? Where could things have been better? What do I want to achieve? How do I want to feel about things? What do I want to give more focus and energy toward this year? What do I want others to notice and say about me?

In 2024 my phrase is intentionally invest. This is all about making sure I’m being intentional about how I spend my energy. In any given facet of my life, there is A LOT that I could do. There are dozens, if not hundreds of different challenges I could tackle and areas of my life where I could try to grow. Since there are so many, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and feel like I must solve all of them. In the past, this has led to me spiraling and spending energy in too many disparate places to make the impact I want to make. Have you ever felt like that? With this in mind I chose the phrase intentionally invest to remind me that I need to pause and think about where I truly need to invest my time and effort to achieve the outcomes I want. If I take a moment to pause and think, out of all of the different challenges I could tackle, there are only a handful that I should or need to work on in each phase of life. Whether it’s health, work, social, or financial aspects of life, if I’m clear on my goals then there are usually only like 2-3 things I need to get right in order to be successful. Intentionally investing is my nudge to remember that I need to be clear on the outcomes I want, select the investments that will get me there, and continue to make consistent daily deposits so I can reap the rewards of compound interest over time.

The challenge: What is your one word or short phrase for the year? What is your north star?

Bonus: On top of choosing a theme, I also build a vision board to print and keep in a visible spot at home. The picture from this week is that vision board.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

I hope we are all like the Grinch (12-13-23)

This will be the last blog of 2023. If you’ve been on this distribution list for a while, you might recognize that I usually end the year with this entry. I feel it is just as relevant now as it was in years past. Besides, we watch the same holiday specials every year, so we can revisit the same holiday themed blogs, right? 😉 For our final blog of the year we will look at How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

During this holiday season I hope we are all like the Grinch. Pretty strange thing to say, right? Let me explain why I feel this way. You may know the story of the Grinch. He is a grumpy creature who decides he will try to steal Christmas from the Whos. He concocts an elaborate scheme and then steals all of the presents, decorations, etc. in an effort to ruin their holiday. This negative attitude is what we often associate with the Grinch, but this isn’t the end of his story. The Grinch grows as a character, and life is all about growing, changing, and becoming better.

The Grinch has stolen the gifts, and then he hears the Whos singing. All of a sudden it hits him right as his sleigh full of gifts starts to go over the cliff. “And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two!” He saves the gifts from falling over the cliff, rides into Whoville, and serves the roast beast at the feast.

The reason I hope we are all like the Grinch this year is because he grows and becomes a better person. He begins filled with apathy, malice, and grumpiness, and then he allows love in and it fundamentally changes him. How have you changed and grown this year? Wherever you are right now, we have the chance to be better. Imagine how different the world be if all of our hearts grew like the Grinch’s.

Here is to all of us knowing what it feels like when our hearts grow three sizes in a day.

As always, thanks so much for reading. Your reading and encouragement throughout the year is the best gift I could ever ask for. Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, and happy holidays for anything you might be celebrating! I hope you disconnect and recharge. I hope you find peace, love, and fulfillment.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry