Showing Thanks and Appreciation (11-18-20)

Last week was about pumpkin spice and letting people love what (and who) they love. This week is about saying thanks and showing appreciation.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and it’s likely to be very different from past Thanksgivings. This causes me to reflect and be even more thankful than I have in the past and more aware of the blessings and people I’ve taken for granted. I am so fortunate to have amazing people in my life. It’s been a crazy year, and I know I wouldn’t have made it this far without my friends and family who helped care for me and my family through everything.

You might be wondering where this is going. During the holidays we often focus on being thankful for blessings, friends, and family. I think this Thanksgiving we can make an effort to be thankful and show appreciation to our colleagues as well. Recently I read this article about how remote workers want appreciation from their leaders more than ever. With everything going on right now, individuals tend to feel more undervalued than they ever have before both at work and at home. Have you felt that way this year? I’m guessing it’s safe to say we all have, as we’ve adjusted to so many new normal and constantly burned the candle at both ends trying to navigate life and work.

While the article points out this issue of feeling underappreciated, it also points out possible solutions. Doing simple things such as telling people thank you and that you appreciate them could go a long way to helping them feel valued. This small act doesn’t take a lot of time and effort, but it can have a HUGE impact. What are you thankful for? Who are you thankful for? Have you told them lately?

The challenge: Reach out to someone today and let them know how thankful you are for them and how much you appreciate them.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Pumpkin Spice and Letting People Love What They Love (11-11-20)

Last week was about trying something new and making Halloween costumes. This week is about pumpkin flavored things and letting people love what they love.

As soon as it gets close to fall, the pumpkin announcements begin. You know what I’m talking about. The announcements from all the restaurants about all things pumpkin spice. Pumpkin spice lattes. Pumpkin custard and ice cream. Pumpkin flavored beer. All of a sudden, pumpkin is EVERYWHERE! Once those announcements start, there is another wave that comes. That wave is the wave of hatred for all things pumpkin and for the people who love pumpkin flavored things. It sounds like this, “Pumpkin is gross! Why in the world would you want pumpkin in your drink? Why would you ruin good ice cream with pumpkin spice?”

What does this have to do with anything? I personally don’t like pumpkin flavored anything. At the same time, if that’s your thing, you do you. One of my main philosophies in life is that as long as the thing doesn’t hurt the person or other people, let folks love what they love. If you are a person who goes pumpkin wild in the fall, go get it in! Life is too short to miss out. If you have some other fall thing you love, go get that too. Just don’t waste your time hating on the people who do love pumpkin spice. (All of this also extends to people decorating for Christmas. If you want to put those up now, enjoy! If you like to wait until after Thanksgiving, that’s cool too.)

Now, while this all is kind of silly because we are talking about pumpkin spice, can you see how it applies to other things? Have you ever judged someone because of a passion that they had? Have you ever looked at someone who believed something different than you (that didn’t really matter or negatively impact anyone) and judged them for it? I know I have. I know I can be better.

The challenge: Can you let people love what they love? More than that, can you be excited for them finding what they love?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Trying New Things and Making Halloween Costumes (11-4-20)

Last week was about hoodies and psychological safety. This week is about being brave enough to try something new.

One of the fall holidays my girls look forward to every year is Halloween. I hope yours was spooktacular! This year, my girls decided that they wanted to be characters from Hollow Knight, a dark and mysterious video game about creepy bug creatures. While my girls were super excited to be Hollow Knight characters, my wife and I were hesitant. We normally buy costumes, and there weren’t costumes you could buy. They don’t exist. My wife decided to do something she had never done before. She decided to make them. Diane did research online, found patterns, bought foamboard, and went to work making the masks. My girls loved them and the neighborhood kids thought it was so cool that my daughters were Hollow Knight characters. My girls also felt cool, because they were like part of a small club of people in the know, since most people had never heard of this video game.

What does this have to do with anything? When it comes down to it, the effort my wife put in made the night for everyone. She didn’t have to do any of this. The moment she realized we couldn’t buy costumes, she could have said no and that we will have to be something else. She could have been too afraid to try something new. She could have been intimidated by trying to reach perfection, and decided to not even make an attempt. However, she didn’t let any of this stop her. She rolled up her sleeves and gave something a try. She created something awesome that filled our hearts with joy.

How many times do we hesitate when we are asked to do something new? How often do we get worried about having to be perfect? How often do we stop because we aren’t sure we can do anything out of our comfort zone? I know I’ve been hesitant to try something new in the past, and as a result I missed out on opportunities that could have been incredible.

The challenge: Will you lean forward and try something new?

Side note, if you have a PS4 membership, Hollow Knight is the free game this month. I’d suggest you check it out 😉

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Hoodies and Psychological Safety Part 2 (10-30-20)

A couple of individuals sent me comments about my recent blog about hoodies and psychological safety. They caused me to do some deep reflection, so I wanted to share that with you. We will continue to think about hoodies and psychological safety, and how just because psychological safety exists for one person, it does not mean it exists for ALL people.

Here is a response from someone who read the blog from Wednesday. “When I first read the title and the beginning, I thought you were going to talk about the unfortunate fact that many black men can’t and don’t feel safe wearing a hoodie because they are judged/viewed a certain way if they do (e.g. Trayvon Martin, etc.) which compromises psychological safety.”Here is another response, “After the death of Trayvon Martin, the hoodie double standard emerged. So much emotion, rhetoric, and rules about wearing an object of clothing. While I still love my hoodie, I no longer wear it out of the house without thinking about my privilege. No one looks twice at a middle aged white person in an oversized hoodie walking their dogs at night.”Both comments are insightful and worth exploring. As a straight middle-aged bald white guy, I can wear a hoodie and feel safe. I can wear a hoodie and not have any problems. As I’ve reflected, not everyone has that privilege.

How does it all connect? As a majority group member it is easy to say, “We are all just people, so if I’m psychologically safe you are too.” Nothing could be further from the truth. While we are all people, we are all experiencing life in unique ways because of our dimensions of differences. Something I’ve continued to learn is that just because I feel psychologically safe, it doesn’t mean the same situation is safe for others. Just because I’m included, doesn’t mean others feel included. This idea links back to the first blog post about hoodies and psychological safety, and how important it is to be intentional when you are creating safe environments. It’s not enough to create safe environments. You also must be thoughtful regarding who those environments are safe for.

The challenge: Are you recognizing your position and your privilege? Are you building environments where EVERYONE can feel safe, valued, welcomed, trusted, and cared for?

Bonus video- “Are hoodies dangerous for black men?” Perspective worth thinking about to challenge the biases we have.

Have a jolly good day and have a safe Halloween,

Andrew Embry

Hoodies and Psychological Safety (10-28-20)

When I was 16 someone gave me an Aeropostale hoodie. 20 years later, it is one of my favorite pieces of clothing to wear despite the imperfect frayed edges of the sleeves and gentle wear and tear it has. It’s a great piece of clothing, because there’s something special about putting on a hoodie in the fall. It’s like wearing warmth and comfort, and we need that as the year gets a little colder and darker with each passing day. This warmth and comfort is created by the loose fit, the thick cotton to keep you warm, and having a pouch to put your hands in. It’s the perfect outfit to be comfortably and confidently me. The pic is the hoodie with my favorite ninja turtle from 2 years ago.

What do hoodies have to do with psychological safety? Psychological safety allows all employees to work in an environment without fear of being insulted, judged, or marginalized due to stereotypes or biases. People will only share their diverse ideas, experiences, knowledge and insights if they feel safe. Have you ever been on a team where you had psychological safety? What did it feel like? For me, it felt warm, comfortable, and welcoming just like settling into a hoodie on a crisp fall night. Have you ever been on a team where you didn’t have psychological safety? What did that feel like? On the best days it felt like wearing a t-shirt made of hay, where something is always scratching you and making you uncomfortable and anxious.

Here’s the thing, the hoodie didn’t give me those feelings by accident. It’s intentionally made to create feelings of comfort and safety with everything from the overall shape of the garment to the material used to the size and design. In a similar way, creating psychological safety doesn’t happen accidentally. Psychological safety is intentionally created by actions you take to ensure people feel welcomed, heard, respected, and valued. Here is a link with tips you can take to create psychological safety- https://leadingwithtrust.com/2018/10/14/50-practical-ways-to-build-psychological-safety-in-your-team/

The challenge: What actions are you taking to create psychological safety?

I stand in solidarity against injustice and in support of humanity.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Change and the Arrival of Fall (10-20-20)

The change in the seasons brings a wide mix of emotions. On one hand, I love fall. I love the bright colors of the leaves. I love the crisp air. I love being outside by a fire and being cozy in a warm hoodie. On the other hand, fall bums me out a bit too. Fall represents the beginning of the end for the year. Fall is a signal that the days are getting shorter. It’s a signal that things are going to get darker and colder. It’s a sign that winter and harsh weather is just around the corner. I have had 36 years of fall, and every single time I find myself with mixed emotions about the season.

What does this have to do with anything? It’s not just that I have mixed emotions about fall. It’s that I have mixed emotions about change. Some individuals embrace change more easily. Some individuals are more hesitant to accept change. No matter which camp you fall into, I’d imagine that if we were being honest with ourselves most of us would admit that we have some level of conflicting emotions when it comes to change.

In the world of business we often say that the only thing that is constant is change, and then under our breath we kind of mutter, “so you better just suck it up and get used to it.” I’m not sure this is the healthiest attitude to have. Too often I think we are expected to plow forward in the midst of change without being given the opportunity and/or sometimes the permission to feel those conflicting feelings. Like I said, I’ve had 36 years of fall and I have conflicting feelings every time. The change we face in business and in life are usually much larger than the change of the seasons, so it’s okay if you feel and sit with some of those conflicting feelings whenever you’re going through some kind of change.

The challenge: How do you respond to change? Do you allow yourselves and others to feel their feelings?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Loving Yourself as Much as You Love Others (10-14-20)

This is the final entry in the series of lessons I learned from my wife being in the hospital. It’s about loving yourself as much as you love others.

Throughout the entire ordeal with my wife I went through an interesting downward spiral of emotions. Obviously, I was worried about her and my family. I also felt guilty that I wasn’t being a better husband, dad, friend, and employee. I wasn’t ever there at the hospital enough for her. When I was at the hospital, I wasn’t there enough for my kids. Throughout all of this I wasn’t attentive enough to what I had going on at work. I was disappointed I wasn’t doing anything well and then was disappointed that I was disappointed. Then, one night I wrote the words in the image above. I think it was supposed to be a poem, but it never quite made it. Instead, it became some truth I needed to hear.

How does this connect to anything? After weeks of feeling guilty and disappointed about being a failure, I finally looked in the mirror and realized I wasn’t giving myself the same love I’d give other people. If a friend going through similar stuff had been so hard on themselves I would have told them, “You know I love you right? I understand and appreciate your feelings. I also want you to know that you’re being completely unfair to yourself. You’re in an impossible situation. You’re being as human as you can be, and that’s exactly what you should be doing right now. I’m here for you. You are doing all the right things. Love and appreciate yourself.”

Have you ever felt the way I described in the beginning of the post? Have you ever felt guilty and disappointed in yourself, because you were being human in an impossible situation? If you have, just know you aren’t alone. If you have, I hope you learn to love yourself as you love others.

The challenge: Will you love yourself the way you love others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Emotional Weight and Grace (10-7-20)

Last week was about setbacks and taking the next step forward. This week is about emotional weight and extending grace.

I can’t speak for my wife, but the thing that surprised me most about her whole health ordeal was the emotional weight I found myself carrying. The emotional weight was comprised of my fear, anxiety, stress, worry, and concern about her, my girls, myself, work, and other things. If I’m being honesty, I’m still not sure how well I carried that weight. If I’m being real, I know that as a result of carrying all that weight I was less than the best version of myself for basically all of August in all the roles I play in life: husband, dad, friend, co-worker, and human. I had less patience. I couldn’t focus as much. I was irritable. I wasn’t as smart, efficient, or good at my job. During that month you probably got the “C” version of Andrew Embry, and I’m thankful that folks extended me grace during this time and forgave me of my shortcomings. This small act of extending a little grace, meant the world to me and helped me feel a little bit safer and secure in a crazy time.

What does this have to do with anything? There are a few connections. First, no matter how much we talk about compartmentalizing things, the emotional weight that is carried outside of work will sooner or later impact you at work. Second, you never quite know what might be creating emotional weight for the people you work with. Maybe they have something going on at home. Maybe they are impacted by current events. Maybe they are being impacted by their own self-doubts and insecurities. Finally, when we see someone who isn’t their best self that day, it’s easy to blame theme. It’s easy to believe it’s because of some character flaw or shortcoming they have. These things could be true, or maybe the person is carrying weight you don’t know about. In these situations, extending a little grace before passing judgment can make all the difference.

The challenge: Will you recognize the weight others carry? Will you extend grace before judgment?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Love is Action (10-5-20)

Special edition of the blog coming to you early this week. It’s about love being an action and not just a feeling.

I knew that I loved my wife early in our relationship when we started dating in college. I had the butterflies, the warm feelings, and everything that you think of when you think of young love. If you would have asked me then what love is, I would have described it in those terms. Over the years, I’ve learned that love is so much more than those feelings. Love is also action. Over the past couple of months in my life, love has been the small actions. Love was visiting my wife at the hospital, giving my girls extra hugs since mommy wasn’t home, being a shoulder to cry on, and showing up when my family needed me. These small actions brought me closer to the ones I care the most about.

What does this have to do with work? We don’t talk about love very often at work, but maybe we should. Everyone needs a little love, care, and compassion. When have people at work made you feel loved and cared for? What did they do?

As I continue to grow older and gain new experiences, I continue to realize how love is often expressed best in consistent small actions. Love is a note with a motivational message delivered to my house. Love is a text message asking, “How are you doing?” Love is an email saying, “This made me think of you.” Love is someone checking in to see how you’re doing. Love is someone giving you perspective you didn’t know you needed. Love is someone listening as I vent. Love is all of these little things and more done consistently by teammates and colleagues that help us feel whole. Now, more than ever, we could all use a little bit of that love.

The challenge: What small actions are you committing to show love for others?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Setbacks and Moving Forward (9-30-20)

Last week was about supporting others. This week is about setbacks and taking the next step forward.

The end of July is when my wife first had stomach pains. She went to the hospital and spent about 3 days there. She was diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis (setback), which was weird because she never had issues before. Then she came home. A few days later she was in pain again and went back to the hospital (setback). At the hospital we found out she would require intense surgery that is typically used on patients with pancreatic cancer (setback). Surgery went well! She was told she’d be in the hospital for about 4 days and then would go home. She was there for about 10 days (setback).

She came home, and we were all so thankful and excited. She was home for about 3 days before she went back to the hospital (setback). She went into the hospital thinking it would be a couple of days, but it turned out to be another week or so (setback). While in the hospital this time they attempted to put in a feeding tube because she couldn’t hold down food. The feeding tube came out (setback). The next day they tried the feeding tube again (setback). The third day they tried placing the feeding tube with a scope. It was in for about an hour before it was coiled in the back of her throat and had to be removed (setback). Finally, they decided she would need a PIC line so she could get nutrition.

They put in the line and then sent her home on August 31st. The first night she’s home she gets sick all throughout the night (setback). I sleep downstairs on the couch, so I can help her. Over the next few days she continues to get sick (setbacks). Finally, one day she keeps food down. She starts to do a little better. After 2 weeks she’s about 60%. She finally gets off the PIC line. She’s making progress. Now she has some days that are better than others. Sometimes the tiredness comes, another reminder she’s not there yet, another small setback.

Throughout all of the above, I continued to have ups and downs with work and with other stuff going on in life. Often all these setbacks were overwhelming and led to fear and tears. My wife and I would talk and we’d both be worried about whether or not we could handle this. Everything felt too big, too overwhelming. Finally, we realized that the only thing that matters is taking the next step forward. It’s not about having some grandiose victory where we conquer something. It’s about getting knocked back again and again and again, and making the decision to keep trying to move forward after every setback. That’s what we are focused on now as we continue to recover and get back to normal. We know there will be bad days, and we know that we will keep moving forward, no matter how small those steps are.

What does this have to do with anything? I’m sure if we ever talked you could tell me a similar story to the one described above. It might be about work. It might be about health. It might be about relationships. It would be the same story of getting knocked back again and again and again, and you moving forward again and again and again. It’s not an easy story. It’s not a pretty story. However, it is a powerful story that reminds us what we can overcome if we focus on finding ways to move forward. No matter what you might be facing, I pray you have the strength to keep moving forward.

The challenge: Will you keep moving forward?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry