Wellness and Watering a Cactus (11-3-21)

Let’s pretend for a minute that it’s your job to water 3 indoor plants. You’re given a watering can and told to split the water evenly between the 3 plants. You water the first two plants, and come to the final one. It’s a cactus. You know that the cactus doesn’t need that much water, so instead of giving it 1/3 of the bucket like you were told to you just give it a little. Later, your boss asks you why you didn’t use all the water. You explain that the cactus doesn’t need that much water. Your boss tells you it doesn’t matter, give the cactus the rest of the water. From then on, you divide the water between the 3 plants equally, even though it doesn’t make sense. You begin to realize there are other flowers, and they are dying. You can’t do anything for them though, because you don’t have any water left.

What does this weird plant story have to do with anything? What if in this story water represents energy and the plants represent different projects. Have you ever been in a situation where you had multiple projects and even though 1 of them was clearly more important and impactful, you were still expected to invest a lot of energy into EVERYTHING you were doing? This has happened to me. This is like overwatering a cactus. It doesn’t make sense. Projects are a lot like plants, you should give them the amount of water (energy) needed, and no more. Then, we should invest that extra energy for all those other important aspects of life like being a human, taking care of yourself/others, socializing, etc.

How do we practice this? Leaders needs to first UNDERSTAND and then REALISITCALLY set expectations about the energy required to do things. As individuals, we need to be focused on expending our energy where it really matters. The challenge: As a leader, are you encouraging people to overwater a cactus (overinvest in something that isn’t worth it)? As an individual, how are you managing your energy supply?

Bonus story 1: One time I was talking to a boss of mine during a 1 on 1. They asked how I was doing. I explained that with everything going on, I was on my B game right now. I wasn’t putting in all the energy and having the impact I’d normally like to, because I was putting my energy towards handling other things. My boss replied by saying that was understandable and that they’ve been there. In fact, they were feeling that way right now. I went on to say that all that matters is I’m on my A game when it actually matters. My boss agreed and then said something like, “If we’re honest, now is an okay time to be on a B game. We can get through that and then get back to our A game when we need to.” When is the last time you had an open conversation like this with your boss? How would it feel if you did have a conversation like this with your boss? For me, the conversation had a huge positive impact on my wellness and engagement. If you’re a leader looking for what you can do to promote wellness, this could be a good place to start.

Bonus story 2: I recently sent the below email to my agency partners. I don’t run a team, but I partner with folks. I can set expectations with them, so they the freedom to use their energy in better ways.

I know that in a perfect world we would launch X tactic in mid-February. Let’s be more realistic. If the tactic is launched somewhere in the end of February/early March we are still in good shape. I don’t want us running ourselves to death on this. I don’t want the pursuit of perfection to lead to burnout. You’re worth more than the tactic. If you ever feel like I am asking you to sprint like crazy toward burnout, please tell me. It’s likely because I’m not realizing an ask is creating substantial work for you. At that point we can regroup, I can learn, and we can figure out how to adjust.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Parenting, Leading, and the Burden of Wellness (10-27-21)

This week I want to kick-off a series about wellness. We will start by thinking about parenting, leading, and the burden of wellness. Fair warning, this one might hit hard.

There are times when my girls struggle with their mental/physical/emotional/social health. They get tired, stressed, grumpy, anxious, and lash out. When this happens, my wife and I get together and figure out how we can adjust the environment to make it easier for them to be well. We don’t swoop in to save them. We help create the space for them. There are a lot of different levels to pull. We might say no to extra activities, keeping things off their plate. We might adjust our expectations of them, asking them to only fulfill their minimal chores and obligations vs. asking for more. We might do our best to slow everything else down, so we can spend quality time together. This environment then helps them find their path to wellness.

You might wonder where this one is going. It feels like “wellness” has been the biggest corporate buzzword since COVID started. It has also felt like the burden of wellness often falls on the individual, instead of the company and systems the person operates in. To me the focus on wellness sounds like this, “Andrew, you’re already burned out, so please make time to listen to this webinar about burnout. You’re overworked, so take a course on time management. You don’t have enough time for your commitments, just take a day for self-care.” Do you ever feel this way?

In the story this week, I don’t put this burden of wellness on my daughters. They can’t do this on their own. They need an environment that supports them. As a parent, as a co-leader of the family, I am responsible for creating this environment that promotes and enables wellness. What if our companies, leaders, society, and systems we live in did a better job of creating this environment that promotes wellness? What if instead of always asking for more and more and more and then telling you to take care of yourself, they did a better job of building wellness into the fabric of the way we do things?

The challenge: As a leader, what are you doing to create an environment that makes achieving wellness easier? What strategies and tactics can you execute to create this environment?

The hard reflection: If you aren’t creating an environment that promotes wellness without putting the burden on individuals, you’re likely inadvertently causing harm. Is that okay with you?

Additional thoughts: Even if you’re not a leader with formal authority, I think you can do things to help the wellness of others. I don’t lead a team, but I can make sure I’m recognizing people and showing them how much I appreciate them. This doesn’t solve all problems, but it does give help fill their bucket so they can keep going. I don’t lead a team, but I can spend an extra second making sure I’m clear on what we are trying to accomplish with a given project. This clarity minimizes swirl, which minimizes how much energy a person has to spend doing something. They can use the energy they didn’t waste to do other things in life without going empty. I don’t lead a team, but I can tell someone, “This isn’t urgent. Don’t rush to get it to me. I’m not going to look at it for a couple of days anyway,” which gives them time to breathe. Reserving speed and urgency for only the things that truly require speed and urgency allows people to save their energy for when it matters. I’m not perfect at any of these things. I am trying to be more cognizant, so I can do better because even my actions as an individual contributor make a difference.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Struggles and the Stories We Tell Ourselves (10-20-21)

This is going to be the last in the series of things I’ve struggled with over the past year. We’ve looked at struggling with self-doubt, leading through change, wondering if we are enough, and grappling with our value. This week we will look at the golden thread that connects all of these, and that’s the power of the stories we tell ourselves. Let’s look at this through the lens of kicking field goals.

Bob the kicker misses a 30 yard field goal. After he misses he tells himself, “It’s okay. It’s one miss. It’s one mistake. I own that. I also know I am more than capable of hitting the next one.” Steve the kicker misses a 30 yard field goal. After he misses he tells himself, “I can’t believe I missed that! It’s all my fault. I’m horrible. I’m not sure I belong here on this field.” Both kickers committed the same action. The only difference is that they are telling themselves radically different stories. Out of the two, who do you think will bounce back and hit the next kick?

You probably see where this is going. Think about yourself for a minute. Think about this series. So often, the struggles we face aren’t just because of the circumstances. The struggles also come with the negative stories we tell ourselves. Throughout these series I’ve said, “I don’t know if I’m good enough. I don’t know if I’m capable to lead through this. I don’t think I’m enough. I’m not sure I’m valuable.” In these situations this negative story quickly became a downward spiral making tough situations even worse. Does this ever happen to you?

In order to productively grapple with these struggles I had to recognize that I couldn’t always change the situation, but I could change my perspective. The peace I found in these struggles came when I told myself the other side of the story, and that sounded like, “This is hard and I’m doing the very best I can. I can’t guarantee sunshine and rainbows, but I can reinforce how strong my people are and that strength will get them through. I am more than enough. I am valuable, even if I do face failure or rejection.” When I told myself those stories rooted in facts and truth, I was able to move forward.

The Challenge- Are you mindful of the stories you tell yourself? Are you aware of how those stories impact you?

Bonus insight- This series was supposed to be about some of the PERSONAL struggles I’ve had over the past year. What has been amazing is that each week a wide variety of have responded and said, “Yep, this one is me right now. I’m struggling with that too.” I share this as a reminder that often the things we think are personal are more universal than we realize. After all, we are all humans.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Self-Doubt, Comparison, and Feeling like an Impostor (10-18-21)

Special blog edition. I want to share some good news I’m proud of and excited about, while also sharing the vulnerability behind it. Continuing with our theme of things I’ve struggled with, another struggle I have is the combination of self-doubt, comparing myself to others, and feeling like an impostor.

So the good news…I was invited to be a guest on a podcast! This was my first ever invitation to be a guest on a show. The podcast is called Unlocking Your World of Creativity with Mark Stinson (Link to my episode if you want to listen). Mark interviews people across different industries and talks to them about creativity. What does it mean to them? How do they apply it in their lives? Now here is where the self-doubt creeps in. When I was first asked to be on the podcast, I was thrilled. Then, I noticed that other guests were business owners, CEOs, published authors, and people who seemed more successful than me. Suddenly, I didn’t feel like I belonged anymore. I told my wife I wasn’t sure if I’d be a great guest for the podcast.

Does my story sound at all familiar to you? Maybe it’s not a podcast. Maybe it’s a new role or opportunity. Have you ever got stuck in the trap of comparing yourself to others and then feeling like an unworthy impostor? In the case of feeling like a podcast imposter I turned this around by examining the evidence. Learned this approach from The Inside Job podcast with Dr. Nayla Bahri and Eric Johnson. I asked a simple and powerful question, “If the podcast is about creativity, what evidence do I have to support that I’m someone who can and should talk about creativity?”

It turns out I have a lot of evidence to suggest I’m an authority on creativity. Everyone I’ve ever worked with has given me positive feedback on my creativity and how it’s helped me be a successful marketer and market researcher. I’ve been called a master storyteller/poet by colleagues. I’ve performed poetry in National competitions AND brought that same creativity to Corporate America in the form of a blog and mic dropping performances. I’m a Marketer-Poet Unicorn. Finally, Mark chose me, because of my blogs on LinkedIn. He would only invite someone he felt was worthy. All of these are factual statements. All of this evidence suggests I’m a great candidate to discuss creativity. After reviewing the evidence I realized I’m definitely not an impostor. I went on to have an enjoyable conversation that felt very much like me, and I love how it turned out.

The challenge: How will you use “the evidence” to challenge your feelings of self-doubt and being an impostor?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Podcast episode

Hammers and Feeling Valued (10-13-21)

Last week was about struggling with feeling like you aren’t enough and realizing you are. We will build on that this week by reflecting on hammers and feeling valued.

Months ago, I used a hammer to hang some pictures in my house. More recently, when I had to pictures in my house I decided to use command strips, because they better fit my needs at the time. I wonder… did the hammer ever feel abandoned in the toolbox? Did it look out and wonder if it was useful, if I was able to use something else to hang pictures? Did it ever wonder if it was a bad hammer, since I wasn’t using it more often? Did it wonder if its skillset was even valuable anymore?

Where is this going? Throughout this year there are times when I’ve attempted something and failed. There have been times I’ve faced rejection. It was hard for me to not take the failure and the rejection personally. Similar to the hammer in my analogy, I often wondered, “I’m a good hammer, right? I’m a valuable hammer, right? I think I’m a hammer who can be useful. Is that true?” Have you ever felt like this when you’ve failed or faced rejection?

I had to learn over time that I can be a good hammer AND still fall short. I can be a good hammer AND still encounter rejection. I can be a good hammer AND not always be the person someone needs. Just because I failed or was rejected in that instance doesn’t mean I am a lesser hammer. It just means the circumstances weren’t in my favor in that particular situation. Over time, I had to realize that my value isn’t necessarily determined by others. I know who I am and what I am. I better understand the value I bring. Sometimes what I offer is needed and sometimes it’s not. When I’m not needed, it’s just because the right situation hasn’t arrived yet.

Challenge 1: Are you letting other people decide your value or are you defining your value?

Challenge 2: Look at yourself in the mirror and say 3 things you value about yourself.

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Cooking Breakfast and Being Enough (10-6-21)

Last week was about the struggle with leading in uncertainty. This week is about my mom cooking breakfast and being enough.

A couple of weeks ago I went on a vacation with my family and my parents to a cabin. The cabin has its own private lake and NO cell phone reception. It was awesome. We kayaked, fished, played games, and hung out. Anyway, my mom is a cooking beast, a one woman show, and she made breakfast for us. Breakfast included: sausage gravy, biscuits, bacon, breakfast potatoes, confetti pancakes, French toast, and scrambled eggs. It all came out delicious, hot, and on time. During the meal my mom talked about how she should have brought stuff down to make cinnamon rolls or how we could have cut up potatoes to have fried potatoes. My oldest daughter jokingly told her that doing those things would be a little too much, as if my mom making all that other food on her own wasn’t too much to begin with. Every other person in that room appreciated my mom for everything she was doing, and my mom was the one wondering if she should have done more.

What does this have to do with anything? I don’t know where you are mentally right now. There is a part of me that sometimes wonders if I’m enough and what I’m doing is enough. Maybe it’s because I’m tired after 1.5 years of being in a pandemic. Maybe it’s because I’m splitting my energy between different things going on. Maybe it’s because I’m still newish to my role. With all that said, I’m learning that feeling like I’m not enough doesn’t mean it’s true. In these situations, I might just be like my mom who was blind to how awesome and appreciated she was for making a great breakfast. In times where I feel I’m not enough, I need to step out of my own head and look at the evidence around me to determine if this is true. The fact is that I’m providing for my family and my kids know I love them. My wife appreciates me for helping hold things down with her. People at work have been telling me I’m doing a pretty good job so far, even though it’s still early. COULD I do more? Maybe. It’s likely that we could all do more if we recklessly threw ourselves into it. Do I NEED to do significantly more to be enough? Probably not. At the end of the day, I am enough and what I’m doing is enough.

The challenge: Will you embrace that you are enough the way you are? Will you embrace that you are doing enough?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Embracing Uncertainty AND Having Faith in Our People (9-29-21)

Last week we looked at self-doubt, being a good dad, and leadership. We are going to build on that by reflecting on embracing uncertainty AND the faith we have in our people to get through this.

As I mentioned last week, I want to be a great dad and leader for my family. This past 1.5 years have introduced a lot of uncertainty. In fact, it feels like this uncertainty is never ending. I so desperately want to have more control in this situation. I want to be able to look at my family and say, “Here is the situation. Here’s what it means. Here’s the game plan moving forward. Run the play and everything will be perfect.” I want to be able to provide this level of strength and stability, but I can’t. There are too many variables that keep changing for me to promise any kind of certainty. The best I’ve been able to muster is, “This is hard. This is unpredictable. I believe in you, because you are strong and tough. This sucks AND you are strong enough to get through it.”

What does this have to do with anything? As a parent, I kind of felt like I was weak and failing the family because I couldn’t guarantee a vision of blue skies and good times. I felt like I might be letting them down, because I wasn’t a bastion of rainbows and positivity. Eventually, I came to realize that promising those things would be lying. While I couldn’t promise those outcomes, I could reinforce the strength I see in all of the ladies in my house. As we look to work, we find ourselves in a similar situation to the one I’m in as a dad. We are working in an unstable world, and it doesn’t look like we will have stability anytime soon. As a leader, I want to promise that everything is okay and that everything will be sunshine and clear skies. I can’t do that though. It’s not true. As a leader, it’s not your job to paint overly positive pictures of things. At the same time, as leaders we can reinforce the strength and tenacity we see in our people. As leaders we can embrace tough truths while seeing the potential to overcome. As leaders we can say, “This is hard, AND I believe we will find a way to figure this out. This is a huge challenge, AND I believe you are the person who will figure out how to move forward. This sucks, AND I know you have the strength and talents to help us get through.”

The challenge: As a leader are you embracing the uncertainty of the future AND reinforcing the strength of your people to navigate through it?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Self-Doubt, Being a Good Dad, and Leadership (9-22-21)

I’d like to kick-off a series about things I’ve struggled with over the past year. I have two hopes with this series. First, if you have struggled with any of the things I discuss, I want you to know you’re not alone. Second, I want to share some of the insights that helped me move forward. Buckle up, bringing the vulnerability and all the feels. 😉 We’ll start this series by exploring my self-doubt about being a good dad and how that connects to being a leader.

I don’t know about you, but this has been another challenging year ranging from COVID to other things. I’ve spent a lot of time questioning and worrying about whether or not I’m making the right decisions as a dad. Am I doing the right things to keep us safe? Are my decisions the right ones for my family? I’m not sure how to handle what they are going though, so how do I proceed? Am I managing my stress well enough? Am I allowing my issues to have a negative impact on my family? How do I lead us through all of these difficult things to navigate? I’m doing the best I can. Is that enough? I don’t know if I’m good enough. Have any of you experienced something like this over the last year? Even if you aren’t a parent, there’s a good chance you’ve had some of these feelings and asked some of these questions.

You might be wondering where this is going. I’ve said before that being a parent is basically the same thing as being a leader. Over the past year I’ve come to recognize and appreciate that often in parenting and leadership situations there is NOT a clear right answer. Parenting/leading is hard. There is no easy way to navigate the complexities of our situations. I’ve come to realize that we are called, as leaders or parents, to use the data to make the best decision possible, evaluate that decision, and alter course as needed. As we do this, we need to recognize there is a fine line between questioning ourselves to learn from the decisions and questioning ourselves in a way to generate self-doubt and anxiety. Last but not least, if you are a leader and you find yourself asking questions about how well you are doing and if you’re appropriately taking care of the people around you, it means you care. It means you’re trying. So let’s give ourselves and each other a little grace as we all try to do what is right.

The challenge: How will you productively wrestle with how you are leading through these times of change?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Brave and Humble Enough to Ask for Help (9-15-21)

Last week I shared a lesson I learned from Professor Skinner about curiosity, and this week I want to share another lesson Professor Skinner taught me about being humble and asking for help.

It’s another day in Professor Skinner’s class and this time she tells us that she has a problem we need to solve as a team. She hands us a collection of pieces that we are supposed to put together to form another shape. It’s like the picture. You have triangles, squares, rectangles, etc. and it’s supposed to make something bigger. The deal is that as soon as you solve the problem you are free to go. She hands out the pieces and the teams begin to feverishly work to figure this out. Minutes go by and no one has figured it out. After 20 minutes or so, Professor Skinner says something like, “You can ask for help, but you’ll lose some points.” Everyone is stubborn, refuses her offer, and continues working on their own.

Finally, my group and a couple of the other groups ask for help. When they do Professor Skinner gives them an additional piece she had been withholding. That’s right. The entire time we had been working she had been withholding a piece of the puzzle. #theultimateSkinnerflex The lesson of the day was that you need to be humble enough to ask for help. Those points we “lost” didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, because asking for help enabled us to finish. Those points symbolized whether or not we could swallow our pride and be brave enough to ask for help.

Think about work for a moment. How often are you afraid to ask for help because you are afraid you’ll be penalized in some way? In the grand scheme of things would it be better to “lose” a couple of points and perform or do it all on your own and not achieve success?

The challenge: Be humble and brave enough to ask for help.

Bonus 1: This month marks 9 years of blogs. Thanks to all of you for reading and sharing. It means a lot to me.

Bonus 2: I feel I’ve turned asking for help into a superpower. One of my mantras is that someone smarter than me has already attacked this problem, so I should learn from them first. I can’t tell you how much asking for help early and often has helped me accelerate in my learning and performance. #thehumblehustle

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry

Being Curious and Exploring (9-8-21)

Last week was about the power of yet. This week we are going to jump to my college years and a lesson about being curious and searching for more than what is in front of me.

Professor Skinner was my marketing professor at Butler and one of my favorite professors of all time. Her class was about marketing, but more importantly it’s about how the world works and how you can have success in the real world. She held a high bar and elevated you to reach it. She also had a knack for teaching important lessons in simple and powerful ways. When I took her class she would often assign us articles to read as homework and then we would have a short quiz about the article during the next class. I had read the article and was taking the quiz when I realize there is a question about something I don’t remember seeing. This confused me, because I have a pretty good memory. I turn in the quiz to her and say something like, “That one question was tough. I didn’t remember reading anything about that in the article.” She smiles and says, “When you read the article it pointed you to go and learn more in one of the links The question is about that. I want you and others like you to be curious and go looking for more information.” I leave the class and I’m thinking, “That’s a punk move, Skinner!” but then I calm down and realize the genius of the lesson. We need to be curious enough to search for things and explore what’s in front of us.

How does this connect to work? Our jobs are to serve others. There is no simple article on this. When you get a new project there isn’t a 1 page synopsis that tells you everything you need to know. You might start with a little bit of information, but it’s up to you to go find the rest. When I think of the best work I’ve done, it’s because I was curious enough to go the extra step. I was curious enough to go talk to the one extra person, to read the one extra piece of research, to ask the one extra question, and to click on that link on the side of the page that will give me more information. 😉

The challenge: Are you limiting yourself to what’s on the “article” or are you being curious and hunting for more information?

Have a jolly good day,

Andrew Embry