Last week was about leadership style vs. leadership competencies.  This week is about food combinations and belonging.  What are some of your favorite food pairings/combinations?  There are classic combinations like peanut butter and jelly or steak and potatoes.  There are dipping combinations like chips and salsa or pitas and hummus.  There are dessert combinations like oreos and cold milk or a scoop of ice cream with apple pie.  There are more experimental combinations you could try like a fried egg on a hamburger, bbq brisket on a pizza (my brother makes this and it’s amazing!), or cheese puffs on vanilla ice cream (my mom eats this sometimes.  Yes, uniqueness runs in my family…) 

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything.  What I’ve often found about food combinations is that the foods do not have to necessarily be similar for the combination to be delicious.  Peanut butter and jelly are two entirely different substances with very different tastes and textures.  Oreos are a solid and milk is a liquid.  Ice cream is cold while apple pie is usually served warm.  Having a delicious food combination is not just about similarities.  Instead, it’s about finding flavors that BELONG together, flavors that fit together and work with each other to create something amazing.  Much like tasty food combinations, I believe inclusion is about belonging.  It’s about helping different people feel they belong as part of the team, so they can create something amazing.

With all this said, I feel that when we talk about building positive cultures and inclusion we focus on finding similarities instead of creating belonging.  For example, we might look at two different people and say, “At their core, they are both similar in many ways.  They are both people.  Both of them are dads.  Both of them are marketers.  Both of them like sports.  Both of them like some of the same foods.  Both of them have similar concerns and self-doubts, because they are both human.  Etc.”  While these things are true and it’s important to find common ground, I feel we often overemphasize finding similarities as a way to solve any inclusion problems.  In reality, finding similarities is a small part of inclusion.  Just because you have similarities doesn’t mean you have belonging or inclusion.  I’d take it a step further to say, if you can’t find a way to create a sense of belonging, then the similarities don’t matter.

What exactly is belonging?  I think belonging is about understanding the big picture and how you MEANINGFULLY fit into that picture.  If people can demonstrate those things to you on a consistent basis, I believe that you will feel like you belong somewhere.  Think about yourself for a moment.  Do you feel like you belong on your current team?  Do you feel like you belong in your broader organization?  Have you had teams where you felt like you belonged and teams where you felt like an outsider?  What was the difference?  I’ve been in all of those situations.  I’ve been in places where I felt I belonged, where it was evident I was part of something and that people cared about me, valued me, and wanted me to be there.  I’ve also been on groups, where I felt like an outsider, where I was just another person.  I know I always do my most magical work when I belong somewhere.

Challenge: What are you doing to help create a sense of belonging on your team and beyond? What are you doing to help people see what they are part of? What are you doing to show people how they meaningfully fit into the broader picture?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry