Performing Poetry in Bars and Embracing Discomfort to be Successful (1-24-24)

Last week was about choosing when to feel discomfort. This week is about performing poetry in bars and embracing discomfort to be successful.

I remember one time earlier in my career, when I had crushed a presentation in front of a difficult audience that peppered me with tough questions. Afterwards, a person asked me what my secret was. I replied, “As a hobby I perform poetry in bars. Imagine presenting in a room where everyone is loud and obnoxious. Imagine sharing deep parts of yourselves and then getting a low score on the poem. Imagine being booed. None of that is pleasant. Besides the poetry, I do dry runs where I ask people to come at me hard with stuff to throw me off my game. That gets bumpy. You live through that ugliness a few times, and the official presentation becomes a lot easier.”

Where is this going? A large reason why I was successful presenting in a tough situation is because I had spent so much time embracing discomfort. As a result, my mind and body were ready for the discomfort when the stakes were real. The pressure from the situation and the tough questions weren’t anything new. They were things I had dealt with and more importantly overcome time and time again. Once the pointed questions started coming, it’s like my muscle memory took over and just handled things. However, if I would have never experienced discomfort like that before, I would have frozen.

Think about work for a moment. How often are you embracing situations that cause discomfort? How often do you truly encourage people to challenge you and your thinking? How often do you do a dry run and ask people to critique you before the real presentation? How often do you role play through difficult feedback and conversations, so you can be prepared for the real convo? If you’re anything like me, you probably don’t create or invite these situations as often as you should. While none of those situations are particularly pleasant, consistently embracing discomfort in lower stakes instances make it a lot easier to tolerate that discomfort when things are on the line.

The challenge: How are you embracing discomfort to grow and be better?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Choosing Your Discomfort (1-17-24)

This week I’d like to kick off a series exploring comfort and discomfort. We will start by exploring working out and choosing your discomfort.

There are some people who feel great as they workout and love doing it. I am NOT one of those people. I’m quite the opposite. Whenever I exercise my body screams at me about how miserable and stupid all of this stuff is and pleads with me to just go sit on the couch. While exercising causes discomfort, I’ve found that if I consistently go through the discomfort of working out, then I feel more comfortable in my body on any given day. On the flip side, if I embrace the comfort of just hanging out on the couch too often, I begin to feel uncomfortable in my body. It’s achy, sore, tired, etc. It’s weird that sometimes my body can feel worse from not doing anything vs pushing itself. Anyone else experience that? As a result of all of this, even though I don’t particularly like exercising, I choose the discomfort of working out, so I can have the comfort of being in my body.

Where is this going? I can’t remember who said it, but I once heard someone say something like, “Either way you’re going to experience discomfort. You get to decide what discomfort you experience and when.” While this sentiment applies to me and working out, it often applies to work situations as well. Last week I was in a kickoff call, and we were discussing milestone maps and timelines. It became apparent to me that the rough draft just wasn’t working. At that point I had a decision. I could choose comfort and not say anything, or I could choose discomfort and encourage us to dive into the issues which would likely bring some tension. I chose discomfort. I said to the team, “These kickoff meetings are always messy. I want you all to know that not only am I okay with that, but I expect that to happen. We need to dive deeper into these milestone maps, because it’s not quite where it needs to be. Before we go any further, I just want to reiterate that I’d rather have these uncomfortable conversations about how we need to fix our plan now early in the year vs avoiding the conversation and scrambling at the end of the year when we missed things because we didn’t plan for them.” With the stage set, we all chose discomfort. We began challenging, pushing, and demanding more from ourselves. We had real talk about how certain parts weren’t well defined and how the sequencing was off. There was a healthy amount of tension, and no one felt carefree, cozy, and comfy during the conversation. Afterwards, we were all thankful we chose discomfort because we could see how choosing discomfort now will make life easier down the road.

Is the above situation familiar to you? Maybe your situation isn’t about milestone maps. Maybe your situation is about giving tough feedback. Maybe your situation is about making a tough prioritization decision. Maybe your situation is making a market research recommendation that won’t exactly be embraced with open arms (Nothing like telling a VP that the data isn’t as meaningful as they had hoped 😉). Whatever your situation you have a choice. You can choose to go through some relatively short-term discomfort that can set you up for more sustained comfort or you can choose short-term comfort which will likely make you consistently uncomfortable in the long-term. The choice is yours.

The challenge: What discomfort will you choose?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Electric Currents, Parenting, Leadership, and Burn Out (1-10-24)

As we start off the year and begin to dive back into the craziness, I think we can all agree that we want to make sure that throughout the year we are taking care of each other in order to avoid exhaustion and burn out. With this in mind, I want us to reflect on electrical current, parenting, leadership, and burn out. If you’re in an official leadership position, I hope you read this and seriously consider the themes and implications. Side note, I’m in an official leadership position, and I’m writing this as a reminder to myself more than anything.

Let’s pretend for a minute that I took a lot of heavy power using appliances and plugged all of them into the same surge protector. It might look something like this picture. I’d assume that you’re thinking, “Why would you do that? That is not smart at all. Even though it’s a surge protector, it is not designed to handle that amount of electrical current. You’re going to burn something down.”

Now let’s think of parenting. Imagine that I have an overwhelming list of demands for my kids, and I expect everything on my to-do list to be done perfectly, and this occurs over months. My kids struggle with this workload. When I notice them struggling, I tell them, “You just need to practice some self-care. Take a rest.” However, the workload and expectations stay the same. At this point, I’d assume/hope you’re thinking something like, “You’re being a bad dad. You’re giving them an impossible task that is beating them down, and instead of doing something that could help them you are telling them to fix it themselves. They don’t have the power to fix it themselves, because they don’t control the expectations you are putting on them. You need to do something.”

What does this have to do with anything? The overloaded surge protector that would start a fire was MY responsibility because I chose to route too much power through it. When my kids were struggling and couldn’t fix it by practicing self-care, it was MY responsibility, because I controlled the list of demands and expectations. Why don’t we more consistently apply this same thinking when we think about employee burn out? Most things I read and hear about burn out put the responsibility on the individual employee. We tell them to practice self-care, go for a walk, and get plenty of rest. Why don’t we more consistently look at the leader and hold them responsible for creating an environment that is a huge contributing factor to burnout? The fact is, even if the individual practices the best self-care ever, it doesn’t matter if their work environment is always crushing them into the ground. The individual can have some responsibility, but not all. Leaders have a large portion of responsibility with regards to burn out, because their actions or inactions are the ones that create environments where burn out has a higher or lower chance of being a negative force for employees.

Think about it for a minute. If a leader doesn’t have a clear vision, then all the additional energy trying to navigate the swirl is extra burden on the team. If the leader doesn’t have clear priorities about what work needs to be done, the quality it needs to be delivered in, and the effort it should require, then all of the extra work done on things that isn’t needed puts extra burden on the team. If the leader is not actively driving a culture where people feel heard and valued, then all the extra energy people put in to survive that culture is extra burden on the team. Have you ever been on the receiving ends of any of those situations? I have. I’ve found that once you add up all that extra burden ON TOP of already largely out of reach goals and expectations, you have the perfect recipe for burnout. Have you ever been the leader who hasn’t done those things well? I have. What did you notice? I notice when I don’t do those things well, it puts a tremendous burden on folks that shouldn’t be there, and it sucks their souls.

The challenge: As a leader, what are you doing to create an environment that minimizes the potential of burnout? Asked another way, as a leader are your actions increasing or decreasing the chances of people experiencing burn out?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

One Word or Phrase for 2024 (1-3-24)

Happy Wednesday and Happy New Year!

I hope you had fabulous holidays filled with joy, love, and peace. We will kick off 2024 with a focus on identifying a word/phrase that will be your north star for the year.

At the beginning of every year, I take time to reflect and choose a word or phrase that will be my north star for the year. I’ve found it helps ground me versus getting lost among setting too many goals. To identify my one word/phrase I ask myself things like: What went well last year that I want to continue? Where could things have been better? What do I want to achieve? How do I want to feel about things? What do I want to give more focus and energy toward this year? What do I want others to notice and say about me?

In 2024 my phrase is intentionally invest. This is all about making sure I’m being intentional about how I spend my energy. In any given facet of my life, there is A LOT that I could do. There are dozens, if not hundreds of different challenges I could tackle and areas of my life where I could try to grow. Since there are so many, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and feel like I must solve all of them. In the past, this has led to me spiraling and spending energy in too many disparate places to make the impact I want to make. Have you ever felt like that? With this in mind I chose the phrase intentionally invest to remind me that I need to pause and think about where I truly need to invest my time and effort to achieve the outcomes I want. If I take a moment to pause and think, out of all of the different challenges I could tackle, there are only a handful that I should or need to work on in each phase of life. Whether it’s health, work, social, or financial aspects of life, if I’m clear on my goals then there are usually only like 2-3 things I need to get right in order to be successful. Intentionally investing is my nudge to remember that I need to be clear on the outcomes I want, select the investments that will get me there, and continue to make consistent daily deposits so I can reap the rewards of compound interest over time.

The challenge: What is your one word or short phrase for the year? What is your north star?

Bonus: On top of choosing a theme, I also build a vision board to print and keep in a visible spot at home. The picture from this week is that vision board.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

I hope we are all like the Grinch (12-13-23)

This will be the last blog of 2023. If you’ve been on this distribution list for a while, you might recognize that I usually end the year with this entry. I feel it is just as relevant now as it was in years past. Besides, we watch the same holiday specials every year, so we can revisit the same holiday themed blogs, right? 😉 For our final blog of the year we will look at How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

During this holiday season I hope we are all like the Grinch. Pretty strange thing to say, right? Let me explain why I feel this way. You may know the story of the Grinch. He is a grumpy creature who decides he will try to steal Christmas from the Whos. He concocts an elaborate scheme and then steals all of the presents, decorations, etc. in an effort to ruin their holiday. This negative attitude is what we often associate with the Grinch, but this isn’t the end of his story. The Grinch grows as a character, and life is all about growing, changing, and becoming better.

The Grinch has stolen the gifts, and then he hears the Whos singing. All of a sudden it hits him right as his sleigh full of gifts starts to go over the cliff. “And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two!” He saves the gifts from falling over the cliff, rides into Whoville, and serves the roast beast at the feast.

The reason I hope we are all like the Grinch this year is because he grows and becomes a better person. He begins filled with apathy, malice, and grumpiness, and then he allows love in and it fundamentally changes him. How have you changed and grown this year? Wherever you are right now, we have the chance to be better. Imagine how different the world be if all of our hearts grew like the Grinch’s.

Here is to all of us knowing what it feels like when our hearts grow three sizes in a day.

As always, thanks so much for reading. Your reading and encouragement throughout the year is the best gift I could ever ask for. Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, and happy holidays for anything you might be celebrating! I hope you disconnect and recharge. I hope you find peace, love, and fulfillment.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Open Letter to 2023 (12-6-23)

Happy Wednesday,

The year is coming to a close. I’ve enjoyed sitting near my Christmas tree and letting my mind wander for a bit. Here is my open letter to 2023, and the lessons it gave me.

Dear 2023,

How are you doing? By the end of 2022, I felt like I was crawling over the finish line just trying to make it. 2023, you were different. You were a much-needed breath of fresh air. You were good luck, new chances, and exciting achievements. As we end our dance together, I’m thankful for the wind you put in my sails, and I feel ready for the next adventure.

My mantra this year was “protect my peace”. I’m so proud of myself, because I did that better this year than I have in years past, and because of this I was a better version of myself in all aspects of life.
I’m in this interesting moment where I can see my kids for who they are and catch glimpses of who they might grow up to be. I’m so proud of them for embracing who they are. I have no idea what they will do when they grow up, but if they continue down this path, I know they will be good humans. What could matter more than that?
It’s amazing to see the power of being around people who get you. Part of the reason why my kids are flourishing is because they are finally starting to find their people. People who accept them and embrace them for all of their nerdiness and who they are. I’ve cried happy tears a few times just thinking about this.
Not only am I in love with my wife, I’m in awe of her. I’ve watched her growth so much this year and she inspires me to be a better husband, dad, friend, and human.
Whenever I felt lost, it was because I had fallen out of the rhythm. I just had to remind myself that all I needed to do was start dancing again and the rhythm would come find me. That may not make sense to anyone else, but it’s clear in my mind.
Building the foundation and infrastructure in any situation is hard work, AND worthwhile work. A house is only as strong as its foundation.
Sometimes strength is being able to do something to solve the problem. Sometimes strength is sitting there with someone, beside them, sifting through their pain and emotions with them, and knowing the most compassionate thing you can do is listen and not flex your muscles.
I performed what might be my favorite poem I’ve ever done at work- Fitting In, Belonging, and Glass Slippers. I look at that guy on stage performing, and while I don’t always feel he and I are the same, I hope that the people around me see glimmers of him on a regular basis. (And I know how weird this sounds. That guy on stage might as well be a different person, and is always the best of me.)
My goal at the beginning of the year was to finish a marathon length obstacle course race. I knew it would be a major stretch, and I did it. (Technically, the course designer messed up and made it 29 miles instead of 26.2, but who is counting besides my body that day 😉) It was exhausting and a great reminder that there is a lot of grit inside I can tap into. In 2023, I survived the races. In 2024, I hope to continue racing and celebrating what my body can do.
I was fortunate enough to earn a promotion this year. It’s not the promotion so much as it’s feeling seen. It’s feeling like all the hard work, all the grinding, all the times I found a way to make something out of nothing, all the setbacks, were seen and valued. I realize that when I don’t feel seen I tell myself stories, and none of them are ever positive.
Speaking of getting a new job, the work and the opportunity fill my cup so much. So much of the role is aligned to what sparks joy in me.
The new job also humbled me a lot. I’ve never been in a situation where there was so much I didn’t know or understand. I continually had to remind myself it was okay to not always know and that it was okay to be open about not knowing. If I had a dime for every time I’ve said, “I’m not exactly sure how the tech works, but we need it to do X”, “I don’t think I’m following, can you explain that again?”, or “I’ve never done this before, so I need you to walk me through it.” I could probably retire. Seeing the warm faces and looks of understanding from the folks on the other end of those phrases makes my heart smile.
Whoa! That was a lot in 2023! Thank you. I’m closing this year feeling energized and hopeful for more brightness and exciting adventures in 2024.

The challenge: If you haven’t taken the time, take a few moments to reflect on 2023 and the lessons and emotions it gave you this year. How will these shape you moving forward?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Feedback and Discomfort (11-29-23)

This will be the last in our series on feedback. This week we will reflect on feedback and discomfort.

The other night Cam made a poor choice, and his behavior didn’t meet our minimum expectations. I had a calm conversation with him about it. I explained that his behavior wasn’t where it should be. Ultimately, he lost privileges. There was no yelling or harsh words involved. Still, Cam didn’t like being told he did something wrong. Having to admit that he fell short made him feel discomfort. After our talk he told Alice all about it and Alice came and told me I made Cam feel bad. I explained to Alice that I didn’t want to make Cam feel bad. At the same time, me making Cam feel good by only telling him positive things and ignoring his behavior when he doesn’t meet our standards is not good for him or fair to the family. Ignoring his behavior sets a precedent that it was acceptable when it wasn’t. I was okay with him feeling discomfort. I didn’t tell him he was a bad person. I held him accountable, talked to him about the negative impact of his choices and behavior, and asked him to own up to his mistake so he can grow. I wasn’t surprised that he felt upset with the conversation. Owning up to your shortcomings isn’t a pleasant process.

What does this have to do with anything? Sometimes we value comfort so much that we assume discomfort is bad, and that’s not true. Furthermore, when it comes to feedback, if it causes you to feel discomfort then it’s easy to decide that the feedback is bad and the person giving it is bad. Have you ever received feedback that struck a nerve, and your first instinct was, “Forget them! They don’t know me! They don’t know my work!” I’m not particularly proud of it, but I’ve done that before.

Truth be told, most of my best growth has come from feedback that was initially uncomfortable. Being told that the work I did on a project wasn’t good caused discomfort. Not getting roles I posted for and being told I wasn’t as qualified as other candidates caused discomfort. Being told I wasn’t bringing enough value in a situation caused discomfort. Being told I messed up a parenting situation caused discomfort. All of this also led to growth. I’d rather have moments of discomfort that led to growth, than people telling me everything is great when it’s not. The latter will keep me from growing.

The challenge: How will you handle it when feedback makes you feel discomfort?

Bonus thought: If the feedback hijacks you, it’s okay to ask for time to process it. Asking for time and space is ALWAYS okay, and I’ve done that on more of a few occasions. I say something like, “I need time to process, because right now my wheels are turning, and I can’t really have a productive conversation.”

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

“Small” Things to Be Thankful For (11-21-23)

A group of drawings of turkeys

Description automatically generated This is a last-minute bonus blog. I was listening to the Inside Job podcast as I drove in this morning, and it talked about how when we share what we are thankful for this time around that most people share something similar like, “I’m thankful for my family, my health, my friends, etc.” These are all great things to be thankful for. The podcast talked about digging a little deeper to recognize other things you’re thankful for that don’t immediately pop into your mind. Often, these can be the “small” things that make life extra special.

Here is a quick list that pops into mind for me. I am thankful for

Coloring and doing art projects. I recently colored turkeys with my family, and it brought me an unexpected amount of joy.
Perfectly melted cheese on food, whether it’s a burger, sandwich, or omelette. There’s something magical about how cheese gives the food a warm cozy hug and holds it all together.
I don’t get these very often, but moments of quiet and stillness that enable you to feel the presence of something larger than yourself.
Seeing fog sweep over a field. It just looks magical. Bonus points if there is also a sunrise happening.
Trash talk and fantasy football.
That moment when YOUR song starts playing and instantly you are transported to a better place.
That moment when someone you care about achieves something and your heart wants to burst from cheering them on.
A good hug. I’m convinced if we had enough good hugs we could change the world.

The challenge: What are some “small” things you’re thankful for?

Have a jolly good Thanksgiving,

Andrew Embry

Putting Feedback into Perspective and Responding (11-15-23)

Last week was about learning to catch a baseball and feedback. This week we will dive deeper into catching feedback by reflecting on putting feedback into perspective and responding.

The other day I spoke with someone early in their career who had received some tough feedback. I could see how they were extrapolating this one miss to mean so much more than that. As I saw them spiraling a bit, I tried to offer them some perspective. I explained that having a miss is a right of passage for all marketers. I talked about how if you aren’t having these moments from time to time, it means you’re not challenging yourself. I told him the story of how in my first internal role I was about 3 in when my boss told me I wouldn’t meet expectations if I continued down my current path, because my project management skills were horrible. I shared how when this happened, I felt like crap for a couple of days, and doubted everything about myself. Then, I dusted myself off, got to work to figure things out, and started improving. I reassured him that while I may have felt at the time that this was a huge failure that would follow me forever, it didn’t. No one ever talks about that miss or story. It’s never been held against me, and I’ve went on to have what I consider to be a great career so far. At the end of the day, receiving the feedback is only half the story. The most important part of the story is how he’ll respond to this. He can either let it kick his butt, or he can get up and get at it.

You probably see where this is going. At some point in time, we’ve all received tough feedback. When this happens, it’s easy to blow the feedback way out of proportion. It’s easy to take feedback about one action or one miss and come to the conclusion that you’re a horrible failure of a person (or maybe I’m the only one who has ever thought that). If you ever feel yourself sliding in this direction, I hope you pause for a moment to find some perspective. EVERYONE gets their butt kicked sometimes and fails. The feedback you receive is about missing on 1 project or 1 task and does NOT mean anything more than that. It means you messed up on THAT THING. It means you are human. Welcome to the club 😉 It’s a beautiful messy place to be. While tough feedback hurts, what matters most is how you respond.

The challenge: How will you keep feedback in perspective? How will you respond?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Learning to Catch Baseballs and Feedback (11-8-23)

(Freshman year baseball picture)

See the source image Last week was about feedback and relativity. This week is about learning how to catch a baseball and feedback.

Growing up, my dad is the one who taught me how to throw and catch a baseball. Obviously, being able to throw the ball is important, but we spent a lot of time working on catching the ball too. In a perfect world, the throws would always come to your chest and right into your glove, but that rarely happens. As a result, I had to learn how to move my mitt and adjust my body to make the catch. The idea was that if it was in my general vicinity I should catch the ball, even if it was high, low, or off to the side. All the practice catching allowed me to make these adjustments and catch throws that were imperfect.

What does this have to do with anything? When it comes to feedback, we put a lot of emphasis on the person GIVING feedback, and there isn’t as much focus on RECEIVING feedback. In our analogy, this would be like learning how to throw, but never really learning how to catch. Even if you know how to throw, your throws won’t always be perfect, and if the person on the receiving end doesn’t know how to catch, the ball will either hit them and hurt them OR they will miss it entirely. In a similar way, just because the feedback is not delivered perfectly, doesn’t mean it’s bad/incorrect feedback.

Think about the past few times you received feedback. How well did you receive it? Were you open? Did you close yourself off and become defensive? Did you explore to understand? Did you immediately discount it? Did you take the time to understand the impact of your actions? Receiving feedback consists of being humble enough to admit you aren’t perfect, listening with an open mind, staying objective about yourself, asking clarifying questions, and understanding the impact of the behavior you’re receiving feedback on. None of these things are easy. I’ve messed all of them up and will continue to do so. However, getting better at these things throughout my career has helped me have better conversations that have led to growth.

The challenge: How are you getting better at RECEIVING feedback?

Bonus: Recently, I read Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well: Stone, Douglas, Heen, Sheila: 9780670014668: Amazon.com: Books. It’s entirely dedicated to RECEIVING feedback. It was interesting and included a few angles I haven’t thought much about in the past.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry